


Moth To A Flame

by jadedthoughts



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Damaged, F/F, Friends Only, Henelope friendship, More angst, On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, Posie Endgame, Salvatore Boarding School for the Young & Gifted (Vampire Diaries), confused feelings, friends - Freeform, hizzie endgame maybe, more than friends, posie best friends, slowburn, soft posie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:33:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 153,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24408085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadedthoughts/pseuds/jadedthoughts
Summary: Penelope Park was a flame.A fire that was wild and could not be tamed, she was self-destructive.Her light burned too bright that she needed to be hidden in the shadows.And there, she meets a moth.But as she gets closer, she sees so much more.Which one of them is the moth really?Which one of them is the flame?Will the flame burn out?Or will the moth perish in the fire?orPenelope Park is sent away to the Salvatore Boarding School to pull her away from the spot light of scandals. Luckily, she has her best friend, Hope Mikaelson, to keep her company. She's mysterious and shows confidence at the same time, an allure that pulls Josie Saltzman in. But not everything that's attractive is good and not everything that's scary is bad, right?
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson & Penelope Park, Hope Mikaelson/Lizzie Saltzman, Penelope Park & Josie Saltzman, Penelope Park/Josie Saltzman
Comments: 165
Kudos: 426





	1. May I feel said he / I'll squeal said she

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter to my first fic, first piece that I wasn't forced to write, first work I enjoyed staying up for, first to more fics (i hope)  
> so yk, buckle up. because yay here i gooooo

They had just drove past a sign that read Welcome to Mystic Falls. What once was a sight of plain fields with grass and trees were now small establishments that held a historic vibe to it. Closing to the center of the small town, they passed by a clock tower and there were people walking around the park. Parents bonding with their children, individuals passing by and since it was the middle of the day there were a few groups of young teenagers walking to a restaurant that seemed busy from the slightly tinted windows. It was an ordinary town after all, far away from the busy life of the cities. There were some that would glance at their car that passed by the streets. Perhaps a Rolls-Royce screamed wealthy too loud when these people seemed like simple people living simple lives with contentment. The windows were completely tinted so when people would try to peak at who was inside, they’d only see the reflection of their curious eyes. The looks on their faces made the two girls in the passenger seat laugh. 

A few minutes away from the center of the small town would be a hauntingly beautiful mansion that drowned in dark shades of brown to almost maroon colors with bricked rooftops that seemed perfect to lay down on a starry night. The steel gates to the mansion opened up and lead a pathway around a circular green space with a few students running around or laying down in the grass soaking up the sun with a book in hand. 

The car stopped in front of the mansion’s main doors. “Miss Park, Miss Mikaelson, we’re here.”, the middle aged driver in front says as he looks at them through the rear view mirror. He got out of the car and opened the trunk to start bringing out the girls luggages. The two girls took their time to breathe in the fact that they were far away from home. They were far away from their families and are now surrounded by strangers. 

“P, are you ready?”, the amber hair colored girl asked as she looked over her best friend sitting beside her who had her AirPods on but was still able to hear what she had said. The girl looked over at her best friend with her ocean green eyes. “Yeah of course. Hope, I think you’re forgetting who I am.”, the raven haired girl replies with a smile, and fixes her black curls that barely touches her shoulders and puts her chin up to show the confidence she prides herself with she adds, “I’m Penelope Park.” 

Hope just chuckles lightly at her best friend’s reply. “Well, let’s go. My parents said that there will be two students to show us around the campus today.”, Hope says as she reaches for the door. “Well, let’s wait for them here. I don’t want to be out there and look like we’re waiting for someone.”, Penelope stops her. “Besides, it’s too hot out, I’d rather stay here in the comforts of cool air conditioning.” 

“Oh come on, it’ll be a chance to meet new people before the two girls show up and-“, the amber haired girl was interrupted by a few knocks on their windows that made the both of them look out. On the other side of the window was a brunette with medium length hair with waves at the end that fell just below her shoulders, and brown doe eyes not knowing where to look at directly. She was wearing a red pencil skirt partnered with a blue blazer with the school’s logo on the left side that went on top of a white blouse with a ruffled neckline and a ribbon in the same shade of blue as her blazer tied to her neck like a choker. The girl knocked again, unsure if the people inside heard her or if there were even people inside. 

“I guess that’ll be one of the student tour guides”, Hope says and looks over at Penelope, who has no choice now but to face the new life they were going to live for the next two years, just rolled her eyes and got out of the car through the door on her left which Hope followed as to not shock the brunette blocking her side. 

As soon as they both got out the girl standing by the other side shot them a warm welcoming look as if it were a scripted routine that she was used to doing by now. Although there was a spark in her eyes and her breathing stopped for a split second when her brown eyes met Penelope’s green ones. A stunned expression on her face, she looked at the new girl from head to toe, secretly and quickly checking her out. She was wearing doc martens, black fitted jeans, and a black off shoulder sweatshirt that exposed her shoulders that caught enough sunshine to show how toned they were. A simple look that looked good on the raven haired girl, that made the student look twice. 

As soon as she finished admiring the sight of the new girl, instead of approaching them, she walked towards the direction of a girl standing by the steps leading to the doors of the school. She had longer hair but the same short waves as the girl beside her but the only difference was that she was blonde, like a river of sunshine falling past her shoulders. The girl stood noticeably a few inches taller than the girl beside her. She had a cardigan in the same color of the brunette’s blazer on top of a collared white blouse and blue plaid pants. She had denim blue eyes that followed the two girls who just came out of the car and were now walking towards them. 

“Welcome to the Salvatore school, we’re your tour guides.”, the blonde says with a light voice and a warm smile that creeped Penelope out because of how much she resembled the Barbie dolls she had a deep childhood fear of. “I’m Josie”, the brunette introduces herself with her eyes focused on the raven haired girl that creeped her out even more. Hope noticed this and had to bite the inside of her cheeks to keep herself from smiling as to not offend the two. “I’m Lizzie.”, the blonde’s turn to introduce herself. “Sisters.”, Lizzie continues. Josie adds, “Twins.” And to which her sister clarifies with, “Fraternal. Obvs.” 

They both had the biggest smile on their faces and them talking alternately made it even more creepier because of how scripted it looked, like they were puppets and strings were being pulled from behind them. Which is why Penelope couldn’t help but comment on it but before she could even start, Hope greeted them in return as if she knew that her best friend would make some snarky remark. 

“Hi, I’m Hope. Hope Mikaelson.”, the amber haired girl introduces herself and reaches her hand out for a warm handshake which the twins gladly took. The two then moved their eyes to the raven haired girl as if saying it was her turn to introduce herself. Penelope looked down to the floor and rolled her eyes for a second then went in to character. She looked at the twins with a courteous smile and introduced herself. “I’m Penelope Park.”, but she did not offer her hand like Hope did. The twins didn’t put much meaning into it and just gave the same smile to welcome her, but the soothing voice had an effect on Josie that her twin noticed.

“We’ll have your things sent to your room while we have lunch then after that we’ll tour you around the campus.”, Lizzie says as they all enter through the doors of the school. 

Entering the mansion-like school, they were greeted by a furnace in the middle of what looked like a living room turned common room. There were couches and tables scattered around and few students reading books and some were just hanging out. Carpets laid out under moveable furnitures, red drapes hanging by each window where enough sunlight just passes through. Everything looked old and you could almost smell the history from the wood. The ambiance of the room felt medieval and at the same time modern. 

Looking around at the size of this area compared to the number of students present made Penelope wonder why not much people were around. Sure there were a few students, but considering the size of this school and its reputation, she assumed that there would be more students. And as if the brunette had read her mind, “By the way, most of the students are still on summer break. They usually come back a day before classes start. So you have around a couple of days to get comfortable around the campus before meeting new people.”

Hope nodded but Penelope added a question, “If it’s your summer break, why are the two of you still here? Don’t you have a family to go back to or something?”, she asks without even bothering to rephrase her question to a more non-offensive one. Hope shot her a look of warning which got the raven haired girl confused and threw back an innocent look.

The twins walking a few steps ahead of them stopped and turned around to face them. “Our parents own the school. So basically, this is home.”, Josie replies trying to hide the snappiness in her tone which Penelope doesn’t miss. Hope doesn’t act as surprised as her best friend because she knew about that through her father who had donated a huge amount of money to this school. To push the brunette even more, the new girl added “People must put you on a pedestal here then. You know, being the heirs of this school. Bet you’re like the perfect example of what a good student should be around here.” A line appeared between the brunette’s brows, she was clearly annoyed at her remark. The audacity of this new girl to speak ill of someone she barely knows. But she didn’t want to cause a scene, though there weren’t that much people around them, Josie just smiled back and continued walking with her twin.

They reached a large room with tables filling in the spaces of the room and there were even more tables outside just past the glass doors. There were long buffet tables filled with different kinds of dishes that filled the air placed on each side of the room. Because students were still on break, most of the tables were empty and the hall was quiet. The sound of plates and silverware clashing, and a few chatters were the only sounds that broke that silence.

“You guys can have your lunch first. It’s eat-all-you-can breakfast, lunch and dinner here at eight in the morning, one in the afternoon, and seven in the evening. But the kitchen is open from 6am to 11pm so if you want a quick snack, you can just go into the kitchen.”, Lizzie explains. “I’ll leave the two of you to have lunch for now before we start with the tour”, she says and leaves the two new girls to help themselves and Josie followed.

The twins sat in the table by the corner. They had just finished their lunch before they went to welcome the two new girls so they were just basically waiting for them to finish. But Josie had her eyes glued on the raven haired girl that made Lizzie chuckle. The brunette noticed this and looked at her sister with a confused stare as if asking her what was so funny. 

“Nothing. I just haven’t seen you this bothered since mom took off your chocolate pudding from the kitchen.”, Lizzie explains with an amusement. “For a second there, I thought you were crushing on Penelope Park then got disappointed by her attitude.”, she adds with a smirk. 

The brunette couldn’t help but blush.

Annoyed, she said, “Okay fine. She’s pretty and I think that’s just stating the obvious. But a pretty face is nothing if her personality is complete shit.” 

Her attempt at redeeming herself made her feel proud until she realized that she had basically just admitted she found the raven haired girl attractive. Lizzie had a teasing smile and she wiggled her eyebrows and nudged the girl. “Oh please, Liz. Stop it. If anything, I’d rather have the other girl as a friend. She seems nice at least.”, she tries changing the topic on the best friend. 

“Yeah she seems nice. The Mikaelsons are close to mom and dad you know.”, Lizzie goes along. “How come we’ve never met her before then?”, Josie asks curiously. “She grew up in New York with her Aunt in the shadows. I think for her own safety too and a chance to have a normal childhood away from the spotlight. She is a Mikaelson after all, a big name. She was only introduced to the public when she turned 13.”, Lizzie answers.

The twins look over at the two best friends who are now enjoying their meal that they picked out from the buffet. The two were in what seemed to be a light conversation considering the smiles and faint laughters. The amber colored hair girl had a bright smile on her face, and she looked beautiful with the sunlight highlighting her features. Her eyes seemed like they were caged by ice with the cool shade of blue, but gave of a warmth that felt inviting. She was wearing a black leather jacket and a plain v-neck white shirt underneath partnered with denim pants.

“P, did you see the look on her face? Omg I thought she was going to strangle you right there.”, Hope says in amusement. “Well, I’m not surprised though. I already had a feeling what she’s like. She’s that type of girl that tries so hard to be perfect. I was just speaking the truth, and the fact that she got bothered but didn’t bite just proved my point.”, Penelope says with an i-knew-it expression. 

“Hey, give her a chance. Maybe she’s not all just that. You never know, P. People can surprise you sometimes.”, she tries to argue but receives a shrug from her best friend as a response. “But did you see how she was looking at you though? Like a moth drawn to a flame damn, she couldn’t keep her eyes off of you. You know, until you opened your mouth.”, Hope says still laughing. 

“Well, what can I say? I have that affect on people.”, Penelope says with a wink that earns a small piece of carrot thrown by her best friend. She laughs it off and throws it back at her. They mess with each other until they finally finish their lunch.

As soon as they put back their plates on the counter where all the other used utensils were, the twins approached them with the same smiles they had awhile ago that Penelope, at this point, just found entertaining with how they look. 

“Let’s start?”, Lizzie enthusiastically says and interlocks her arm with the amber haired girl’s, leaving Penelope and Josie to follow them walking a few steps ahead of the two. Josie shot a look at her sister fully knowing what she was trying to do but only got a sly smile and a wink. 

Josie moves her attention to the raven haired girl in front of her whose lips attempted a smile but her eyes didn’t bother to show any genuine emotion. The brunette just rolled her eyes and told her to follow her as she followed the two who just left the room. 

They walked side by side in silence. The brunette giving her the cold shoulder for her insult awhile ago and the raven haired girl not really being bothered by the silence. The two in front however were chatty. What dead air between the two girls behind them was the complete opposite for the two blue-eyed girls. 

“I’m sorry about Penelope’s comment awhile ago. That girl just doesn’t have any filter to her words.”, Hope says with a genuine apologetic smile. The blonde nods and returns the smile. “It’s fine, I didn’t think much of it unlike my sister. I guess, it’s what everyone thinks of us here anyway. I just go with it and try not to see it as a bad thing, you know? However, Josie hates it when people invalidates her hard work with our parents owning the school and all.”, Lizzie explains. She reads her sister well, even though it isn’t really that hard to see through Josie most of the time. 

There is something to the shorter girl beside her that makes her feel safe to open up and is encouraging her to speak more.

“I just wish she’d loosen up, you know. I can almost feel her choking with trying to live up to that perfect image.”, the blonde admits glancing over her shoulder to look at Josie who was still giving Penelope the cold shoulder. Hope looks over at them too but eyes stay longer on Penelope. When her eyes meet with her best friend, she tilts her head and points to the direction of the brunette beside her. Penelope understood what she meant and just rolled her eyes.

“I apologize for what I said awhile ago. I was being insensitive.”, Penelope says breaking the dead air between them. Josie looks at the girl beside her in shock because yes she was giving the girl the cold shoulder, she didn’t expect for her to apologize. Not this soon, at least. 

She narrowed her eyes in distrust if it was a genuine apology or if she was just spitting out words for the sake of it. It was hard to figure it out. To see past what seemed like a genuine tone in her voice to the sincere smile in her face. 

Josie was still unknowingly staring at Penelope which made the shorter girl have a smug look on her face. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”, she teases. 

With this, Josie came back to her senses and had an embarrassed look written all over her face. She just turned her direction back forward but replied with, “I wasn’t staring. I was checking if it was possible for nice words to actually come out of your mouth.”

“Oh that’s not the only thing my mouth can do”

This makes Josie glance at her wide eyed and Penelope shoots her with a teasing wink. 

Flustered, she looks away and Penelope laughs even more at the reaction she got.

After a few minutes, they reached a small room. It still blended in with the aesthetic of the whole school. The same red drapes found hanging by each window, red carpet under the moveable furniture and the same mahogany wood for walls. But what made this area differ from the common room was the silence that it held. The rays pushing past the windows made the dust dancing with the stillness of the air visible. Looking at the old bookshelves filled with stacked leather bound books, a few tables by the middle, it was clear what this part of the school was. 

“This is the Salvatore Library. People go here to study, research new things for class or for personal interest.”, Josie says. 

Penelope looks around the area with a fascinated look in her eyes. Everything looked well-preserved. Even the artifacts under small light bulbs caged in glass. If it weren’t for the few tables in the middle, this place could easily be mistaken as a museum. Hell, this whole boarding school seemed like a museum. It screamed old and elegant, as if it were a mansion owned by old rich blood. 

The two blue eyed girls who had gotten acquainted awhile ago, again, separated themselves from the two. Josie rolled her eyes again at her sister’s attempt to get them to talk and get to know each other while Penelope didn’t really notice. She was to preoccupied appreciating the amount of books and the artifacts. The brunette caught this and followed wherever the raven haired girl went. 

“You into literature?”, Josie tries to open up a conversation. 

Penelope nods and says, “Yeah, grew up with books.”

Josie senses the lack of eagerness in continuing the conversation so she just shuts her mouth. She was about to leave the new girl alone and join the other two until the girl spoke.

“You have some good collections here. Some are even first published copies.”, Penelope says in amusement as she runs her fingers along the spine of the books but Josie notices a hint of disappointment in her eyes when she looks at the accumulated dust on her fingers. It confuses her but she shrugs it off and lets the raven haired girl scan through a few books. 

“Uh yeah, Stefan is quiet the reader. All the books here are passed down by generation after generation in his family.”, she shares.

“Stefan is?”, Penelope asks in genuine curiosity as she makes eye contact with the brunette.

“Stefan is Stefan Salvatore.”, she says as if not needing to explain any further after the mention of the last name.

“Got it.”, the shorter girl says and nods. 

“So what type of books are you in to?”,she adds. 

Penelope was actually making an effort to have a conversation with Josie and she appreciated it. Perhaps they did start off on the wrong foot. The question coming from Penelope sounded genuine and there was no sign of forced or faked emotion at all.

“I’m more into poetry, actually. I mean I read books to, but poetry has my heart.”, she says as she scans the shelves for a book. She pulls it out of the shelf and hands it over to Penelope.

It’s E.E. Cumming’s Complete Poems. 

With a grin in Penelope’s face she recited a line out of one of this poet’s poems that she’s familiar with. 

“May I feel said he / I’ll squeal said she”, she says with her chin up with confidence to her words.

Josie rolls her eyes to this and chuckled, “Of course that’s a poem you’d know.” 

The what once was tense air between the two that only Josie had noticed eased up with the laughter that filled the air between them. Josie is in awe of the new girl’s laughter, it makes her feel something taken out of a Disney movie. She shudders at the thought of the girl’s effect on her and puts back the book on the shelf. 

“So if you’re all into poems, you probably write poetry too, huh?”, Penelope says after the laughter died down. They moved to the couch where they were just waiting for the other girls who were now admiring the artifacts trapped inside the glass case. Josie sat down while Penelope was still roaming around scanning through the books laid out on the table, but still a close distance from the brunette.

“Well, yeah. But it’s not something I’m too serious about. I just write when it comes to me, I don’t force myself to sit on a table and write. Besides, I pour my effort to things that matter more.”,she explains. 

That same disappointing look in Penelope’s eyes flashed and Josie notices this again but for the second time, she doesn’t push and ask about it. 

“Things like?”

“Well, school. Academics. Getting in to college. ”, she says without further explanation.

“Guess I wasn’t wrong.”, Penelope mutters to herself but loud enough for Josie to hear. 

Josie couldn’t quite understand if she said or did anything wrong because the tone of her voice sounded off, far from the laugh she had shared just a few minutes ago. But before she could ask about it the other two girls appeared in front of them and told them they were moving on to the next place. 

Unlike before, Josie was now walking beside her twin while the two best friends followed shortly behind them. 

“So I heard the two of you laughing awhile ago.”, Hope says as she nudges her best friend with a smirk. Penelope’s eyes narrow, she knew what her best friend meant by that but she ignores the deeper meaning behind it. 

Hope rolled her eyes at how hard it is to break Penelope’s walls. Little did the raven haired girl know, there were two blue eyes watching their every move behind the shelves. 

How Penelope had an effect on Josie that was just too obvious not to miss, except for Penelope who ironically prides herself in being able to read people really well. But it wasn’t just Josie that acted differently. Hope noticed how Penelope felt warm with Josie. She wasn’t just forcing a conversation like she usually does with people she found bland and annoying. Usually Penelope would just ask shallow questions, and purposefully show a lack of interest in the conversation. But Penelope shot Josie questions that seemed deep enough for Hope to conclude that her best friend found the brunette interesting enough. 

But she knew it was a long way before her best friend could realize that herself and if she forced it on her, she would just push it away and put her walls up even higher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Salvatore Boarding School !! 
> 
> So yeah, that's the first chapter of my fic:) I hope you have the patience to wait for them... and for me:>
> 
> AND.. thoughts perhaps?
> 
> Thank you!!:)


	2. Sparks Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Drop everything now  
>  Meet me in the pouring rain  
> Kiss me on the sidewalk  
> Take away the pain  
> 'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile_
> 
> _Get me with those green eyes, baby  
>  As the lights go down  
> Gimme something that'll haunt me whenever you're not around  
> 'Cause I see, sparks fly, when you smile_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is such a late update im sorry but yes, more of the girls n more posie yay......

After the tour around the school, the twins showed the new girls their room. It was spacious enough for the two that allowed them to have their own personal space. Like all the other rooms, the walls were made of mahogany wood. Except it looked a bit more modern with the absence of the old furniture and artifacts in display, and the whole room was carpeted this time. 

There was a big window between the two beds. By the time they finished, it was already late in the afternoon. Unlike the busy cities that the two had gotten used to, there weren’t any buildings to disrupt the scenery during these hours. The sun was setting and the sky was painted with a beautiful burning orange color that everything around it seemed to be tinted in gold. As if screaming one last goodbye before it goes to sleep for the night. 

Scanning the room, the two had noticed that their things were already brought up. Their luggages and boxes were placed neatly in the middle as if letting them decide who stays on which side of the room. 

“So I’ll leave you guys to rest and maybe start unpacking. And dinner service starts at seven so you guys have more than an hour to settle.”, the blonde says standing by the doorway beside her twin. 

“And welcome to the Salvatore Boarding School, I hope you’ll like your stay.”, the brunette bids goodbye but unknowingly focuses her look on the raven haired girl. Again, Penelope doesn’t give much meaning to it but her twin and the best friend noticed it and both had a smile on their faces.

“Thanks, Josie, Lizzie.”, Hope says as she closes the door behind the sisters who are now walking away from them.

“So. Which side do you want?”, Penelope asks as soon as she hears the door closes. 

“You know I’m good with anywhere.”, Hope says as she shrugs and stands in the middle of the room beside Penelope.

“Yeah I know, I was just being polite. I’ll take the left side, I know you aren’t a morning person so you won’t get blinded by the sun in the morning and I don’t want to witness your morning terror when something disrupts your sleep.”, she says as she picks up her things to bring it to the left side. 

Hope just rolled her eyes with her best friend’s tease but was obviously touched by her thoughtfulness. She was used to Penelope masking her thoughtful deeds with a teasing remark. 

They both moved their things to their own sides of their room. The single beds were matching with white sheets and a quilt and a couple of fluffy pillows. Then the two best friends started unpacking their things.

Hope started with her clothes but as soon as she opened her closet, there were a few sweaters, blazers each having the school’s logo sown as a patch and knee length blue plaid pleated skirts on a hanger. Much like the uniform that the twins were wearing awhile ago. She looked over at Penelope who had the same expression with the sight of the same kinds of clothes in her closet. 

They both laughed hysterically when they realized they were going to have to wear uniforms. Their whole lives, they were taught to differ from the rest and wearing uniforms was the complete opposite of that. 

Hope finished unpacking her clothes and things. She finished off with bringing out picture frames of her family and placed it on her bed side table. 

Penelope finished by arranging some her favorite books on the shelf beside their window and placed some of her potted plants on the edge of the shelf that gets more sunlight.

They checked the time and an hour passed, meaning they still have an hour before dinner starts. So they just lay down on their own beds and rest in the silence knowing that they were both exhausted from the travel, the tour around the school and unpacking their things. 

What weighed even heavier were the thoughts of the new environment they were at, the new world they were going to have to face for the next two years. Normally, they wouldn’t really care about what people thought of them. They still didn’t, but they had no one else here. They were independent from their parents and the strings they could pull to get what they wanted. 

But Hope was the positive one in their friendship, and she could feel the thoughts of the girl across the room weighing her down so she spoke up.

“You good, P?”, she asks as she sits up from her bed to look at her best friend.

“Yeah of course.”, she replies with a blank expression, just looking at the ceiling. 

She had to be. 

Normally, Hope would push her best friend to open up. She knew her to well, and right now she just knows she isn’t okay. Not entirely, at least. But right now wasn’t the right time, she might just push the wrong buttons so she just stood up and crawled over to her best friend and hugged her. Actions do speak louder than words and the embrace just said everything that the amber haired girl wanted to. An assurance that she’s here and she’ll always be here for her best friend and the girl knew that, but Hope always reminded her whenever she had the chance.

A few minutes had passed, Hope stood up after noticing the steady breathing. Penelope had drifted off to sleep. A peaceful look that made Hope think of how rare she had seen that on her best friend’s face when her eyes were open. 

She looked over the window and noticed that it was already dark out. The clock by her nightstand read twenty minutes before seven. It was almost dinner time but she didn’t want to wake Penelope up, especially after the tiring day they just had. 

Quietly, she went out of their room and closed the door behind her, trying her best not to make any noise.

The hallway was dimly lit, quiet and peaceful. It made her wonder if it would be as peaceful if the students would be back from break. She also thought about how the students here were. Were they friendly? Easy going? Or would she and her best friend have a hard time here? Not that it mattered to her what others thought of them, but it wouldn’t hurt to make more friends that she could actually trust and have fun with.

She was too deep in her thoughts, she didn’t notice that she had bumped into a familiar blonde haired girl. 

“Oops sorry, Lizzie!”, she apologizes. 

Lizzie smiles and also apologizes, “I’m sorry too, I didn’t see you.”

“Yeah but I should’ve. I’m sorry.”, Hope says embarrassed.

“Head somewhere else?”

“Yeah, just worried is all.”, she admits.

“Worried about?”

“Well you know, new people and all. It’s exciting but also-“, Hope gets cut off by a door opening a few rooms down the hall. 

“Lizzie! You forgot your-“, Josie shouts from the doorway but stops when she sees her sister talking to the new girl. 

Hope gives her a smile, and Josie smiles in return but more of an embarrassed smile. After taking a few steps to get nearer to Lizzie so she could easily toss her sister’s phone to her, she retreats back to her room like a turtle. 

“So you’re just like three rooms away from us.”, Hope says as she counts the number of doors between theirs and the one Josie just came from.

“Yeah, thought we’d be in some special room right?”, Lizzie says still with a smile so Hope finds it confusing if the blonde sounded offended or if it was really a question.

“We could’ve been. Right at the ground floor but Josie says she wants to be in the upper floor so she could see the sky”, the blonde continues.

“But I just know it’s because she doesn’t want people to see her getting any special treatment. So she can be taken seriously around here.”

“Well it’s nice of you to join her here”, Hope says with a warm smile.

“Duh we’re twins”, Lizzie says.

“And besides, the guys are here so-“, she jokes and the two of them laugh.

The two ended up going to the dining hall together. Lizzie had mentioned that Josie usually skipped dinner time to read because that’s when the dorms were usually quiet and even though the halls were bathed in silence, she got used to that schedule. Hope then told Lizzie that Penelope was asleep and she didn’t want to wake her up.

The two bonded over dinner and got to know each other more. Like lunch time, the dining hall only held a few students so the only noise breaking the silence were their laughters and storytelling. 

“No way my dad used to crush on your mom. I don’t know what to do with that information.”, Hope says shocked but still gasping for air in laughter. 

“Yeah apparently she was a bitch to your dad but that just made him more interested in her.”, Lizzie adds also laughing.

“Yeah sounds like him”, she says now wiping tears of joy off. Her mouth ached from smiling ang laughing too long and it was a good feeling. For the first time since she and Penelope entered the doors to this school, she genuinely felt happy and was confident that she was going to have fun here.

They stayed in each other’s company for another hour until a bell rang, signifying that dinner was over and that the dining hall would be closing soon. They brought their plates to the counter and walked back together to the dorms still laughing and enjoying the random topics they talked about. 

It wasn’t until they saw Penelope standing in the middle of the hall rubbing her eyes showing that she had just woken up. She looked like a lost kid and the two blue eyed girls laughed at the sight of the raven haired girl like that. 

Confused and groggy she asks, “Is dinner over? Did I miss dinner?”

Lizzie replies, “Yeah, we just came from dinner. But you can still go to the kitchen and whip up something.”

Hope agrees and says as she walks over to Penelope, “Yeah but I think you should go wash yourself up first to wake up a bit.”

Lizzie says goodnight to the two best friends, goes to her room and leaves them in the hallway.

She sees Josie laying down her bed still on her book. As soon as Josie feels her sister’s presence in the room, she peaks and just continues reading. 

“You going to have dinner soon, Jo?”, Lizzie asks as she puts her phone down on her bedside table and lays down exhausted. 

“Yeah I’ll go down in a bit.”, her twin answers.

“You know that Mikaelson girl, you seem to have fun around her.”, she adds, finally putting her book down on her nightstand. 

The blonde smiles as she thinks back to the short time they spent over dinner just talking as if they were best friends catching up when in reality they barely even knew each other. 

“Yeah, she’s fun and she has a name, you know. And maybe Hope could hang with us when classes start. I think you’ll like her”, Lizzie says still with a wide smile on her face.

“But then that means Penelope would be tagging along and I’m not sure I like her company.”, Josie says, not really sure if she was trying to convince Lizzie that or herself. Sure, they shared a laugh awhile ago in the library but she just couldn’t read the girl. She’d see what obvious expressions her face made but she couldn’t point the reason behind them, and Josie does not like not knowing things. 

“Really? You don’t like her company? I’m not sure that’s what I heard in the library awhile ago ”, Lizzie teases and Josie throws a pillow across the room aimed at her sister who just ends up catching it.

“You leave me with that rock and you spy on us?”, she says in a slightly frustrated tone that just made Lizzie laugh hysterically. 

To push her sister even more she shoots another teasing comment, “Wait. Did you just call her your rock? Awwww Josie”

With that, Josie just stormed off the room and headed down the hall leaving her sister laughing heartily in their room.

And because of her impulsive decision to just leave their room, she forgot to grab a hoodie so she was just wearing an oversized shirt and booty shorts. Thinking that she wouldn’t bump in to anyone anyway, she made her way to the kitchen.

As soon as she walked in, her eyes caught the sight of short raven waves and the girl’s back turned faced to the brunette. She leaves her room because of her sister’s incessant teasing with the girl she just happens to stumble upon in this quiet evening.

The girl hadn’t noticed the brunette’s presence because she was too busy making herself what seemed to be a poorly made sandwich based on the bread, slice of cheese and one single leaf of lettuce and a jar of mayonnaise on the counter.

The brunette tried to make herself known when she cleared her throat. The raven haired girl immediately turned around to see who it was and wore a shock expression on her, expecting that she’d be the only one out of the dorms by this time. 

Attempting to hide the tragic mess that is her sandwich, she moves the ingredients behind her but Josie just chuckles at the raven haired girl’s embarrassment. She approaches the shorter girl and scans the ingredients the other was trying to hide then shortly after, goes to the shelves and brings out two jars. 

Still not breaking the silence, stands in front of the shorter girl in the opposite side of the kitchen counter. She takes a couple of slices of bread from the girl in front of her who was watching her every move, confused and curious to what she was making.

Josie finished making the simple snack, Pb&J, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

Penelope tossed her trashy sandwich to the garbage bin where it belonged, and was about to make herself one of those, replaying every move the taller girl made. But to her surprise, Josie nudged the plate forward offering it to Penelope.

Penelope looked up at Josie who started making a new sandwich for herself. There was a small smile on the brunette’s face, and for the first time since she and Hope had walked in those doors she felt lighter. 

The simple kind gesture of the brunette brought a smile on the shorter girl’s face. It was Josie’s turn to look up because she felt her stare, and when she met Penelope’s deep green eyes the twisting feeling in her gut from when they were in the library resurfaced. It was a tingling feeling that she just couldn’t categorize if it were good or bad for her.

The two girls ate their sandwiches in silence, neither one of them wanting to speak up but just enjoying each other’s company. 

After cleaning up the mess they made, mostly Penelope’s in her attempt of making a sandwich, Josie made her way up the steps going back to the dorms but was stopped when Penelope called out for her. 

“Josie”

The tone in her voice was far from what she had heard during the time they spent today. It lacked the confidence that just naturally comes off of everything the raven haired girl says or does. It sounded hesitant, like she could hear her pulling away with second thoughts as soon as the brunette’s name rolled off of her tongue. But hearing her name in that soothing voice caused her breathing to hitch and just disabled her from taking another step. 

She turned around to Penelope who followed behind her so there were just a couple of steps between them. The shorter girl was lower down the steps so Josie had to look down to see her face that held a soft look. With that, the twisted tingling feeling came back.

Unable to come up with words, she only managed to raise her eyebrows to say she was listening.

“Thanks for the sandwich”, the new girl says shyly but looks directly at Josie.

“And for today, and I really am sorry for being insensitive awhile ago”, she adds.

Josie felt a wider smile tugging at her lips that she didn’t bother fighting. Maybe, she wasn’t so bad after all and wouldn’t mind spending more time with the girl, though they barely even spoke tonight. And she couldn’t deny that she was attracted to the new girl physically, and maybe something else. She held a certain allure that made Josie want to go closer to the fire, ignoring all signs of danger. 

“It’s all good. You apologized already, and I already forgave you the first time.”, Josie says smiling down at the shorter girl. 

This made Penelope relax more, and the shyness she had disappeared right away. 

“Well, good. ‘Coz you won’t be hearing it again.”, she says with a smile. 

Josie just rolls her eyes and turns her back on the new girl and heads up the stairs.

But Penelope decided to follow her, so by now they were walking side by side. The stairway was wide enough for them to be at least a feet apart but they walked so closed together that there were moments that their shoulders would touch. Each time that they did, Josie would feel her spine tingle, and her stomach twist. But she did nothing to move further away from the raven haired girl beside her. 

It was clear to her now that she liked the feeling.

And knowing this bothered her more than not knowing what it meant. 

They reached the hall where the rooms were, and Josie stopped in front of her door. And as if they were magnets connected to each other, Penelope stopped too. She faced the taller girl beside her, and was about to say something but was beaten to it by Josie. 

“You and Hope should hang out with us.”, Josie says.

As soon as the words come out of her mouth, she realizes how it must have sounded. 

“I mean, Lizzie already hooked in Hope to our small friend group. I just thought, you know, I’d give you a heads up before Hope tells you about it so you can have time to decide, but it’s okay if you decide not to, I just think-“, she rambles on trying to salvage herself from looking interested in the girl. Until she was cut off by Penelope’s chuckles who found the speed in the girl’s words entertaining. 

“Saltzman, just say you want to spend more time with me and let’s call it a night.”, she teases. 

Because of this Josie’s eyes narrow, eyebrows furrowed. “Omg you are unbelievable!”, she says as she turns her back on the girl to open the door, but really it was just to hide her flustered look. 

The room already had its light out so that meant her twin was already fast asleep. She got in and was about to close the door on the new girl outside, but Penelope pushed the door to stop her from closing it. Josie had noticed it and looked and Penelope who still had her hand on the door, and was leaning on the doorpost. 

“I’d love to hang out with you. Good night, see you in the morning.”, she says with a genuine smile and no teasing tone, then walks away to retreat back to her room which was only just a few steps down the hall. She walks away so quickly, it took Josie so long to process what she had just said. She was left there, holding on to the door knob like it’s the only thing keeping her balance. 

She was left in a daze with what the raven haired girl left her with. It wasn’t until she was pulled back to reality when she felt a pillow hit her. 

“Jo what are you doing standing there in the middle of the night?”, Lizzie says groggily, trying so hard to open her eyes as she sits up from her bed.

It was already past 11 and knowing her sister, if she just so much as breathes Penelope’s name around her much less tell her about the night she’s had, they’d be staying up ‘till sunrise. So she decides on silence and walks towards her bed and buries herself under her sheets with one single thought that echoed through her mind. 

_I’d love to hang out with you._

_She could’ve said, ‘Yeah, Hope and I would love to hang out with you’ or even ‘Yeah I’d love to hang out with you guys’ or even silence would be better_

Josie drowned in her thoughts, she’d stare at the ceiling practically begging for sleep to take over but she was wide awake. Penelope’s words kept her up in a way that coffee seemed powerless on her now. 

Twisting and turning, tangled in her own thoughts. 

And all those thoughts would just all lead back to Penelope’s soothing voice saying, 

_I’d love to hang out with you_

—————

Penelope woke up to the sun screaming at her face, a blinding one. She buries her face on her pillow and groans when she realizes it’s already morning. 

She didn’t get that much sleep either. Mainly because it was her first night and her body was just getting used to the new environment, and that she had already slept for a couple of hours before going to sleep for the second time that night. 

Hope was fast asleep when she got in their room last night, so after she changed into something comfier she had no choice but to try and fall asleep. But just like the girl three rooms down the hall, it took her a couple of hours and a few twists and turns before she could finally drift off to sleep.

She peaked over to the other side of the room and saw her amber haired best friend still laying down under her sheets. The sun was burning bright out and the sunlight just lit up the room. She took her phone from her nightstand and checked the time. 

7:32AM

There were no new texts, no new notifications. Her phone was as dead as the air that accompanied her last night. She had gotten used to the silence from her family but maybe she had hoped that being miles away from them would earn even just one text.

But she knew better than to expect anything from them so she just got up from her bed and walked over to her closet. Grabbed a towel, and picked out her outfit for the day. 

Quietly heading out down the hall with her towel on her shoulder, clothes in hand and a small basket of her things, she finds her way to the shared bathroom. It was spacious and clean. White tiles shining, and it didn’t look as bad as she expected it to be. 

She hopped in to one of the showers, turned one of the knobs and it felt like pieces of sharp ice piercing her skin with each passing second. Her mind woke up but her body fell numb to the cold. With what part of her she could still move, she immediately turned the knob to cut off the water.

Finally getting the warm temperature she tested with her hands, she went under the shower and as every drop poured down on her she closed her eyes, her mind fades into the silence echoing in the air. As the water keeps running, so does her thoughts. 

But the silence she dwells in is broken by the bathroom door opening, and a girl humming Taylor Swift’s _Sparks Fly_ as she enters. It was a soft hum that escalated into the lyrics being sang by the energetic girl who entered the shower right next to her. Penelope laughs at the morning entertainment, but is actually amazed with the girl’s talent.

The bathroom acoustics made her sound even better. Her voice was clean and powerful at the same time. Somehow soothing that calms her thoughts that’s been running through her mind. 

After enjoying the small concert, Penelope quickly finishes her shower, puts her clothes on and brushes her teeth. Then, she heads out of the bathroom before the mysterious TaylorSwift-singing-in-the-shower-at-eight-in-the-morning girl would notice her presence. She power walks through the hallway with her towel wrapped around her hair, and her basket and clothes in hand. But it wasn’t until she reached their room that she notices that she forgot her bracelet in the bathroom. She thought about going back but didn’t want the risk of interacting with the girl.

She continues her morning ritual in their room with Hope who just woke up awhile ago. She’s standing by the window with her phone against her ear, on a call with her father. 

“Yeah, dad. I’m fine out here, don’t worry. I have Penelope here with me.”, the amber haired girl says as she looks at her best friend with a bright smile. 

“And yes, I’ll tell Headmistress Forbes that you said hello when we meet with her after breakfast.”, she adds as she rolls her eyes, remembering the information she got from the blonde twin last night. 

“Bye dad, I love you. I’m missing you already.”, she says and hangs up the phone, tossing it to her bed as she jumps to her roommate’s bed. 

“P, what time did you come back last night?”, she asks as she watches her best friend apply lotion and do her light make up for the day by the edge of her bed. 

“I don’t know, past 11 I think.”, she says as she shrugs. 

“What’d you eat? Aren’t you like, useless in the kitchen?”

This makes Penelope look at her best friend with an exaggerated offended look but they both end up laughing at the truth of it.

“Actually, Josie came out of nowhere and fixed me up a sandwich, and surprisingly, it wasn’t that bad.”, she says thinking back to last night and the silence they shared as they ate their dinner slash midnight snack. 

Her lips tug into a small smile that Hope doesn’t miss. She mirrors her best friend’s smile but chooses not to speak, just like how you don’t scare someone who’s testing the waters so they don’t jump back. 

“And she wants us to hang with Lizzie, but you already knew that.”, she adds.

“Oh yeah, she asked me last night. So, do you want to? Considering how much you dislike Josie?”, Hope teases as she finally gets up and goes over to her closet to pick her outfit. 

“Hey, I do not dislike her. I just dislike the people she’s acting like.”

Hope gives her a confused look, “It’s either my brain hasn’t fully waken up yet, or you didn’t make any sense.”

Penelope just rolls her eyes as she finishes fixing her hair and grabs her camouflage print jacket from her closet to match her olive green joggers and white tank top that shows off her beautifully tanned skin, and toned everything. 

“It’s obviously the latter because I always make sense.”, she says with full confidence. 

“And while you get ready for breakfast, I’ll be at the library”, she adds and heads out of the room taking her phone with her. 

She walks down the hall and passes by a few students who look at her with a stunned expression and followed their gaze on her like the head turner she is. But she didn’t care about the eyes on her, she never has and she never will. 

Thanking her good memory, she found her way to the Salvatore Library that caught her attention the most from the tour yesterday. She scans the area and sees no one, meaning she could enjoy the whole room to herself. After all, it was just past nine in the morning. 

On her way to the shelves where the classics were, she was skipping like a child on the way to the playground. She scanned through the leather bound dust accumulated books on the shelves.

_Jane Austen  
Charles Dickens  
Ernest Hemingway  
Virginia Woolf  
George Eliot  
William Faulkner_

But her fingers stop on one particular book, a familiar one. 

_E E Cummings_

It was the book that Josie had handed over to her from yesterday. She sits down on the floor, leaning on the shelves and allowed herself to get lost in the pages. She spent a good half an hour reading poems from the book, some she’d read aloud to herself. 

There was something about reading poetry aloud that she found therapeutic. It’s like saying the words that are scattered in your mind, and having those words roll of your tongue gives you some sort of control again over your thoughts. It’s an exhale from everything that just keeps coming in. 

Her small bubble of peace was popped by her phone buzzing to Hope’s text.

_Otw to the dining hall. Wru?_

Instead of replying, she just puts the book back to where she took it from and headed out of the library. If she could only stay here for the rest of the day, she would. But, she has plenty of time in the future to come back here. 

Walking down the halls on the way to the dining hall, she sees a familiar blonde twin talking to a tall guy with an athletic built, his skin reminding her of the warm tones of autumn. He wore a dazzling smile showcasing his perfectly white teeth, cheeks stretched making his eyes narrow to a line. Maybe for others, people wouldn’t see the meaning behind that kind of smile, but Penelope did even though she had never met the guy. She was just too familiar with that look people give off because she stood in front of it way too many times. 

The _look_ of adoration. 

He also had his bags on him which gave Penelope the impression that he was one of the students who had just returned from break.

Before those blue eyes could spot her, she quickly went past them and for the second time that day, she power walked through the halls not wanting to ruin their moment by Lizzie switching her attention on someone else.

Penelope finally reached the dining hall. She scanned the area, and found her amber haired best friend seated on a table in the corner of the room. With Josie.

The raven haired girl approached them with a confused look directed at Hope, but then remembers their conversation from this morning where they’d make friends with the twins. So she puts a smile on her face and as she sits down beside Hope, she greets them with a good morning. 

With Penelope’s sudden presence, Josie tenses up. Something that Hope had noticed. 

Suddenly the events from last night replayed at the back of her mind like a horror movie that she regretted watching before going to bed because it haunted her until her sleep. 

“Good morning, P”, Hope greets her back.

“Morning.”, Josie says without looking at Penelope.

But again, it isn’t Penelope that notices this, but it would be her best friend.

“Why haven’t you guys gotten your food yet?”, Penelope asks them both.

Josie who is still trying to avoid looking at the raven haired girl sitting right in front of her by scanning the room for her blonde twin says, “Oh, I usually wait for Lizzie. We eat breakfast together. But you guys can go ahead.”

“No no its good. We’ll just wait for you guys too, don’t want to be eating in front of you while you just watch, you know.”, Penelope says as she smiles at Josie who finally looked at her.

This is why she couldn’t trust herself to even just glance at the girl, she’d be stuck and trapped like her eyes puts her in to some sort of trance. Luckily, her sister pulled her back to reality when she sat down beside her.

“Lizzie, thank God. Let’s go eat.”, she says in a hurry and grabs her sister who just sat down by the arm, pulling her away from their table. 

A confused Lizzie just goes with it but as soon as there is a safe distance between them and the two best friends she asked Josie if she was okay. 

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”, she responds but her face just says otherwise. 

It’s a mix between an overwhelmed look and panic but most of all, flustered. 

Lizzie looks back at the two best friends who are now walking towards them, but mainly looking at the raven haired girl. Then looked back at Josie who also had her eyes on Penelope. It took awhile for the blonde to understand why her twin was acting that way but when she got it, the two best friends were already right behind them in line to get their food.

As soon as the twins left their table, Hope knew that Josie was reacting to the effect that Penelope unknowingly has on her, like she was some type of drug that she knew was bad but couldn’t help but want more. The amber haired best friend witnessed that look with every human being that Penelope interacted with. Especially on their nights out in clubs where they would try so hard (and fail miserably) to keep their dignity and not fall into Penelope’s charms. 

But the thing is, Penelope didn’t even do anything. No flirty comments, no physical contact, she didn’t even bat her eyelashes the way she does to get what she wants. She didn’t even try to pull in the girl to her charms. And that amused Hope, but what’s even more entertainingly ironic is that Penelope doesn’t see it.

After getting their food from the buffet, they sat back down on their table. Lizzie kept on looking back and forth at Josie and Penelope. Josie felt the heavy stare and wished that her sister’s neck would just cramp right at that moment because of how obvious she was being. Josie tried sending Hope a look asking for help whenever they’d make eye contact. While Penelope, just casually eating her breakfast, didn’t even notice one tiny particle of tension or awkwardness in the air. 

Finally, Hope noticed Josie’s rapid blinking and distressed signals shot directly at her so she excused herself and Lizzie to talk to the blonde girl. 

“Lizzie, mind coming with me to the fruit bar?”, she says as she stands up. 

Lizzie looked at Hope confused and was about to say no but Josie looked at her as if pushing her to go with Hope. She felt like she didn’t have a choice so she just stood up and followed the amber haired girl.

Once they were at the fruit bar, Lizzie’s eyes still on her sister and the raven haired girl just peacefully eating her breakfast, Hope nudged her to get her attention from the two.

“Lizzie, you look like an owl. Stop staring.”, she says

Something about Hope’s words made Lizzie think that she knows why Josie was acting the way she did. So, she turned her attention on Hope with a suspicious look. 

“Do you…”, she asks still not sure with her assumptions. 

“Do I see how your sister is acting weirdly around Penelope? Yes. Do I know why? I have a guess which I’m guessing Is what you’re thinking too.”, Hope says with confidence like she knew what was running through the blonde’s mind.

But still, she looked at her with suspicion. 

“Is Penelope doing this intentionally? Trying to get Josie to like her then she’ll break her heart? Because I thought your best friend hated-“, she got cut off by Hope.

“No, actually, Penelope isn’t doing anything. But last night, they did hang out when they were both looking for food in the kitchen. Maybe, she had a change of heart and realized she judged Josie too quickly.”, Hope says.

The blonde was shocked with what Hope said, especially that Josie didn’t mention one bit that she and the new girl were together last night. Her silence just pushes Hope to go on.

“Look, I know you’re just being overprotective of your sister. But I don’t see why we should make a big deal out of an innocent crush.”, she adds.

Lizzie sighs. 

“That’s the thing. Josie never gets crushes.”, the twin says as she looks at the two seated at the table. They were both eating their breakfast, and they were talking casually. But Josie’s smile was something her sister hadn’t seen in awhile. 

With what Lizzie said, it was Hope’s turn to be in shock. 

“I mean, duh she’d find someone attractive. But not like this. She always has control and that look she had when she pulled me away, it’s like she lost control of the wheel.”, Lizzie says more to herself than to Hope. 

“Is that good..? Or.. bad?”, Hope says.

Lizzie shrugs, and Hope doesn’t push it. They both decide to go back to their table, not before getting at least an apple to avoid seeming suspicious of course. As soon as Josie saw them she shot Lizzie a look, and the blonde just nodded to assure her she was okay. And Josie shot Hope a look saying thank you. Between those telepathic looks, Penelope still didn’t see anything weird.

After getting the tense air out of the three, breakfast happened smoothly. There was no awkward air and they just conversed like normal people. Lizzie didn’t try to tease Josie with Penelope anymore but the two pairs of blue eyes still noticed how lively the brunette was and how she was all ears when Penelope would talk, which was rarely. When Josie would notice their stares, she’d try to tone down her energy and act prim and proper like how people see her.

The four girls were too happy getting to know more of each other that the only thing that called them out to what time it was would be the bell signifying that breakfast service is over. But still together, they walked out of the dining hall and were now walking along the school’s hallways leading to the headmistress’ office. 

“We’ll just be in our dorms if ever you need us.”, Lizzie says and walks away leaving her sister with the two best friends as soon as she spots the same guy that Penelope saw talking to her awhile ago. 

“I’ll go ahead. It was nice getting to know the two of you more.”, Josie says and walks away from the two.

The two best friends looked at Josie walking away, not letting them say thank you or anything else.

“Well that was weird.”, Penelope says as she knocks on the wooden door.

Hope looks at her best friend dumbfounded, “Oh you think THAT was weird.”, she says.

But before Penelope could even ask what her best friend meant by that, the door opened and they were welcomed by a beautiful blonde with an intimidating and yet comforting look. 

“Good morning, Ms. Forbes”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Penelope Park blind and Josie Saltzman gay panic<3
> 
> thoughts perhaps? :>
> 
> Thank you!! :)


	3. The Look

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“It’s when someone looks at you, and it’s like you can see the reflection of sunshine and moonlight over their glimmering eyes, and everything else in the background just tunes out like blurry noise. What matters to them is just you in front of them and nothing else.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I want someone to look at me with the _look_

“Good Morning, Ms. Forbes”, the two girls greet the woman in front of them in synchrony. 

“Good morning, girls. Please, come in.”, she says with a warm smile as she opens the door wider for them to enter. 

Caroline’s office, like any other room in this museum-like school, had the exact same aesthetic. Sophisticated, and old. Descriptions far from the woman in front of them. 

She looked young, like her years forgot to catch up to her. She was charming, her smile gave so much positivity and warmth. She didn’t have that scary principal vibe, she had the understanding guidance counsellor vibe. Someone parents would trust with the welfare of their children.  
“Please, take a seat.”, she says pointing to the two chairs in front of her desk as she sits down on her own, still not breaking her smile. 

Penelope senses this is where the twins get their happy-go-lucky all smiles personality from.

The two girls follow and sit down on the red velvet chairs. 

“So, Ms. Park. I talked to your parents this morning over the phone. They said they would want extra eyes on you.”, she says blatantly. 

_Of course they would,_ she just thinks to herself. Miles away from them and they still manage to remind Penelope of how much of a disappointment she is. They didn’t even check up on her, not one call. But of course, it’s easy for them to dial the phone to shame their daughter. 

Hope looked over to her best friend, she knows what’s going through that mind of hers. How she’s beating herself up over it. How this is just watering the anger she has for her parents. 

“But we won’t do that.”, the blonde behind the desk says, catching the attention of the two and bringing Penelope back from hating her parents in her mind. 

“Here, you get a fresh start from whatever troubles you left at home. It’s a clean slate. You can be whoever you want to be without anyone holding your past against you.”, Caroline says with so much compassion and understanding. 

Her words gave a light feeling that Penelope admired, and was thankful for. With what Caroline said, she felt that the blonde in front of her knew about her past but chose to see past that and believed that she was not the irredeemable trash that her parents saw her as.

“But I will need to see some progress. Not anything major, at least for now. Maybe make a few new friends, join some organizations. I want to see you putting yourself out there.”, she adds with a smile. 

Penelope nods and returns a genuine smile as she says, “Thank you, Ms. Forbes.” 

Caroline then turns her attention to the amber haired girl and she can’t help but smile even wider at the sight of Hope. 

“Ms. Mikaelson. I’m assuming your father is doing well?”, she says as she casually looks down at Hope’s papers on her desk. 

Hope smiled and the mention of her father. “Yes, Ms. Forbes. He actually asked me, well not really ask, but reminded me. Over and over again. That he sends his regards to you, and Mister Salvatore.”

Caroline rolls her eyes, but not in the way that looked annoyed or irritated. More of a playful, sarcastic one. Like she expected him to ask her daughter to send a message. 

“Well, please tell Klau- Mister Mikaelson that I appreciate the trust that he put in us for your education, and for his generous contribution for the renovation and additional facilities for the school.”, the blonde behind the desk says, still not breaking her smile. 

“So, did you enjoy your tour around campus with Lizzie and Josie?”, she asks casually as she scans through the girls papers.

“Yeah, their tour was the whole package. I think they memorized the school’s brochure and website by heart plus the additional facts that your public resources don’t say.”, Hope says.

It was true and she meant no offence by it. They were going to inherit the school someday anyway, it’s just right that they know the grounds by heart. It’s quite impressive actually, how they have their minds set on something already at a young age.

The three talked about their schedule, their teachers, and went over the school’s policies. Basically, it was just a short get to know each other and small orientation for their stay at the boarding school. A formal welcoming by the headmistress and all. 

“Thank you, Ms. Forbes.”, the two say, again in synchrony, as they stand up to shake the blonde’s hand. 

The two new girls left the office with a warm feeling in their chest. Like this place could actually be good for them. 

Together, they went back to their room. It was noon and they didn’t know what else to do for the day. So, they decided to just stay in and chill and relax in the peaceful ambiance of their room with Taylor Swift’s album playing on the background.

Suddenly, Penelope remembers the mysterious energetic girl from the showers this morning. And thought whoever she was, she probably had her Boucheron lapis lazuli five motifs bracelet. A gift given to her by her grandfather, the only family member that made her feel loved. Though it was worth a fortune, what mattered to her was the story behind the bracelet.

She was slowly slipping into a nostalgic feeling, remembering the memory of her grandfather. But her thoughts were disrupted by a few knocks on their door. The two best friends who were on their own beds looked up at each other but Penelope went back to laying down and staring at the ceiling which earned a weak groan from Hope and an eye roll. 

The amber haired best friend lazily walked over to the door but tried her best to look warm and welcoming. 

When she opened the door, the twins were outside

“Omygod, Lizzie! Just ask him to go with you to the party already”, Josie says with a fed up tone as she walks past through the door without greeting Hope. 

Lizzie followed her twin inside but unlike her sister, she said hi to Hope who was confused and taken aback by the sudden disruption of the peaceful ambiance of their room.

It seems like the two were in a heated argument before knocking on the two best friends’ door. 

Penelope groaned and covered her face with a pillow because of the chaotic energy that the two had brought in the room. 

The twins were now standing in the middle of the room, Josie had her arms crossed while Lizzie had an innocent pout on her face. 

Hope, closing the door behind her and still confused, asks Josie to fill her in on the situation. 

“Lizzie saw Rafael with a girl awhile ago, got jealous, and here she is being a crybaby about it.”, Josie says not even trying to sound sorry for her sister who looked like a bullied child with her eyebrows furrows, lips pouting, and her eyes on the verge of crying.

“Rafael is who?”, Hope says trying to understand what’s happening.

“Rafael Waithe. School’s star quarterback.”, she says still annoyed at her sister.

But she quickly relaxes and her shoulders drop when she hears Penelope’s voice having an effect on her like a sedative.

“Oh that guy you were with this morning and before we went into your mom’s office? No yeah he likes you.”, she says as she removes the pillow blocking her face, looking at the three girls standing in the middle of the room who all had her eyes on her with a shocked and puzzled expression.

Penelope rolled her eyes. “What? I saw how he had that _look_ ”, she said putting a different tone on the word ‘look’ as she looks at Hope, and her best friend knew what that look meant.

Because it’s the look that Josie has when Penelope is around her, a look that Penelope prides herself in easily spotting but is so blind to the brunette’s. 

“Hello? Not all of us here know what the _look_ is.”, Lizzie says with finger quotes on the word look. 

“It’s when someone looks at you, and it’s like you can see the reflection of sunshine and moonlight over their glimmering eyes, and everything else in the background just tunes out like blurry noise. What matters to them is just you in front of them and nothing else.”, she says sounding so poetic as she sits up cross-legged, and leans on her headboard. 

She says it like it’s nothing. Like what she described wasn’t something straight out of a Disney movie. Everyone dreams to be looked at that way but it’s like it’s nothing for Penelope. And it really was nothing, because she got used to those kinds of looks that it just doesn’t mean anything special to her anymore. That look that people would throw at her would be received by a blank stare, sometimes a few flirty batting of eyelashes if she was in the mood to play around.

“So you really think he likes me?”, Lizzie says, a smile tugging at her lips at her cheeks turning pink.

Josie rolls her eyes at her sister’s blindness, “Lizzie. Just go and ask Raf to the party tomorrow night. I know you want to go with him, just as much as I’m sure that he does too.”, she says as she puts her hands on Lizzie’s shoulders and looked at her in the eyes showing she meant every word.

Lizzie smiles at her sister’s assurance and encouragement, “But we always go to those things together. I don’t wanna leave you alone.”

“Uhm I won’t be alone. I’ll go with Hope and Penelope, I’ll be fine.”, she says as she looks at Hope and briefly glances over her shoulder at Penelope. 

“Okay okay okay I’ll go and ask him right now.”, she says and leaves the room, leaving her twin with the two best friends. 

Josie just watches the door close behind her sister and smiles, a genuine one. Like her sister’s happiness is hers. 

She faces the two best friends who were seated at Penelope’s bed with an apologetic one mixed with embarrassment. But before she could even apologize for disturbing the two, Hope beats her to it.

“No need to apologize, Josie. We’re your friends now, remember? Our doors are always open for the both of you.”, Hope says with nothing but sincerity in her voice that Josie appreciated.

“What is this party she’s talking about anyway?”, Penelope asks casually but Hope noticed the eagerness in her tone.

“It’s just something that we do by the Old Mill. You know, one last hoorah before classes start and everyone catching up with each other after the break.”, the brunette explains. 

“But it’s okay, you guys don’t have to go If you’re not up to it. I’ll just-“

“You’ll just what? Stay in with your books?”, Hope interrupts her. Josie looks at her dumbfounded, how could she possibly know that? But then again, her sister is Lizzie Saltzman so of course she had mentioned this to Hope.

“And I wanna meet new people. A party seems the perfect way to do that.”, Penelope says as she crosses her arms like she’s saying it not as a request but something already decided on and that just makes Josie feel things. 

“Then it’s settled on. What time does it start?”, the amber haired best friend asks with an impish smile. 

“Fine. Tomorrow, 8pm.”, she says in defeat, as if she could fight the two best friends on it. But as soon as she agreed, it felt like she just signed her death sentence. 

But what could go terribly wrong in a party with Penelope Park, right?

The three girls just enjoyed each other’s company as they listened to One Direction’s songs blasting in the background like the teenage girls they were. Until it lead to a full blown performance, mimicking how people danced at real parties when they were still in the city. 

If they were on a sentimental peaceful vibe awhile ago, the two best friends were now singing and dancing around the room like they had their own concert while the brunette watched them with an amused look like they were wild animals. But when the two realized that Josie was basically laughing at them, they pulled her into their own dance floor. 

They were care-free, and it was a feeling that the brunette rarely felt. She was having fun. But of course, there would be moments where Josie unknowingly looks at Penelope with that look whenever the lyrics just spoke a little louder. 

And her heart felt like it was on a rollercoaster, enjoying the thrill of whatever it was she felt. 

Exhausted after all the dancing and singing, the three of them slumped on the carpeted floors. 

Josie couldn’t help but smile because she never really had this kind of friendship with someone other than her sister. Sure she had some friends, but they’d hang out with studying and reading which really didn’t involve much talking. She also has the student council, and people would gladly walk with her in the halls. People admired her and thought of her as approachable, but it was all just surface-level friendships. She never connected with anyone else this deeply, and the fact that she just met these two yesterday was truly something. 

“Dude we missed lunch.”, the raven haired girl says, breaking the silence of everyone trying to catch their breaths. 

The other two girls couldn’t help but break into laughter. Penelope sat up and looked at them with an innocent pout that Josie found adorable, but Hope found annoying. 

“P, don’t pout like that. You look like a demon baby.”, she says as she rolls her eyes but means it in a teasing kind of way.

“Eh, she looks like a fish.”, Josie blurts out, joining in on Hope’s attack. 

Penelope looked at Josie with a threatening look that the amber haired girl couldn’t help but laugh at because she just knew where this was going. No one besides Hope has ever tried to tease her best friend the way that Josie just did. 

As soon as Josie noticed how Penelope was looking at her with her ocean green eyes, honestly? She just wanted to run for her life. But some part of her told her to stay, and push the raven haired girl even more.

“No. Wait. Hold that pose.”, she says as she gets her phone from the back pocket of her jeans and takes a picture of Penelope. 

“See? Demon fish. You’re both.”, she says as she shows her phone over to Hope who is just amused at the brunette’s bravery. 

“Delete that. Now.”, the raven haired girl threatens with a dark look on her face like she was ready to physically attack Josie anytime now. 

“Nah, I think I’ll hold on to it for awhile.”

But before Josie could even hide her phone back in to her back pocket, Penelope lunges forward in a quick motion like a cheetah in an attempt to grab the brunette’s phone to delete it herself.

Josie moves her hand away from her swiftly, making Penelope fall forward.

Raven black waves fell like curtains on the brunette’s face and ocean green eyes for windows that her eyes immediately caught when her body hit the ground. Not to mention how she was just inches away from her, she could smell expensive perfume and strawberry shampoo at the same time. All like sophistication and innocence in one mixed up scent that sends her heart into a frenzy.

Stuck in a trance, it’s like she was frozen and unable to move. So the girl on top of her effortlessly snatches the girl’s phone from her hand that was pinned down. 

Penelope sits back up and deletes the photo from Josie’s phone quickly and throws it back to Josie who was still laying down like she was left for dead by the wild animal that attacked her. 

“Saltzman, don’t make the same mistake again. You may be taller than me but look at how easily I topped you.”, she says without a care to her words and clueless to what effect this had on the brunette that now, with all her strength, managed to sit back up but was still in a daze. 

“Ok. Well, I rate your bravery five stars but 1 out of 10 would not recommend again.”, the other best friend says, trying to sound breezy but she was also stunned after witnessing all that. She could only imagine what was going on in the brunette’s mind. 

There was still music playing in the background, but it was softer. And in Josie’s mind, it was inaudible and sounded like blurry noise. Her thoughts were the loudest they’ve ever been, loud in a way that it wasn’t noise that she wanted to drown out. But loud in a way that she wanted to listen to every word her mind thought of, loud in a way that sounded like a party down the street and she wanted to dance. 

Loud in a way that her mind felt spacious enough for more noises like these.

—————

The rest of the day went by fast for the girls.

Lizzie joined them for dinner after hanging out with her athlete crush, who ended up asking her to the party after all. It was all she could talk about in their table. While Hope and Josie were listening to her babble about him with a thrilled look, Penelope looked bored. She just didn’t match the energy the three girls had but was happy for her blonde friend nonetheless. 

After dinner, the twins went to their mom’s office while the best friends headed back to their room. They were both tired from their whole first day in the Salvatore Boarding School that they had no trouble going to sleep at such an early hour of the night. 

Penelope got the peaceful sleep that she didn’t get from the previous night, but three rooms down the hall is the complete opposite of the relaxing silence lingering in the best friends’ room.

After saying good night to their mom, the twins retreated back to their room too. Only, sleep didn’t take over them right away. 

Lizzie was still too pumped with energy with what happened today, and Josie was all ears. Maybe listening to her sister talk about her sister’s love life, she’d forget those ocean green eyes that belong to a raven haired girl that fell on top of her.

She could still feel the warmth, the twisting feeling in her stomach, and the girl’s dangerously threatening smile was basically imprinted on the brunette’s mind. And she thought about how close Penelope’s glossy lips were and couldn’t help but wonder what flavor of lipgloss did she like to use. 

She was staring into space, not really listening to her sister who just monologued what happened between her and Raf today (again) and how she felt about the guy. 

Lizzie noticed this and nudged Josie. They were laying down on Josie’s bed, the brunette resting her back on her headboard. 

“You okay, Jo? You spaced out.”, the blonde pulls Josie out from drowning in her thoughts again.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”, Josie says as she realizes where her mind went again.

“Well, because you have a freakishly wide smile right now I might start having nightmares again of Chessur the cheshire cat.”

Josie’s wide smile drops but still stays and she just rolls her eyes at her sister’s exaggeration. 

“So when were you going to tell me that you started crushing on Penelope Park?”, Lizzie finally opens up the topic that she’s been dying to ask since this morning but got distracted by a hot athlete. 

She knew that this conversation would happen sooner or later but she was hoping it would be later. Her attempt to get Lizzie to talk to Raf today was partly because she wanted her twin to focus her energy on someone else. 

“It’s just a crush, Lizzie. It’ll go away like all the other ones.”, she says, trying to dismiss the topic. 

But it will take more than that to get Lizzie off of her back. 

“Riiight. You acted like this with your other crushes. Riiiight.”, the blonde says with a sarcastic tone.

Josie doesn’t respond. Instead, she just groans and hides under her sheets. 

Her cheeks started to heat up again with the thought of the raven haired girl on top of her. But of course she didn’t want her sister to see that. 

Surprisingly, Lizzie didn’t push it any further. She felt her sister get up from her bed and walked over to her own, giving Josie the space she needed for her thoughts that she needed to untangle. 

“I’m just saying, Jo. There’s nothing wrong with admitting she’s different.”, her sister says as she switches off the light. 

For the second night in a row, Josie was tangled in her thoughts. 

Restless and confused. 

After hours of staring at her ceiling, she was finally starting to drift off to sleep when she heard a knock on the their door. It was a quiet knock that didn’t sound urgent at all, but who would even knock at their door at one in the morning if it wasn’t important?

She looked over to her sister who was already fast asleep so she stood up and approached the door. But as she got closer to the door, she felt heavier with every step she took. As if there were anchors tied to her feet and that she was dragging chains, trying to get closer to the door.

The knocks became louder and louder with each passing second that she wasn’t able to open it. She thought it would wake her sister up but it’s as if she was deaf to whatever was happening. The knocks escalated into aggressive bangs that it sounded like whoever was behind that door was dangerous. But some part of her, despite the heavy feeling that was literally weighing her down, she used all her strength to grab a hold of the doorknob.

When she opened the door, the person banging the door, practically breaking it down, was a tall man. She couldn’t see the man’s face. He was right in front of her but she still couldn’t see his face. Like her mind refused to open her eyes (even though they were wide open) to who was in front of her. 

The heavy feeling that weighed her down from opening the door became a sinking feeling. Tears were forming in her eyes and she didn’t know why. All she knew was that she felt awful. Like someone was cupping her heart, making it feel pain but not enough strength to kill it. It’s a suffering feeling, an itching one that just makes her want to end everything. 

She wanted to run away but couldn’t. She couldn’t move. 

Until someone took her hand, gentle hands that pulled her away from the suffocating feeling she had. And having those hands wrapped around hers made her feel safe.

She was about to look up to see who those hands belonged to but instead, she saw blonde hair and blue eyes looking down on her. 

“Josie!”, the blonde screams as soon as she sees her sister’s eyes flutter open. 

“Lizzie, volume. please. It’s too early in the morning for you to be screaming”, Josie says as she groans and tries to hide under her sheets to go back to sleep.

But Lizzie grabs her sister’s blanket to expose her to the light coming from their windows. She groans and buries her head underneath her pillows, irritated at Lizzie’s persistent attempts to get her out of bed at an early hour. 

“Nice powerpuff girls shorts, Saltzman.”, someone that isn’t Lizzie comments.

She knows that dreamy voice anywhere, and as soon as she realizes who else is in their room, her eyes widen and she immediately sits up and grabs her pillows to try and cover up her shorts and what’s left of her dignity. 

Standing by the foot of her bed, right in front of her was Penelope Park in a black cropped sweatshirt that allows her to show off her toned abs, and grey sweatpants. A lazy look that still made her look like she was still worthy of walking down the red carpet. 

But the raven haired girl looking too attractive in front of her woke-up-like-this look right now was the least of her worries.

“What are you doing here?? And why are you waking me up so early??”, the brunette asks the two girls surrounding her bed.

“Josie it’s already past noon and since we woke up, Penelope and I have been at the receiving end of your sister’s incessant worrying on what she’s going to wear tonight for the party.”, Hope speaks up from Lizzie’s bed, making her presence known too.

Apparently, it was past noon. In fact, it was way past noon. She looked at her clock that read 3pm. She overslept. Like, really overslept. But she still felt tired, like she still didn’t get enough rest because her dream felt too real and it left her with an exhausting feeling. 

The silence of Josie realizing that she practically hibernated after two nights of staying up because of her thoughts was broken by her stomach growling. She just knew that everyone heard it and she just wanted the floor underneath to swallow her up whole. 

The three girls just laughed lightly, understanding that she did miss two meals after all. 

“So game plan for today, we are going to raid Hope’s closet because nothing in ours screams first date worthy.”, Lizzie announces like a team leader planning out what everyone else is supposed to do.

Josie was about to agree and stand up from her bed to get ready but Penelope spoke up, making her sit still

“Lizzie, I think your sister should eat something first before you let her in to the full blown chaos of you trying to pick out something to wear for tonight.”, she suggests, exaggeration evident in her tone but with a hint of genuine concern that Hope doesn’t miss. 

Her best friend knew that this was one of those times where Penelope tries to cover up her caring side with insulting jokes. She knew her too well to not miss it and the fact that she’s showing it to other people makes Hope smile. 

“Yeah P’s right. You wouldn’t want someone on an empty stomach with hunger clouding her judgement and making her impatient to choose what you’ll be wearing for your first date with the man of your dreams, right?”, Hope backs up Penelope, matching the same exaggeration of her best friend.

“Right. Hope, you come with me. Penelope, go with Josie and make sure she eats something then join us after, okay? okay.”, the blonde twin says making the decision final, not even letting her sister talk. 

She grabs Hope’s arm and practically drags the amber haired girl with her outside of their room, leaving the two alone.

Penelope looks at Josie who’s still in bed and still using a pillow trying to hide her powerpuff girls shorts with an impish smile.

“So I guess, you’re stuck with me.”, the raven haired girl says with a playful wink.

_This is going to be a long day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nyenyenye you're stuck with me;) 
> 
> im excited for the next chapter woopwoop 
> 
> ..thoughts perhaps?:>
> 
> Thank you!! :)


	4. More Than You Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I just need to get it off of my chest yeah more than you know, yeah more than you know_   
>  _You should know that baby you’re the best yeah more than you know, yeah more than you know_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOPWOOP! this is a long update so let's get drunk!!!!

If walls could talk, Josie can’t relate. Ever since Hope and Lizzie left her with Penelope, she’s been silent, not really knowing how to get into a simple conversation with the raven haired girl without having the look that Penelope prides herself in noticing. She’s been too cautious of how her expressions betray her ever since Penelope had described what the look was. It was like walking on slippery ice, trying to balance herself with every step she took. And she hated having no control. She hated having to be extra careful with her own emotions because she was too used to just shutting them out.

“You can go ahead, you know.”, Josie manages to finally say casually as she picks out what to wear from her closet, hiding behind it’s doors so she can sound convincing without her expressions betraying her.

“Nah, I’d rather stay with you than have to go through more of Lizzie’s .. energetic.. self.”, the raven haired girl says, trying to use positive words but failing with her tone.

The brunette felt that tingling rush again. She finds it so unfair how Penelope can just blurt out words like that and be clueless to how it effects her, how Penelope can just exist and lay down on her bed but still look so perfect even in damn sweatpants. 

“Fine. I’ll just take a quick shower.”, she says without looking at Penelope again and heads for the door. 

“What? No invite?”, the raven haired girl teases. 

It was a good thing that Josie’s hand was on the doorknob because she swears she felt her head lighten and her tummy go on loops making her feel like she was about to fall to the ground. Probably because she was hungry and weak, _right?_

“Gosh, Saltzman. I’m kidding. I’ll just sit here and do nothing else.”, the girl in the bed adds. 

“I mean.. unless?”

“You are unbelievable, Park.”, the brunette scoffed and headed out of her own room.

Penelope just laid down on Josie’s bed until boredom took over just minutes after Josie left the room to shower. 

She noticed how the air around her smelled like an earthy, floral but also sweet scent. A scent that comforts her, and eases her mind. It takes her back to her bathroom at home where she’d hide from everything. It was her safe space. She can almost feel the cool tiles too and the silence that echoes. It’s awful how much a simple scent can just bring back a memory. 

_Lavender._

She found a couple of scented candles on one of the shelves beside Josie’s bed but what caught her interest the most was a framed picture of a man in the middle of two little girls, a blonde and a brunette with their pajamas on. They were seated on a couch while the man, who Penelope is assuming to be their father, is reading a storybook for them.

They looked cozy, and most of all.. happy. 

She’s seen the girls smile, it’s the first thing that greeted her and Hope when they arrived which gave her the impression they only thought of positivity and were blind to realistic things. It’s what made her think that they were trying to embody the word perfect. 

But none of those smiles ever came close to the ones they had in this picture. It was a genuinely sweet smile filled with innocence and warmth. Far from what she’s seen in real life. 

Penelope couldn’t help but smile with the sight of Josie in her ice cream pajamas. She was about to take a picture of the little brunette as revenge for taking a pic of her yesterday and making fun of her, revenge only and nothing more. But as if on cue, the door opened and Josie entered in a bathrobe with her hair dripping wet, so Penelope failed in taking the picture which made her groan.

“I couldn’t change in the girl’s bathroom, it’s filled with students getting ready for the party tonight.”, she mentions as she puts her bathroom basket underneath her bedside table. 

Penelope shrugs and her nose scrunches as she suggests, “Well, then change here.”

Josie’s eyes narrow and crosses her arms in an attempt to look threatening but all that she earned from the raven haired girl standing on the other side of the bed was an eye roll. 

“Relax, Saltzman. I know you’re wearing underwear underneath. I mean, who would walk down those halls filled with teenagers butt naked under a robe, right? And I swear I’ll be facing the wall the entire time. ”, she explains. 

The brunette can’t help but blush at their topic right now, but the girl still felt uncomfortable being naked within the vicinity of Penelope Park. Even if she was wearing underwear. But where else would she go to change?

“Okay but you have to be blindfolded.”, she says as she brings out one of her shirts from her drawer. 

“Kinky.”, the shorter girl mutters and chuckles.

It was Josie’s turn to roll her eyes and that just made Penelope laugh even more. 

After Penelope finished tying the shirt around her head to cover her eyes, Josie had to make sure she was completely blinded so she tied another layer using one of her sweaters. Then, she guided Penelope to the corner of the room with the furthest distance from where she’ll put on her clothes. 

But blinding her didn’t mean she’d shut up so as Josie was changing into her clothes, Penelope continued to tease the brunette even more and Josie didn’t know why she even entertained her comments. 

“Honestly, Saltzman I don’t know why you have to blind me. It’s not like I’m trying to get you into bed or something.”

“Your words say otherwise, Park.”

“I’ve gotta say, I think you calling me Park is kinda hot.”, the girl in the corner says.

And once again, their topic is sending her stomach to go on loops like she’s on a rollercoaster. Josie didn’t need to look at the girl’s face, that was being partly blocked by her clothes, to know that Penelope had a smug look on her face.

“So do you blind people when you actually get them into bed?”, she says jokingly but then she feels a pillow hit her shoulder. 

“You can stop with your not-trying-to-get-me-into-bed comments and turn around now. I’m done.”, Josie says trying to sound smug.

Penelope finally took off the two pieces of clothing wrapped around her head and fixed her hair raven waves. And when she turned over to the brunette, her whole body stiffened at the sight of Josie in a black tube top (also showing off her tones abs) under a white blazer, paired with black Adidas track pants and white sneakers. 

To say that she looked beautiful was an understatement. Penelope could only come up with a few words and this was a first for her. Usually, she’d be the one leaving people speechless. 

“Damn, Saltzman.”, she only manages to say as she looks at the taller girl across the room from head to toe, not even trying to hide her checking Josie out. 

With the reaction she got from the raven haired girl, Josie was proud of herself. It was her turn to have a smug look on her face knowing she caught Penelope’s attention with how she looked, which was a first for her too. Never in her entire 16 years of existence did she ever try to look good for someone else. She stood her ground with her ‘dress for yourself’ mindset too much.

But once Penelope notices that Josie was too proud of herself with how she looked at the brunette, she gathered all the confidence back and said, “I may be the one shooting flirty comments here, Saltzman. But I think actions speak louder than words.”

_Did she just say I’m the one trying to get her into bed?_

As if reading her mind, Penelope winks at her. The flirty wink that makes Josie’s knees weak. 

“I’m too hungry to do this with you right now, Park. Let’s go.”, the taller girl says trying to end the conversation about who wants to go into bed with who. 

“Do what with m-“, Penelope gets cut off when Josie grabs her by the arm and practically drags her out of her room and into the hallways. 

“I know I’m shorter than you, but grab me one more time and I swear I’ll-“, the shorter girl says in a threatening tone as they walk side by side on the way to the kitchen. 

She had that dark scary look in her eyes again that just made Josie want to push her even more like last time. It’s like being attracted to a flame and still inching closer, fully knowing you can get hurt. 

“You’ll what?”, the brunette mocks her threat. 

As soon as she the words left her mouth, Penelope stopped walking. And right at that moment, Josie just wanted to run to the kitchen as fast as she could. Considering she had longer legs than the girl she was trying to run away from, she might be able to hide from the terrifying, yet alluring, girl beside her. 

Penelope stopped and looked around them to see if there were any students around them. Luckily, it was the part of the halls where the classrooms were so nobody was here. And as soon as she realized that, she pinned Josie against the wall, trapping the taller girl in between her arms and her face was alarmingly close to the brunette that their noses were just inches apart. 

Josie was flustered, her whole body stiffened. The exact same thing happened when she messed with Penelope yesterday, only this time it wasn’t an accidental fall. She is literally being pinned to a wall by the raven haired girl and she looked at her with an intense stare that she doesn’t even dare break. 

Luckily, Penelope is the first one to look away and it would’ve been helpful for her but she moved her eyes lower to the brunette’s pink lips. And Josie would be blind to miss how the girl in front of her right now bit her own lower lip. 

Before fully losing control, Josie tried to breathe in enough oxygen to finally get her brain thinking straight again, but only fails when she gets a whiff of Penelope’s sweet strawberry scent. 

“I still don’t get what you’re getting at, Park. What would you do exactly if I messed with you again?”, she finally manages to say, breaking their intense staring competition and acting like whatever the raven haired girl did has nothing on her. 

Penelope raised her eyebrows as if sarcastically saying _Oh really?_

“If you could, can you just spit it out. I’m really hungry.”, Josie adds, acting dumb and innocent. 

Penelope couldn’t help but laugh as she finally puts her hands down, releasing Josie from her cage. She was amazed at how well the brunette stood her ground and she hasn’t met anyone that didn’t fall for her enticements. 

“You’re something else, Saltzman. I’ll give you that.”, she says and walks away, Josie (still stunned) following a few steps behind her. 

When they reached the kitchen, there were still a few of the kitchen staff that were available to make Josie’s food but the brunette insisted that they take their break and that she can manage. This made Penelope smile at Josie’s thoughtfulness and not using her privilege of being the heir to the school to boss people around. As if she was a fortune teller, Penelope could already see the girl being a compassionate headmistress. Much like the warmth that Caroline welcomed Penelope with. 

Genuine kindness was hard to come by in Penelope’s world because each act of kindness came with an expected reward. It’s the kindness that she was only able to see in books, movies, strangers in the streets. So to see these little gestures would amaze her at how small she really knew about the world.

Penelope just watched Josie from the stool by the counter as the brunette cracked a couple of eggs into a frying pan and placing a few strips of bacon on a separate pan. Though a simple task, she looked like she knew what she was doing, like she’s done this more than twice in her life and Penelope couldn’t relate because she’s used to people doing these kinds of things for her. All she had to do was wait on a table for her food to come, she never really cared what happens in the behind the scenes of it all. 

Maybe Penelope didn’t notice she spaced out because the brunette was already eating her meal in front of her and like her first night here, she nudged a plate with toast with sliced avocado. She definitely spaced out because she didn’t even notice the girl was whipping up something for her to eat too. 

The thoughtfulness of the brunette made her smile. She wasn’t used to seeing kindness, and she wasn’t used to receiving kindness even more. 

“Thank you”, she genuinely says, showing her appreciation. 

Once again, they shared a meal in the same kitchen counter from Penelope’s first night where she failed at making a sandwich and ended up with the girl in front of her making her one. But unlike last time, they don’t eat in silence. In fact, it’s the complete opposite of that. 

Josie finds Penelope to be just as talkative as Lizzie. Okay, maybe not as talkative as her twin, but she really had a lot to say. Especially on the topic of women oppression. 

“There’s economic discrimination where women earn way less than men. And politics, women had to fight for decades for their right to vote and run for office. But even those that succeeded in their fight for a seat in office needed to adhere to the male-dominated political system. And there’s literature where women are frequently portrayed as the damsel in distress, needing a knight in shining armor or a prince charming to come and save the day or they are just put to the storyline as a love interest to use in the character development of a male lead. And that’s just half a page on how women have been oppressed throughout time.”, the raven haired girl says, sounding so passionate and infuriated at the same time. 

Josie was just listening to every word that Penelope spoke and she just saw how much fire the girl had and yes, seeing this version of Penelope did make her feel things. But, what she thought of at that moment was how much she agrees with the girl in front of her who rambled on about how we live in a patriarchal society that reinforces women oppression. 

“And it still happens until now, women being treated as property by men. Like, they’ll expect women to do the chores, serve them food, and all that. It’s the little things too that people don’t really notice.”, Josie adds on Penelope’s thought. 

“Exactly!”, she whooped in agreement. 

Penelope found talking to the brunette enlivening. There was no dead moment or awkward air between them and she found comfort in Josie’s presence that she never really had with anyone else and she never really showed this side to anyone other than her grandfather and her best friend. Through this small afternoon snack and shared opinions, she thought that this was something special and she’s thankful she has more than one person to feel safe with. Especially that she’s going to be here for a long time. 

“So do you have a Rafael in your life?”, Penelope asks, trying to sound casual and not too curious. 

“Nope”, Josie answers, popping the P sound.

“I mean, I’d go on dates when someone would ask me but I never really put in effort.”, she adds.

Of course, she tries her best to sound like she does put herself out there and doesn’t shut anyone out to leave a window open if ever whatever her attraction for this girl turns into something else. But who was she kidding? She never puts herself out there. Not relationship wise, at least. 

“Oh so you’re a player? Just in it for the thrill?”, the raven haired girl jokingly asks as she bring both their plates to the sink when she notices that they were both done eating. 

“No, not really. I just don’t want to get hurt again.”, Josie blurts out. 

Even she was surprised with what she just allowed herself to say. It’s like they just slipped out of her mouth with no filter, not even trying to hide how she really felt. She felt so exposed, far from the way she was when Penelope saw her in her powerpuff girls shorts this morning. It felt like being under a microscope, eyes studying her every move that just made her feel too conscious of all her shattered pieces. 

Josie looked at Penelope with a dead stare that held fear, confusion, panic, and she didn’t like how she felt but what bothered her the most was what was going through the raven haired girl’s mind.

But all Penelope did was send her a smile, one that was reassuring. Like calming the tidal wave of emotions she was feeling. There was no judgement or pity in her eyes, just an understanding one. Suddenly, she felt safe being this exposed in the girl’s presence. 

“Well, whoever ends up hurting you again will have to face me. I’ll hurt them.”, the shorter girl assured, like she had so much power backing her up. (and she really did)

Josie just laughed lightly at Penelope’s protective look. But honestly, it made her feel lighter. She was used to taking care of herself. Being independent is one of the things she prides herself with. It’s how she’s lived her life since.. well, since she had to. 

“Thanks, Park. But I think I can handle myself.”, Josie says as she gets off of her stool and walks over to the door leading out of the kitchen, waiting for Penelope to follow her.

“Oh I know you can. I just want to.”, she replies and walks past the brunette on the way out and heads back to her room where Lizzie and Hope are.

Josie follows shortly behind her, still trying to process what Penelope meant. She tried not putting any more meaning behind the girl’s words, but of course it made her feel things. It made her think that Penelope grew to care for her.

And Penelope did. Maybe, in a way that they both didn’t know or won’t admit. 

They reached the best friends’ room and as soon as Penelope opened the door, her jaw dropped. Not at the sight of Lizzie looking stunning in the outfit she finally chose, but at the fact that the blonde was wearing her clothes.

Her navy blue Chanel jumper dress, and her Givenchy black leather thigh booths. 

“Lizzie you look hot!!!!”, Josie squealed as soon as she saw her sister’s look for tonight. She and Penelope entered the room, but the other girl didn’t look pleased at all. 

“Penelope, I hope you don’t mind.. But your wardrobe called to me, you just have way better taste than Hope.”, the blonde says, praising Penelope in an attempt to let her borrow her clothes. 

“P, I swear I didn’t open your closet. I even told her not to. My hands are clean!”, Hope tries explaining because she knew how her best friend didn’t like other people touching her things. Especially without her permission or without her knowing. 

“Those are… your clothes?”, the amused look on Josie’s face fell into a bitter one. Penelope didn’t bother replying to the other two girls, and her dead stare for Lizzie lightened when her eyes met Josie’s brown doe eyes that spoke so softly but loud with discontent. 

She just wonders why. 

Something about how Josie looked at her and spoke cleared her mind that was starting to blur with frustration. Like windshield wipers in a rainy drive that makes everything clearer, … safer.

“Fine. Just don’t ruin it.”, Penelope says, giving Lizzie permission to use her stuff. 

She rolls her eyes when the blonde squealed in excitement, while Hope looked shocked because she rarely lets anyone touch, much less use her stuff. Not because she’s selfish, but because there’s a whole story behind why. 

The four girls spent the rest of the afternoon in the best friends’ room. Hope helping Lizzie with her make up, and Lizzie picking out Hope’s outfit as a half apology for mocking her taste in clothes awhile ago. As the two girls prepped, they would subtly look at the other two girls who were on the floor binge watching Gossip Girl on Penelope’s laptop. 

“Why do you think they took so long?”, Hope asks the blonde, whispering so the two won’t hear.

“Hope, may I remind you that Josie is my sister and whatever canoodling she does is none of my business.”, Lizzie says as she applies a generous amount of lipgloss on her lips.

“What? No that’s not what I meant.. I mean, Penelope isn’t talkative with people she just met. So I’m just curious to what they did in the whole three hours that they were alone.”, she clarifies.

“…and really? Canoodling? Who still uses that word?”, she adds, mocking the blonde’s choice of words.

“I do. And it looks like the two over there are close to it.”

Hope switches her attention at the two girls who were shoulder to shoulder close right now. They weren’t talking, both were too fixated on what they were watching. 

Josie has been awfully quiet since they arrived. Well, since she found out Lizzie was wearing Penelope’s clothes. She felt… jealous. And she knew it was an ugly feeling but she just couldn’t help it, it’s what she felt. She didn’t even notice how close the raven haired girl was to her because she was too busy drowning in her thoughts again. 

The brunette would occasionally gush over Nate to make it seem like her mind wasn’t elsewhere. But Penelope noticed how she died down since they got here and it’s making her think too, and normally, she doesn’t bother figuring out why someone turns quiet. She wasn’t paying much attention to what they were watching too, she’d just stare at the screen to avoid trying to read the girl’s face, trying not to be too obvious. 

They stayed like that for a little while until they hear a knock on the door, Lizzie rushing to it. When she opened it, Raf appeared but behind him was a shorter guy. He had curly black hair, deep set eyes that burn a bright green color and a wide smile with the look of an optimist. 

“Hey Lizzie, I hope you don’t mind but I brought my friend, he studies at Mystic Fall High.”, the tall athlete says with his deep voice. 

The blonde smiled at Raf and acknowledged his friend’s presence by shaking his hand, a warm one that she skilled herself with when meeting new people since she’s part of the school’s welcoming committee that’s composed of her and Josie.

“Landon.”, he introduced himself warmly to Lizzie and waves at everyone else inside the room. 

“Let’s go?”, Lizzie asks everyone. 

“Yeah we’ll follow behind you.”, Hope says, shooting a wink at Lizzie. 

The two walked out of the room, Landon was about to follow right behind them until Hope grabbed him by his shoulder to pull him away from them. 

“I think you should stay with us. You know? Give them some alone time.”, the amber haired girl suggests. 

“I’m Hope, by the way.”, she also puts her hand out for the curly haired guy to shake. She gives him a wide smile that makes her eyes narrow.

Landon looks stunned, unable to speak or move. Too amazed at how beautiful the amber haired girl in front of her is. 

“Landon. Landon Kirby.”, he introduces himself once again, and shakes yet another hand.

“This is Josie, Lizzie’s sister.”, Hope points at Josie who is watching them interact like two puppies, totally finding them adorable together and she doesn’t bother to hide it. 

“And the girl who is awfully close beside her is Penelope, my best friend and room mate.”,she adds, purposely making Josie conscious because she just knew what the girl was thinking of them. 

The raven haired girl just rolls her eyes at Hope’s teasing, that was obviously meant for the brunette but she still felt attacked. She shuts down her laptop, places it on her bed and offers Josie her hand to help her up that of course, brings back the tingling feeling. It’s always something that Penelope says or does that gives her that feeling, that makes her feel some type of way.

“Come on I wanna see how you Salvatore kids throw a party.”, Penelope says and heads out the door, pulling Josie away with her.

The four of them walk to the Old Mill with Josie leading of course. Penelope and Josie walked beside each other while Hope and Landon just followed behind them, also beside each other. The two were getting acquainted and Hope found him charming. He was goofy, and not trying to act all smart. A breather from the ones that try to get her attention back at home. 

Meanwhile, the two girls in front were still both silent and neither of them knew why. The shorter girl would occasionally glance at the girl beside her but found eyes that were deep in thought, and the smile that she’d normally see wasn’t there. Instead, it was a frown. 

Finally, they arrived at the Old Mill. It was a few minutes deep into the forest of trees behind the school. It looked like a two-storey, big old wooden house that students go to so for an escape from their troubled lives of being prim and proper boarding school students and turn into reckless teenagers.

And reckless teenagers they were. 

Loud music blasted from wherever the speakers were, color changing lights going with the beat, and a big bonfire set on the middle of the grounds just in front of the old wooden house. And the whole place was scattered with students that were sipping cheep bear from a red cup, dancing to whatever song was playing. 

Inside, there were tables and chairs set aside, and a set up for beerpong on each corner of the room. In the middle end was a long table where all the chips and drinks were. Thankfully, they weren’t just serving cheep beer from a keg. They also had a decent selection of hard alcoholic drinks and a few bottles of different soft drinks.

When they arrived, everyone they passed by greeted Josie with a warm smile. Some even tried making short conversations with her as Penelope just stood beside her. Like the devil watching over her shoulder. 

They made their way inside the house and easily spotted Lizzie and her date, they were standing by the stairs leading to the second floor. They weren’t talking, they barely even made any eye contact. So as soon as the blonde spotted her friends and Landon, she waved her hands telling them to approach her. 

“Josie!! Come with me outside”, Lizzie exclaimed as soon as she sees her sister and pulls her away from everyone else. Josie just smiles at everyone looking at the both of them with curious eyes.

“Lizzie what’s wrong??”, she asks with a worried tone.

They were now outside the house, in front of the bonfire. The music, still playing loudly in the background, allowed them to speak without the fear of anyone else hearing them. Lizzie had a panic look written all over her face and she kept on fidgeting with her hands that just made Josie worry more.

“It’s so awkward! I mean- we were still okay on the way here but I just had to mention his dead ex-girlfriend then he fell silent and now I don’t know what to do. I’ve been waiting for a chance like this with him since forever and I just blew it I don’t know what to do-“, she finally let out. 

Josie just grabs her shoulders and looks at her sister in the eye, connecting and calling out for her to calm down. She inhales a deep breath and Lizzie follows her breathing, they synchronize their breaths and it calmed Lizzie down. Allowing her to breathe got a better grip of herself and it allowed herself to be open to whatever Josie was going to tell her. 

“Listen, Lizzie. Obviously, you touched a sensitive topic and crossed a line. But you should show him that you’re here to listen when he’s ready to talk about it. Lighten the mood and just reassure him.”, the brunette advises, still keeping eye contact with her twin to get her message across effectively. 

“The night is still young, your date isn’t over yet.”, she assures her in a comforting tone with a warm smile that automatically brings the optimism and joy back into Lizzie’s eyes. Her tense shoulders loosen up and her frown turns into a bright smile, thanking her twin. 

“And Lizzie, you look hot tonight. Penelope’s clothes suits you.”, the brunette compliments her sister to boost her confidence even more. But her twin doesn’t miss the smallest hint of bitterness and jealousy in her tone when she mentions that she was wearing the raven haired girl’s clothes. 

“Ohhh is that why you were quiet in the room awhile ago?”, the blonde realizes then immediately smiles, a playful one that makes the brunette pout because she knew where this was going. 

“Jo, it’s just clothes. Trust me, I have no plans on stealing your girl.”, her sister says as she pulls Josie back inside, not even allowing her to defend her dignity. 

The twins head back to their friends and Lizzie was in a noticeably better state than she was awhile ago. She had the confidence and energetic vibe back so she pulls the athlete away from everyone and disappear into the crowd of drunk teenagers.

“Well, I guess it’s just us four.”, Landon says, looking at Hope, Penelope and Josie. 

But Penelope, being Hope’s best friend slash wingwoman, wasn’t blind to see how her best friend looked at Landon and how they both shared a connection. So of course, she did what any good friend would. 

“Um I think I’m gonna whip up something to drink. Josie, you want something? Okay great come with me.”, she quickly says as she walks further away from the two, pulling Josie away with her and not letting her best friend say anything. 

So by now, their big group were divided into pairs. 

Lizzie and Raf were on their first date.

Hope and Landon were getting to know each other.

While Penelope and Josie were just… spending more time together. 

But of course, the brunette was still silent. She just watched as she mixed a generous amount of rum with coke into a red cup with ice, and poured just coke into another one. With a big smile, a smile that made her look like a turtle that Josie naturally finds cute, she offers it to the shorter girl which she accepts.

“Here. To whatever is bothering you, may you forget about it tonight.”, she proclaimed like a toast, lightly hitting her cup with Josie’s and they both took a sip of their drink. Well, Penelope did. Josie just drank everything all in one go, thirsty for something to justify whatever this night might lead to because she just knew that her and alcohol plus Penelope is just a mess in the making.

“Woah easy tiger.”, the raven haired girl grabs the now empty cup from Josie. For a moment, she hesitated if she should still make another one for her but Josie watched as how she made it the first time so the brunette took the liberty of fixing one for herself. Only this time, she poured a bit too much rum and less coke so when she took a sip from what she just made, she made a disgusted look. Suffering from the liquor’s burn in her throat, she forced herself to swallow it.

The whole sight of Josie trying to act like she’s used to drinking alcohol and fail miserably with her suffering look just made Penelope laugh, a laugh that the brunette’s ears easily catches amongst the heavy beat of music and chattering around her.

“Let me make your drinks for you from now on. Okay?”, the girl says still laughing as she fixes yet another drink for Josie. 

The brunette felt heat all over her cheeks, and then it spread all over her face like wildfire. She just wasn’t sure if it were Penelope’s offering to be her own personal bartender or the effects of alcohol she just downed like water. 

Her bartender for the night hands her over the cup, but of course not before making her promise that this time she won’t drink it all in one go. 

With their drinks in hand, they headed out of the wooden house to join the students around the bonfire. It was less wild out here compared to the cramped space filled with drunk teenagers inside. The music still covered this area but everything just seemed quieter, more at ease, and more breathable. 

The moon chaperoned the students that night, illuminating its light over everyone just bursting out with energy like firecrackers on the ground that breaks the serenity and stillness of the evening air. They were like wolves howling, fireflies dancing, animals that feast and bask in moonlight and everything else that comes alive in the night. 

Everyone in this party were on the front line, vulnerable to temptations and making bad decisions. Especially with the magic of alcohol, someone was bound to slip. And it surely was someone who had more than a sip of alcohol.

Penelope and Josie were seated in one of the tree logs in front of the big bonfire. They stared at the fire like it was something so captivating. Flames dancing and going to directions no one can predict, sparks suddenly appearing around it but it just stays isolated in it’s own space. It doesn’t spread around and cause damage to anything else, it sits there patiently waiting for more twigs or fuel to keep it alive but it can never really do any harm if no one goes near enough to get burned. 

“Park, can I ask you something?”, Josie asks, still not breaking her stare from the burning orange hue of the fire.

“Shoot.”

“I know why Hope ended up in this school but why did you?”

The raven haired girl found this question all too familiar and yet at the same time, nobody dared to even ask her. It was a basic question that schools would like to ask in interviews, why did you pick this school?

“I wasn’t given much of a choice.”, she answers plainly.

“So you were forced into going to this school?”, curiosity strikes in the brunette’s eyes because she didn’t really expect the girl’s answer to be like this.

“I was forced into a system.”, she says sternly, clarifying what she meant in a way that shows she was aware of what she was saying. 

“I mean, yes education is necessary. Learning is part of life and all that. What I mean is, I was forced to learning in a way that I don’t find effective. Though I find teaching a noble profession, I just think that sitting down and listening to an authority lecture on in a room that makes you feel so small is not the way I want to learn.”, she continues.

In her world, decisions are made for the young ones that adults think are too naive to have a say in their education, in their future, their life. But it would be one thing to have the ability to decide taken away from you, and another to be forced into something you are against. 

In Penelope’s case, she was forced to take her studies way too seriously than she wanted to. She felt like she was being forced into a system that prioritizes the measurement of one’s capability to succeed than the actual learning. She values her freedom from the norms, things that are supposedly expected to be achieved at a certain period in your life like receiving a diploma, getting married before your 30, and settling down. She isn’t fond of the thought of having your life planned out at an early age when you haven’t seen what life has to offer. It’s like putting in your bet in a game without knowing what the game really is about.

“Oh I get it, like you want to learn through seeing things for yourself, and having experience as your teacher.”, Josie comments, trying to understand what Penelope was saying. She truly admired how the girl’s mind worked. It was something she wasn’t used to but it was a fresh perspective on life that pushed her to think bigger.

“So that’s why you despise girls like me. Girls who reach to hard for achievements in a system you aren’t fond of?”, she adds in a joking way.

“Girls who act perfect and don’t stay true to themselves, actually. But yeah, that too.”, the raven haired girl corrects her.

Josie read too much into what she said, about her assumptions on her when they first met. 

“Is that what you really think of me?”, she gets the bravery to ask Penelope.

“Thought. Past tense. But you’re something else, Saltzman.”, she says with an apologetic and yet reassuring smile. 

Suddenly, Josie is taken back to when Penelope pinned her to the wall this morning and it taking her everything to not fall into the shorter girl’s allure. She said the exact same thing, and it sent the exact same twisting feeling. 

She felt her cheeks heat up again, and she knew it wasn’t because of the alcohol or the heat of the open flame in front of them. Trying to hide her blushing cheeks, she stood up and drank the rest of her cup, emptying it until the last drop. 

“Cup’s empty. Let’s get a refill?”, she kindly asks Penelope who just rolled her eyes and grabbed the girl’s cup. 

They headed back inside to where the drinks were, but by this time almost half of the students were already drunk. The whole area turned into a dance floor, and the color changing lights just made everything even more lively. 

All the movement and blinding lights allowed Josie to feel the effects of the alcohol. She was starting to sway to the beat of the music, and when Penelope gave her drink, she had the biggest smile on her face. 

And just like that, the thoughts in her head that kept running like a machine stopped. The wires keeping her from going lose just disconnected, and all she thought about was wanting to have fun. To be wild and free with the shorter girl in front of her sipping from a red cup. To have one night filled with bad decisions that she knows she’ll regret in the morning. 

It was a start to a new song, and Penelope seemed to love this because she immediately grabbed Josie to the dance floor. Swaying, hands in the air, letting her raven waves just fall perfectly, the disco lights making this moment seem like something from a movie. And she wasn’t just someone watching from the seats, she was in the scene.

_(I just need to get it off of my chest yeah more than you know, yeah more than you know  
You should know that baby you’re the best yeah more than you know, yeah more than you know)_

The floor felt like it was vibrating with life when everyone started jumping to the beat drop, and everyone in the room just melted with the music. She looked around the room, some were grinding on each other, some were in a circle and hyping up someone dancing without a care in the world, and everyone just seemed to be having a good time.

Then her brown eyes met ocean green ones, and staring at those eyes pulled her closer to the raven haired girl pointing at her and playfully pulling the air as if there were a rope tied to the brunette. And with everyone moving around, there was little space for her to put for safety. 

But her intoxicated mind said, _fuck safety._

It’s like the music lifted the gravity keeping her grounded, like flying on cloud nine and she had no plans of going back down. She chugged the rest of her drink which just sealed the deal, to have one reckless night filled with bad decisions.

The two girls were awfully close, foreheads almost touching and their eyes just locked into each other’s stare. Everything else in the background blurred for Josie and all she could see was the raven haired girl in front of her dancing under all these colorful lights, burning the brightest of them all. 

Everything turned into slow motion and and they were living in the moment. Both girls just basked in living in the existence of each other, keeping this moment as a souvenir for a friendship they both cherish.

Penelope watched as Josie looked so free, her hair just bouncing as she jumps with the beat. She had so much life in her eyes, and maybe it was the alcohol that made them brighter but she just looks so beautiful when she puts her guard down. She was glowing, and it wasn’t just the lights or the stars that shined entrancingly that night. 

The raven haired girl was used to environments like these. The loud music, the smell of alcohol lingering in the evening air filled with people, and the close contact that made up for her being left alone in her empty room. 

Well, she was _too_ used to it.

Penelope rarely felt shame or guilt but when Josie asked her why she ended up going to school here, she was taken back to those drunken nights with camera flashes following her to her car and those nights wherein she just didn’t know nor care where she was going to end up in the morning. And there were even nights where alcohol stole time from her and she was just left with blackouts, no memory of what happened. 

She takes in this honest image and is so against in hiding who you really are, but she just didn’t want to find out what Josie would think of her if she knew. She was here for a fresh start anyway and that meant putting everything behind her, _right?_

But this night, she had control. She didn’t lose herself, and not one sip of alcohol went through her lips. Alcohol used to be her best friend in nights like these, but she found something else to keep her occupied. Someone to distract her from the evil temptations the night had for her.

She didn’t feel lonely with the brunette’s company. 

They both danced the nights away, and when Penelope cut her off from drinking because she was already too wasted, she started mixing her own. Not caring if what she made tasted like pure alcohol, and there were times that it almost was. 

Josie never gets drunk and apparently, she’s the noisy adventurous drunk that you need to keep an eye on to not lose her. But she was lucky to have someone taking care of her that night, following her around like a lost pet, and trying to make her drink water as much as she can. 

When Penelope decided it was time for them to leave the party, she almost had to carry the taller girl away from everyone else. She texted Lizzie and Hope that they were already leaving even though it was just half past 12, mentioning that Josie had a little too much to drink and that she’d take care of it.

On their way back to the school, (thankfully) Penelope didn’t have to carry Josie but she did have to put the girl’s arm around her shoulders and support her waist. They were practically walking in zigzags, the shorter girl was struggling to keep the balance for them both. Only Josie wasn’t as talkative as she was awhile ago. In fact as they walked, she was giving the raven haired girl the cold shoulder, obviously frustrated that she was taken away from the party too early. She felt like a kid with a curfew, not being allowed to party with the cooler kids. 

Penelope just rolled her eyes at how childish the brunette was being. Not gonna lie though, she did find Josie being like this annoyingly cute even though she was giving her a really hard time helping her walk. 

“Saltzman, you’re drunk.”, she breaks the silence and points out the obvious while lightly nudging the brunette, trying to get her to talk to keep her awake but also to keep Penelope entertained as they make their way to their dorms.

“I’m noooot druuuunk. I want to go back! I’m just a little bit tipsy, that’s all.”, the drunk girl tried to argue but her current state said otherwise. 

“And youu! You are ..”, she tries to get words out of her mouth but instead, she pushes herself from Penelope and quickly hides behind a tree to puke. But Penelope acted quick and pulled her hair and lightly patted her back as the brunette struggled to keep the food she ate inside her. 

After vomiting the only thing she ate today, she stopped trying to go back to the party and willingly went back to their rooms. Of course, with Penelope supporting her on their way.

“Paarkk!”, her eyes widen in shock with a sudden realization.

The shorter girl, still supporting her balance, looked at her with confusion in her eyes.

“I don’t have my keys. I forgot Lizzie and I weren’t going back from the party together, I got used to her having the keys… I’m sorry.”, her drunk self rambled on, apologizing too. 

“It’s fine. You can sleep in my room, Hope will probably just sleep in the kitchen or one of the classrooms here.”, she jokes, trying to lighten the mood because she saw how guilty the brunette felt with the trouble she caused for the raven haired girl tonight. 

“Noooo she can just sleep in my room with Lizzie!”, drunk Josie suggests and to which Penelope agreed.

When the two girls finally arrive in the best friends’ room, Penelope put her down slowly in her own bed. Removing the girl’s shoes, moving the laptop they used awhile ago to her bedside table, and fluffing up the pillows to make sure Josie is comfortable. 

“Where are you gonna sleep?”, the drunk girl asks, looking around the dark room for Penelope as she realizes she was put into her bed.

“I’ll sleep in Hope’s bed, don’t worry.”, she assures the brunette.

“Okay but can you stay here with me first? I had a nightmare last night and I’m scared.”, she pouts and looks at Penelope with her doe eyes with a pleading look like a child scared to be left alone in the dark. 

“But you have to change your top, you just vomited awhile ago.”, the raven haired girl says as she takes out one of her oversized hoodies from her closet. 

Without warning, Josie takes off her blazer, exposing more skin that illuminated under the moonlight. Penelope immediately turns around for a short while to give the girl some privacy as she removes her top and puts on her hoodie that made her look so cuddly and warm. 

“Yaaay I’m borrowing your clothes now too! For a second there, I got jealous that you lent your dress to Lizzie.”, she blurts out without shame. 

“You were jealous? Why would you be jealous?”, Penelope asks amused at how honest the brunette is being but also confused as to why.

“Because.”, she pouts when she notices how this can lead to Penelope making fun of her. 

“Because?”, she raises her eyebrows in question, waiting for an answer.

“BecauseHopeSaidYouDon’tLetJustAnyoneBorrowYourThingsAndMaybeIGotJealous”, Josie admits, mumbling underneath one of Penelope’s pillows to hide her embarrassed look.

The raven haired girl chuckled at how petty the brunette was being. Normally, she’d find this annoying and not at all endearing but Josie in her hoodie, hiding herself under her pillow like a child made Penelope feel wholesome. 

“But you’re wearing my hoodie, Saltzman.”, she points out as she sits down on the edge of her bed, pulling the pillow away from the brunette’s face, exposing a flustered look on the drunk girl.

“So you aren’t just anyone to me then.”, she softly says with her soothing voice as she catches Josie’s brown doe eyes, making sure she knows she meant every word.

It’s either the world was spinning or she was because Josie swears she felt like she was floating and she knows she couldn’t blame it on the alcohol anymore.

“You know, this is your bed too. We can share.”, she bravely says without thinking about how it can be interpreted by the raven haired girl. 

“I knew it! You wanted to get me into bed with you! I’m sorry, Saltzman but I don’t want to be blindfolded anymore I-“, the raven haired girl gets interrupted with Josie hitting her with her own pillow. 

“Well that’s not gonna get me into bed with you.”, Penelope pouts as she stands up, her turn to act like a child which she never does but she just wanted to annoy the drunk girl even more.

“Please?”, Josie mirrors her pout. 

It was already past one in the morning and they just looked like two idiotic children stalling time before falling asleep. But eventually, Penelope gave in and moved beside a still drunk Josie who still kept on talking like she still had so much energy despite the night she just had.

They were beside each other, a little too close because the beds were only really meant for one person. Their shoulders were touching, and they were both just staring at the ceiling above them as they drowned in conversations about what happened tonight. 

“I just think that drunk you is the real you.”, Penelope admits based on observation. 

“What do you mean by that?”

“You’re more free. You didn’t let anyone stop you from doing what you wanted.”, she explains.

“And you said that based on two days versus one night with alcohol?”, the brunette questions, feeling a bit better but it felt like the world was still spinning around her. 

“Alcohol makes people vulnerable. And it’s just what I saw tonight. But I’d really like to get to know you more, Saltzman.”

Penelope slightly tilts her head to look at Josie beside her who had her eyes closed, maybe drifting off to sleep already. The room was dark but moonlight invited itself through the big window beside her bed, it gave enough light for Penelope to study Josie’s facial features. 

The silence of the girl beside her just shows that she was already fast asleep so she doesn’t bother to say anything else and decides to leave her bed for Hope’s but at her smallest movement, Josie’s hand grabs her wrist as if telling her not to go anywhere.

And she didn’t.

She let her fall back down and closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to come too. 

“I’d like that too, Park.”, a half asleep, half drunk Josie replies to what she said earlier and turns over, her back now facing Penelope.

The two fall asleep with warm smiles on their faces and it’s the first time Josie fell asleep peacefully since the two best friends arrived without thoughts keeping her up until dawn. And it was the first time Penelope fell asleep without feeling the loneliness that haunts her until her sleep. 

_Silence lingered in the cool air of the night and they kept each other warm._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is More Than You Know by Axwell /\ Ingrosso
> 
> I hope this wasn't too long but maybe this is a turning point for them? 
> 
> ...thoughts perhaps?
> 
> Thank you!!:))


	5. The Poem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _But when this night ends, where do we go?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe say hi to some new/old characters in this chapter? :))

The sun screamed into the face of the brunette, louder than it usually was. Shifting and turning to the other side, her bed felt smaller and warmer. It was the sweet fragrance of strawberry and the lack of the familiar lavender scent that she normally wakes up to that makes her realize she wasn’t in her own bedroom, not in her own bed. 

Her brown doe eyes widened with the memory of what last night lead to, and was greeted by the sight of Penelope’s peacefully sleeping face just inches away from her. She could feel her steady breathing, and her short-lived panic died down. She mastered the sleeping girl’s face, memorizing the curves and high points of her face and the sunlight pushing past the window just made everything about her even more alluring.

The warmth of wearing the girl’s hoodie and waking up beside her felt like it was something taken from a Nicholas Sparks novel. Wherein hopeless romantics would dream of waking up to this kind of moment every single day for the rest of their lives. 

But this wasn’t that.

The throbbing headache came up to her, and it felt like her world was spinning. Like she was stuck on a rollercoaster ride with continuous loops. The sunlight that she had admired on the raven haired girl’s face became her worst enemy, her mouth felt dry and her stomach felt like it was going on rounds that any moment she could just puke. 

The smallest movement of discomfort from the brunette woke Penelope up, a worried look on the raven haired girl’s face when she sees Josie sitting up and massaging her temples.

“Wait here. I’ll get some water and medicine for your hangover.”, she groggily says with her raspy morning voice as she gets out of bed, still in the exact same outfit she wore last night. 

Josie just watches as Penelope walks out of her own room, rubbing her eyes and fixing her hair. She couldn’t help but feel a tad bit guilty for being too much of a trouble for the new girl, so she takes the liberty of finding her way out of her room to go back to her own.

Luckily, her walk of shame wasn’t witnessed by anyone since it was still early in the morning. But as she was just about to open her door, Hope comes out of it, leaving the brunette in a shock that just made her headache worsen. 

“Josie! Are you okay?”, she asks the brunette with a genuinely worried look as she holds her arms to support her balance. 

“Yeah it’s just my first stupid hangover. I’ll be fine.”, Josie answers with a reassuring look.

“Penelope texted me last night that you were sleeping over and I thought she’d take my bed. But when I came in late last night I saw you snuggled up to each other.”, the amber haired girl says as she brings Josie into the room and helps her lay down in her own bed.

“So why didn’t you sleep in your bed, then?”, she tries to deflect the topic of Hope seeing her and Penelope sleeping too comfortably together. 

“I don’t know, third wheeling isn’t really my thing…”, Hope teases with a shrug and a sly smirk.

It took all of Josie’s remaining strength to hit her with a pillow but it still came out weakly that made Hope burst out in laughter because of how flustered Josie looked despite her weak and pale state. 

The volume of her laughter woke the blonde girl sleeping in her own bed across them, making her groan in frustration. She looks up at them and immediately narrows her eyes when she sees her sister.

“Josette Saltzman, what the hell happened to you last night?”, she demanded in full detail of how her and Penelope’s night went as she sits up.

But before Lizzie could push her sister to narrate what happened, their door opened, revealing Penelope with a glass of water and a plate of French toast and some sliced up watermelon that she asked the kitchen staff to prepare. She still looked tired and sleepy but the sight of her immediately brought a smile on Josie’s face.

“Here, Saltzman. Try eating this, you might feel better after.”, she places the plate and the glass of water on her bed side table together with a couple of pills that Josie assumes is for her headache. 

Three pairs of eyes just stared at her in awe as she did this small gesture to help Josie feel better. Josie knew that Penelope went to the kitchen to get some water for her, but she didn’t expect a full breakfast in bed. Now, she just thinks of what would’ve happened if she just stayed in Penelope’s bed and patiently waited for her return. 

When the raven haired girl noticed the stares on her, she rolled her eyes and pulled Hope out of the room, leaving the twins still at a lost for words. 

It was only the loud slam on the door that pulled them both from their stunned expression, and Lizzie had a teasing smile on that Josie just rolled her eyes at. 

“Lizzie, she’s just being kind.”, she says, trying not to put more meaning into the raven haired girl’s actions. Or at least, trying not to show that she’s thinking of the same thing as her twin. 

“Please, Jo. That’s not just being kind.”, the blonde remarks. 

Lizzie grabs a piece of toast from Josie’s plate and shrugs, “Especially if it’s Penelope.”

She did have a point, though. Penelope didn’t know how to show kindness in small gestures, she grew up with kindness being donating thousands of dollars to charity or giving away clothes to the poor. So this was something that she did out of the most genuine and innocent parts of her. 

“By the way, mom says we have to be ready by 11, and it’s already 9 so as you finish your sweet breakfast prepared by your girl, I’ll be taking a shower.”, her twin added.

“What? Get ready for what?”, Josie asks confused.

“Have you forgotten? It’s Stefanie’s birthday? Lunch at the Mystic Grill?”

The brunette groans as she remembers. How could she forget? It became their annual tradition of spending time together as a family before school finally starts. The twins would be spending the whole day away from the school grounds as a breather to get them ready for a new academic year ahead.

But maybe she needed this space far away from a certain raven haired girl, and time for her to figure out whatever it was she felt or was starting to feel for Penelope. She could use this to clear her mind without being distracted by those green eyes and her electric touch.

“Right.”

Lizzie leaves their room, leaving a still hungover Josie to fend for herself. 

The brunette grabs the plate and takes a bite on the beautifully made french toast that Penelope took from the kitchen for her. It was sweet with the maple syrup instantly brushing her tongue, but the thought that Penelope got this for her made the whole thing taste even better. 

As soon as she finished her breakfast, she drank the glass of water and immediately felt better. But just to be sure the pain won’t come back in the middle of the day, she took the two pills that Penelope placed for her headache.

Josie went back to lay down with her thoughts in the only time she’ll have silence before Lizzie comes back from her shower to bombard her with questions about what exactly happened with her and Penelope last night. She closed her eyes and everything that she remembered replayed in her mind. From Lizzie pulling her away from everyone else, to Penelope not really subtly leaving her best friend with Landon, to her being Josie’s personal bartender, and their talk in front of the bonfire like they were the only ones there, their walk on the way back to the dorms, to their late night conversations. But what she remembered most vividly was the image of Penelope dancing in front of her, dangerously close. 

That image stuck with her and she kept in her mind like precious jewellery, afraid to misplace it. But the human mind can only remember so much, right? 

The brunette got off of her bed and pulled out one of her blank notebooks, grabbed a pen and sat on the floor. Sitting in silence and leaning her back on the edge of her bed, she stared at the clean paper in front of her, the memory of her dancing with Penelope in slow motion still fresh. The raven waves bouncing as she swayed, those ocean green eyes that called out to her, and Penelope’s warm skin terrifyingly close to her own. And so, she lets her hungover mind free, and allowed her pen to follow the flow of her thoughts.

_It’s an electrifying feeling_  
_That all these colored lights can’t match._

_A warm tender embrace_  
_That these sheets can’t imitate._

_It’s a rhythm only we can compose_  
_But when this night ends,_  
_Where do we go?_

As soon as she rereads the words written in ink, she tears the page off of her notebook and tosses it to their small paper bin in the corner of their room but of course her headache weakened her vision, making her miss her shot. Too lazy to even get up and throw it properly, she just lied down on their carpeted floors and closed her eyes to replay the events of last night like a TV show she can’t stop rewatching.

Lizzie returns to their room all dressed in a striped turtleneck and black ripped jeans, ready to interview her sister who she found half asleep in the middle of the floor. She rolls her eyes and walks over to her closet to put her old clothes in their laundry basket. Her blue eyes spot a piece of crumpled up paper on the floor near their bin so she picks it up without the brunette noticing.

She opens it up and the content of the paper in Josie’s handwriting makes her jaw drop and a broad smile forms in her face as she looks over to her sister still laying on the floor. But instead of waking her up to interrogate her about the poem she just wrote, she folds it neatly and keeps it in the back pocket of her jeans.

“Jo, you should shower. Maybe it’ll help you feel better and we need to be ready soon.”, the blonde insisted. She didn’t need to say it twice because Josie stood up and grabbed her things to take a shower.

While Josie got ready, she took Penelope’s boots that she borrowed last night from her closet and walked over to the best friends’ door, knocking for courtesy but lets herself in right away without waiting for any of the two girls.

“Here, Penelope. I’ll give back the dress after I take it to the dry cleaners.”, the blonde says as she puts down the boots by Penelope’s closet.

“It’s fine, you can keep it.”, the raven haired girl replies blankly as if she was just giving away candy.

“What? But that’s like, a really expensive dress.”, shock evident in Lizzie’s voice but the two best friends could see how her mood turned way brighter. 

“It’s fine, Lizzie. Keep it as a souvenir of your first date with Rafael”, she assures.

Speechless, the blonde just rushes over to Penelope, who is currently having coffee in bed, and hugs her as a thank you. This makes Hope chuckle because Penelope wasn’t fond of hugs, but she still hugged back to not seem snobbish. 

“By the way, Josie and I won’t be here for the whole day.”, Lizzie announces when she regains her composure. 

“It’s a family thing that we do every year before the school year starts.”, she adds.

“Mhm maybe Hope and I can just stay in and sleep the whole day. I’m still beat from last night anyways.”

“I wonder why..”, the blonde smirks and looks at Hope who also has the same teasing look on her face.

Penelope knowing that look, rolls her eyes and places her coffee mug on her bed side table then throws pillows at each of the two girls, making them both break into laughter with how defensive Penelope was being.

But she didn’t try to argue with her best friend and Lizzie’s teasing. She just didn’t say anything. Maybe because she didn’t know what she was supposed to say. Yesterday and last night just made her realize that Josie is someone special to her and she connected with the brunette in a way that she never did with anyone else besides Hope and her beloved grandfather. 

The three of them just talked about last night as Lizzie waited for her sister to finish getting ready so they can both meet up with their mom. The blonde, with so much joy in her voice, narrated everything that happened between her and the athlete. How he eventually opened up to her about his late ex, how they sneaked out of the party and spent their own alone time by the lake under the stars and they were just deep in conversation.

But she wasn’t the only one who had a magical night because Hope had some stories to share too about her night with Landon. As Hope went on about how comfortable she felt with him, Penelope had a smile on her face. She always knew how Hope wanted someone outside their world, far from the complications and issues that their family passed on to them. Which is why Hope never mentioned anything about her last name or her family with the thought that maybe just one night, she could be just Hope and not Hope Mikaelson, daughter of Klaus Mikaelson, future heir to most of the buildings in New York, New Orleans and anywhere else that her father built his empire. 

The two blue eyed girls were just gushing over their night while Penelope listened and didn’t even chime in to share something about her and Josie’s because she just knew that they’ll make it a big deal and that’s the last thing she wants right now. Drama. Especially when she’s here being forced to get her life together.

They hear a knock on the door and the two girls immediately push Penelope to open the door, fully knowing that it was going to be a certain brunette behind it. She just rolled her eyes and lazily gets out of her bed to open the door, and of course it was Josie with her bright smile. 

But there was something about that bright smile that seemed off in Penelope’s eyes. It almost looked forced, far from the one she watched and adored last night. 

“Lizzie we should go now. You know how mom doesn’t like coming up here to the dorms.”

She almost ignores Penelope’s presence, not letting her eyes land on the girl beside her by the door. She only acknowledges Hope with a wave, like a robot programmed to be as polite as possible. 

Lizzie follows her twin and hugs the two best friends a goodbye but as she leaned to hug Hope, she whispered something that made the amber haired girl nod in agreement to whatever the blonde said. 

The twins walk out the door leaving a confused raven haired girl and her best friend who looked like she already had her mind set on something that she needed to accomplish today.

“So what do you wanna do today, P?” 

“I don’t know, Hope.. I honestly just want to stay in and read a book and besides, I need more rest for our first day tomorrow.” 

Penelope grabs a book from her shelf and climbs back up to her bed and gets comfortable under her sheets. She opens the book and starts reading, but she could still feel her best friend’s stare from across the room. It felt heavy and she could almost hear the girl’s thoughts. So she puts down the book and faces Hope. 

“You’re thinking of something and you want to say it, so spill.” 

If there’s one thing that Penelope mastered in their friendship, it’s knowing when her best friend wants to say something but is pulling back. So it took Hope awhile before she spoke and Penelope patiently waited for her to gather up the courage to say what was in her mind, being cautious enough not to pressure her.

“What happened between you and Josie last night?”, she finally lets out like air that she’s been keeping in, too afraid to change the mood of their room.

As soon as Hope’s question broke free, the question she’s been dying to ask since she saw Penelope and Josie all cuddled up in her bed last night, instant regret washed on her face. Fear that this would make her best friend just put her walls up higher and that she’d just push Josie away to not make things a bigger deal than they should be.

But that look of regret is immediately replace with a startled expression when Penelope didn’t brush the topic off like she usually does. “I honestly don’t know what to say, Hope.”, she finally admits with the most innocent look of confusion on her face that her best friend has ever seen.

This just draws more curiosity for the amber haired best friend. Penelope was the girl who always knew her intentions, and does everything with a purpose. She could figure out her feelings quickly, never having doubt or regret in the things she does. So when she admitted that she had no idea what to say, this was a first. 

“Josie is great and I felt a connection with her.” And she didn’t lie. She really did feel a connection with Josie, or at least the version of her that she saw last night. With what she saw when she opened the door awhile ago, she came to the conclusion that there were different versions of the brunette.

“I like that I can feel comfortable with her, I can even let my guard down sometimes. She doesn’t make me want to run away and hide in a safe space because being with her feels like a safe space.” 

“So does she know why you ended up here?”

Penelope shook her head saying no, and a sad smile forms on her lips. It’s the last thing she’d want to share to someone that gives everything she can do be the spitting image of perfect. 

“What do I tell her? That I was sent here because I’m fucked up and that my parents wanted to hide me away from the public eye? And that I dragged your ass out here with me in exile?” Her voice is filled with so much built up pain and bitterness, hatred that she projects to herself. 

Hearing her talk about herself like this, Hope went over to Penelope’s bed and gave her a warm hug. She knew how her best friend felt, but this was the first time that Penelope actually spoke words to what she was feeling. Penelope felt like she was holding her breath under water for so long that Hope’s hug allowed her to catch her breath, even if it was just for a short while.

“P, you didn’t drag me here. I came with you because I wanted to spend my last years of high school with my best friend. You and me, always and forever, right? It’s been that way since preschool and it’ll always be that way.”, she comforts Penelope. 

“But I think you need to tell them some time. Not now, no pressure of course.” 

Hope gave her best friend a reassuring smile, a smile that would ease her troubles in the most comforting way. In return, Penelope smiled too. A grateful one that needed no words to show how much she appreciated her amber haired best friend.

Once the heavy weight of her emotions lightened and she gained more clarity to her thoughts, she narrated everything that happened from the moment Hope and Lizzie left the two girls in their room, to Josie falling quiet, then seeing a different side of her with their talk by the bonfire, their walk on the way back to the school, drunk Josie admitting to jealousy with Lizzie borrowing her clothes and how she ended up sleeping beside Josie.

She remembered everything vividly because unlike the brunette, she didn’t take one sip of alcohol. Even Hope looked shocked at that information because Penelope never parties without getting drunk, or at least finishing the liquor stock.

“Wow, P. I honestly thought that I’d be dragging your ass away from the party. But damn you were the sober friend for once.” Penelope rolled her eyes and chuckled at Hope’s comment. Truthfully, she was shocked that she managed to not even take one sip with the tempting scent of the drinks lingering in the air that night.

“Maybe this has something to do with a certain brunette?”, she wiggles her eyebrows in a teasing manner. Though a joke, Penelope actually agreed that there’s a possibility that Josie was a good distraction for her. 

“So what does this mean for the both of you?”

“I like being with her and I really want to be close friends with her.” Her eyes move to the side, as if forming her thoughts in her mind making Hope think that there is more to what she said.

“But?”

“But I don’t see her that way. It’s fun flirting with her, teasing her and all because she doesn’t back down without a fight. But I don’t see myself on dates, taking someone so seriously. You know me, Hope. I’m not the relationship type.” 

And Hope knew that. Maybe deep down she just thought that being far away from their old life, things would change for her, for the both of them. 

“Yeah, but maybe clear things out with Josie?”, Hope suggests. Even though Penelope wanted to avoid that awkward conversation of clarifying things with the brunette, she knew it needed to be done if she wanted to keep Josie as a friend.

“Yeah, I’ll text her and ask if we can meet up when they get back.”, the raven haired girl agrees.

She was doing the right thing, right? This wouldn’t put a distance between the two newly found friends, right? Yeah, she was definitely doing the right thing.

But why did she feel nervous? Why did some part of her feel like she didn’t want to just stay friends with Josie?

Why did it feel right but at the same time.. not right?

—————

Unknown number:  
_Meet me when u get back?_

Josie checked her phone that vibrated from her back pocket. As soon as the screen lit up when she turned it on, Lizzie peaked from her side, not even trying to be subtle. 

“That’s Penelope’s number. Hope just asked me for your number for Penelope.”, her blonde twin clarified.

“Wait. Then why does Penelope Park want to meet up with me when we get back?” 

Obviously shocked and nervous to what the raven haired girl back at the campus meant, she looked like she wanted to run away out of fear. However, the older blonde noticed her daughter’s pained expression and asked her if her headache was acting up again. 

The whole ride on the way to the Mystic Grill was just Josie being attacked by her sister, her mom and Stefan teasing her for being drunk for the first time in her whole life. Surprisingly, Caroline didn’t get mad that Josie drank too much than she could handle. She even shared old stories of her own drunk moments from her days, and Stefan reminiscing with her like it were still fresh memories when in reality, their youth is already far behind them.

“No, mom. I’m fine, but I’ll be going home earlier later than usual to get more rest for classes tomorrow.”, the brunette answers as they walk inside the restaurant. “Yeah, that’s an excuse”, Lizzie comments.

Like the Salvatore Boarding School, the restaurant’s aesthetic was mainly composed of mahogany wood that gave a homey vibe. There were small lamps placed on each table and warm lights that tinted the whole room in a rich golden color much like of a sunset. It was already past noon so it was packed and all the waiters seemed busy attending to the customers who are already seated. 

“Stefan!”, a man in a back leather jacket calls. “Hey, blondie.”, he greets Caroline who is standing right next to Stefan. And as soon as he lays eyes on the twins, he puts on a warm smile. The smile that they always get from him in the rare occasions that they’d meet. It was a warm one that masked pity for the two girls, a sympathetic look that showed itself in his bright blue crystal-like eyes. 

“Hey munchkins”

“Hey, Uncle Damon.”, the twins say in synchrony.

The older Salvatore brother leads them to their own long table reserved for this special occasion. Everyone present stood up to greet the family that just arrived. Even though they weren’t all related by blood, this was the closest that the twins had to an extended family.

Present were Bonnie and Enzo who have been travelling, exploring the wonders that this world has to offer. Lizzie has always admired her Aunt Bonnie because of all the stories she brings back to the table. Josie, however, was closest to her Aunt Elena because of all the time she and her biological mother spent. Stories about the woman who wanted to help everyone she encountered, the mother they never met that spent time in the army as a combat medic, a doctor and a professor of medicine who showed compassion to her patients. It were Elena’s stories about her mother that pushed Josie to be the best. She wanted to follow in her mother’s footsteps and be as successful in life, minus the mistake of falling in love with the wrong man.

Aside from the two couples, they also found familiar faces around the table. The town’s sheriff Matt Donovan, Elena’s younger brother Jeremy, Stefan’s best friend Lexi, and of course the birthday celebrant, Stefanie Salvatore. She had the same bright blue eyes as her father, and her mother’s beautiful brown hair. Her whole aura radiated so much innocence and positivity, like she was well taken care of and loved so much.

The twins greeted the young girl a happy birthday and handed over their gift. They had no idea what exactly they were giving because Caroline always took care of the gifts, so when she asked them what it was, they’d go with: “You just have to wait to find out.”, which worked every year that they ended up in the same situation. 

Everyone sat down, the twins seated together beside their mom. Lunch went by smoothly with new stories from Bonnie about the beautiful white sand beaches in the Philippines, Stefanie’s stories about her school and all the friends she’s making, and Stefan and Damon’s new business of bourbon called Brother’s Bond. Basically, they were just catching up with whatever happened in their lives in the past year that they all hadn’t seen each other. 

But their stories were just background noise to her thoughts that were running wild thinking about why Penelope wanted to meet up with her when they were done. Lizzie would have to kick her sister’s leg under the table to bring her back with them when the adults would ask her a question and she spaced out. 

“Sweetie, you okay?”, Caroline asks when she notices how lifeless and disinterested her daughter was eating her lunch. She’d usually be the one to open up conversations but she became quiet which the older blonde thought too much of. 

“Yeah, Mom. I’m fine but maybe I’ll just take a walk around the park?”, she asks for permission. 

She thought that being far away from raven haired girl for at least a day would allow her clarity to whatever it was she was starting to feel. But that single text message just made everything even more messier. It’s like she was assembling a jigsaw puzzle, trying to form a clear picture but now all the pieces were even more scattered.

“Yeah sure, honey. Just make sure to come back before 3, we’ll all be going to Damon and Elena’s house to blow Stefanie’s cake and have some drinks to catch up more.”, the blonde gave her a comforting smile and squeezed her hand to comfort her. Whatever was bothering Josie right now wasn’t because of the aftermath of alcohol, not entirely at least because alcohol did bring her to do things she never would’ve done sober. 

Josie walks out of the restaurant and Caroline gives Lizzie a look, telling her to go after her sister and make sure she’s alright which she didn’t hesitate or complained about. Lizzie knew the reason behind why her sister was obviously downhearted, but what she didn’t know how deep Josie was in her thoughts.

Soon enough, Lizzie caught up to her sister crossing the street on the way to the park just right in front of the restaurant. She had her arms wrapped around herself, closed and hard to reach out to. But of course Lizzie being Lizzie wanted to talk to her sister because some things shouldn’t be bottled up, _right?_

“Hey Jo! Talk to me. What’s wrong? You’ve been so quiet all afternoon.” She touches Josie’s shoulder to catch her attention because it seems like she was drowning in her thoughts again, and she was. She faced her twin with a startled look on her face, clearly failing to notice that Lizzie followed her out on her walk. 

“Lizzie? What are you doing here?”

“Well, dear sister. Mom’s been worried and I have been to and I have nothing to tell her. I know it has something to do with Penelope because of how you’ve been since her text and I don’t know what the hell happened between the both of you last night-“ the brunette cuts off her sister’s rambling. “Ok first of all, nothing happened between me and Penelope.”

“But things did happen last night and I just don’t know how to face her anymore without-“, the brunette stops talking, she didn’t know what to say. Ever since Penelope came to the school, she was frequently at a loss for words which rarely happened. Josie always knew what to say.

“Without what?”

“Without I don’t know, Liz. That’s what’s bothering me. I don’t know. And I don’t like not knowing!”, she exclaims in frustration as she plops down on the grass. 

“I’m sorry to break it you, Jo. But there is no textbook in the world that can help you figure out whatever you’re feeling.”, the blonde says as she sits down beside her sister.

“But you know what’ll help? Letting those feelings out.”, a comforting smile on Lizzie’s face appears, telling her sister that she’s all ears to make sure Josie knows she’s here if she wants to open up. Josie just sighs and hugs her knees close to her chest and watches as the world go by, just wanting to hit pause. 

It took a few deep breaths for the brunette to finally open up about what happened last night.  
“She took care of me last night. Made me drinks, and gave me water when I had too much. And we talked. And it wasn’t just casual conversation that most of the students at that party have to just pass time. Actually, it felt like time slowed down. Especially when she pulled me in to dance-“, she gets cut off by Lizzie’s shocked face. “You danced?! We’ve been to all the parties and when I ask you to dance with me, you never do!” 

But Josie looks at her sister with a dumbfounded look. “Right. Sorry. You were having a moment, okay go on.”, she apologizes when she realizes her bad timing. 

“And we danced. She pulled me closer to her and it felt, well… electrifying. Dancing with her felt so enlivening, like it was such a rush I’ve never felt before. And I didn’t care about anyone else that bumped me in the dance floor, I didn’t mind the cramped space and you know how I don’t enjoy large crowds. But with Penelope, I felt so… free.”

“Then she brought me back to the room, and we slept together- I mean not slept slept but we slept beside each other and we talked even more.”, she clarifies the ‘slept together’ part as soon as Lizzie’s mouth formed a donut shape and her eyes widened. 

“And she made me breakfast, and now I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what all of it means or what it means now that I’m not drunk.” Josie covers her face and groans in frustration with her situation. Then she sees the dark raven haired girl again under all those lights. It’s literally every time she closes her eyes, the image of Penelope pops out. 

Lizzie thought this was the perfect time to ask about the poem she found on the floor in their room earlier this morning. So she brings it out from her back pocket and waves it around Josie’s face, the crunch sound of the paper making the brunette look up. And when she does, her whole body stiffened and her eyes stared at the paper like it was something forbidden to be in someone else’s possession. 

The blonde reads the poem out loud when Josie froze, as if refreshing her mind to what it contained. When she finally comes back to her senses, she grabs the paper from her sister’s hand, almost tearing it with how forceful she was. 

“Jo, the poem is deep. I always knew you loved reading poems but I didn’t know you had a hidden talent writing ones too. It’s a nice poem. I like it.”, Lizzie praises her sister who was looking at her like any minute she could attack her blonde twin.

“And if I’m not mistaken because excuse my illiterate ass, but it’s about Penelope isn’t it?”, she asks with a teasing grin.

Josie, who was staring at her sister with a dark look in her eyes, immediately lets go of her short lived grudge when Lizzie asked her the question. She just sighs and hides behind her knees again, too scared to face the world, the truth.

“Maybe your poem is your answer, Jo. Perhaps it’s the missing piece to the puzzle you’ve been mentally solving since you last saw her.”, her twin adds.

“I don’t want to get hurt, Liz. I just want to get through the our last two years of high school and go to the nearest college and help mom with managing the school. It’s been the plan ever since.”, Josie finally admits in defeat. She just basically admitted that she does have feeling for Penelope and that made Lizzie grin, but also feel sorry for her sister because of how conflicted she feels.

“Do you think she’s worth getting hurt for?”, the blonde asks seriously as she looks up at the sky, the clouds just passing by each second. 

“Nobody is worth getting hurt for.”, the brunette replies sternly.

“Let me tell you a secret that will be a huge shocker to you but you just need to hear it so you won’t keep running away from the chance at love.”

Josie leans in closer to her sister, all ears to whatever secret she has to say. 

“Not everyone is Dad, Jo.”

And with that little secret, she felt her heart twist and ache. Not in the way that she’s found thrilling in the past few days, but it was the one she’s felt for so long. The one similar to her dream that felt almost realistic. Like someone had a grasp on her beating heart and held it tight enough to feel everything, to make it almost stop beating. But that’s the thing with almost’s, right? It’s there but not quiet, you want things to end but not quiet.

“Let’s go, Liz. We should probably head back now. Mom might be looking for us already.” Josie stands up, totally ignoring her sister’s secret that isn’t a secret anymore. But when was it really?

Lizzie doesn’t push it anymore because she knew she was already walking on thin ice with mentioning their father so she just follows Josie who was walking ahead of her already.

When they arrived at the restaurant, everyone was already ready to leave for Damon and Elena’s house. As soon as Caroline spotted Josie, she pulled her in for a hug. A comforting embrace that felt like home for the brunette. Even though she wasn’t a little girl anymore, she always found warmth and safety in her mother’s arms. 

“I love you, Josie. I hope you feel better soon.”, Even though not knowing what is going through her daughter’s mind, she whispers words of comfort under her breath that Josie hears clearly with how close they are. “I love you too, mom. And don’t worry, I’m okay. Well, I wasn’t but now I am.”

They all head towards each other’s car and everyone followed behind Damon’s on the way to their house outside of Mystic Falls. It was a two hour drive away from the small town. They lived in a simple house that all the adults keep saying it resembled Elena’s old childhood home with the white exterior and a simple porch out front. It was also walking distance from her job as an attending at Whitmore Hospital, the same one that the twins’ mother used to work at. And it’s in the same campus as Whitmore College where everyone went for college and where Josie and Lizzie’s father worked as a professor. 

Once everyone had their cars parked along the road in front of the white house, little Stefanie leads them all in, carrying all her unopened presents with her. For a young girl, she already showed a big sense of independence that her parents adored but also feared for in the future, worrying that it might lead to a teen rebel phase that they both had.

“You got all of that, Steffie? You sure you don’t need any help?”, her father asks, making the little girl look back at Damon who was right behind her.

“Yes, Dad. I’m strong and I don’t need a man to help me.”, she says with so much confidence that everyone else just adored. 

Josie couldn’t help but remember her conversation with Penelope yesterday over her late lunch and how the raven haired girl spoke with so much passion and intensity on the topic of feminism. _Penelope would adore Stefanie,_ she thinks to herself. And thinking of it brought a small smile on her face that Lizzie notices.

“What’s so funny, Jo?”, she asks intrigued with what’s going on through her sister’s mind that finally made her smile for the first time today.

“Nothing. It’s just Stefanie reminded me of something Penelope said.”, she admits without thinking about how her sister would react.

“Penelope? As in Penelope Park?”, Caroline chimes in. 

“Yes, mom. Penelope as in Penelope Park.”, Lizzie answers her mom with a grin directed at Josie. 

The older blonde looks at Josie with a confused look then back at Lizzie who tried to tell her mom what Penelope Park was in this conversation, which she immediately gets and falls into the same grin that the younger blonde has on her face. This just makes Josie roll her eyes and walk ahead of them, leaving the two blondes chuckling.

“Since when? Didn’t they just arrive like, literally a few days ago?”, Caroline asks Lizzie in full curiosity with a mix of confusion.

“Same, mom. Same. But I guess, the heart wants what it wants..”, she teasingly says with an exaggerated joyous tone, fully knowing that Josie could still hear them. 

But Josie just continued to ignore them and went inside the house with her eyebrows furrowed and her lips in a pout that Stefan notices. “You okay, Josie?”, he asks with his gravelly voice. 

“Yeah, Uncle Stef. Mom and Lizzie are just being childish is all, nothing new.” This makes Stefan chuckle and look over at the two blondes laughing at smiling at Josie behind them. “You want me to drive you home tonight? Like the usual?”, he offers. Josie agrees, smiling gratefully at him.

Inside the family’s house were some old furniture that almost looked like they were taken from the boarding school. On the walls were hanged picture frames of the adults, starting from their high school life down to Stefanie and the twins’ birth. Though the house was new, it contained so many remnants of the past. Like an old reading chair that sits in the corner of the living room, old dinner plates from the two brothers’ wedding displayed on a shelf, and old VHS tapes stored in a cabinet underneath their TV.

Once everyone settled in, the adults gathered around the living room with each having a drink of bourbon in hand. The two brothers finally let everyone tasted the final product of their liquor and everyone praised it. Of course Lizzie hid a glass of her own that Damon helped her get secretly while Josie, still disgusted at the smell of alcohol, went out to the garden and sat on the patio bed. 

The sun had already start to set by now. The clouds looked like cotton candy with blue and pink almost orange colors painted in the sky. It felt sweet looking at the beautiful view, add in the sounds of the crickets chirping that somehow helps clear her mind. Soothing her worries to whatever she has to face when the sun bids its goodbye for the day. 

Lizzie joined a while after she just left the living room, leaving little Stefanie all alone with her story books that she read to an almost tipsy young blonde. “Lizzie? What are you doing out here?”, the brunette asks as soon as she notices the presence of her sister by the sliding door.

“What? Can’t a sister check up on her twin?” Josie just rolls her eyes at her sister’s sarcasm. “And I wanted to apologize for earlier, I know bringing up dad was way out of line. I’m sorry.”, she apologizes as she sits down beside her sister with her drink in hand, moving gently enough to not spill a drop her drink.

“Lizzie Saltzman apologizing? How many drinks have you had since I last saw you??”, she teases with exaggeration. The blonde lightly pushes the girl and rolls her eyes, “Maybe about two glasses, this being the third. But what I’m saying is, if you have feelings for Penelope, maybe for once in your life… you should be bold and not just stay behind your books.”

“Love stories aren’t always written by Walt Disney where there’s a happily ever after. And I know how terrified you must be. Having these new feelings that you’ve never felt. It’s like being a stranger, a tourist in your own mind.” Lizzie looks up at the sky for the second time today but it was much more beautiful now and it didn’t hurt looking at the sun directly. Josie falls quiet, listening to every word that her sister spoke, duetted by her thoughts. 

“You will get hurt, Jo. That’s already promised. But last night, what you felt with Penelope, it’ll be that feeling everyday when you wake up with her by your side knowing you have her, and it may not last but then again, maybe it will. I mean, you’ll never know if you won’t try.”, she adds.

Josie looks at her sister and she pulls in the blonde for a hug, which Lizzie reciprocated by wrapping her arms around her conflicted sister. They sit in each other’s comforting presence as they watched the sun finally come down and darkness in the sky taking over, making the stars visible with the glowing light of the moon. 

“So what are you gonna tell her when you guys meet up later?”, Lizzie asks breaking the silence.

Josie takes a deep breath and sighs, “I don’t really know, Liz. Do I ask her out? Or do I tell her I have a crush on her? Do I get her a gift? I don’t really know what people do to-“

“To confess?”

A huge grin appears on Lizzie’s face, a somewhat proud look for her sister finally confronting her feelings and accepting them, add in her bravery to say this out loud. 

“Yeah…”, the brunette shyly answers. 

“Well, maybe let her read your poem? Start from there?”

“What if she doesn’t like me back, Lizzie? What if I make a fool of myself?” Now that she understood what her feelings meant, the thoughts of what could possibly happen sends her into a panicking state.

“But what if she does? You’ve said it yourself, you feel like she’s different with you. And she was the sober one last night so she had her mind straight on what she was doing.”, Lizzie says trying to calm her twin.

“Yeah but-“

They get cut off by Stefan calling them in to finally blow the cake and wrap this day with a family picture to be added to the family wall. 

“Yeah, Uncle Stef. We’re right behind you.”, Lizzie replies. 

The twins leave their spot and head to the dining room where there was a big cake on table with lit pink candles all around it. Everyone was gathered around Stefanie standing on a chair, who looked so excited to blow her cake and as soon as Stefan with Josie and Lizzie following shortly behind him arrived, they started singing the Happy Birthday song, making the little Salvatore clap her hands. She had the biggest goofy smile on her face, looking at everyone’s faces singing to her and once the song was done, she blew the candles out with so much energy it’s like she almost deflated both her lungs. 

Everyone clapped and hugged little Stefanie, wishing her one last happy birthday individually. Each one of them got a slice of her pretty unicorn cake, her keeping the big unicorn candy of course. As soon as everyone finished their cake, it was time to say goodbye. Everyone hugged everyone, thanking Damon and Elena for the big lunch and the drinks. They all left in their own cars, waving goodbye to the Salvatore family as they drove off down the road.

The drive back to Mystic Falls was quiet, everyone too exhausted to start a conversation. Lizzie and Caroline fell asleep, leaning their heads on the window beside them while the only ones awake were Stefan driving and Josie deep in thought that he notices through the rear view mirror. 

“You okay, Josie?”, he asks, trying to make eye contact with her through her reflection.

“Yeah, of course. Just tired.”, she replies as if an automatic answer to questions like those. But when she sees her mom and twin sleeping soundly, she sighs, making Stefan look back at her.

“Uncle Stef… when did you know that mom was the one for you?”, she asks softly, still being cautious in case the two blondes could still hear them.

The question brought him into a smile and a sweet chuckle as if memories of them flashed before his eyes, “I didn’t. She’s been by my side since high school and I thought her best friend was my soul mate. But everything became clear when we stepped into college, the whole world felt bigger, and as it did, everyone seemed so far away. Except for your mother, she was always right there for me and I was too focused on someone else to notice.”

Josie falls quiet again which he notices. “So you’ll never really know if you keep your head down. You should be brave enough to look up and step up.”, he adds as if knowing what her question was really about.

The rest of the drive back home was quiet, Josie just had her eyes on the moon following them along the road. When they arrived at the Salvatore school, she didn’t bother waking up her mom and sister anymore since they were all going to stop by somewhere else. 

Josie just thanked Stefan and got off the car, took a deep breath, brought out her phone and texted Penelope to meet her in their room. It’s now or never, she thinks.

_Josie: I just got back. I’ll be in my room in a few. Meet me there?_

Penelope immediately picks up her phone from her bedside table. It was already past 8pm but Hope decided to go to bed early to get enough rest for tomorrow’s busy day. So their lights were off but Penelope was still wide awake, waiting for Josie to get back. 

There were lots of things going on in her mind today and she kept herself busy by working out with Hope at the school’s gym. In an effort to distract her from thinking about the brunette, still unsure what exactly she was supposed to say to her when she sees her. But prolonging it is a worse agony that she doesn’t want to put herself, and the brunette through. 

The raven haired girl tried to look for a hoodie in the dark room, the noise she made going through her closet woke her best friend up. “P? She here?”, she groggily asks as she sits up and tries so hard to keep her eyes open.

“Yeah she just texted. I’m going over to their room right now so we can talk.”, Penelope softly answers to not wake her up fully. Finally, she finds a maroon hoodie and puts it on. She opens the door quietly, thinking that Hope had gone back to sleep but her amber haired best friend ran after her for a hug.

“I’m here for you, even if it turns out badly and we have to eat in the bathrooms for the rest of our stay here. Okay?” Penelope wrapped her in an embrace and mumbled a soft thank you that Hope heard. They parted and Hope walked over to her bed to go back to her sleep while Penelope closed the door behind her and walked over to the twins’ room.

Penelope was always good at confrontations, handling people and situations. But walking down the hallway three rooms down to the twins’, she felt tense. But when she was right at the door, she tried her best to put on a calmed and composed look. She opened the door and to her surprise the room was still empty.

Entering the room, it felt a little bit more chilly. That’s when she noticed the window open with the curtains flying in with the wind. She walked over the window and found Josie sitting on top of the roof in a hoodie and sweats already, hugging her knees trying to keep herself warm. She looked so beautiful and brave under the moonlight and Penelope took in a few seconds to master this image of her before calling out her name.

“Hey, Saltzman”, she calls out to Josie, making the brunette look to her direction.

She had a smile on her face, the smile that Penelope saw from last night. Soft, warm and most of all, genuine. The raven haired girl climbs out of the window to join the brunette under the stars that twinkled above them, as if watching the two girls like the universe fated them to be together.

Penelope sits beside Josie and they watch the beauty of the night sky in silence. It brought a cool breeze but they still somehow felt warm enough in each other’s company. Then the raven haired girl is the first to break the silence, “I wanted to talk to you about something…”

Josie looks at her, and her lips pull into a smile. “Yeah me too, but you go first.”

“I like being with you, Saltzman. I really meant what I said when I said you were something else. And last night… I haven’t felt that safe and well, happy I guess? since.. well, the point is… I would love it if we became even closer friends.” Josie’s smile drops as soon as she heard those words come out of Penelope’s mouth. Her hand clenches tighter to the piece of paper she’s been holding and rereading before Penelope joined her.

“I know it’s weirdly too much to ask since we just met a couple of days ago and not on the best terms, might I add. But a friendly face besides Hope wouldn’t be so bad, especially tomorrow when the first day starts.”, Penelope adds. Why did it feel so heavy for her to say these words? It’s like they were memorized lines in a stagnant script. 

“So what do you say, Saltzman? Can we be best friends too?”, she puts out her pinky as if making her sign in to a lifelong _friendship._

Josie bites her bottom lip, trying her best not to break into tears with how she felt at that moment. Like her chest was stabbed repeatedly with every word the girl beside her spoke in the voice that makes her ears listen, even though she couldn’t take it anymore and just wanted to turn her hearing off completely. But what else could she do at this moment than to put out her pinky and intertwine it with Penelope’s as a sign of their newly formed closer friendship.

Penelope spots the folded up letter in Josie’s hand and she chuckles, “Really? Did you really have to write down what you were going to say to me? Saltzman, this isn’t a graded presentation. You really have to chill sometimes.”

“Right, but it helps me form my thoughts and I won’t forget anything important so just let me be okay?” Josie unfolds the piece of paper in front of her, careful not to even allow the slightest chance of Penelope seeing what’s in it.

Staring at the poem she had written, the words that she let out was the complete opposite of what she meant, what she really wanted to say.

Because when she said, “Of course I want to be best friends with you”

What she really meant was, _But I want more._

“Don’t get me wrong, Park. I thought you were going to confess your undying love for me with how serious you sounded in the text.”, she tries to joke off making Penelope roll her eyes, slightly nudging the brunette playfully.

_I’ve only ever felt this way with you and it scares me but fuck it, I want to be brave._

“But yes, I would love nothing more than to be your best friend, Park. You’re really interesting, and I’d like to know more about you.”, she finishes with a smile and hides the piece of paper back into her pocket.

_I’d like to know all of you, to what makes you cry and what makes you smile, how you like your coffee in the morning or if you even like coffee at all, I want to know what songs you listen to on repeat and what your comfort movies are, I want to know how your mind works and hear what rhythm your heart beats._

“Great! So, how was your day?”, Penelope asks her new best friend with an enthusiastic tone.

But of course, Josie doesn’t say the whole truth of how her day went. The brunette just narrated how lunch went by and to when Stefanie blew the cake. Mentioning that the young girl reminded her of Penelope, to which the raven haired girl found endearing that Josie thought of her today. Unaware to the fact that she’s the only thing that ran through Josie’s mind all day.

Penelope also ended up just sharing how she and Hope decided to exercise and work out to be physically and mentally prepared for tomorrow, nothing quiet exciting. Of course, also leaving out the part where she felt conflicted. And now that she finally let it all out and somewhat clarified everything to Josie, she still feels like there’s something stuck that she can’t get out and something missing but she doesn’t know what.

They finished talking when they heard Lizzie walked in hours later. The blonde looked at the both of them with a huge smile, one that dropped when she saw how Josie looked at her. Disappointed, sad and hurt. So Lizzie bid her goodbye to Penelope, almost shoving her out of their room so Josie can hurt in peace.

Josie cried herself to sleep that night, restlessness coming back but not anymore having her thoughts all tangled up. This time, it felt like it were choking her and she couldn’t breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poem written by Josie here is an original piece by yours truly, and more poems to come since she uNLoCkEd a talent!!
> 
> and thoughts on this chapter? thoughts on old characters coming back? 
> 
> Hope u goiys enjoyed hehe thank you !! <33


	6. Best Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes best friends fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new character alert

The alarm went off and Josie opened her eyes to a new day but the first thing she wakes up to is a text from Penelope greeting her new best friend a good morning. And everything from last night came back to her, bringing an aching feeling to her heart. She hides under her pillow and groans, tears almost about to fall again. But her phone buzzes repeatedly.

_Penelope: hey saltzmn, u up yet? lets get breakfast together_  
_Penelope: i know ur up already. but in case u aren’t, pls wake up im bored_  
_Penelope: hopes still asleep come onnn idk anyone else here pls wake up_

She ignores it and throws it across the room but thanks to the carpeted floors, it doesn’t break. It just makes a loud thump that wakes her sister. “Jo, I know alarms are annoying but throwing your phone doesn’t help.”

“It’s not my alarm, it’s Penelope asking if we can have breakfast together.”

This wakes Lizzie up completely and looks at her sister, her face looked tired like she didn’t get much sleep. Her eyes were a bit puffy, and her lips chapped. When Penelope left their room last night, Josie didn’t say one word and just hid under her sheets. So mentioning the raven haired girl’s name felt like an open door for her to ask what happened. 

“Well that explains the flying phone. But how are you, Jo?”, she asks already fully awakened as she sits by the edge of her bed facing the brunette who’s staring at the ceiling. She caught a tear rolling off of Josie’s eyes and she felt bad knowing she pushed her sister to the situation she was in right now. 

“I almost made a fool of myself, Liz. I was about to read the poem and tell her how I felt but then I told her to talk first and she said she wanted to be friends. Best friends. We even pinky swore on it. Then when she asked me what I was going to say, she found the note. So I had to lie and pretend that whatever was on the paper was the truth. And it hurt so much staring at those words and saying the complete opposite.” Josie breathes deeply, trying to regain control of her emotions. But the tears just keep flowing and she doesn’t bother wiping them away, it hurt too much for her to move. 

“Is that so bad? You and her being best friends?” Josie ignores the question and just gets up from her bed, wipes her tears and grabs some clothes and heads out to the shower room. But on the way there, she bumps into a familiar curly haired guy from the other night. 

“Hey Josie!”, he greets enthusiastically. He had this bright smile on his face that was contagious, it somehow made the brunette feel better. “Hey Landon.. uhm what are you doing here so early in the morning?” Curiosity took her mind off of the raven haired girl that she was bound to bump into today. “Well I was looking for Raf but I thought about meeting with Hope and Penelope told me she’s still asleep, so here I am, bumping into you.”

He still had that optimistic vibe even though Josie knew he felt a bit disappointed that he didn’t get to see his crush on his trip over here. “Well since you’re already here, join me for breakfast? I’d love to get to know you more since we never really had the chance to talk the other night. I’ll meet you at the dining hall in a few minutes? Just let me shower and get ready”, she offers totally keeping in mind that someone else had asked her for breakfast already and hoping this could be an escape to that. Landon takes her up on her offer because well, who says no to free food?

He went straight to the dining hall while Josie took a quick shower and put on her uniform for her first day, a white blouse under a navy blue blazer and a plaid pleated skirt in the same color. She at least tried to make herself presentable, making sure she gave off no signs of hurting because she had an image to keep up, especially for her first day of being a junior. Masking pain with a pretty front is something Josie had mastered over the years anyway.

She headed back to her room to put away her used clothes, but when she got back Penelope was seated on the edge of her bed while Lizzie was picking out her outfit for today. As soon as she entered, their eyes met and it’s as if she felt the cool breeze from last night all over again, lingering on her skin like a ghost that won’t leave her alone. Penelope had the same blazer on, and the skirt was shorter than how Josie wore it, revealing a little bit more skin. She also had a white blouse on but kept the first few buttons open and she had a red ribbon tied around her neck like a choker. She was hot in uniform, and so Josie just tried her best to put on the brightest smile while her heart ached with hearing the raven haired girl’s voice all over again. Well, her attempt at hiding from Penelope for breakfast just went down the hole.

“Hey, Saltzman. How’d your phone end up on the floor? No wonder why you weren’t replying to my texts.” Penelope stands up to give the brunette her phone which she swiftly takes, she could almost feel her sister’s stare to her right. “Yeah I don’t know how that ended up there. But I’m on the way to breakfast right now with Landon. You can join us-“

“Let’s go! I’m starving!” Penelope pulls Josie out of the room and the last thing the brunette sees is Lizzie’s supportive smile that almost gave off a bit of worry. 

As they walked down the hall together, every student they passed by greeted Josie a good morning and she responded to everyone like a beauty queen walking down a parade. This made Penelope roll her eyes and scoff, making Josie look at her with a questioning look. “What is it this time, Park?” 

“Nothing, I’m just starving. Let’s go faster.”, she practically drags Josie on their way to the dining hall, so everyone that tries to greet her ends up only giving a simple wave. 

When they arrived Landon was standing by the door looking around for the brunette and as soon as he spots the two girls, he waves both his arms in the air, making sure that they can see him. This made Josie chuckle and Penelope narrowed her eyes suspiciously, what exactly did she even find funny or amusing about that?

The three of them sat down on their usual table by the corner, making sure they still leave space for Hope and Lizzie in case they decide to join them for breakfast but they didn’t bother waiting for the two anymore since they were both hungry and they had a guest with them.

As they ate breakfast, Landon taking full advantage of the buffet, the two girls eyed him like he hadn’t been fed in a month. When he notices this he just says, “What? Carpe diem!”, with his mouth full that makes Josie laugh. “So, Landon. Why do you go to Mystic Falls High and not here?”, Penelope asks with full curiosity, not minding being blunt. Josie looks at her wide-eyed with how straightforward she was being but Landon didn’t mind and answered it casually. 

“Actually, Raf and I grew up together. Adopted by the same foster family, but he was lucky enough to receive a football scholarship from this prestigious rich kid boarding school. While I.. well, let’s just say I don’t have much to offer here.”, he explains in a summarized form that the two girls easily understood. They both knew there was so much more to the story but they didn’t want to push their luck, especially this being the first time they actually had a normal conversation. So Josie tries to stir the topic away from anything too personal, “I’m sure you have some talent. Maybe you just haven’t tapped in to it yet, you know? Like a super power.”

Penelope’s lips tug into a smile with how Josie sounded so optimistic and encouraging, like she always tries to see the best in people and in situations. The brunette beside her misses this but Landon doesn’t and he thinks back to what Hope had mentioned when they were left together during the party. 

“So how did you guys get together?”

Penelope chokes on her fruit while Josie looked at Landon wide-eyed, and felt like strangling him at that very moment but at the same time her stomach did a twist that made her sit so still. “What? Are you guys not together?”, a confused Landon asks. The raven haired girl, after drinking some water to push her food down, simply laughed, trying not to make a big deal out of it. “What made you think we were?”

Landon looks over at Josie and noticed the energy she had from awhile ago died down and her shoulders dropped, she looked sad. He didn’t want to point fingers and name drop Hope and what she actually said which was that these two girls had a thing because he assumed what the thing meant and that was them being together. “I don’t know, you two look good together.”, he tries to make up some excuse but he also didn’t lie though.

Josie blushed at his comment and the hurt feeling was replaced with a little spark in her that managed to make her smile, a small hidden one. “Mhm we do look good together… don’t we Saltzman?”, the raven haired girl teasingly agrees that makes Josie’s cheeks heat up even more. Josie goes with the joke in hopes that the girl beside her won’t notice how tense she became, “Yes we do look good together as a couple… a couple of besties!”

Penelope broke into laughter with how Josie said the last three words in a high pitched tone, making her nose scrunch that the brunette found adorable. She smiled, knowing that she made her laugh like that. Landon, however, felt like the two had their own bubble and he was just watching from the side so he continued on eating his breakfast, letting the two girls have their moment.

Finally, Hope and Lizzie joined the three and as soon as Landon saw the amber haired girl, he accompanied the two girls to get their own meals, leaving Josie and Penelope who were already done with theirs. “So what’s the first subject for today?”, the raven haired girl asks, trying to start a conversation. 

“That depends on your schedule that my mom emailed you.”, the brunette answers.

The raven haired girl pulls out her phone and clicks on the emailed form of her schedule, showing it to Josie. “Do we have the same schedule?”, she asks. Josie being Josie, she had her schedule memorized and could easily compare it with Penelope’s.

“We have the same schedule.” Penelope smiled at this, she wished that she would have a familiar face by her side but most of all, she wanted to spend more time with the brunette. While Penelope rejoiced, Josie’s heart did a twist with mixed emotions. She was going to have to face Penelope everyday which meant it will be harder to forget what she felt for the raven haired girl. This made it much more difficult but a small part of her also felt… excited. 

“Let’s go to class together everyday!”, Penelope suggests although they both know it was already given that they would. “You two have the same classes together?”, Lizzie asks as they sit down with their meals. She eyed her sister with an are-you-okay look that Josie nodded in response to both questions. “Well on the way here, Lizzie and I found out that we had the exact same schedule too.”, Hope chimes in. “Then it’s like we have a buddy system here, you and Lizzie, then me and Josie.”, the raven haired girl says casually. But the way Josie’s name sounded in her voice sent shivers up her spine, she got used to their unspoken agreement of calling each other by their last names. 

Hope and Lizzie ate their breakfast, cautious of the time they have left before first period starts. That is until a dirty blonde haired guy with a strong and sophisticated aura in the school’s uniform appears in front of their table, eyes directed at the amber haired girl. He called her name in his deep and cold voice, “Hope.” Her blue eyes meet his hazel ones and her eyes widen in shock with who just appeared in front of her.

“Roman?”

Penelope has the same expression as she did, and it wasn’t the good kind of shocked. It was a deadly stare that the three other friends seemed to have noticed. She looked like she was about to jump from her seat and slap the guy with the anger seething from her eyes. Josie, not knowing who the guy was or why the two best friends looked shocked, only knew to grab Penelope’s hand underneath the table in an attempt to calm her down. She felt her exhale and Penelope felt more in control now so she broke the silence first, “What the fuck are you doing her Roman?”

The blonde guy, with a smug look on his face, turns to Penelope. “I’m here for my girl, of course.”, he answers, obviously pertaining to Hope. Landon’s eyes widen in shock at the revelation and looks at the girl beside her, waiting for her to push him away or at least an explanation. 

Landon getting impatient with Hope’s silence asks for the girl to speak up, “Hope? Is he your boyfriend?” But the way she finally looks at him is the simple answer he needed to stand up and walk out of the dining hall. Josie follows him out, leaving her sister and the two best friends deal with the new guy named Roman.

“Babe why’d your friend leave? Did you not tell him that you had a boyfriend?”, he says as he sits down beside Hope, oblivious to the tension in the table. “Ok Hope, it’s either we like him or I kick him out of our table right now. What’s it gonna be?”, Lizzie asks scornfully, not caring wether or not Roman could hear her. “We don’t.”, the raven haired girl hisses. 

“Enough.”, Hope finally speaks up. “Roman, what exactly are you doing here?” She puts on a brave face as she turns to look at the guy. “Hope, I want you back and I really am sorry for leaving without saying anything. I didn’t know how to tell you that I was moving halfway across the country to-“

“To get drunk and sell drugs to kids at party? Oh wait, weren’t you already doing that back at home?”, Penelope butts in. Hope shoots a look at Penelope that immediately shuts her up, so she does. “What? Did my favorite customer miss her plug?”, he says with a sly smile that Penelope wanted to slap off of his face. 

But the girls realized that they weren’t the only ones in the table when Lizzie had a shocked and confused look that caught their attention so Hope stood up and said, “Roman. We will talk later but for now, I have to go to class.” The two girls follow behind her, leaving the dirty blonde haired guy with a smirk in their table as they head to their own classes. 

—————

“What is Literature?”, the teacher in a white blazer asks as she writes the word literature in the board. She looked like she was well off, and she spoke with such elegance with her modulated voice. She was beautiful and everyone had their eyes on her, all ears to what she just asked of them. Except Penelope who stared blankly into space.

Since this teacher is one of the new ones for the year, Josie wanted to give off a good first impression so she raised her hand and was acknowledged immediately. “Literature is a body or a collection of written works that holds a creative or artistic value.”, the brunette answers with such confidence. But the teacher frowns, as if implying that she wasn’t satisfied with Josie’s answer. 

“Yes you are correct, Ms. Saltzman. But textbook definition will only take you so far in life and there are things that we all need to understand much more deeply.”, she explains. Josie fell silent, embarrassed at how she said her answer with too much confidence. Usually teachers would praise her for explaining things by the book word by word.

“You, daydreaming girl. What’s literature?”, she points at Penelope who Josie had to nudge to bring her back from beating up Roman in her head. The raven haired girl looks down and sighs, then looks up with a grin that looked sarcastic and fake. “What is Literature?”, the teacher repeats.

Penelope looked over at Josie who was looking at her with an encouraging smile, waiting for an answer too, well everyone was. “Literature is… well, time.”, she answers briefly making the teacher raise her eyebrows and lean in as if interested to what Penelope has to say. “It takes all forms, from books to songs, simple letters and poems. Literature can take you back to history with writers who narrate events from the past or even just a simple memory through songs that leaves us nostalgic.”, the raven haired girl adds. 

How she defined literature left the teacher and everyone else in the room captivated and hanging to each word she spoke. She sounded poetic and Josie admired that but the face she had on now was far from admiration. Her eyes narrowed, squinting and it looked like her eyebrows were close to meeting. 

“That’s a good way to put it, Ms…?”, the teacher praises and asks for her name. “Oh, Park. Penelope Park.”, she answers with a dead voice like she didn’t care about what the teacher thought of her. 

The rest of the day went by fast for the four girls. Penelope just couldn’t wait to go back to the dining hall and face Roman one on one because daydreaming about beating the life out of him wasn’t satisfying her anger anymore. Hope had explained to Lizzie what really happened with her and the overly confident guy over hidden conversations in class, of course leaving out the details of that comment he had on Penelope awhile ago because it wasn’t her story to share. Josie spent the next classes with Penelope, slightly getting irritated at how everyone started admiring her. 

“Saltzman, you good?”, the raven haired girl asks as she finally comes back to reality and notices that something was bothering the brunette. Josie just nods coldly, showing that something was definitely wrong but she didn’t want to talk about it. Penelope was stubborn but she didn’t want to push her new best friend and annoy her so she just tried let it go. 

Their last class before lunch passed by and they were now walking down the halls to the dining hall to meet up with the other two girls. Penelope still noticed how silent the brunette was. “How ‘bout we go out to town tonight?”, she invites out of the blue. Josie’s heart skips and a ripple effect of a tingling sensation courses through her body like electricity. “You, me, Hope and Lizzie.”

Her shoulder drops and forces a smile, remembering she already has plans for the night. “I have plans already, I’m going out with Landon.”, she blurts out. 

—————

_Earlier that day…_

“Landon!!”, Josie calls out to him, pushing past students trying to make sure she doesn’t lose sight of him. She tried calling his name a couple more times but they both ended up outside the main doors when Landon finally stopped. The brunette caught a glimpse of sadness in his eyes so she asked him to walk with her around before her classes start to try and calm him down.

They were walking in silence beside each other, until Josie was the one to speak up first. “I’m sorry I asked you to stay for breakfast. If I hadn’t, maybe you wouldn’t have seen that.”, she apologizes, immediate guilt washed her face when she saw the pained expression he had in Hope’s silence. 

“Josie, don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything. If anything, I should apologize for storming out like that.” The brunette just smiles, an apologetic one still. “It’s just… I was under the impression that Hope was single, you know. I thought we really hit it off at that party but maybe it was just me.” 

The brunette shook her head, quick to say no to what he was saying. “I saw Hope at that party, and I may not be her best friend and I just met her a few days ago but she looked happy with you. That Roman guy looked like bad news for Hope anyway, so you shouldn’t give up _hope_ ”, she comforts him by trying to use a pun, and it worked because Landon finally smiled again and that optimism in his eyes shined brighter than the sadness that glistened. 

“You have to help me, Josie. Hope is like the first girl that I’ve felt this way about. You know how that feels right?”, he pleads. Her mind wanders to that dance with Penelope again with his question and her heart twists. She doesn’t understand why she still felt that short-lived rush and tingling feeling when Penelope pops up in her mind because clearly, the girl didn’t feel the same way and she knew she had to move on. But why did she feel like this? 

“Hello? Earth to Josie!”, Landon waves his hand right in front of Josie’s face, calling her back. She caught herself daydreaming about Penelope and didn’t know what to say. “I guess.. I’ll take that as you do know what it feels like”, he says with a smirk. Josie was about to deny it and was prepared to fight him for it but she just rolled her eyes, “How am I supposed to help?”

—————

What she meant to say was _Landon asked me out the moment he walked out after finding out about teenage captain America but as a rebound date to make Hope jealous, he made that part very clear. But I’d really rather spend the night with you because I like you._

Penelope’s face falls into a confused look and her eyebrows furrow, “Huh? Since when did you and Landon make plans? I was with the both of you the whole time but anyways, you wouldn’t mind if we all join in right?”

“Actually, it’s a date.”, she manages to make the situation way worse than it already is. Josie just wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole. The raven haired girl stops in the middle of the hall and stares at Josie like she just spoke alien language. “Excuse me, what?”, she asks, raising her eyebrows in disbelief. 

“You know that he and Hope have something going on right?”, she asked in a matter-of-fact tone. “Um yeah but then he asked me out, looked sad and I felt sorry for him and I couldn’t say no. So, we’re going on a date.”, she answers like it wasn’t a big deal when it really was and she knew it. Hope was one of the best people in her life right now and knowing that whatever Landon had planned to get Hope back was going to hurt her new friend. 

Penelope eyed Josie like she wasn’t saying the whole truth. Looking deep into those brown eyes, searching for any signs of falseness to her words. Josie felt uncomfortable being under Penelope’s intense stare, maybe some other time she’d love nothing more than to have a staring contest with those ocean green eyes but right now was not the time. She could get caught in their plan and Penelope being Hope’s best friend wasn’t going to help them at all.

“You’re lying, Saltzman. You don’t like going on dates and I know you wouldn’t do that to Hope. So, spill. Or I’ll have to find out my own way.”, she states like she was used to breaking the truth out of people. But Josie didn’t budge, “I don’t know what the big deal is, doesn’t Hope have a boyfriend?”

Josie hated what she was feeling right now, being put under pressure. She rarely felt this because she always took time to prepare by reading and studying in advance. “Lies. Just spill it, Saltzman.”, the raven haired girl states, so convinced that the brunette was lying. 

They were nearing the dining hall. Luckily their class was dismissed earlier than the others so there were only a few people by this part of the hallways because what Penelope did next to make Josie admit was something that managed to make her weak when she did it the last time

Penelope pulled Josie when she got fed up of the silence and pinned her to the wall, staring straight at Josie’s eyes. There was a much bigger distance between them compared to the last time she did it but it still made Josie’s stomach go on twists. “What the hell, Park?”, she only manages to say, out of shock but also out of anger.

“Spill.”, the raven haired girl says like she won’t let her go unless Josie told her the truth. 

The brunette gives up and sighs. “Fine. But please, get off of me. Someone might see us.”, she says in defeat. Penelope smiles and lets Josie free from her makeshift cage, proud of herself. “Right. You value your reputation.”, Penelope mutters, but Josie caught something else in her tone. It was sadness more than sarcasm or insult, it made her wonder why.

On their way to the dining hall, Josie explained what Landon had planned out and Penelope and as the brunette expected, she was against it. She went on about how this would hurt Hope, knowing how obvious it was that she liked Landon and add in the fact that her new friend would be an accessory in making her jealous. Penelope was about to put a stop to their plan but her eyes found her best friend and Roman together. 

“Let’s talk later.”, the raven haired girl whispers into Josie’s ear before approaching the two. The warmth of her breath sent Josie into shivers, and her sister seated on their table with Rafael saw how it affected her. Lizzie rolled her eyes at her sister’s giddiness with Penelope’s simple action. 

Penelope stands beside Hope, showing her support for her best friend to make sure Roman doesn’t try to do anything that’ll hurt her again. She’s a silent audience to their conversation while keeping a death glare on the boy. “Hope… I was an idiot. But I loved you, I still do. And I followed you here to this boarding school because I want to make things right between us. I’m done with the partying, the drugs. What matters is you now. And if you just gave me the chance to prove how serious I am-“

“Fine.”, the amber haired girl cuts him off making Penelope look at her with disbelief. “But one chance is all you get, Roman. One chance.”, she clarifies with a threatening voice. “Hope can I talk to you for a second? Alone?”, Penelope chimes in and pulls her away without waiting for her best friend’s answer. 

They were in the outer part of the dining hall, there were more students out here and the noise gave their conversation privacy. “Are you fucking kidding me Hope? He literally broke your heart and left to god knows where partying his trust fund away!”, the raven haired girl almost shouts, too frustrated at how her best friend just accepted him in her life again, in their new life.

“P… I know what he did. And I know what I’m doing.”

“Clearly you don’t! And what about Landon? Are you really going to throw away something good for that asshole?!” At the mention of Landon’s name, Hope flinches but immediately pushes the image of the curly haired boy away and crosses her arms together. “I just went to one party with the guy, he’s kind and all but I don’t know him! But I know Roman!”

“And we both know that he’ll end up doing to you!”

By this point, Penelope couldn’t control her anger. “Are you that naive?! How are you so blind, Hope?!”, her built up range since this morning all burst out and her best friend was in the receiving end of it. But Hope wasn’t having any of it either, “Those are big words coming from you! Are you really going to lecture me about being blind? Really?” But before Hope could spill more, Lizzie who overheard their yelling, puts her arms around the amber haired girl’s shoulder to calm her down. 

“Hope, breathe.”, she says calmingly and takes deep breaths that Hope synchronizes her breathing with. “Penelope, maybe you should respect your best friend’s decision. If she says she knows what she’s doing, then she knows what she’s doing.”, the blonde says sternly.

“But that’s it! She doesn’t know what she’s doing!”, the raven haired girl argues. 

“Just drop it, Penelope. I’ve been with you through everything and now, you can’t even support me with what I want, let alone having you scream at me!” The two girls leave the raven haired girl standing there with those last words beating her up with guilt. But right now she knew what she needed to do so she went back to the brunette who was sitting alone in their table. Josie looks up at her with curious eyes because unlike her sister, she tried her best not to be too nosy.

“Text Landon that date is on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lets stir the pot to make something beautiful yes?
> 
> thoughts perhaps?
> 
> thank you!! :)


	7. Jealousy is an ugly feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _That wasn’t part of the plan,_ is all she could make sense of this lump in her throat that she can’t push down.

The thing with jealousy, aside from it being an ugly feeling that brings hatred, is that it exposes the ugliest truths to our emotions. We can push away happiness or deny sadness but jealousy puts us all under a microscope that sees every inch of our reaction. Every death glare, every twitch and every tear that hides, trying to break lose is all revealed in the face of a jealous person. You would be blind not to miss anything in all that vulnerable transparency. 

That night, after a tiring day of classes together, Hope and Lizzie were in the best friend’s room while Penelope and Josie were in the twins’ room planning how everything will go down. Penelope changed her mind immediately when she saw how Roman still has his disgusting evil claws wrapped around Hope. “Saltzman, are you sure you’re up for this? Hope might end up hating you for this, and you’ll need to lie to your sister too to make all this believable.”, Penelope knew that the two were starting to get closer and she didn’t want this to ruin their forming friendship. 

“I don’t know if Lizzie will believe me but I have to try.” Her sister knew who Josie really had her eyes on and convincing Lizzie that this date is real will be a challenge, but of course she couldn’t tell Penelope that. “And I may have just met her a few days ago but I’d do anything for Hope. Even if it meant ending up being hated by her especially if you really believe that this Roman guy is bad news.”, the brunette confidently assures. Penelope smiles, touched by her words. Growing up with Hope, people would only show them kindness because of their last name and not out of their genuine hearts. So knowing that there’s someone that truly cared for her best friend just became another addition why maybe this school might be best for her. But then she remembered what Hope said awhile ago in their heated argument, _“Those are big words coming from you! Are you really going to lecture me about being blind? Really?”_ What could have she meant by that?

Penelope was too in her thoughts that she didn’t realize Hope had walked in. Luckily, they weren’t discussing their plan so the amber haired girl approached her best friend with an apologetic look. “P? I’m sorry for saying those things awhile ago..”, she sits down beside the raven haired girl on the floor with her head down in guilt but Penelope grabs her into an embrace swiftly that left Hope in shock, knowing her best friend wasn’t one for hugs.

“I’m sorry for raising my voice on you like that, you’re my best friend. Whatever you decide, I’ll be here to support you.”, Penelope apologizes, looking at Josie as she says the last words. Josie gave the raven haired girl a sad smile, but they both knew they were doing the right thing. The two best friends pulled away and Lizzie came in shortly with the biggest smile on her face knowing that there wasn’t any bad tension anymore. Well, until they heard a knock on the door making Lizzie stand up to get it since she was the closest one to it. 

“Landon? What are you doing here?” Everyone turns to the door when Lizzie announces his presence. Penelope and Josie gave each other the look like a chess piece has just been moved and they couldn’t back out from this anymore. Hope on the other hand was taken aback by the curly haired boy’s sudden appearance after what happened today. She dreaded the talk but knew that it was bound to happen anyway so she stood up and tried to keep her composure, “Landon can I talk to you for awhile outside please?”

“It’s okay, Hope. You don’t need to explain or apologize or anything. I’m just here to pick up my date for the evening.”, he says casually like it was second nature for him to lie. Hope and Lizzie looked around the room to make sure they hadn’t missed anyone when they walked in. “Date? With who?”, the blonde asks, confusion evident in her tone. 

“Josie.”

And just like that, the first wall of jealousy is seen. 

“Oh…”, the amber haired girl only manages to say. But in her silence, Lizzie takes over. “What?Since when were you into my sister? Josie?? What is this?! Explain!” If only she could shake the answer out of her sister, she would’ve but it didn’t stop her from trying. “Josette Saltzman!! Explain yourself!!”

“I asked her out when she ran after me yesterday. We got to talk, and I saw how good of a person she is and I really want to get to know her more.”, Landon explains in behalf of the silenced brunette. Everyone has their eyes on Josie, waiting for her to speak up but Penelope subtly supports her by placing her arm around the brunette’s shoulder, even though Josie was much taller than she is. “Josie can go on a date if she wants. It wouldn’t be a problem for Hope anyway right?”, she speaks up when she sees how uncomfortable Josie became. 

Josie looks at those green eyes speaking to her, as if telling her she’s not alone. She finds comfort in Penelope’s stare and she knew if it were up to her, Landon isn’t the one she’d want to be on this date with. “Um yeah, I’ll just… go now…”, she awkwardly heads out of her room, arms linked to the curly haired boy’s.

Hope and Lizzie had a look on their faces like they still haven’t fully comprehended what just happened. One minute they were laughing and the two best friends were making up, then suddenly Josie is off on a date with someone of significance to Hope. Their minds felt twisted and they had a feeling that the raven haired girl could untangle this mess in front of them. 

“Penelope I see you’ve been spending time with my sister… way too much time…” Penelope rolls her eyes at how she made especially mentioned that. “Which is why I have a feeling you can explain what just happened? Why did my sister run off to a date with a real life Frodo Baggins?” By now, the blonde’s eyes seemed awfully scary like they were on the verge of popping out with how wide they were. Luckily unlike Josie, Penelope knew how to answer under pressure and make it seem natural. “She just told me that Landon asked her out on a date when she ran after him this morning. Looks like they got to talking and they seem to be a good fit, I don’t know why you guys are making this a big deal”, she adds a shrug to make it even more believable as she plops down on Josie’s bed. 

“She doesn’t like Landon! She likes-“, Hope cuts her off before she could finish what she was about to say but Lizzie had said enough to make the raven haired girl intrigued to what the last words were. “Josie likes someone? Who does she like?”, she says with too much enthusiasm and energy that even she found weird so she tries to redeem herself and act casual. “Liking someone can only get you so far, but going on dates leads to a bigger path.”

“Peanut butter.” Maybe trying to make up some excuse was too late now because it was way obvious now. “Josie likes peanut butter, and books and studying. She doesn’t like dates and going out.”, the blonde clarifies and adds on her excuse. “But you can always change your mind on things you don’t like, especially if you haven’t tried them.”, the raven haired girl contradicts. Penelope managed to somehow stir the conversation on why Josie is on a date with Landon to letting Josie explore the world and herself. 

—————

“I just want to say thank you for helping me with this, Josie.” The two were doing their fake date at the Mystic Grill. It was dinner time so the place was just as busy as the last time that she was here. The only difference was that there was less natural light filling the space and more lighted lanterns that just made the brown hue of the room even richer. But Josie just smiles as her response, not knowing what to say. They ate dinner in peace, too much peace actually. Neither one of them tried to start up a conversation. Landon would occasionally comment on how good his burger was and check up on Josie’s chicken cordon bleu, but that was it. 

Thankfully, someone broke the awkward air between the two. “Josie? What are you doing here? It’s a school night”, a man with a cool voice asks surprised as they approach their table. “Are you on a date? Does your mom know about this?”, he continues to ask. The brunette felt like hiding under the table at that very moment with how embarrassed she felt. “I’m just kidding, kiddo. You know I’m the fun one.”

“Uncle Stefan, what are you doing here anyway?”, she asks, trying to cut off any chance of him humiliating her any further. “Damon and I were just finishing up some papers for the business, he’s in the comfort room but he’ll be out in a bit in case you want to say hi.” But Josie wasn’t in the mood to face his pity stares again for two days in a row, “No it’s fine but tell him I said hi.”

It wasn’t until Landon cleared his throat, obviously put to the background, that Josie introduced him to Stefan. “Landon, this is Stefan Salvatore. Uncle Stef, this is Landon Kirby. My… date for tonight.”, she shyly says, not knowing if she had to keep on the lie in front of him too. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Salvatore. I’ve heard so many good things about you.”, he shakes the man’s hand like he was meeting one of his idols. Josie confused she asks, “That’s weird, I haven’t mentioned anything about him the whole night.”

“Actually you’re a legend at Mystic Falls High for Football. You brought your team to victory after seasons of barely making it to finals.”, he explains with astonishment and adoration for the man. “You even have your own plaque on the team’s locker room.” Stefan chuckles, humbled by how this young man praised him. “That’s a long time ago, wow I feel younger now.” 

“So you two are on a date huh? Josie I thought you liked-“

“Look! Damon’s back from the comfort room I think you shouldn’t keep your brother slash business partner waiting, right?”, the brunette cuts him off before he could finish what he was about to say. But clearly, Landon caught it and looked at Josie with a suspicious and yet, teasing look. As soon as they both said their goodbyes to Stefan, Landon started bugging her about it. “I think I’m gonna go out on a limb here, is it Penelope?”

Even though Josie knew what he was talking about, she acted like she didn’t. “What is?”, she casually asks, trying to seem like it wasn’t such a big deal. “Come on, Josie. I won’t tell. It’s Penelope isn’t it? The one you thought of when I asked you if you knew how it felt like and the same one your uncle asked about? And Hope mentioned some things to me so…”, he brings out evidence to make Josie admit. 

Maybe admitting to one other person aside from her sister wouldn’t be so bad. She could talk about Penelope and maybe getting this crush thing out of her system could just be the thing that could help her forget that she liked the girl that way. “It’s just a simple crush”, she simply admits. “I mean have you seen her? She’s like really pretty anyway.”, she adds on, making her sound even more suspicious. Landon smirks, ready to tease the brunette. “What do you like about her?”, he asks, trying to dig up more on this so-called simple crush. 

Josie rolls her eyes and tries to answer his question but no words form in her mind. Why does she like Penelope anyway? She was obnoxious when they first met and made rude assumptions based on her nothing but welcoming attitude, but she did end up apologizing. She doesn’t know how to do things for herself. She thinks she can get what she wants and she can come off as arrogant at times. She’s snobbish, cocky, and a dangerous flirt and yet here she is, all caught up in a whirlpool of emotions. “She-“, literally no words. This just makes Landon smile even wider, “You know, they say you can’t really find a reason why you truly like someone.”

“I think that’s stupid. There must be a reason because if there isn’t, it’s just unexplainable then. And something that’s unexplainable can be just… fake.”, she contradicts. He shakes his head and as if disagreeing with what the brunette said. “What’s fake is this.”, he points at the air in between them, “and there’s an explanation to it, right? You make up reasons when it’s fake and when it’s real, it just comes to you and you don’t know why because it just does. It’s not science, you don’t need a full list to convince yourself you have feelings for someone.”

The brunette ponders on that through the rest of dinner because though she hate to admit, he had a point. There was no awkward air between them throughout the night. In fact, they seemed like they became comfortable with each other. After their dinner, they decided to walk home instead of getting a cab to spend more time with each other. 

“So what’s step 2 after this fake date?”, the brunette asks. “I’ll walk with you to your dorm, text Penelope so she can bring Hope outside to see me bring you home like the respectful gentleman I am.”, he smiles and bows like an old English man. Josie laughs at his comedic gesture. “There it is! For a second there, I thought you didn’t know how to laugh or something”, he squeals in exaggeration making Josie push him playfully as she rolls her eyes.

They finally make it to their dorm and Josie texted the raven haired girl as planned. Josie and Landon were right in front of her room while the two best friends were peaking by their door, three rooms down. Hope looked focused, shocked but what happened next brought the same look to Penelope. 

“Thanks for the night, Landon. I really had a good time.”, she says making sure that Hope hears her, knowing that they were eavesdropping. But she also means it because she really did enjoy her time with the curly haired boy, even though it started awkwardly and even though she wished it were someone else with her tonight. She became comfortable like she did with Penelope and Hope in the short amount of time she’s known him. But Landon reciprocates this thanks in a way that left her stunned, he leans forward and catches her lips. 

Josie froze. She kept her eyes wide open, obviously shocked but if she pushed him away, Hope would suspect something so she just closed her eyes and prayed for everything to end. When she closed her eyes, she could only imagine those pair of ocean green ones staring back at her when she opened them. She could only think about Penelope and that there were warm lips pressed on hers and maybe she felt something that made her smile. Landon finally pulled away, and thanked her again for the night and walked away, trying his best not to catch Hope’s blue eyes down the hall. She was left there, frozen in front of her door, the small smile creeped back up on her face and she wasn’t even faking this one. After a few seconds, she finally walked inside her room while the two best friends were both left lost for words with what they just saw. 

“Let’s go to sleep, Hope. Remember you have that breakfast thing with Roman tomorrow.”, the raven haired girl is the first to break the silence as she pulls her best friend back into their room. Hope walks into the room, arms hugging herself like she looked cold but the windows were closed shut and there was no cool breeze anywhere. She obviously looked affected and that was understandable but the silence didn’t just come from Hope. Penelope fell awfully quiet too. _That wasn’t part of the plan,_ is all she could make sense of this lump in her throat that she can’t push down. 

When Josie walked in her room, Lizzie was sitting by the edge of her sister’s bed with her arms and legs crossed, a look demanding an explanation for leaving her off to a date without a peep after crying over someone else the night before. “Liz…”, she starts off, still unable to shake the grin off of her face. “I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything before but I swear that’s the last of it.”, she apologizes. “So explain yourself. What on earth possessed you to go out with Hope’s ex thing? And while you’re still hung up over Penelope nonetheless?!”, the blonde almost screams the last part which makes Josie run up to her sister to cover her mouth with her hands. “Lizzie! Volume!”

“I know and I’m sorry. But Hope has that cute rich boy anyway, right? And it’s not like I had serious feelings for Penelope anyway.” Lizzie swiftly hits Josie’s head as if wanting to knock the stupidity out of her sister. The brunette hits her sister in return as revenge, and so did Lizzie. At this point, they looked like two chickens in a cock fight running around the room trying to land a hit on each other. Lizzie’s anger slowly faded as they both started laughing, like they were little girls again and had the whole world set as their playground. 

Tired, the twins plopped down on the middle of the floor. Small giggles and snorts filled the air until it died down, “Jo? If Landon can put you into a good mood like this and not crying yourself to sleep like last night, I can try and support you but promise me you’ll talk to Hope first.”

Guilt crept into Josie’s heart and she had a pained expression that luckily her twin can’t see because they both had their eyes on the ceiling. “Yeah, I’ll go to their room and check if she’s still awake.”, she says as if not knowing that the amber haired girl was watching them out in the hall just a few minutes ago. “So what about Penelope?”, she finally asks the dreaded question.

But even though this was all just fake, Josie hoped this was a way to finally get her mind straight and move on from the raven haired girl. “I rushed into this crush thing and assumed it to be deeper than it really is. It’s just shallow attraction is all.”, the brunette says trying to sound convincing enough for her twin to believe her, and maybe hoping that she herself would believe that’s all that it is. “Okay if you say so. Now, tell me about your first date in ages.” Josie smiled as she recalled the events of the night, happily narrating everything that happened between her and the curly haired boy.

__________

When Lizzie fell asleep after Josie spent a good hour recounting her date, she snuck out to go to the best friends’ room to have that conversation with Hope that she was meaning to have. Knocking on the door nervously, she formed what she needed to say to the amber haired girl. Rehearsing her lines to make sure she sounded true to her words, but the apology part was mainly true anyway so she shouldn’t have a hard time there.

“Josie?”, she asks groggily like she had just woken up from her sleep. “What are you doing here?” Hope pulls the door wider, letting the brunette come in and they sit on her bed knowing this was something important because it was the middle of the night and this could wait for tomorrow if it wasn’t. Sitting there in the darkness, she realizes the bed on the other side is empty and the window was open, making the curtains dance softly with the wind. “Where’s Penelope?”, the brunette asks.

“She’s out on the roof, couldn’t sleep. Is she who you wanted to talk to? I can call her if you want-“, Josie cuts her off by grabbing the amber haired girl’s hand when she stood up. “No actually I came here to talk to you.” The seriousness and nervousness mixing in her tone gave Hope an idea of what she needed to say so she sat back down.

“I know going on the date with Landon was a foul move knowing you guys were starting something…”, she starts off. But Hope holds on to the brunette’s hand tighter, a small reassurance that she wasn’t angry or bitter. “I saw you guys tonight. You both looked happy and I can’t stand in the way of that. I don’t want to be the selfish one who knows that I still have feelings for someone from my past and keeps someone from having a future just because I’m conflicted with what I feel.”, though it pained Hope that she has to let go of someone that would’ve been something, she also knew she couldn’t keep them both. “So don’t worry about me… if this is your way of trying to be happy and to move on from-“ Josie breaks her eye contact with Hope and looks away. 

“You knew, right?”, Josie softly asks to make sure Penelope doesn’t hear her from outside, but also thinking about it still pained her. “Lizzie told me about last night… but I see how you and Penelope interact and I see something, or at least I thought I did.”, Hope explains, trying her best not to overstep. Josie falls to silence, not knowing what to say but also because she didn’t trust herself to sound convincing that she liked Landon when Penelope is the subject of their conversation. 

“You should go out there… I’m not the only one who saw you and Landon tonight…” That’s when Josie realizes Penelope must have seen the kiss, but it shouldn’t matter to Penelope anyway, right? Hope nudges Josie to talk to the raven haired girl out on the roof. “I don’t know, Hope.” The more she feels the cool breeze coming from the window, the more tempted she feels to go out there. It’s like the evening air kept trying to pull her towards Penelope to explain what happened with the kiss but for what? It’s not like they were dating and that kissing someone else was something she shouldn’t have done. But it sure feels like it. 

“She’s been quiet since we saw you both in the halls.”, Hope exposes. Hearing this brought confusion to the brunette. _But she helped plan this out,_ is all she thinks. “She doesn’t like me, why would it matter?”, Josie is about to leave when Penelope comes back through the window. Facing the door, she could only see how the moon casted her shadow but she didn’t need to turn around to know that Penelope was shocked with Josie being in their room. 

“Josie?”

Once again, she’s called by her first name but this time it doesn’t have that rush. It sounds like it holds ache with how softly she calls out her name. The brunette tries her best to muster up a smile before she looked at the raven haired girl by the window. When she turns to face Penelope, her smile dropped. She looked so serious, solemn. Whatever she was thinking about out on the roof top was something that weighed her down and Josie could tell.

“Hey, Park. I was just here to talk to Hope about the whole Landon thing and now that that’s settled, I’ll just go back to sleep now.”, she tries to rush out of their room in hopes that she could avoid needing to explain what happened tonight. “Can we talk first?” Josie’s hand was already on the doorknob, and she felt her heart ache. She just wanted to go back to bed, cry and sleep it all of like it were nothing. She was already having a good night, and yet one peep from Penelope just sends her back to last night.

“Sure…”, she regrets saying. Penelope leads her back out to the roof while Hope went back to sleep. When they were out there under the stars and the night sky, all the pain from last night came back. She could feel the crisp of the cool air, stabbing her lungs. The soft crunch of the paper in her hands and Penelope’s words played on repeat in the back of her mind reminding Josie of what they can’t be.

—————

_Josie: Landon and I are otw back to the dorms. Can’t wait to just go to sleep haha LOL_

Penelope smiles as soon as she gets the text from Josie. “What are you smiling at, P? Coz I don’t think we’re supposed to be laughing at this scene.”, Hope says beside her pertaining to what they were watching.

_“When I woke up, my ID was gone. Nobody knew who I was, nobody was coming to look for me. I realized I may be alive but Chuck Bass doesn’t have to be.”_

_“Changing your name doesn’t change who you are-“_

_“It’s a good start. A chance to live simply, earn people’s respect. Maybe become a person someone could love.”_

_“Someone did love you. And you owe it to her and to everyone else you’re leaving behind not to run away which is what you’re doing and I don’t think that great man you’re talking about wanting to be is a coward. I think he would face up to what he did.”_

_“I destroyed the only thing I ever loved.”_

_“I don’t love you anymore. But it takes more than even you to destroy Blair Waldorf.”_

_“Your world would be easier if I didn’t come back.”_

_“That’s true. But it wouldn’t be my world without you in it.”_

Penelope could hear sniffles beside her, coming from Hope wiping each tear that dared escape her eyes. “You’re such a big baby omygod It’s not real, Hopeyyy don’t kwyyy”, Penelope mocks her best friend with a baby voice that makes Hope hit her with a pillow. “Shut up, P. You suck. You just haven’t found someone yet so you can’t relate.”, she pouts and turns closes the laptop to sulk back in her own bed. Penelope rolls her eyes and scoffs, “Don’t tell me Roman is your someone.” But Hope just stays silent and in that silence, the image of Josie under the moonlight last night popped up in her mind. She shrugged it off when she heard people talking outside and she could tell it was the two coming back from their fake date.

“Psst Hope they’re back from the date”, the raven haired girl says in a whisper as if the two outside could hear her. “So? Let them be, P. At least they’re trying to find someone.”, Hope replies still bitter for being made fun of for crying by her best friend. “Come on let’s see how their date ended.”, she pulls Hope from bed so they can’t both peak through their door they opened slightly. 

“Thanks for the night, Landon. I really had a good time.”, the brunette down the hall says with a wide smile that Penelope found contagious. “Looks like they had a good time..”, Hope says in a somewhat pained tone. She smirks, they succeeded with their first fake date. But that smirk immediately falls when she catches Landon going in to kiss Josie.

From where Penelope was standing, she could see the brunette’s lip pull into a smile under the kiss. “Oh.”, is all her amber haired best friend could say when she saw what happened too. “Oh.”, Penelope repeats, the only thing she can manage to say. Her chirpy mood of making fun of her best friend died and now they were both silent. 

“Let’s go to sleep, Hope. Remember you have that breakfast thing with Roman tomorrow.”, the raven haired girl says as she pulls her best friend, still stunned by what they both saw, back inside their room. She tucked in her best friend to sleep, guilt also washing over knowing that she had a hand in hurting her best friend this way. “I’m sorry, Hope…”, she whispers as soon as she feels her best friend’s steady breathing and her light snore.

_That wasn’t part of the plan,_ is all she could make sense of this lump in her throat that she can’t push down. She looked out the window and craved the fresh air because she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Trying her best not to make too much noise, she opened the window and the frigid wind blasted in front of her, making her grab her jacket by her bed. 

Penelope found a perfect spot that was high enough to give off the view of the lake not so far away. The moon reflecting on the water made it look so steady, so peaceful. She stared at how the water mirrored the sky above her for awhile with her thoughts and she didn’t even notice when her left hand found her right wrist, holding it like there was something missing. Feeling the ghostly touch of the bracelet that once sat there, the memory of her grandfather that she just wishes were here right now to make sense of what she was feeling. “Grampa, I know you’re out there. It’s been awhile since I last talked to you.. I guess I thought I was fine by my own now far away from Mom and Dad..”, she hugs her knees closer to her like she’s craving for a warm embrace. “I haven’t been your little angel anymore, I’m sorry..”, she bows her head down, burying herself underneath her crossed arms as if hiding from the world in shame. “I’m trying to be a better person but why is it so hard? Why do I always end up hurting people? I don’t want to be like this anymore, Grampa. It’s easier being the rock, I don’t have to feel bad but ever since I got here I’ve been letting things in that don’t make sense and I don’t know how to stop it. I just wish you were here to tell me how to stop it.”, she lets out like a deep breath that she’s been keeping in for so long. “I don’t- I don’t want to feel this ugly feeling.” Tears that she’s been pushing back for quiet some time now break through and she just lets them flow. 

She looked back up to the stars, pleading for a response, a whisper, a strong gust of wind or even a cricket’s chirping to tell her what to do. But there was nothing but silence and all she could hear is her heart beating, a painful reminder that she has no other choice but to get through this. “I love you, Grampa. I miss you more each day.”, she finishes her conversation with the air and continues to sit there, breathing in the fresh air.

It wasn’t until she heard movement coming from her room that she left her spot. She peaked and found her best friend up, wide awake and sitting on her bed. “She doesn’t like me. Why would it matter?”, she recognized the voice and it came from the brunette about to walk out of the room.

“Josie?”, Penelope calls out in her soft, tired voice, almost pleading for her not to walk out. 

When she turned around, she had that bright smile again that Penelope found to be her fake one. “Hey, Park. I was just here to talk to Hope about the whole Landon thing and now that that’s settled, I’ll just go back to sleep now.” But seeing her under the moonlight brought the image of Landon kissing her again. “Can we talk?”, Penelope doesn’t even have anything important to say so she doesn’t know what they’ll talk about but all she knew is that she didn’t want Josie to leave just yet. 

“Sure…”, she almost sounds hesitant but proceeds to follow Penelope out the window anyway and back to the spot where Penelope had her _fresh air._

They sat there in silence for awhile until Josie asked, “So what was it you wanted to talk about?” Penelope, eyes fixed on the moon, didn’t know what to say. All she could still think of was that kiss. “How was your date?”, she asks in a bitter tone that Josie misses of course. “It was fun actually, I didn’t think it would be. I mean, it was awkward at first. But Landon is a really great guy and-“

“And it’s a fake date, Saltzman.”

_Saltzman._ “Um I know that, Park. I’m not dumb enough to fall for the guy on our first date.”, she says in an annoyed toned. “Yeah but you’re definitely the type to kiss someone on your first date.”, she spits like she’s shaming the brunette out of bitterness and she didn’t know why. “What the fuck Park? You encouraged me to go on this date. I could have said no knowing how this was going to hurt Hope but you told me to push through with it. So I don’t know why you’re giving me shit for something you agreed to.”, the brunette painfully argues. She was feeling more hurt than she did anger knowing Penelope thought so lowly of her. “Then what’s the deal with that kiss?”, the raven haired girl says still refusing to look at the brunette beside her.

“He kissed me. I didn’t push him away because what part of doing that would look like I’m into him-“

“Are you into him?”, the raven haired girl cuts her off, finally looking at Josie’s brown eyes and the moon’s reflection just made it more entrancing to look at.

_No. It’s not him I’m into._

“And if I am? What’s it to you?”, she tries to push Penelope even more, not even denying it when she should’ve.

Again, Penelope looks away and stares back at the moon. Knowing things were escalating into a fight, she tries to change the subject. “I thought you already like someone else though.”, she brings up what she had overheard awhile ago but she didn’t hear enough to know a name. Saying this made Josie freeze, and suddenly she could feel the air that became twice as cold. Penelope rolls her eyes, “I don’t know who it is, Saltzman if that’s worrying you.” Josie let out a deep breath, thanking every sacred entity in the world that she doesn’t know who it is. 

“I just thought we were getting closer… and I don’t know one single personal thing about you and yet Hope knows who you’ve been crushing on.”, the raven haired girl admits. “And it’s fine if you don’t want to tell me though. I totally understand. No guilt trip over here or anything, but I hope you know that I’m here whenever you need me or even when you don’t. I’m here.”

Josie still felt the sting of Penelope’s judgement but hearing her with those soft words felt soothing. “I know”, she shortly replies, not knowing what to reply and not wanting to ruin the moment. “And I’m sorry I sort of insinuated that you’re… easy.”, she apologizes and returns her gaze on Josie.

It was Josie’s turn to roll her eyes, “Yeah I did not like that. For someone who’s all for feminism, you sure know how to bring down a girl.” 

“Well, when you’ve lived in a world like mine, it’ll be the only thing you know how to do.”, she says as she lays down on the roof, getting a little bit more comfortable now. “So what’s it like living in your world then?” Josie lays beside her so they were both watching the stars and a fresher view of the night sky made them breathe better. 

“Luxurious…”, she says in a one word answer letting it speak for itself. But Josie waited, knowing Penelope has this habit of starting her thoughts with a single word. “… but lonely.” Josie looks over at her side, _gosh even her side profile is so pretty,_ she thinks. Then she remembers the morning she woke up beside the raven haired girl and how peaceful her heart was in those few minutes she had to master her features. 

“There are so many people that knows my name, and yet a few that only knows who I really am.”, she explains further. “What do you mean by that? Are you like a celebrity or something?”, Josie jokes. “Well, something like that.” Josie wasn’t laughing now because she was left dumbfounded. Penelope noticed that the brunette was staring at her in astonishment so she just rolled her eyes. 

“I think we should go in, Saltzman. It’s getting pretty late and we still have classes tomorrow.”, she stands up and offers her hand to help the brunette up. Josie looks up and meets her gaze to those ocean green eyes, then her uncle’s voice replays at the back of her mind, _you’ll never really know if you keep your head down. You should be brave enough to look up and step up._

“What’s a few hours of no sleep, right?”, the brunette smiles and takes Penelope’s hand to pull her back down beside her. “And I don’t want my new best friend to get jealous that I’m not sharing things with her.”, she adds with a smirk, obviously teasing how Penelope acted like a child awhile ago with getting jealous that Hope knew who Josie liked. The raven haired girl was shocked with how Josie pulled her down and the confidence in how she teased her made her stomach twist, a thrill that felt strange to her. 

“Who do you-“

“Except for that question.”, the brunette cuts her off before she could even finish her question. “Fine.”, Penelope pouts but then smirks when she’s found a way around the question, “If you would go on a date with someone, who would it be?”, she smiles, proud of herself.

Josie rolls her eyes but of course she’ll take this opportunity to smack that smug look on her face, “Easy. Hope.” And as predicted, Penelope’s smile drops and her eyebrows furrow. “You’re joking. Right?”, but then Josie shrugs. “I don’t know. Hope is pretty girlfriend material if you ask me.”, she adds on to push Penelope even more. “Maybe I might want to make Hope jealous then keep her for myself then run away with her and never come back. You know, live in a little cottage in a forest where no one can find us and then one day out on a hunt for some food, a wolf finds us and kills us both.”

“Haha very funny, Saltzman. But I know how Little Red Riding Hood goes, you can’t fool me.”, she lightly pushes the brunette in a joking annoyance. “Fine. Landon then.”, she still tries to push the raven haired girl. Penelope rolls her eyes again and thinks of a way to have her title back of being the teasing one. “So where am I on your list?”, she asks innocently. 

Josie raises her eyebrows, as if asking Penelope to repeat what she just said because her mind couldn’t process what she just heard. “I said, if you were to date someone and you had options, where am I on the list? Am I like third? Or fourth?”, she asks again, repeating her question for the brunette who seemed like her mind was on pause. “You’re… close.”, she admits. 

“How close?”, Penelope inches closer to the brunette, less space for the cool breeze to travel between them, bringing more warmth to them both. Josie felt her cheeks heat up but she didn’t have it in her to look away. “Close as in there is no list.”, she says with a trembling feeling.

Josie looked stunned with what she said, this is the closest she’s been to ever admitting her feelings for someone, in a way. She froze and her eyes found Penelope’s rosy lips that looks so warm, the cool air just making her crave the raven haired girl’s touch more. Penelope also had a shocked look on her face, and she too stayed in silence. Her eyes also wandered to Josie’s soft lips and it felt like a magnet, almost pulling her closer to it. They were a few inches away from each other, foreheads almost touching. They could feel the warm breath of each other, and the silence made space for the sound of their heartbeats pounding like crazy. 

“P are you guys coming inside yet? it’s getting cold out there“, They both pulled away from each other so quick when they heard Hope’s groggy voice coming from the window where she was peaking from. Luckily, she didn’t see anything but how they acted when she called out for them made it look seem so suspicious. Penelope was looking up at the sky while Josie looked down, both embarrassed with what just happened. 

“Yeah, Hope. We’re coming in, you should go to sleep don’t worry about us.”, Penelope replies to her best friend, still avoiding to look at Josie who she caught, still hiding her face, in her peripheral vision as she talked to Hope. The amber haired girl didn’t bother asking why they were acting weird and just went back to bed. 

“I think we should go in before your sister comes barging in looking for you.”, the raven haired girl says and stands up, offering her hand once again to help the brunette up. When she did grab it, Josie felt electricity run through her body like a rush. But she wasn’t the only one in the receiving end of it this time, Penelope felt it too.

And it scared her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's just something about late night conversations that hits differently:/  
> But yes, that was chapter 7....... and I just know Penelope Park is #1 in my list:>
> 
> and yes I just had to put in a little Gossip Girl because.. whynot
> 
> .... thoughts perhaps?
> 
> Thank you!!:>


	8. Falling, sinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I don’t want to waste time, so… will you go on a date with me?”_

“Penelope.. Penelope..”, Hope shakes her sleeping best friend but Penelope groans and uses her pillow to hide. “I’m going to breakfast with Roman, I’ll see you at lunch okay? I think you should stay in, considering you were up all night.” The amber haired girl gives up and heads out the door, leaving Penelope alone. And with the silence came the events of last night being replayed, the chilly night, the guilt, the moon, and of course the brunette who she almost kissed if it weren’t for Hope that called her to go in. 

Penelope runs her fingers across her lips and it’s as if she could still feel Josie’s warm breath, the fog it creates in the cold air and those soft lips almost touching hers. Then she brought her hand in front of her, feeling the electric touch of the brunette from last night that didn’t let her sleep. There were times that she went dangerously close to Josie but this felt like it wasn’t just one way. An electric current that sparked when they touched and sent a rush to both sides. “Fuck.”, she curses under her breath out of frustration with how she felt. She finally gets up and checks her phone from her nightstand. 

_Hope: txt me when u wake up._  
_Hope: R u up yet??_  
_Hope: U up? Landon and Josie are here in the dining hall having breakfast together. Raf is here with Lizzie too but I’m in a different table so txt me if u’ll follow so I can join u if u want._

_Josie: I think we need to talk_  
_Josie: … abt last night_

Penelope replies to neither and just sighs, a deep breath escaping her lungs silently hoping it were her last for the day and she could just go back to sleep. She stands up and gets ready for the long day ahead, knowing she’ll have to face the brunette at some point since they have the exact same schedule together. Instead of going to the dining hall to meet up with her friends though, she goes straight to the spot she has felt safest ever since she step foot into this school. Where the smell of old pages linger in the air, where dust dances with the stillness of the room and silence gives space for thoughts. Where she doesn’t have to talk to anyone. 

She hides behind the shelves with a book in hand, sitting on the wooden floors like she were still in her room, comfortable. Penelope lets herself get lost in the pages, not minding time or when the library became completely empty when the bell rang. She only looks up when she hears a familiar voice, one that she least expected it to come from. “Um.. hey Penelope..”, the voice calls out coming from a curly haired boy approaching her. 

“Landon? What are you doing here?” He had this bright smile plastered in his face but something seemed off with how he looked at the raven haired girl curled up on the floor with a book in hand. “Did Josie send you?” She shifts her attention back to her book. Landon plops down beside her and leans on the book shelf behind him, “The opposite actually. She told me to go to school and… stop the fake date thing.”, he reveals right away.

This news sits in Penelope’s mind, not knowing how to react to it but she knew last night had a hand in why she made this rash decision of calling the plan off. “What? Why would she do that?”, she asks like she’s as blind as a bat. “Maybe it was that kiss.. I don’t know. I knew I shouldn’t have done that, I-“

“Why did you kiss her?” Penelope looks at him in the eye, trying to catch anything that goes against whatever he’s about to say. “Isn’t that what you do at the end of dates?” It was his turn to look away, making Penelope suspect that there was something else so she presses him more. “Yeah if you’re like in a really bad RomCom or something. So what is it really? Why did you kiss her? Was it part of your plan to get Hope jealous?” She interrogates him like he’s a suspect to a murder case. The intensity of her questions puts Landon on a hot seat, “I- I- I thought that- that Josie is actually kind of cool.”, he struggles to find his voice under Penelope’s deadly stare. “She’s cool and fun and I like being with her.” Penelope raises her eyebrows, fully doubting his words. He sighs, “Ok fine. I kissed her because I knew you guys were looking.”

Her eyebrows almost meet, “So what if we were looking? The plan was to get Hope jealous, not hurt her!”, she almost yells. Luckily, everyone else was in class so no one would overhear whatever they were talking about. “Yes of course I know that but I didn’t just do it to make Hope jealous.”, he swallows this lump in his throat that formed out of nervousness. “Not just Hope.”, he adds. “What? So you wanted to make me jealous? Why would you want me to get jealous?” Landon gives her this look that opened the curtains and everything seemed brighter, blindingly brighter. She falls silent, not wanting to push anything further because everything started to become clearer.

_“Those are… your clothes?”_

_“I got jealous that you lent your dress to Lizzie.”_

_“She doesn’t like Landon! She likes..”_

_“She doesn’t like me, why would it matter?”_

_“Close as in there is no list.”_

Penelope was used to people crushing on her. She has suitors back at home that swore they could offer everything in the world to her. But she never took anyone of them seriously, thinking that they love her name and not who she really is. She did love messing around, flirting with anyone who seemed worthy of her attention for a night but then she’d leave them hanging. None of them went further than anything physical because she wouldn’t allow them to. 

“You should go talk to her, Penelope.” Landon leaves her with that, knowing she knew what he meant and heads back to his own school. She couldn’t return back to her peaceful reading with what was just dropped on her lap. Running out of the library, she passes by some students that greeted her with a friendly face and she tried her best to act normal. That’s what she was good at anyway.

“Penelope! There you are!” Hope calls out to her best friend when she spots her walking down the hall. She had her arm linked around Roman’s and they had the biggest smile on their faces like nothing went wrong between the two. But it’s when the raven haired girl looks at her best friend, who looked like she was out of breath, that Hope realizes something is wrong so she quickly said goodbye to her boyfriend and went beside Penelope with a worried look on her face. 

“P? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”, she asks, placing her hands on her shoulders to show support for whatever it was that she was feeling. But seeming as though she didn’t have the strength to talk with how pale her face looked, Hope had to bring her into one of the vacant classrooms closest to them. 

Once Hope made sure that no teacher or student were approaching this room when the bell rang, she locked the doors. “P, what happened? You look sick! I told you to just stay in today.”, she scolds her like a mother caring for a stubborn sick child. But Penelope wishes it were just physical illness that caught her, “I’m not sick, Hope.”, she finally speaks. “I- I don’t know what I’m feeling.” Hope places her hand on her forehead, checking her temperature and when she’s convinced that she isn’t sick, she takes a deep breath and tries to calm herself. “Then why did it look like you were about to have a heart attack out there?”

The raven haired girl looks down, not knowing what to say because she still wasn’t entirely sure if what she knows and what Landon almost practically said was true. Then, she remembers that Hope knows who Josie likes so she looks at those denim blue eyes, knowing Hope wouldn’t lie to her best friend. “Hope.”, she starts off sounding so serious that the amber haired girl focuses all her attention on her. “Does Josie like me?”, she goes straight to the point leaving her best friend in shock. When her eyes widened in fear instead of confusion, she already knew she had her answer. 

“P…”, she tries to reach out to Penelope who looked like she was about to pass out with how pale she looked. “You should go talk to her” It’s the same thing as Landon said. The same hints, the exact same advice. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d end up pushing her away and I saw how comfortable you were starting to be with her-“

“I don’t let people get close to me, Hope! You know that! I’m just going to hurt her!”

“Hurt her? Or hurt yourself?” Out of frustration, Hope argues instead of standing down and comfort Penelope like she usually does. This leaves Penelope confused, too focused on her bursting out with what she found out to even try to comprehend what Hope just said. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re so blind to see that you’ve already let her in! You couldn’t see it yet but you did!”

Penelope doesn’t speak, she doesn’t move even when every muscle in her body just wants to run away but at the same time something in her says that she should sit down and listen to what Hope is saying, to what her heart is trying to say.

But what good would listening do if her mind was already set on one thing.

—————

_Penelope: sure. I’m feeling a bit sick today though so i skipped classes today but let’s talk after class. Hope will be out on a date tonight so, my room._

Josie was in her last class for the day. Expecting that Penelope wasn’t there to distract her she thought that she could focus more on the lessons but it was the exact opposite. Her mind went places and teachers had to call her attention twice because she’d space out. She was a nervous wreck because this time, she was set on finally asking Penelope out after calling off the whole fake date thing with Landon. Some part of her felt bad that she couldn’t help her two friends but for the first time in forever, she wanted something for herself and it mattered more. 

As soon as the final bell rang, she was out of the room first which was a new thing because she always used to stay last to finish up her homework or tidy up the room even though there were personnel already assigned for that. First, she had to stop by her room before meeting up with Penelope. It was to get a crumpled piece of paper she once clung on too tight one night.

“Park?”, the brunette takes the liberty of opening the door without knocking and there she finds the raven haired girl sitting by the edge of her bed. She looked like she had so much in her mind but she didn’t look sick at all. But Josie asks anyway, “How are you feeling?”

Penelope looks up and realizes Josie had came in. She was too in her thoughts that she didn’t even realize the door opening. “Hey… yeah no I’m good. I mean, I’m feeling better.”, she manages to answer with a small smile. Josie accepts it, pushing no further to why she really was missing from class today and looking as though she wasn’t sick at all. But she’s stuck with where she’s supposed to sit down, does she sit beside her? Does she sit in Hope’s bed to keep distance? Or does she just stand there?

“Come here, sit beside me.”, Penelope offers with a smile when she senses Josie looking around the room. So they were both seated by the edge of the bed, both nervous to what would come out of this conversation. But they both knew it needed to happen.

“So what was it you wanted to talk about?”, Penelope finally asks after almost five minutes of dead air. 

Josie takes a deep breath.

_This is it,_ she thinks and exhales. 

“About Landon…”

“Yeah I heard about that already actually. He found me in the library this morning.”

Josie falls confused, “The library? What were you doing in the library?”

_Hiding from you. From everyone. From this world._

“Reading soothes my headache.”, she makes an excuse.

Again, Josie doesn’t push it. “Oh okay. What did he tell you exactly?” There was something in her tone that hinted like Landon knew something that could’ve easily reached Penelope. Little did she know that it did, in a way. “He told me that you called off the plan? I’m just wondering why though, considering you both had a good time last night.”

The mention of last night brought an uneasy feeling for them both and silence reigned over again. Unlike before where they used to find quiet moments like this comforting, this was far from it. It felt like they were both drowning, both of them waiting for the other to reach out their hand so they could breathe.

“Josie, I know.”

But the tides just kept getting stronger and wilder with each passing second.

“When Landon told me you called off the plan, he also told me why he kissed you last night.”

The salty sea water leaves a burning feeling on open wounds that hurt way too deep.

“He said it’s the same reason why he’s doing it for Hope… but for you… to me..”

And you try to open your eyes to look for at least one sign that help is coming, that you aren’t far from the surface.

“Penelope…”

Maybe even attempting to scream for someone to save you, but it only ends with you taking in those dark waters.

“You shouldn’t have called off the plan.”

Then the freezing temperature immobilizes you, letting you sink down to an abyss. Falling, sinking further and further. 

Penelope looks down on her feet, unable to look at Josie in the eye. She finds that the brunette had a piece of paper on her hand like the other night that they talked and settled on being best friends. Somehow she knew what was in that note and the guilt just added up even more. 

Josie didn’t say anything else to try and talk to the raven haired girl because she didn’t want to feel even more pathetic than she already did. At least by just walking out the door, she could save at least some dignity for herself and go by the rest of high school like she planned. Her heart was aching enough, why beat it up even more right?

When Penelope hears the door shut, tears started to fall. Pain, guilt, fear, and all she wanted right now was to hide in her bathroom back at home with the cool tiles and the lavender scented air. She curled up in her bed, hugging her sheets like it were the only thing keeping her from losing herself all over again. Her cries were silent, something she had gotten used to. But it ached even more that no noise came out, her heart felt like it was about to jump right out of her chest because even it didn’t like its home. 

—————

Josie found herself in front of the doors to Mystic Falls High School. The students there were looking at her like she were an alien stepping foot into their territory. She was still in her uniform so people knew where she studied, but that wasn’t just that. They were given the impression that students from the Salvatore Boarding School were just privileged and problematic rich kids who thought themselves better than anyone else. But Josie’s mind was someplace else and she couldn’t bring herself to care about those judgemental stares because what mattered to her was looking for the curly haired boy with a bright smile and landing her fist on his face.

She was standing in the middle of the steps leading to the door, making sure she doesn’t miss him on his way out. And that’s when she spots him, “Landon!!” When he sees her, he knew exactly what was going to happen because of the range in how she called out his name. Bowing his head down as he approached the brunette, he looked like a guilty puppy that knew he did something wrong. Josie smacked the back of his head like what she and her sister does whenever one of them did something wrong. “What the hell were you thinking?!”, she snapped right away as soon as Landon was in a reachable distance. 

“Can we talk someplace else?”, he pleads because everyone is looking at them as if waiting for some drama to talk over the next day. She nods in agreement, still furious though so she doesn’t say anything else when she follows him to the football field. They sat on the empty bleachers, having privacy to whatever they had to talk about. 

“Okay, you can get mad now.”, he says as they sat down on the highest row. Josie, still angry, started yelling again. “What did you tell Penelope? When you looked for her in the library today when I clearly told you to just go back to school” Even though Penelope already told her, she needed to hear it for herself and felt like she needed to pin the blame on someone, to hold someone responsible for her heartache. “I told her I kissed you because I saw them both, and I didn’t just do it for Hope. I did it to make her jealous too.”, he answers casually like he’s oblivious to the impact of what he had done.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Did you really think that she wouldn’t get that?”, she rages on further. She stands up, her blood boiling with anger. “Jesus, Josie. Calm down.”, he says still so chill that it made the brunette even more furious. “Unless this is what you wanted? Because I called off the plan?”

Landon looked hurt with what she said, “No, Josie I’m not selfish. I told her because she was all you talked about during breakfast and I didn’t want to be in the way of you two getting together. And don’t tell me that you calling off the plan didn’t mean you still weren’t going to admit your feelings to her. I just… pushed her a little bit to your direction”

“Pushed a little bit?! I was just with her and she…” Josie fell back to her seat, finally noticing that she was out of breath from running to the school and bursting out on Landon. “Josie… are you okay?”, he asks genuinely worried for the brunette who looked like she was going to pass out. When he places his hand softly on her shoulder, her tears start to pour down. Tears that she did didn’t let escape in front of the raven haired girl. 

“She knew… and yet she still told me I shouldn’t have called off the plan…”, she says in a cracky voice that just broke Landon’s heart with guilt knowing he had a hand in her pain. “She’s the first person ever that I let in like this, that I felt actual feelings for. But I guess, how would I know, right? I don’t let people get to know me, that’s my fault I guess.”

“Josie…”, he tries to reach out to her, to comfort her.

“No, Landon. It’s okay.”, she assures as she wipes the tears still falling continuously. She looked at him with her red eyes filled with pain and sadness, “I’m going to be okay.”

But the tears still kept on pouring on, rolling down her cheeks like a waterfall. Landon didn’t say anything, letting her release all this pain she needs to let go of. All he could do was hold her in an embrace and let her know she has someone that cares about her. If you were to walk pass by them, you’d automatically assume they were a couple with how close they were and how comfortable they looked with each other. 

Once Josie feels a bit better and finishes crying, she pulls away from his embrace and wipes the remaining tears. “So… Penelope… Just a simple crush, huh?”, he teases to try and lighten the mood. The brunette finally laughs, a real one. She sighs, letting out a deep breath as if letting go of the hurt. The sun had started to set and with the wide green scene of the field, it looked even more beautiful than it usually did. “It’s all it has to be.”

Landon watches as Josie adored the orange sky, and he thought that she was beautiful. How her heart was so innocent and yet she had the courage to confront her feelings and admit them despite the uncertainty of things. Something that he couldn’t do, needing this whole plan to just tell Hope that he liked her and to say that she belonged with him. Her eyes spoke of so much sadness and yet it still found beauty in the simplest of things like the colors painted in the sky. 

“Hey Josie…”

Josie looks over at him, still with sadness written all over her face but still tried to put up a smile. “Let’s go on a date. A real one this time.”, he says so smoothly, trying to hide his nervousness. “What?” It sounded like a joke that she didn’t understand. “I said, let’s go on a date. One that we don’t have to pretend we like each other.”, he repeats.

“Landon, I don’t need a pity date to get over Penelope. I can manage, but thank you.”, she stands up and is about to leave. “Not a pity date. Not a let’s make Hope jealous date. Just a date wherein we get to know each other more.” He has this charming smile that somehow makes Josie feel a bit better. 

“What about Hope?” 

“What about Hope? She’s clearly already dating that Roman guy and they looked happy over breakfast. I don’t want to keep her from happiness.”, he shrugs like it’s really not a big deal. “I mean, she knows we’re dating anyway. Why not add some truth in that? Scratch the whole plan except for the part where you and I date.” Josie has only seen this kind of confidence in trying to flirt with her once but thinking about Penelope caused a sting again. “Why would you want to date me?”, she asks like it’s a question for an essay. “Why wouldn’t I? You’re like, really pretty. You’re smart, you’re fun to be with-“

“Those are just superficial reasons.”

“Then let me find out what’s more to Josie Saltzman.”, he says as he takes her hand. He stands up as if he’s about to give a full on speech. “Look, I know it’s weird.. me asking you out minutes after crying your heart out over Penelope. But I think we can both agree that wasting time is stupid, look where it got us.” Landon kneels down on one knee, still holding the brunette’s hand. “I don’t want to waste time, so… will you go on a date with me?” Josie rolls her eyes at his cliche stunt but laughs anyway and nods in agreement just to get him to stand back up because people were starting to look. 

“Fine I’ll go on a date with you”, she agrees and Landon smiles. 

They walk back to the school together, getting to know each other more without having to be forced to do so. It was getting dark so there weren’t that much students outside, but when they arrived by the gates, she felt like running away all over again. Everything about last night and how it ended up to Penelope telling her she shouldn’t have called off the plan just stabbed Josie’s heart again and again each time it replayed. “Hey. You okay?”, Landon asks worried with how Josie just stopped in front of the gate. She looked like she was frozen in her spot so Landon grabbed her hand and intertwined it with his, showing his support and assuring her it’ll be okay. So they walked in the school holding hands and it felt weird for Josie because this was real and they weren’t putting a show for anyone. People didn’t look at them weirdly because they knew they were dating since they looked like they were during breakfast. 

At the dining hall, everyone was seated for dinner. Hope, Lizzie together with their boyfriends were in one table together. When Hope finds Josie standing by the door with Landon, her eyes widen in shock. Not because her ex something was holding hands with someone else, but because she expected that someone else would be holding hands with her best friend by now. The amber haired girl looks around the room, trying to find Penelope in the crowd but she’s nowhere to be seen so she grabs her phone and texts her best friend.

_Hope: Wru and why is Josie still with Landon?_

Penelope, weak, reaches for her phone on her nightstand that lit up in her dark room. She didn’t move an inch since Josie walked out of her room. Once she reads the text, she sighs. Her eyes were too dried out from crying that she can’t bring herself to release any more pain. Though she drowned herself in sadness, she was fully convinced that she did the right thing. She knew that she’d only end up hurting Josie and she cared too much for the brunette to ever do that. She thought that pushing her away could just be one swift pain Josie would eventually move on from and that’s better than being with someone who would destroy her bit by bit and she didn’t want to bring anyone down with her. Especially Josie.

—————

“You’re so blind to see that you’ve already let her in! You couldn’t see it yet but you did!”

Penelope sighs, “I can’t-“

“P, you can. Josie isn’t other people, right? She doesn’t know anything about your past, she saw you for who you are and not who you were. P, you can’t keep beating yourself up for what happened. You deserve a chance at love, please don’t push it away.”, Hope says as she looks at Penelope in the eye, trying to ease the fear of letting anyone in to see all parts of her. “I love you, P. And I’ll always be here for you but I think it’s time to let someone else love you, in the way that I can’t.” 

“I’ll hurt her-“, the raven haired girl still tries to contradict. “You will. And she’ll hurt you, but you’ll still have each other through it all.”, she takes a hold of Penelope’s hand and makes sure that her best friend is listening and fully taking in the words she would push away if it came from anyone else. “I see the way you are with her and you have feelings for her that you can’t understand because you’re scared of what it really means.”

“What if things change? What if her feelings change?”

“Please. You’re Penelope Park. With you? There’s no going back.”, the amber haired girl smirks. Penelope smiles at Hope’s comment that’s meant to boost her confidence back up. “Believe me, I’ve tried.”, Hope jokes and the raven haired girl rolls her eyes with how she ruined the pep talk. “You’re annoying.” Penelope, whose tears were on the verge of falling, playfully pushes Hope. “And you’re in love.” Hope winks at her best friend. 

_In love._

Terrifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .......this is now a jandon fanfic im sorry:(
> 
> but im kidding of course 
> 
> love is terrifying, amiryt?
> 
> thoughts perhaps?:>
> 
> Thank you!!


	9. Hurt is hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"I just didn’t know how to-“_
> 
> _“How to hurt me less, right?”_
> 
> _“Does that make sense?”_
> 
> _“I don’t know, all I knew is it hurt and it didn’t really matter if it was less or not.”_

Three months had passed and Penelope and Josie never talked again after she ran out of the raven haired girl’s room and ended up in Landon’s arms. The two best friends kept their distance from the twins and it suddenly became like they didn’t know each other. There would be times that they’d bump into each other in the hallway but Josie would always be the first to turn the other way and Lizzie would have to look apologetically at Hope but then roll her eyes to throw Penelope off. “Hope I know that you said that you’re here for me even if they turn out hating us but I know that you’ve been sneaking out so you could hang out with Lizzie.”, the raven haired girl says as they walk together on the way back to their room after their classes for the day. Hope acts dumb and denies it, “What? No! I’ve been sneaking out to see Roman.” But Penelope gives her this look like she can’t fool her so Hope sighs in defeat.

“Yeah fine. I’ve been seeing Lizzie but only because we have the same classes and-“

“Hope, you don’t have to cover up hanging out with Lizzie. You guys are free from whatever is happening with me and Josie.”, she assures her best friend. “And besides, we came here to make a new life for ourselves so I don’t want to keep you from making new friends.” She smiles at Hope, letting her know that she really is fine with it. “And besides, if you want to spend some time with Lizzie, I can always just hang out with the boys.” 

Hope smiles when she remembers how MG, Jed and Kaleb approached them when they noticed the two best friends started skipping breakfast, lunch and dinner services and would eat in their own time in the kitchen just to avoid seeing the twins. They brought them their meals and started hanging out in the bleachers by the field. 

“Please. You know they’re scared of you, right?”, Hope teases. Penelope just rolls her eyes and opens the door to their room, craving her soft sheets and a good book. But what Penelope saw as her sanctuary, Hope saw as a mess. Books were scattered underneath her bed, her old clothes just hanging on the edge of it, and notes on her shelf that just sat there accumulating dust. It’s as if it were a reflection of who stayed in that side.“Jeez, P when are you gonna clean up your side of the room.”, Hope comments and proceeds to her side. 

“What? It’s not that messy…”, she pouts and sits on her bed, studying her surroundings. “It looks like a typhoon passed by and only hit your spot.” Penelope shrugs, “I think the mess makes it easier for me to find things. Like, it’s already there and I won’t have to go look for it” 

Hope, irritated at the mess she’s been tolerating for months, walks over to Penelope’s side and starts picking up her clothes and the raven haired girl tries to stop her. But when she lifts a pile of clothes, she hears glass clink together and they both stop with the sound. Hope investigates further and finds emptied out bottles of rum tucked in the pockets of her hoodies, some wrapped in her clothes. There were at least five bottles that were empty and one that was halfway finished. She raised her eyebrows at Penelope, obviously furious to what she discovered. Penelope groans and buries her face under her pillow, not in the mood to explain herself. “What the fuck is this, Penelope?”

“It’s me being me, Hope. What else?”, she answers half-assed and takes out her phone and just scrolls through it like this wasn’t a big deal. Hope tries to calm herself, “How did you even get this in to the school?” Penelope shrugs, “I have my ways.” Getting no serious answers from Penelope just drives Hope even more furious. “And here I thought you were starting to be better, finally proving your parents that they were wrong about you!”

When Hope uses her full name, Penelope knows she’s serious and is beyond outraged so she stays silent and allows her best friend to scold her, in through one ear and out the other. “This could get you expelled! You know that right?” Penelope tried to mute her best friend in her mind and make it just sound like blurry background noise. She had this blank expression on her face that really made her seem like she didn’t care about anything anymore, like the fire had died out.

Hope sits down beside Penelope on her bed and tried to reach out to the raven haired girl by looking into her eyes. “Unless you don’t care about that? Unless that’s what you’re trying to do. Get yourself expelled so you can get out of this place and you won’t have to feel guilty about… about Josie-“ Penelope finally looks at her best friend in the eye with the mention of the brunette’s name, like it were a trigger that sent her on edge. “I don’t want to talk about it”, she just says and hides under her sheets, refusing to confront Hope. 

“No Penelope! We should talk about it! I’ve given you a free pass for months not asking anything about what happened! Why I walked in that night to find you looking like you’ve been crying the whole day while she and Landon were smiling at each other at dinner! Why I’ve been hearing you cry yourself to sleep every night if you weren’t out on the roof… apparently drowning yourself in alcohol.. again!!” Hope bursts out, having enough of Penelope’s deflecting. “What the fuck happened when you talked to her, Penelope?” 

“What does it look like, Hope? You want me to stop fucking up? You’re so worried about me proving myself wrong to my parents but maybe they aren’t wrong. We both know why they sent me here and it’s not to fix my life! But because there is no fixing left to do! They sent me here because they’re ashamed of me. This isn’t a new chance, Hope. This is exile! And maybe they were right to send me away because all I bring is trouble to everyone’s lives. That’s what I do, right? I disappointed my grandfather, I hurt Josie, I brought you down when you followed me here, pulling you away from your life-“

Hope slaps Penelope right in her face to stop her from saying anything else. She couldn’t bring herself to listen to how her best friend could just beat herself up like that, like she didn’t matter. But how can she blame her when Penelope grew up with parents that made her think she was always bound to fuck up? 

By now, Hope had uncontrollable tears rolling down her cheeks. She took a good look at Penelope, she looked so dead with that dead expression on her face and it scared her. “Your parents are wrong, P. If you think that they’re right and that you’re fucked up, that’s because they raised you that way. But you can always try to be better. and this? This isn’t trying. You’re just letting them get to you again even though they’re miles away from you.” Hope leaves her with those words before she storms out of the room, tears falling down her face as she ran down the halls.

Penelope just sighs and grabs the bottle with rum left and drank the night away again, minus the loud music and huge crowds that usually accompanied her in times like this. She looked around, still holding her bottle in one hand, and started picking up her old clothes and set the empty bottles in the corner. She takes a big sip from time to time as she tries to clean up the mess in her room like the fuel that’s the only thing letting her function. Hope’s pep talk always got to her but this time, all it managed to do was push Penelope to actually clean up her room and at least put up a front that she really is okay so her best friend won’t have to worry about her anymore. She sits down on the floor and reaches for the books under her bed. Until she finds an old crumpled piece of paper that she lets go of her bottle and leaves it on the floor so she could reach the note. 

She grabs a hold of it, and realizes it looked familiar. It’s the paper that Josie held the night she asked if they could be best friends and the same one that she spotted also in the brunette’s hand the day that Penelope found out Josie liked her but then pushed her away. She unfolds it and finds her elegant handwriting, it makes her smile.

_It’s an electrifying feeling_  
_That all these colored lights can’t match._

_A warm tender embrace_  
_That these sheets can’t imitate._

_It’s a rhythm only we can compose_  
_But when this night ends,_  
_Where do we go? ___

__The memory of the party resurfaces, the image of Josie dancing under all the colored lights and the confidence just making her glow brighter. “Oh Josie.. You would’ve been even more broken if I told you how I really felt. I would’ve ruined you….” She drinks what’s left of the rum and throws it to the wall, the glass shattering all over the floor. She leans on the edge of her bed, the golden hue of the sunset pushing past her window, enough for the shattered glass to shine._ _

__—————_ _

__Hope finds herself seated on the steps leading to the doors of the school. It was starting to get dark out and so everyone else were already inside. She cried alone under the moon that finally showed itself. But her quiet sobs did not go unnoticed by some that passed by, especially by the curly haired boy that was just about to go in the school to meet up with his girlfriend. When Hope noticed that he was standing in front of her and watching her, not knowing if he should approach the amber haired girl or let her be sad on her own, she wiped her tears right away and forced a smile that he obviously didn’t buy._ _

__“Hey Landon… uhm sorry you had to see that”, she tries to force a small laughter to try and shake it off like it’s nothing but Landon knew it was. “Come on, Hope. You don’t have to pretend with me.” He proceeded to sit down beside the amber haired girl, “You should just go inside, Josie might be looking for you already.” She tries to turn the other way so he won’t see the tears still running down her eyes. “No it’s fine, Josie will understand. You need a friend right now so I’m not leaving until you feel better.”, he has this bright smile on face, one that Hope found endearing and contagious the first time they met. “Friend? You’re making friends with the enemy?” Landon looks confused with what she said but then remembers how she and Penelope aren’t on speaking terms with the twins. Well, to Josie mostly. And of course Landon felt guilty knowing he had a hand on that with starting up this whole plan anyway._ _

__“Right. I’m sorry-“_ _

__“Sorry? Why would you be?”, she asks innocently, totally unaware of the situation the three were in months ago. The questioning look just adds up to Landon’s guilt even more knowing that she had no idea. “I’m sorry that things are the way they are.”, is all he says but still means every word. “Yeah, I’m sorry too.” Landon looks at her because he feels like there’s more that she wants to say sorry for so he doesn’t intervene._ _

__Hope sighs, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Roman right away and that I left you hanging after. I just didn’t know how to-“_ _

__“How to hurt me less, right?”_ _

__Hope nods, “Does that make sense?”_ _

__“I don’t know, all I knew is it hurt and it didn’t really matter if it was less or not.”, he says with full honesty that surprises the amber haired girl. But what she thought that what he said did make a lot of sense, hurt is still hurt. “Right. I’m sorry.”, she repeats with an apologetic smile._ _

__“It’s okay, Hope. I’ve moved on and I’m happy with Josie.”, he reassures her. “So what happened tonight? Why are you out here.. crying to the moon?” Hope looks away, not really sure if she’s in the place to talk about what just happened with Penelope. Especially with it involving his girlfriend. “It’s nothing.”, she says even though it really was because she was worried about her best friend falling back to her same pattern of self-destruction._ _

__“If you say it like that, I’m worried you don’t trust me.”, he jokingly acts offended that earns a small laugh from the amber haired girl. “It’s not that, I just don’t think it’s my secret to tell.”_ _

__“So it’s about Penelope?” Hope looks at him in shock for figuring it that quick. “Hope, you aren’t that close with anyone else here. You’re mostly just with Roman and if you’re not with him, you’re with Penelope and MG, Kaleb and Jed.”_ _

__“So… you’ve been watching me?”, she takes her turn to tease the curly haired boy. Landon doesn’t deny it and shrugs, “You just happen to be in places that Josie and I are. Besides, I have a girlfriend so don’t go fishing for something else from me, alright?” Hope playfully pushes him, “As if!” Hope laughs while he has this smug look on his face because he wanted to make her feel lighter and she did._ _

__They were having a good time, catching up with each other’s lives. Until Landon’s phone buzzed in his pocket, it was Josie asking where he was. The two realized they’ve been talking for half an hour and they didn’t even notice time fly by so fast. “Well that’s my cue. You going in too?”, he stands up and offers his hand to the amber haired girl. She shakes her head, “Nope, I’ll just stay here for awhile. The moon looks pretty tonight.”_ _

__“Okay. Well, goodnight Hope. It was fun talking to you like this again, I hope you feel better.”, he says and walks to doors, but before he enters he takes one last glance at Hope and how beautiful she looked as she sat there adoring the moon, a reminder of the night of the party where he had felt the same adoration for the amber haired girl. He smiles to himself and continues his way to his girlfriend._ _

__—————_ _

__The following day, Hope woke up to Penelope seated by the edge of her bed looking at her as if she were waiting for her to finally open her eyes. But what she noticed more was that her side of the room was perfectly clean, her books back on her shelf, her clothes all tidied up in her closet and there were no scattered notes to be found. Except for a crumpled piece of paper by her nightstand. “P, you missed a spot.”, she points to the direction of the paper but Penelope shakes hear head. “No this isn’t trash.”, she says as she takes it. She looked at the note like it was something sentimental, “I found it underneath my bed last night. Josie must have left it when we talked that day.” Her mentioning Josie’s name with ease and no sting singlehandedly woke Hope up. Penelope noticed her stare so she sighed, “I’ll tell you what happened, Hope. The whole thing but can you promise not to get mad at me?”_ _

__“P, you’re my best friend. I could never get mad at you.”, she tries to encourage her best friend because she could see that small spark in her again slowly coming back to life. “Well it didn’t feel that way when you slapped the shit out of me last night.” She runs her hand across her cheek, still feeling the sting of her best friend’s hand. Hope rolled her eyes and got out of bed to move over to Penelope’s so they were closer. “What is it, P? What happened?”_ _

__The raven haired girl takes a deep breath and starts from when Roman appeared in their table and how Josie and Landon had planned to make Hope jealous to Penelope finding out and telling them no but then eventually helping them with planning. “You what?!” Hope looked furious with that part and Penelope used a pillow to act as a shield, expecting that Hope would hit her again. “No I’m not going to hit you so give me that pillow”, she takes the pillow away from Penelope but the raven haired girl stands up incase she needs to run. “P, sit back here. Explain yourself.” In fear that she might actually hit her if she doesn’t listen, she sits down and explains why she did what she did. Hope tries to calm herself, “I knew you hated Roman but I didn’t think you’d go as far as manipulating me, thinking I’d leave him out of jealousy.” Disappointment evident in her tone, she just stands up and fixes the things she needs for the day. Hope’s silence scared Penelope even more than the possibility of her best friend hitting her so she followed Hope and hugged her and apologized over and over again._ _

__“I’m sorry, Hopey. All I knew was that Roman was bad news for you and I wasn’t thinking anything else I’m sorry”, she pouts, trying to get Hope to forgive her. The amber haired girl just rolls her eyes and sighs, “Fine. But you still haven’t told me what happened between you and Josie.”_ _

__“Right. So, yeah. That night when they came back from their date, they knew we were watching them-“_ _

__“So all that was just an orchestrated stunt and you guys ended up hurting me… and yourself.” Hope makes a guess which Penelope just bowed her head down to in shame. “He kissed Josie not just to make you jealous, but to make me jealous too because he knew that Josie liked me at that time.”_ _

__“Well… did you get jealous?”, she asks, the anger slipping away and genuine curiosity taking over. “We wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t right? I don’t know… I just shouldn’t have asked her to stay and talk with her in the roof.”_ _

__“Why? What happened in the roof?”_ _

__Penelope pulls away, debating if she should reveal the true events to that night. “We talked…”_ _

__“Then we almost kissed…”_ _

__Hope squeals, forgetting that was months ago and things were different now but she couldn’t help but feel happy for her best friend with this old news. “Is that when I called you back in and you guys acted weird?” Penelope nods, her head still down in embarrassment, though Hope didn’t understand why she was because she usually was so proud of things like this. But of course, Hope knew it meant something different for the raven haired girl._ _

__“But then Landon found me in the library and told me that Josie called off the plan and he told me why he kissed her-“_ _

__“And you ran out, that’s when I found you in the halls”_ _

__“Then you talked me into confronting my feelings.”_ _

__“Then I thought you were going to admit it to Josie”_ _

__“But then when you said I was in love, I got scared and I told her that she shouldn’t have called off the plan.”_ _

__Hope hit her in the head three times, “Stupid stupid stupid”_ _

__“Hope what was that for?”, the raven haired girl pouts as she rubs the spot where she got hit. “You said you wouldn’t hit me.” Hope rolls her eyes, “Please. I didn’t even hit you that hard.”_ _

__“You never hit me before so how would I know”_ _

__They both laughed it off, Penelope finally smiling genuinely again for the first time in three months. “I still think you need to talk to Josie.” With this, Penelope groans. “P, not that I don’t mind but aren’t you tired of eating by the field? Purposefully avoiding hallways where she might be in? And not to mention, you guys are literally in the same room for all your classes.”_ _

__“Fine fine I’ll talk to her but this doesn’t change anything. I’m not going after her and I still think she still deserves better. We are never happening.”_ _

__Hope nods in agreement and walks out the door with her things to get ready for the day. “Never say never.”, she mumbles to herself with a small smile on her face._ _

__—————_ _

__After their last class of the day, Penelope stayed in the room so she could talk to Josie alone. The whole day she just watched the brunette, mustering up the courage to pull her away and talk to her. Confrontations were easily handled by the raven haired girl but of course, this wasn’t just any confrontation. How do you face someone you know you’ve hurt anyway? “Hey, Saltzman! Wait up!”, she calls for the brunette when she sees that she’s about to leave the room. When Penelope calls for her, Josie’s whole body stiffens and her mind just focuses on the last time they talked to each other. She tried to avoid her, walking quicker out to the hall but when Penelope gets a hold of her shoulder, she jumps._ _

__“What do you want Park?”, she says with so much bitterness to her tone. “If it’s about the homework, ask someone else please? I can’t deal with you right now.” She leaves the raven haired girl standing alone in the middle of the hallway with a sad look on her face. Not wanting to turn back and face her, she goes into one of the restrooms and shuts the door behind her to try and catch her breath. She could feel her heart racing and she hated that she felt that way, she hated that Penelope still made her feel that way after months of trying to accept the fact that she doesn’t feel the same way._ _

__“Damn it, Park.”, she curses under her breath. She fishes out her phone and calls her boyfriend to remind herself of the life she made when she walked out that door. It was a good one, she went out a little more and explored the town she grew up in thanks to Landon. He even met Caroline and Stefan and they instantly adored the curly haired boy and his endearing smile. Josie loved how Landon made her feel safe, wanted, and loved._ _

__On the third ring, Landon answers the phone. “Hey babe I just got out of class.”, he says in his warm voice that managed to ease Josie’s mind. “Yeah I just wanted to hear your voice.”, she says with a small smile as if he could see her right now. “Our date is still on for later, right?” Josie nods as she says yes and puts down the phone after a quick goodbye. The brunette looks at herself in the mirror and splashes her face with water to calm herself down when she walks down those halls again._ _

__“Saltzman come on, please talk to me.” Penelope stayed behind the bathroom door, her voice pleading for the brunette to open it for her. “I know you don’t want to hear anything from me anymore and I tried giving you that. But I really need to talk to you…” Josie doesn’t miss the guilt in her tone and she thought that she deserved to feel guilty but also, her heart ached knowing that Penelope sounded just as hurt as she was, or is. “Just once please.. Then I’m out of your sight for good.”_ _

__Josie inched closer to the door, she tried to keep her breathing as quiet as possible as she got closer. She unknowingly pressed her hand on the door like she knew Penelope was out there doing the same, like they were magnets being pulled together. “Josie, please.” It’s when she said her name that made the brunette pull her hand away and furthered herself from the door. Her name rolling off of Penelope’s tongue always sounded right for her, like it sounded fitting when she called out for her. When Penelope doesn’t hear anything from the other side of the door, she walks away and Josie sees this from the gap underneath. Letting out an exhale after practically holding her breath, she gives it a minute before she leaves the restroom._ _

__She keeps her head down as she heads straight for her room and locks the door behind her, securing it incase Penelope found her out there. She drops down on the floor and leans on the door, cursing herself for being too much of a coward to face the raven haired girl. But in her dramatic moment of running away from Penelope, she didn’t notice that her sister was already in the room with a certain amber haired girl she had also avoided for the past months._ _

__“Josie are you okay?” Lizzie is the first to approach her twin when she sees her. But Josie doesn’t break her stare at Hope, almost mentally demanding why she were in their room. “Lizzie I think I should go now…” Hope stands up and grabs her books from the bed. The blonde gives her twin this look like they had already talked about this. “No, Hope. You should stay. I want you to stay.” Hearing this from the brunette makes her freeze, her back turned away from the twins. She takes a deep breath before turning to face them, “Josie I really am sorry for what Penelope did-“_ _

__“No don’t be sorry. I should be though. For including you in whatever happened” Josie stands up and approaches the shorter girl with a genuine smile. “And there’s something else I’m sorry for actually..”, she bows her head down in shame but Hope hugs her before she could continue. “Penelope told me and I understand. You thought you were doing what was best for me and you don’t have to feel sorry about that.”, she reassures Josie. They shared a hug and Lizzie joined in too, “Hooray for world peace and all that’s right in the world again!” They all laughed at this but the laughter quickly vanished when Lizzie asked why she came in the room like she was under attack._ _

__“You-know-who tried to talk to me and I escaped from her.”, she censors Penelope’s name like a forbidden word casually as if she didn’t hide herself in the restroom and panicked. “Satan strikes again”, the blonde comments. “Lizzie.” Hope gives her the look, disapproving of her calling her best friend that. “Right. Best friend present here. Tell me, Hope. Why are you even friends with her? It’s like you two are the exact opposite.”_ _

__Hope sighs, remembering everything that she and Penelope went through. “She’s just misunderstood, you know? but she keeps everyone else’s best interest at heart” The way she said this made Josie feel like it were directed at her. “Yeah she can be selfish at times, most times actually but once she cares about you, she can do the most selfless things.”_ _

__“So she picks people who she chooses to be caring and selfless for?” Josie tries to act as casual as possible, not wanting them to think that she were interested in the topic considering she already has a boyfriend. “She’s… guarded. But when she lets you in, it’s an all or nothing kind of deal.” This makes Josie think back to their moments, how Penelope became caring of her and how often she wanted to be close to her. This makes her think, _Did I hurt her too?__ _

__—————_ _

__“Babe you okay?”, Landon waves her hand in front of Josie’s face, an attempt to pull her back to reality. She was too busy overanalyzing how that day went, when she left Penelope alone in her room. She wondered what lead to that moment and all the unexplainable things that she noticed but just pushed away. Like how Penelope said she was sick but she looked healthy, or how Penelope sounded like she hated what she were doing. But most of all, Josie wondered if Penelope cried that night. She didn’t look back after everything so she really didn’t know what it was for the raven haired girl. Especially after hearing how pained her voice sounded behind the door, all these thoughts started to wash over whatever anger that she planted all those months ago._ _

__“Josie I’m moving to New York.” This is the only phrase that grabbed the brunette’s attention. “What? Why? When?”, she throws all these questions and Landon just laughs with how she reacted. “I’m kidding, babe.” Josie pouts, “That’s not funny.”_ _

__“Well, half kidding. I’m going there for a week, or two if my audition turns out well.”, he says referring to his music scholarship. Josie sighs, “Well, good luck”, she only manages to say, not getting herself to care enough after the emotionally stressful day she’s had. “I’ll miss you”, Landon takes a hold of her hand on the table. “I will too but l really need to hear that song you wrote for the audition before you leave.” He smiles, a sort of guilty one but nods in agreement. “When do you leave?”_ _

__“Tomorrow morning, actually. I just got the email today…”_ _

__“That’s why you planned this date, isn’t it?”_ _

__“I just wanted to see my girl and spend what hours I have left before I fly out.” Josie rolls her eyes at this, but still quiet endeared. “Landon you should’ve spent it resting and packing. I’ll still be here when you get back you know.” He smiles at this, “My girlfriend, always so sweet”, he sarcastically says._ _

__They continue on with dinner, at the Mystic Grill as usual, with Landon talking about how excited he is for New York and Josie just commenting from time to time to make it seem like she’s still with him, when in fact her mind is putting _that_ day under a microscope to see if she missed anything. _ _

__

__After their date, they walked back to the school like they usually did and they ended up standing in front of her door. “Goodnight and good luck with that audition. I know you’ll kill it.”, she says with a smile. Then she feels eyes on them, from her peripheral vision she makes it to be the raven haired girl about to approach them so she pulls Landon in for a kiss. A long passionate one that leaves him stunned._ _

__“Wow.”, he says startled when she pulls away. “Okay I’m definetly going to miss you so much I might just fuck up the audition so I can come back right away.” Josie laughs at this and kisses him again. For other people that saw them, they looked like simple teenagers in love that couldn’t get enough of each other but to Penelope, it was something done out of spite. To purposefully make her jealous, to hurt her and she had enough hurt in her heart to last a lifetime and she didn’t need any more so she just retreated back into her room, her heart just as frustrated as her mind. For once, the two agreed on one same thing._ _

___It hurts._ _ _

__————_ _

__During literature class the following day, Penelope didn’t bother to reach out to Josie again after what she saw last night. Like she started doing when things went downhill for their friendship, she sat at the back row of the room keeping her distance from the brunette who sat in the first row. Penelope wasn’t paying much attention to the discussion, she just stared out the window beside her daydreaming of what it would be like to be the bird seated by the shade of a tree branch outside. How free it is to fly to where it wants to go and how it can feel the wind beneath its wings without ever having to worry about falling. She’s only brought back when she hears Josie speak up to answer the teacher’s answer._ _

__“I personally believe that classic literature is slowly dying as time passes and people tend to focus more on the modern writers and their works.”, Josie starts off with her answer to the question, _Classical or Modern Literature?_ The teacher acknowledges this and asks her to continue. “Classics shaped what literature we have today and I find it important that we remember our roots.”, she says satisfied with her answer. The brunette had a confident look on, knowing that she made some points and to add to that, the teacher praised her for sharing her perspective._ _

__“Does anyone else want to share their thoughts before we end today’s discussion?” Everyone looks around if anyone was brave enough to speak. The classroom fell dead silent so the teacher was about to dismiss the class when someone in the back row dared raise her hand. When Josie looked to see who it was, her prideful smile dropped immediately._ _

__“Miss Park, thoughts on what Miss Saltzman shared on classic literature?”_ _

__“The classics by Bronte, Austen, Dickens and the others indeed shaped literature. Their works have left a footprint into our generation that we spend hours and years analyzing”, she says as if agreeing to Josie’s answer. But before the teacher could speak to thank Penelope for sharing her thoughts she adds more to it, “I agree with Miss Saltzman when she says we should admire their works. But maybe we can admire modern writers too, as much as possible, without the cost of letting go of the Classics.” The class almost leans forward to what the raven haired girl has to say that almost contradicts what the brunette answered. “I mean, would you rather play a guessing game of what does this author mean with a certain piece or would you rather be able to question the works of those who are here to answer them. We praised those that have died but we neglect those that are living among us, those that have a new story to share to the world. People think that writing is a low paying job but it’s because writers have a hard time getting into the industry because they live under the shadows of legends. People like what’s familiar and safe so publishing companies turn a bind eye. They don’t care about the story, they care about what sells.”_ _

__Everyone in the room had this stunned look on their face after Penelope’s answer that almost sounded like a speech but Josie looked annoyed, piqued to the raven haired girl’s answer that challenged hers. She knew that Penelope loved the classics because it’s the first thing they bonded over. When Josie turned her head to look at the raven haired girl for the first time since she switched seats, Penelope was already looking at her as if knowing that Josie would turn around. To tease her even more, Penelope winked at her and this just confirmed her assumptions that she did that on purpose, to spite her._ _

__“Well said, Miss Park. I love getting different perspectives, it just assures me that you guys actually make your brains work. And speaking of modern writers, your homework is to write something. It can be a poem, a prose, a letter or an essay for all I care. But you have to present it here in front.” The whole class groans at the assigned work for them. The teacher rolls her eyes, “Fine. Whoever submits the best work gets to be excused from the midterm exams.” Suddenly everyone looked competitive, wanting to have that privilege of one less subject to study for._ _

__Josie raised her hand to ask a question, “Should we focus on a specific subject?”_ _

__The teacher shakes her head, “No it can be about anything you want, love, pain, anger, or whatever you teenagers are into these days.” With the mention of those three words, Penelope and Josie looked at each other instantly as if they were the first things their mind thought of after hearing those words. It’s like they were the only ones in the room and their hearts were screaming for each other but there was only silence broken by the bell ringing, bringing their class to a close._ _

__The students rush out of the room as quick as they can, excited to meet up with their friends. With the absence of everyone else, Josie’s phone rang loud enough for Penelope to hear it from the corner of the room. “Hey babe”, she greets her boyfriend with a bright smile. Penelope rolls her eyes and walks out of class._ _

__“Babe? When have you ever called me babe? But I could get used to it. Anyways, is your day doing good so far?”, Landon checks up on her on the other end of the line. “Yeah I guess.”, is all she says. The affection immediately dropping from her voice when Penelope leaves the room. The two talk on the phone until she reaches the dining hall to meet up with her sister and Raf._ _

__“Hey Jo-“_ _

__Raf’s greeting got interrupted when his eyes found Penelope together with Hope, Roman, MG, Jed and Kaleb entering the dining hall for the first time since what happened between the two. “Josie, are you and Penelope okay again?”, he asks making the brunette confused as to why he would ask that randomly. But when Lizzie points at the group of friends behind her, her heart drops. Though they were seated at the opposite side of the room, they were still very much seen from the twins’ table. “Brave of Satan to step into the light again.”, Lizzie comments, trying not to make it sound like a big deal so Josie won’t freak out._ _

__As the brunette ate her meal, she would try her best not to glance over at Penelope’s table. But of course, she would fail miserably and her sister would catch her staring at the raven haired girl laughing as she talked to her friends. “Jo it’s like you’re casting a spell to set her hair on fire stop looking at her.”, she scolds her twin after having enough of this self torture. Josie just rolls her eyes and stands up to walk out of the dining hall because she didn’t want to deal with any more of Lizzie’s bickering like Josie were a child that didn’t know any better._ _

__Penelope and everyone in their table sees this, they nudge the raven haired girl to go after the brunette. “Believe me, I’d be the last person in the world that she’d want to run after her right now.”, she grunted. “P-“_ _

__“Hope I’m done trying to talk to her, okay? She clearly hates me and I really don’t mind keeping it that way!” The table falls quiet after her outburst so they leave her alone and avoid the topic that they never dared touch in the past three months. “So who’s down for movie night tonight?” Jed tries to change the subject and everyone else just goes with the conversation. But Hope knew better than to brush it off completely, she’d still pull Penelope into the conversation from time to time even though the raven haired girl’s energy had already died down._ _

__But Penelope would steal glances at the door that Josie had walked out off, debating with herself if she really should run after the brunette and finally put this whole tension between them to rest. When she feels Hope’s eyes on her, she gives it up and walks out of the door too but not to chase the brunette but because she grew annoyed at the pity looks in their table._ _

__Hope tries to call out for her but Penelope doesn’t listen and continues out down the hall. She finds herself walking out of the school and in to the Old Mill, a place she found privacy in after all those nights of sneaking out to drink her sorrows away. Students rarely stayed there during the day. It became what it looked like, an old abandoned house that nobody cared for, useless. But Penelope found this to her advantage because she would sneak out to light up a cigarette and have her own peace of mind without worrying her best friend._ _

__Finding the perfect spot that’s sheltered from the heat of the sun but with a wide enough open space, she lights the other end of the stick as one side is pressed against her lips. Within moments, the air around her is polluted with smoke just as her lungs are filled with toxic chemicals that she finds stress relieving. She puffs out a cloud that the wind pulls above her head, almost mimicking the storm running through her mind. The stick shortens with each passing second and she flicks off dead embers to keep the light alive._ _

__“What the hell?”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hurt is hurt and we can't really find enough reasons to make the hurt go away. _Right?_  
>  And I just really wanted a posie scene where they argue in class because i like to think something like that happened so yk, why not? hehe
> 
> ANyWaYssS...... thoughts?
> 
> Thank you!!


	10. Family Portrait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Can we work it out, can we be a family?_   
>  _I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything_   
>  _Can we work it out, can we be a family?_   
>  _I promise I'll be better, daddy please don't leave_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter shows what past haunts Penelope and Josie.
> 
> More specifically, who broke their hearts first.

“What the hell?” A familiar voice from behind her fumed with anger. Penelope turns around and finds Josie with an infuriated look, “The school is a smoke free zone, Park. Especially the Old Mill and if you haven’t noticed, it’s wooden and it can easily catch fire!” 

Penelope is frozen in shock because Josie is actually talking to her. She had no intention of going after the brunette and yet here they are, under the same old wood that was just as broken as they were. She comes to her senses again and kills out the light in the stick by throwing it to the ground and stepping on it. Trying hard to act as disinterested in this conversation as the brunette were, “Right. Sorry, didn’t know you were here. My bad.” Penelope looks away and turns her back on the brunette, not really knowing what to do. She just continues to take in the fresh air but the wind had brought Josie’s lavender scent with it, taking a whiff of it made her weak in her knees and her heart softer than she showed. But these few seconds of heart fluttering feelings were cut off when Josie threatened to report her. 

Josie ran out of the Old Mill, Penelope followed right after her. “Are you serious, Saltzman? You’re snitching on me?! What are we, in kindergarten?” The brunette ignores Penelope like she were invisible, her mind set on finding her mom or any teacher to report what she just saw. “It’s not like I’m the first person you’ve seen smoke a cigarette in campus!” The raven haired girl kept on trying to get Josie’s attention, almost yelling for it and since they were still far from school, nobody could hear them. Penelope stops, tired from running after her and her lungs weaker than Josie’s. 

“I get it. It’s not about me smoking, it’s about me. Just me. This is some kind of revenge, isn’t it? For breaking your heart?” With that, Josie stops a few steps ahead of the raven haired girl. Her words paralyzed her from walking any further. Suddenly everything she felt became heightened, so aware of the crunch of the dried leaves and the cool soil beneath her, the birds chirping and the heat of the sun that left a sting on her skin. But not as painful as confronting what she had been avoiding for months. 

“Look, I’m sorry-“

“Save it for your parents when they find out what you’ve been doing here.” 

Penelope can’t figure out if it’s the bitterness to her tone or what she said that made her heart stop beating. The last thing she wanted was to hear her parents’ disappointment over the phone, proving them right of everything that they’ve thought of their daughter. It’s why she became good at lying and at hiding secrets because she knew shame more than anyone she’s known. She thought that she had a lot to be shameful for. She watches as the brunette makes her way back to the school. Not having in it anymore to convince her not to report her, she goes back to the Old Mill and lights up another cigarette and thinks back to when she was little, having her parents neglect her like she weren’t their own flesh and blood.

_“Penelope, what were you thinking?”, her mother screams furiously as she pushes her six year old daughter into her room. Penelope immediately runs for her stuffed turtle that she found security in, making it act like a shield between her and her fuming mother. “I told you to stay in your room! When did I allow you to go out and talk to my guests?!”_

_“I- I’m sorry mommy-“, she trembles out fear._

_“Sorry? What’s your sorry going to do?! You’ve already embarrassed me enough tonight! Stay in here until I say so. Got it?” The older woman slams the door behind her, earning a whimper from the poor little girl. Little Penelope was left alone in her room that night, crying herself to sleep without her mother or father tucking her in bed like the kids in her class do. All the little girl knew was that she made her mother angry with what she did, greeting the guests like how she watched her parents that had a big smile on their faces as they shook their guests’ hands._

_She just wanted to make her parents smile._

Each puff of smoke that she exhaled became like this anguish kept buried deep down, so much that can cloud her perspective on life. Her mind was racing, anger making her blood boil and memories that made her heart ache in a way that no kind of love in this world could heal.

_Eight year old Penelope just came back from school, she had her knee length socks on with her rainbow pigtails and her thermos princess lunchbox. “Mommy what are we doing for Halloween tonight? Can we go trick or treating? All the kids in my class are going and I really want to be a witch this year-“_

_“Trick or treating is stupid and it’s a waste of time. Go change your clothes and your tutor will be here in an hour.”, the older woman says without looking at her daughter who just arrived, too busy reading the newspaper. She’s all caught up with the events happening in the world and yet she can’t take a second to glance at her daughter and see her smile drop into a frown._

_“But mom-“, the eight year old tries to argue, knowing how she’ll be left out if she doesn’t go._

_“No, Penelope. Don’t you understand what no means? Now go to your room and do as I say.”_

_The small girl gives up and storms into her room, locks herself in her bathroom and cries her eyes out thinking of all the kids going door to door and having fun. She thinks maybe she doesn’t need halloween to believe in ghosts because she sure felt like one with how invisible she feels in this haunted house._

_She just wanted to be heard._

To beg for a mother’s love is a different kind of hurt she can never heal from. It follows her around no matter how much hiding or distraction she attempts to do. She plays hide and seek in her own home, running away from her mother’s stares that have the power to corrupt her mind into thinking the worst things of herself. 

_“Penelope, listen to your mother. She only wants what’s best for you.”, her father tries to reach out to her daughter._

_Penelope was thirteen years old when she realized that her father was never on her side. That his silence enabled the emotional trauma her mother gave, making him just as despicable as she is._

_“No Dad. I am not going to that ball with you guys and be forced to befriend your potential business partner’s son. I am not someone you send off to close a deal, I am your daughter.” How she stands her ground makes her seem like the wasn’t a kid anymore, and maybe she wasn’t, considering she had to grow up quickly with the environment she was in. Having all these riches and luxury but at what cost? At the cost of losing the privilege of having a normal childhood._

_“Penelope, dear, this isn’t something we are asking of you. It’s something you should do… as a Park. As the heir to everything we’ve worked so hard to built. For once, can you just listen to me?” There’s a growl in his tone that Penelope feared, something that sent her running but it usually came from her mother so to hear it from her father scared her more so she obeys and befriends the boy her parents were so keen on introducing to her._

_She just wanted to be their daughter._

Penelope finishes at least three more sticks before going back into the school and decides to skip the rest of her classes for the day. Locking herself up in her room and feeling like everyone else in the world is against her with how empty the walls felt. There was always one thing that made her feel better and it was to sleep, to escape to a world where she didn’t have to be faced with judging stares and people who thought the worst of her.

————-

“Are you sure with what you saw, Josie?” The brunette had ran directly to her mother’s office as soon as she left Penelope by the trees. She didn’t know what she was doing, how everything escalated so quickly. One moment, she just wanted to take a breather from everything happening in her life that she refused to confront in the past three months. So when she saw the raven haired girl with a killer pressed between her lips, all she wanted was to throw the stick away and tell her to stop. But why would she listen anyway, right? She’s no one to Penelope and she definetly wouldn’t stop her bad habits just because of some nobody. So she had to act quick and reporting her was the best option.

“Yes, mom. I saw her at the Old Mill smoking a cigarette.”

“What were you two doing by the Old Mill anyway? With Penelope Park nonetheless?” How Caroline says her name made it seem like she was insinuating that there was something else going on, considering she had witnessed how Josie tried to figure out her feelings for the raven haired girl. “Mom, we aren’t even friends. I was there to get some fresh air and it’s just coincidence that she happened to be there.”, she clarifies as she crosses her arms in a defensive way. 

“Fine. I’ll have to talk to her parents but I’ll bring her in tomorrow to talk to her about it.” When Caroline notices that her daughter was deep in thought in front of her, she stands up from her seat and sits beside the brunette, as if leaving her shoes as headmistress and stepping into her role as a mother. “Josie, what’s on your mind?”, she asks worriedly as she takes Josie’s hand into hers to feel more connected to her daughter

“It’s just- She seemed… scared when I told her I’d report her.”, she confides in her mother, telling her the truth to what’s circling around her mind. 

“Well, who wouldn’t be?”

“No, it’s not that. She seemed like there was something more that I couldn’t figure out, it’s like I was crossing this boundary that I wasn’t allowed in.“

“Jo, you did the right thing. Smoking is not tolerated on campus grounds, especially during class hours… is what I, as headmistress, would say.”, Caroline starts off. “But as a mother, I’d say she probably had her mind in a lot of places. Worries or whatever things that makes you seek comfort in something else. And as your mother, I’d say you should check up on your friend.” The blonde sounded just as caring and as understanding as she were when they were little kids, trying to see the best in others which is a trait Josie got from her. 

“I told you, mom. She isn’t my friend.”

Josie sighs.

“And believe me, I’m the last person she wants to open up to right now.” 

—————

The following day, Penelope was excused from one of her classes after being called to the headmistress’ office. On her way out of the room, she gave Josie a hurt look that sent tides of guilt. It scarred the brunette for the whole day, some part of her wanted to finally talk to Penelope and apologize but she stood her ground and continued to ignore Penelope. Like she had been doing for the past months. 

“Penelope, I think you know why you’re here.” Caroline starts off when Penelope takes a seat in front of her table. The raven haired girl just nods, not even giving an apologetic look. “Miss Forbes, I just want this over with so please, ring up my parents and tell them already.”

And so Caroline does what she says, on the fifth ring a man’s warm voice greets the headmistress at the other end of the line. Penelope’s heart raced, it was the first time she had heard her father’s voice ever since she left for boarding school because not once did they think to check up on their daughter. 

“Mister Park, I’m actually here with your daughter right now in my office and I just wanted to inform you that she had been caught smoking a cigarette on school grounds during class hours. This school is a smoke free campus and-“

“Put her on the phone.” The warmth in his voice dropped and it became a cold resentful one, one that Penelope had grown up with. A shift in tone that only seemed to happen when she were the one he was talking to. Caroline, nervous for the young girl, hands her phone over to Penelope and leaves the room to give them some privacy.

“Penelope. What is it that you’ve gotten yourself into this time?” The disappointment in his tone is all that she could hear. There was no warm greeting, no checking up on his daughter but instead, judgment. “Dad, it’s nothing. Nothing that won’t happen again, I promise.” She suddenly feels like she’s a small child all over again, even through the phone her parents just have that power. “Fix this, Penelope. I can’t be disturbed right now, okay? I took this call and interrupted a very important business meeting. You’re a Park, you can handle this.”, the cold man says on the other end of the line and cuts the call. 

_If it weren’t spiteful words, it’s no words at all,_ she thinks.

“I’m a Park.”, she repeats to herself under her breath and takes a deep breath to compose herself before calling in Caroline back. 

“So, Penelope… I know there’s some reason to why you wanted to smoke a cigarette. Believe me, I try my best not to light one up every night.” The older woman tries to lighten up the mood to try and get Penelope to talk and try to help Caroline understand the young girl further. “You smoke?”, the raven haired girl suddenly caught interest to the conversation.

“Yes but it’s not something I should tell my students and especially my daughters so I’d love it if you kept it a secret.”

“I thought this school is a smoke free zone.”, she puts emphasis on the last three words, almost sounding mocking. 

“Well, it’s also an alcoholic drinks free zone but you don’t see me busting out any parties, right? And you did it during school hours, so don’t act all high and mighty.”, she defends herself in her authority voice.

“And it took me awhile to figure out rules let you survive but not truly live.”, she says with a smile and a lighter tone, recalling her moments spent in high school and this wave of nostalgia washed over her. Hearing that from Caroline made Penelope feel like she were understood and she felt much better, especially after that call with her father. “But of course, rules are there for a reason and it’s to maintain peace and order.”, she shakes her head realizing what kind of wisdom she just imparted on a teenage girl, her student nonetheless. 

“Smoking is grounds for suspension for a whole week, meaning you can’t attend any of your classes effective tomorrow. Instead, you’ll be helping the staff in taking care of the school grounds like picking up trash and washing the dishes after meal services and fixing up classrooms at the end of the day.”, she explains what Penelope needs to do as a result of her violation of one of the school’s policies. The young girl hesitantly agrees to this but at the same time knows she doesn’t have much of a choice knowing her parents can’t get her out of this one.

“I got it, Miss Forbes.”, she says and stands up to leave the office but not before Caroline catching up to her. “Penelope, I told you we wouldn’t keep extra eyes on you because we wanted you to have a fresh start and a fresh start means moving forward. Whatever past that haunts you, I hope it won’t affect your future. There are people that care about you here. _Someone_ that I care about deeply does.” 

Penelope can only think of Hope and the boys but when Caroline says in specific that it’s someone the headmistress cares about, she can only think of Josie. 

“Thank you, Miss Forbes. I’m lucky enough to have Hope and the boys.”, she bids her goodbye and brushes off the older woman’s last words like it were nothing to her and heads back to class.

—————

The rest of the week flew by slow for Penelope as she spent her time helping the staff. She wasn’t used to this and she had a hard time fulfilling to the tasks needed to be done in a limited amount of time, but it did manage to change her perspective. She exerted effort, did chores that tired her and thinking that people go through that kind of hard work everyday for a living made her more appreciative of the things easily done for her as a kid. During the first days, she’d complain as any spoiled rich kid would, but then she got the hang of it and even made friends with some of the staff. 

The only thing that bothered her were the pity stares shot at her by the students. Their privilege reeked in how they looked at her as if she were in the worst place in the world, wishing that they never experience whatever she’s been doing. But of course her friends didn’t think of it this way and gave her the encouragement to disregard whatever looks people gave her. This helped her focus on her tasks. Except, there would be this one pair of brown eyes in the crowd that would take secret glances at her but she didn’t feel pity. Instead, she caught a glimpse of worry in those eyes that unsettled her. 

“P, you know you could have gotten out of this easily, right?” Hope, puzzled, watches her best friend resting on her bed after another whole day of working. “Nah, I don’t want any favors from Mom and Dad anymore and besides, it’s not like they’d stop Headmistress Forbes from trying to teach me a lesson, right? I mean isn’t that the point of this whole sending me away to this boarding school?” 

“Well, if you need any help I got you. Okay? But for now I’m off to a date with Roman and I might come home late.”, the amber haired girl speeds off to her boyfriend, leaving Penelope alone to rest.

She drifts off to sleep, but is immediately pulled back to consciousness when she hears a knock on the door. Tired, she practically drags her feet to the door to open it. Thinking it was her best friend who left something, she swings it open and jumps back to her bed leaving whoever was on the other side of the door standing there not knowing wether or not to come in. 

The person behind the door clears her throat to get the exhausted raven haired girl’s attention. When Penelope tiredly looks over, it’s like all the ache in her muscles disappeared and she jerked right back up at the sight of Josie standing outside their room. “Saltzman.”, is all she manages to say out of shock with the sudden appearance of the brunette after months of ignoring her and days of dodging her. Penelope stands up in the middle of the room, not knowing what to do since it’s been so long since Josie was ever in her room and the last time that she were took a tragic turn for them both.

“Park.” Josie mimics the raven haired girl’s greeting, stepping foot into the room like it were a strange new planet. But it was no new planet at all, her eyes easily find the spot where they were seated the last time she were here and it sent a chill down her spine with the memory resurfacing. So she shrugs it off and remembers instead why she knocked on Penelope’s door, “I took some notes for you in class while you’ve been gone.” Josie hands the notebook to Penelope and with a confused look, she accepts it with gratitude. “Thanks, I uh- I really appreciate it.” Penelope loses the confidence she prides herself in, suddenly she didn’t know what to keep calm meant. “I just thought that you might need them considering midterms is two weeks away. But yeah, that’s it. Bye.”, she walks out of the room as quick as she can but Penelope manages to grab a hold of her hand to keep her from leaving. And when their hands touch, it’s like a reignited flame that sparked and Josie quickly pulled away at the electrifying touch, scared she might fall back into where she was three months ago. 

“Josie… can we please talk?” Penelope almost drops to the floor to kneel, pleading for this one conversation with Josie. “Please… please hear me out..” Her heart aches to see this wall between her and the brunette, like the friendship they built was just easily washed away like a sandcastle by the shore on a high tide. “Penelope, I can’t do this anymore. Okay? You don’t have to shove it into my face that you never felt the same way and you don’t have to feel guilty for breaking my heart. That’s on me. I’m responsible for my own feelings.”, it took Josie’s every strength to say those words without breaking down but the crack in her voice almost gives the pain away so she walks out of there the same way she did that awful day and runs to her room then locks the door behind her. This time, Lizzie or Hope wasn’t there but an empty room that smelled of lavender.

The next thing she knew, she had a pen in her hand and her notebook laid out in front of her waiting to be inked. Words that she could never have the guts to say out loud were written so freely. Like she had stopped trying to go against the tides, but instead let the waves crashed were they may. Creating a piece that helped her untangle the thoughts in her mind, like how she did when she confronted her feelings for Penelope. Only this time, what the words formed didn’t speak of love. It was what love had brought no matter how long or short it lasted or how it started or ended.

Pain.

—————

“Babe! I have good news and bad news!”, Landon says over the phone. It was already past midnight and the couple had spent the past hour talking over the phone, catching up with each other’s lives after days of barely having the chance to talk because of how busy Landon has been exploring New York. “Okay, bad news first”, Josie quietly whispers to not wake her sleeping sister. 

“Bad news is I won’t be home for another week.” That sentence in itself revealed the good news, “You got the second audition?”

“Yes that’s the good news!! But I really wanted to see you, so there’s that…”

“Don’t be stupid! Landon, that’s great!! Congratulations!” The enthusiasm in her tone almost sounds so forced but she meant it genuinely. “But you do know what it means if I actually get this scholarship, right?”

Of course she knew what it meant, and it would be that he had to move to New York and continue his studies there. “We’ll deal with it when it’s right in front of us but for now, let’s enjoy whatever we have.” This puts Landon’s worries to ease, thankful that he has such a supportive girlfriend. “I love you.”, he lets out over the phone that just sends Josie mute. Not knowing what to say, she stays silent, pleading that she just misheard and the connection was bad. 

“Josie did you hear me? I said I love-“

Before he could finish what he tried to repeat, Josie hung up on him. 

When Landon tried calling her back thinking that the line got cut off, she hid her phone inside her closet and buried it under some of her clothes so the incessant ringing won’t wake her sister. She hid under her sheets as if hiding from Landon, scared that she might say something she’d regret. 

Josie knew that she’d have to deal with him tomorrow and try to make up some excuse to how she reacted. She knew that this would’ve probably worried the curly haired boy miles away from her. She knew that this would cause a rift in their relationship. She knew how bad this could turn out but she also knew that this wasn’t love.

It was good, heart-warming and safe. It was everything that she wanted, or at least thought that she did because she just wanted someone that wouldn’t hurt her. She wanted someone that would stay and pick her, she wanted to be enough for someone that they wouldn’t leave her. Not like how her father did. 

_Alaric bursts in through the living room carrying empty suitcases, disrupting the twins’ peaceful dinner with Caroline. “Josie, Lizzie, go and take this to your rooms and pack your stuff.”, he hands over the bags to the twelve year old girls, almost shoving it for them to take it. His agitated state drives the three of them worried and confused. “Ric? What’s going on?”, Caroline is the first to approach him as he paces around._

_“We’re moving to Dallas. Tonight.”, he reveals sternly like it wasn’t up for discussion. This caused the twins to put down the suitcases right away. “What? No! Dad we aren’t going anywhere!”, Josie protests. Lizzie agrees and holds her sister’s hands, showing that they were in this together._

_“Please, girls. Just do as I say and we’ll talk about your new school in the car.”, their father says but Caroline is the one to intervene this time. “Ric-“_

_“Caroline don’t stop me! They are my kids, not yours.” The sting of his words made the older blonde to step back, shocked and pained. “But she’s been more of a parent to us than you ever have been so no, Dad. We won’t get in the car and talk about this new school because we have a school here, Dad. We have a life here.” The conviction in Josie’s voice made it known that she wasn’t going anywhere with her father. She runs up to her room without the suitcases and locks the door behind her, scared that he might come after her and force her to a new life._

_She sat on the floor, leaning her back on the door. The walls were thin in this house and she could still hear her father trying to argue with Caroline. She could hear Lizzie’s crying, afraid with what’s going on. “Lizzie, please. Just listen to Daddy. I promise you’ll make new friends there”, he pleads for his daughter that remained in the living room._

_But Lizzie hides behind Caroline to protect her from her own father, scarred in her memory were those nights he’d have tantrums after long nights of drinking. “Baby I won’t hurt you, I would never hurt you”, he says with a broken heart when he realizes that his own daughter was afraid of him. “I’m not going anywhere without Josie, Dad.”, she finds the strength to speak up. “I’m not leaving my sister.”_

_Alaric sighs, and takes the suitcases to his room to pack his stuff. Josie came out of her room a little while later when she hears the door to his room close. She went down to the living room to find both Caroline and Lizzie snuggled up in front of the fire place, tears running down the younger blonde’s cheeks. The small brunette joins them and watches as the flame dances, the sound of the wood burning eases her worries._

_But the calmness was suddenly disrupted with the commotion behind them, heavy suitcases being dragged down the stairs to be exact. The three girls find him with the two suitcases he had awhile ago, all filled up with how stuffed it looked. “Dad I told you I’m not going anywhere!”, Josie screams at the top of her lungs, leaving her spot by the fireplace with Caroline and Lizzie. Alaric was twice the size of Josie and yet she stood her ground like she were the adult in this conversation._

_“Josie, I’m your Dad. I only want what’s best for you and your sister.” The young brunette was on the verge of tears, but she tried her best to look strong. “No, Dad. You only care what’s best for you so you should just leave. Alone.”, she says out of spite. Every word she spoke was like a stab in his chest but he could only form a sad smile as he looks at Lizzie safe in Caroline’s arms and his twelve year old daughter right in front of him._

_The lack of words from her father frustrated the young brunette. She, with her little arms, pushes her father out the door. “Do us all a favor and just leave! Okay?! Leave!”_

_“Josie stop!”, Caroline calls out to her, trying to get her to calm down. “No! He wants to leave and I’m letting him! Because I don’t just think about myself unlike him!”, with all her strength she tries to throw his duffel bags at him. Endless tears were pouring out of Josie’s eyes and so were everyone else’s but she exploded with anger, her face was red and it looked if she could, she would carry him and his bags out of the house._

_But she didn’t have to because Josie and Lizzie watched their father walk out of the door that night, leaving them with Caroline who took them and raised them as her own. That’s when Josie started guarding her heart and Lizzie was so keen on finding her prince charming to make up for the pain their father left them with._

Josie hadn’t noticed that tears were already pouring down her cheeks as she remembers that night. How he walked out of their life and how she wasn’t enough for him to stay with them. She looks over to the photograph hidden behind the scented candles on her shelf, it was the one with the twins on the sofa with their dad reading them a story before tucking them in bed. It brings her so much more pain thinking of the good memories. She tries her best to cry quietly, covering a pillow to tone down the volume of her breathing. 

“Josie? Are you okay?”, Lizzie groggily says as she wakes to her sister’s muffled sobs. Josie wipes her tears as fast as she could, “Yeah, Liz go back to sleep..”

But she doesn’t and stands up, scoots over beside Josie and hugs her sister to comfort her. The two of them always found safety in each other’s embrace and that night, Josie needed it more than ever. She had just probably ruined her relationship with Landon, confronted Penelope in a way that didn’t feel like closure at all and memories were haunting her. 

And three rooms down the hall, Penelope was comforted by her best friend too with the heavy words Josie left her with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways, that's just a small back story of Penelope and Josie's childhood. Some explanation to why they both have their heart guarded. 
> 
> Song for this is Family Portrait by Pink :)
> 
> .... and thoughts perhaps?
> 
> Thank you so much!!


	11. Are you still a coward?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To five years from now me,  
> How is it like out there?  
> Where are you living now?  
> Or where did your parents send you off to this time?  
> Have you taken in the Park image or did you continue on being the prodigal daughter?  
> Do you have more friends or did you lose more than just a friend?  
> Do you still love partying?  
> Did partying get the best of you again?  
> How many drunken nights have you had?  
> What about those that you’ve regretted?  
> What about those that made you feel the most alive you’ve been since forever?  
> Have you found love yet?  
> Or is love still something you run away from?  
> How many times has Hope slapped you into fixing your life?  
> Are you still a coward?

On Penelope’s last day of helping the staff, she was let off early by Caroline and was pushed to attend her remaining classes for the day. Unluckily, it was her Literature class and today was the day that they were supposed to present their literature piece. She didn’t have the chance to write anything and she didn’t bother finding time to because she thought that she would miss this class like all the classes she had in the past week.

In the back row of the room, her notes were as messy as her mind trying to make something. Random words that lead to even more random phrases. All she got was the idea of writing a letter to herself five years from now. Forming out questions to what it would be like for her future five years down the road, she looks at Josie who was listening intently to the other’s work. Then just like that, her pen became slippery and words just came out. 

“Miss Park, it’s your turn. I haven’t seen you in class for a whole week so I don’t know what to expect of your presentation but let’s give it a shot.”, the teacher calls out for Penelope who was still writing in her notebook. “The floor is yours, Miss Park.”, she says encouragingly making Penelope take a deep breath and walk to the front. She had her chin up, taking back the confidence she used to have and wear so frequently. One thing she’s learned from her parents is that being confident can help mask your mistakes and pass them off like it never happened. Everyone had their eyes on her, always struck by her words in the few times that she spoke up in class. The raven haired girl clears her throat, and starts reading what she managed to write.

“To five years from now me, how is it like out there? Where are you living now? Or where did your parents send you off to this time? Have you taken in the Park image or did you continue on being the prodigal daughter?”, the bitterness to her tone can not go unnoticed, especially for the brunette who sat in the first row. Josie could feel the guilt closing in again, remembering what she had done to Penelope without finding out how her life at home was and how her parents would react. “Do you have more friends or did you lose more than just a friend?”, that question made Josie tense up. “Um I think that’s it, the rest are something I’d rather keep to myself.”, the raven haired girl folds the paper to hide the rest of what was written.

“Miss Park, the reason why this is a presentation is because we want to hear the writer’s voice, how the writer expresses his or her emotions.”, the teacher explains and asks her to continue. Penelope sighs in defeat and reads the rest written in her paper. “Do you still love partying?” Someone from the class cheers her on after that question and it earned a good laugh from everyone. “Did partying get the best of you again? How many drunken nights have you had? What about those that you’ve regretted? What about those that made you feel the most alive you’ve been since forever?”, she looks at Josie as she says this, thinking back to that party they had danced the night away. The brunette shyly bows her head down, getting flustered again remembering that night. But what Penelope says next feels like it’s something that she would understand because she does not break the gaze.

“Have you found love yet? Or is love still something you run away from? How many times has Hope slapped you into fixing your life? Are you still a coward? Because if you are, maybe not much has changed after five years.”, she finishes off and heads back to her seat. Leaving the whole class silent with the turn her piece took. 

“Well, those are indeed questions to ponder on. A beautiful piece, it shows how much we have to reflect on in life. And what we look forward for in the future.”, the teacher applauds Penelope. “And I admire the bravery with sharing some parts of yourself in class today.” 

Penelope felt good, considering it was something done right before she was called, but it wasn’t just her quick wit saving herself again. It was sharing this part of her, not needing to just keep it in to herself. She felt like she wasn’t just a rock that she grew up as and after months of trying to act like she was okay only to have her spiral back to how she was, maybe letting some pieces fall felt good for her. After inhaling smoke, you should always exhale anyway.

“Miss Saltzman, you’re the last one for today because I want to end our session with a bang which I know you’ll give us.” Everyone cheers on for Josie, knowing she had something good to share with the class. But since Penelope’s presentation, she lost the confidence she had built over the past hours. Her mind started going places again with worries knocking on every door. While the whole class chanted her name, Penelope knew the brunette was trembling out of nervousness. 

“I- uh I-“, she stutters. “Go on dear, you can do it.”, the teacher assures her. 

She nods, “I wrote a poem the other night and I really haven’t figured out what title to give it yet.” Penelope chuckles at how the brunette worries about details like it were something that would ruin her whole presentation. “Well, here I go.” Josie takes a deep breath and tries to avoid looking at those ocean green eyes and for a minute forgets that she’s in the same room as Penelope.

_Your voice broke_  
_but I can’t say I noticed, can I?_  
_It trembled like seismic waves_  
_foreshadowing an eruption_

She recalls to those moments where Penelope asked for them to talk, how her voice would crack like she were on the verge of tears. It’s like Penelope mirrored the pain she was feeling.

_But I can only stand under this rain of black snow_  
_and inhale these toxic shards of glass_  
_Stupidly wanting to be there when you explode_  
_So I can capture each wrath_

When she found Penelope smoking by the Old Mill, she didn’t make herself known right away. She hid and watched as the smoke curled right off of Penelope’s lips. She got a good look at the girl and thought that she was still as beautiful as the day she first saw her. Only, her eyes were deeper, like she were lacking sleep caused by troubling thoughts.

_I want to stand at the foot of your volcano_  
_and watch your lava flow_

She reads every word with as much emotion as she can give, but when her eyes look up to find Penelope looking straight at her hanging on to every word she spoke, her heart felt like melting into the paper she was holding.

_It’s too painful to bare,_  
_to know this is as far as I can get_  
_without you having the chance to know_  
_how your fire made parts of me melt._

Everyone applauds, moved by how she pieced out her words to create something truly sublime. But someone else was moved, moved in a way that her heart did the applauding. Penelope remembers the poem she found underneath her bed written by Josie for her. Maybe she’s being delusional, considering Josie has a boyfriend, but some part of her felt like the brunette was talking to her. Like she was the one being addressed in the poem, and this time it didn’t make her heart want to run away. 

“Well, I think it’s safe to say who doesn’t need to study for Literature midterms.”, the teacher announces when everyone finishes praising Josie’s piece. “Have you always had this talent for writing dear?”, she asks Josie. The brunette shakes her head, “No I’ve only written one poem aside from this.” The real first time was when she wrote about Penelope but of course she wouldn’t want to share that with the whole class. “Well, you have a talent. Maybe tap into it more and see what it leads for you and your future.” This boosts Josie’s confidence back up with the overwhelming praise she’s getting, something she would be used to by now considering all her academic achievements but sharing something she really liked doing was a whole new level of fulfilling.

—————

“Miss Forbes, you wanted to see me?” Penelope peaks through the door after knocking. “Yes, Penelope. Please take a seat, I wanted to have a follow up meeting about your week long suspension.”, the blonde invites the young girl in. 

Penelope seemed to be in a much better mood than the last time Caroline saw her in her office. She went on about how helping the staff with their work opened her eyes to how grateful she should be. After all, the young girl firmly believed in experiences being the best teacher. “It was hard for me at first, you know doing things I never have in my whole life. But seeing all those people try to help me learn, I felt… I don’t know… enlightened.”, bubbled Penelope who seemed to see the world brighter. The headmistress looked pleased with how this experience managed to get through to her. “Well, I’m glad you think of that way. I’m shocked, really, that you managed to turn this experience into a good thing… considering it was supposed to be punishment… and I’m honestly scared you might smoke again just to get into another suspension like that….” Penelope chortled at the genuine worry of the headmistress, “Don’t worry, Miss Forbes. I won’t disappoint you again.”, she says like it’s second nature to her to say those words. 

“That’s good, Penelope. I’m proud of you.” Those words seemed like a foreign language to Penelope but she liked hearing it. “And I heard good word from your literature teacher, saying she was impressed with how you managed to present a piece of quality despite your situation.”, she reports to the raven haired girl who grew into an even bigger smile. “Well, I’m sure you’re even prouder with your daughter bagging the spot for being excused for midterms.”, she humbly says. 

At the mention of the brunette, Caroline tenses up like she doesn’t know how to go with the conversation. “Um… yeah… Josie… she’s-“, she takes a deep breath to get some oxygen in her brain to get it functioning again. “She’s my little girl. She always does well and I’m proud of her.” Though believing what Caroline is saying, Penelope gets a hint that there’s more that she wants to say. “…but?”, the raven haired girl tries to put a bridge for Caroline to continue her thoughts. “But she doesn’t know how to go after what she wants.”, she blurts out like something she’s been keeping in for a long time. Obviously, this was a shocker to Penelope, hearing the girl she’s been in an unspoken war with, being described as her mother that way. 

“What do you mean, Miss Forbes?”, she tries to act innocent. “She’s too obedient and it’s good but at the same time, it’s her worst flaw. Wait- I’m not supposed to tell you this.”, Caroline covers her mouth like she’s made a mistake. “I promised my daughters no more meddling in their school life, so disregard whatever I said. Okay?”, she stands up and tries to shove Penelope out of the room. 

But Penelope stays, her feet almost glued to the floor. “It’s okay, Miss Forbes. I won’t tell anyone.”, she casually goes back to sit down on the couch by the corner of the room and leaves the headmistress in the middle of the room. “Tell me more about Josie.” The tone of her voice makes Caroline oblige, like Penelope really wanted to know more about her daughter and she wasn’t being bothered at all. “Wait here while I bring out her old baby pictures”, she says enthusiastically as she almost skips to her table, like a child taken out for a walk in the park.

“Now, these aren’t printed copies since those are all stored in a treasure chest. And no, that wasn’t a metaphor, there’s an actual treasure chest.”, she opens her phone to reveal the twins’ pictures and videos growing up. “Here’s Josie making her first peanut butter and jelly sandwich, ah that girl loves that snack.”, she explains as they go through the first picture with a little brunette having peanut butter smeared across her cheeks and some jelly in her hair. Penelope remembers her first night here when she missed dinner and Josie fixed her up a Pb&J sandwich when they crossed paths in the kitchen. Penelope smiles at the memory, remembering the sweetness Josie showed her that night.

“This one is when we went out to a flower farm and Lizzie took one of every flower”, Caroline chuckles as she remembers that day. “And Josie collected a whole bouquet of these beautiful dandelions that were as bright as the sun that day… and she gave it to me, saying they were wished on to make me happy as a thank you because she said I gave them a happy life.” The smile on the blonde’s face shows pure bliss and Penelope also smiles. Though she didn’t witness that day to herself, she felt the happiness that Caroline felt. “That’s sweet of her..”, Penelope remarked. Caroline looked at Penelope as she looks at the picture with a glowing smile, like it was more than just mirroring the happiness she felt. 

They spent a good hour taking a trip down the twins’ childhood. Caroline, of course, sharing the good bits only. They were about to call it a day when they noticed the sky out the window turning a deep orange, but Caroline accidentally opened a video. 

_I'm waking up to ash and dust_  
_I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust_  
_I'm breathing in the chemicals_  
_I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus_  
_This is it, the apocalypse_  
_Whoa_

Too busy admiring the beautiful colors that dawned on the sky, she wasn’t looking at the screen but she heard the voice and it sounded oddly familiar so she asked Caroline to play it once again. She listened intently, still not looking at who the voice belonged to. It sounded a bit younger, more lighter but she recognized it as the voice she heard that sang Taylor Swift’s Spark Fly out loud in the shower rooms. Penelope asked Caroline to play it again, and it was Josie in her younger years singing to Radioactive by Imagine Dragons as she strummed her guitar. In disbelief, she asked Caroline if she had more videos of the brunette singing just to make sure it was that voice she heard and adored. 

She listened to her short covers of Sweet Child of Mine, Ride, and La Vie En Rose. Penelope was now sure that Josie was the one singing that morning, the morning she lost her bracelet. “She has my bracelet..”, she mumbles to herself that Caroline doesn’t hear, too busy gushing over he daughter’s magnificent voice. “She told me she was going to audition for The X factor that’s why she has all these videos of her singing.”, the blonde laughs when she remembers all those days of Josie singing her heart out, so carefree. 

“That’s great, I bet she would’ve gotten in. But um, Miss Forbes, I should probably be going. You know, homework and all.”, she says as she stands up, obviously thinking about how Josie has her bracelet that has sentimental value to her. “But it’s Saturday tomorrow, you don’t have classes…”, she confusedly says. “Um yeah, but I’m behind in all my school work because of my suspension so I really should catch up with midterms coming in soon.” Penelope couldn’t give herself to care about exams, even on a normal day. “Oh! Right! You should get on that already and ask your classmates for notes-“

“Got it covered already! Thank you! Bye!”, she runs out the door like the Road Runner leaving Caroline barely finishing what she was about to say. As soon as she gets out of the office, she looks for the brunette but first, rehearses what she should say to get her bracelet back without accusing or insinuating that she stole it or however else that could sound negative in her part. The last thing she wants is to pick a fight with Josie, especially that they still weren’t on speaking terms even after the brunette bursting out on Penelope the other night. 

She finds the brunette seated on one of the sofas in the common room with Lizzie and Rafael. While the couple were watching a movie in a laptop, Josie was reading one of their History textbooks. “Saltzman, you really don’t know how to rest.”, she mumbles to herself as she musters up the courage to approach the obviously busy brunette. 

Josie was too focused on memorizing important dates and events of the Civil War, she didn’t notice Penelope in front of her. It’s when she got a whiff of the raven haired girl’s sophisticated strawberry scent that she looks up. Shocked but also annoyed because she hated being disturbed when she was focused on studying. When Lizzie also sees Penelope, she immediately closes the screen of the laptop and stands in front of the raven haired girl. Penelope was much shorter than the blonde but she didn’t look intimidated at all. “Well hello to you too, Lizzie. I hope you’re doing fine-“

“Let’s skip the pleasantries, Satan. I’m clearly not letting you talk to my sister, not after what you’ve done. So you might as well just go away and break other people’s heart.” Lizzie goes full on over protective sister mode as she blocks Josie from Penelope’s sight. She didn’t even give a care to how rude her words were and Penelope hated to admit that it hurt but she of course didn’t want to show it. So instead, she held her hands together and played along with Lizzie’s attitude. “How’s that Chanel dress doing for ya?”, she innocently mentions the dress she gave to Lizzie and winks like she knew it would bother the blonde. Though usually she would never bring up things she’s done for or gave to people, this was the only things she had over Lizzie’s head because they were erased from each other’s lives in the past months. 

“I burned it. It was probably cursed by your Satanic cults.”, Lizzie still doesn’t back down. “Aw now why would you burn the only good thing in your closet, Lizzie?”, Penelope taunts even more. “Please, I have good clothes.”, the blonde tries to defend herself but she was obviously pushed seeing as how she crossed her arms in a defensive way. “It’s okay, my closet is open for you anytime you need. After all, you shouldn’t walk around the school in poor choice of clothes when they look at you as the heiress to this school-“

“Enough. Both of you.”, Josie stands up and interrupts the two girl’s fight. She looked pissed after being disturbed and having to witness the petty fight in front of her. “What? She started it!”, Penelope tries to defend herself. “Excuse me! You walked over here so you started it!”, Lizzie tries to argue but Rafael just takes her hand, pulls her back to her seat on the couch and tries to calm her down because how she looked at Penelope was like she was ready to jump on her anytime soon.

“You know what? I don’t have time for any of this. I’m going back to the room and Lizzie, please don’t follow me. Just stay here and finish your movie with Raf.” Josie picks up her books and notebooks. The amount of resources she had with her looked like she wanted to stay there for awhile and Penelope felt guilty that she disturbed her. Penelope helped Josie pick up her books and Josie felt her heart beat a bit faster when she did. “Here, let me help you”, she offers to carry the brunette’s books and bring them to her room if it meant she could have some time to talk to her. But Josie coldly declines her offer, “I don’t need your help but thanks anyway.” And Penelope watches as Josie walks away from her, again.

“Ha! Guess my sister really has moved on from you, Satan.”, Lizzie teases with a smug look on her face but eyes still focused on the screen playing The Fault In Our Stars. Penelope rolls her eyes and when she catches a glimpse of the movie being played, she walks behind the couch and leans over to whisper to Lizzie’s ear, making sure she was the only one who heard her. “Augustus Waters dies.” Then she walks away with a sly smile, satisfied with her payback. Lizzie grabs one of the velvet pillows beside her and throws it at Penelope’s back but misses. “I hate you, you she-devil!!”, she shouts at the top of her lungs making everyone in the common room turn to her with a bewildering look.

—————

The next day, Penelope woke up early to go help the staff prepare breakfast even though she wasn’t required to anymore. She helped bring out the plates to the dining hall and that’s where Caroline spots her working this early in the morning. “Penelope, your suspension is already done. What are you doing here?”, she asks with a shocked look on her face. “I don’t know, I guess I got used to it for a week. But it’s okay, I have some extra time on my hands anyway.” The raven haired girl continues to bring out the utensils, not minding the work or Caroline watching her like a hawk. “But what about your exams?” Penelope shrugs, “I can handle that. I’m a quick learner anyway and an even faster reader.” The confidence in her tone manages to ease the blonde’s worry but doesn’t do anything for her still stunned expression. 

When Penelope notices Caroline’s stare, she gives up and admits why she was really here. “Fine. I wanted to make sure that all of Josie’s favorites is served today.”, she reveals shyly, making Caroline’s jaw drop even more. The blonde looks at the additional food being brought out and realizes that those were her daughter’s favorite breakfast foods. “Wait- How did you know all of these?”, she asks, still confused. “You mentioned them yesterday. Waffles, oatmeal cookies, eggs over easy, cheese bread, melon cut into a ball shape form, berries-“

“What? You memorized all those?” Caroline’s eyes widen when Penelope recites almost by order everything she mentioned yesterday. “I pay attention, Miss Forbes. And like I told you, I’m a quick learner.”

“Okay but why are you doing all of this?”

“Your daughter and I haven’t been… on good terms lately and I just wanted to do something nice for her.”, she tries to put out a genuine smile, hiding all the sadness behind to show how genuine she was with trying to make it right with Josie. Caroline smiles warmly at the young girl trying to make amends with her daughter, also seeing what Josie saw in her and why she fell for Penelope even though they had just met. “Well, good luck with that. It’s going to take more than just one whole breakfast to get on her good graces again.”

“Oh it’s not just breakfast. I’m doing lunch and dinner too.”

Caroline almost chokes on air when she hears this. “How did you-“

“Don’t worry about that Miss Forbes, I made a.. how do you say this… donation, for the school’s menu for the whole year. So I hope you like porterhouse steak and grilled lobster for dinner tonight” Penelope leaves Caroline and quickly heads back to the kitchen before the headmistress could even protest to what she was doing.

After making sure that everything was already set for breakfast service, she goes back to her room to find Hope barely awake sitting by the edge of her bed, looking like a mess with her amber hair mostly covering her face. “Hope, that’s scary.”, she comments as she walks to her bed and fixes her sheets and fluffs her pillow. Hope furrows her eyebrows at her weirdly chirpy best friend all dolled up at nine in the morning. “Why are you up so early on a Saturday morning?”, she asks a bit grumpy. 

“Well, I found the bracelet my grandfather gave me.”

“Oh the ridiculously expensive one with sentimental value that you lost as soon as we got here?”

Penelope rolls her eyes, “Yes. That one. But it’s not with me.”

“What? I thought you found it?”

“Yeah, I found it alright, I mean… well I haven’t exactly seen it yet but I know where it is.”

Hope yawns and gets up to make her own bed as she continues on with the conversation still half asleep. “It’s with Josie.” And just like that, Hope freezes and her soul awakened like it was electrocuted. She looks at her best friend who had her back faced to Hope, staring at her closet, deciding to go on an outfit change. Hope throws one of her pillows at Penelope when she just leaves their conversation like that. “Explain!”

Penelope rolls her eyes, fully expecting Hope to make this a big deal, more than it should be. “I think Lizzie is a bad influence on you, I bet you got that from her with how angrily she threw a pillow at me too yesterday.” Then Penelope feels another pillow hit her back, making her finally turn around and face her best friend who had a questioning, also deadly, look on her face.

“When did you speak to Lizzie and why the hell are you only telling me about this now?!”, she yells. “Right. You’re not a morning person. Um… let me just…”, she runs away from Hope and leaves the room but not without going back, peaks through the door, barely opening it to act as a shield. “By the way, I changed the menu according to Josie’s favorite foods and everything looks delicious so hurry up and get ready” Hope throws another pillow at the door, slamming it close. Penelope, with a smug look on her face, leaves her best friend with so many unanswered questions. 

When she arrives at the dining hall, she spots Kaleb and MG waiting for her by their table near the buffet. “Damn, Peez. You look chipper today. Should we be scared?”, MG greets their friend with a warm smile. “Just woke up with the sun telling me it’ll be a good day is all” Penelope really looks like she’s glowing despite her many failed attempts to get Josie to talk to her. “Where’s Jed?”, she asks with she notices him missing. “He’s probably going to skip breakfast, it’s a Saturday morning after all. And I think he-“

Penelope cuts off Kaleb trying to explain why Jed couldn’t make it to breakfast when she sees the twins walk in the dining hall. The raven haired girl’s smile grew wider and MG and Kaleb could almost swear they saw her eyes sparkle. “Quick. How do I look?”, she asks as she fixes her hair and applied more of her strawberry lipgloss. 

“You look whipped.”, Kaleb answers and the two boys laugh. Penelope rolls her eyes and walks away from the two boys to try and talk to Josie who Lizzie left alone to look for her boyfriend. When the brunette spots Penelope walking towards her she sighs and tries her best to act kind. “What is it that you want this time, Park?”, she asks as she greets Penelope with her arms crossed. Penelope has this big smile on her face that Josie finds weird considering her cold greeting. “Oh nothing, just wanted to see your reaction when you see what’s being served for breakfast today.” This confuses Josie even more but when she looks at the trays on the table, her heart leaps for joy when she sees all her favorite foods laid out in front of her. But then she looks at Penelope with a suspicious look, “Did you have something to do with this?”

“Well, I might’ve pulled a few strings-“

“Why?” Josie didn’t look pleased at all. She loved the aroma of everything she loved, the eggs, the oatmeal and the scent of the fresh sweet melon in the circle shapes she loved so much. But she thought that if it came from Penelope, out of the blue when they still weren’t talking, there must be something behind all this. “I just wanted to do something good for you-“

“Yeah thanks but I think I’m skipping breakfast today, I’ll just have coffee and I’m headed to the library to study. In peace.” 

Josie walks away from Penelope, again. The raven haired girl watched as she walked out of the dining hall. She should’ve been used to the image of the brunette walking away but every time she did, it didn’t hurt less. Penelope being Penelope, she didn’t count this as a loss so she still kept her composure and joined her friends for breakfast that she helped prepare. Awhile after, Hope and Roman joined them and Penelope, though failing yet again, still enjoyed a good breakfast with her friends.

—————

Josie was alone in the library and thanks to Penelope’s special breakfast, everyone was at the dining hall. She tried to focus on the books and notes in front of her but she kept on looking at her phone, waiting for it to ring. Ever since the night of her hanging up the phone after Landon told her that he loves her, they’ve barely spoken. He tried to avoid the topic when Josie would try to bring it in to the conversation and the last time that she did, he hung up the phone and she never heard from him since. She knew that they were headed to a break up already, but some part of her still wanted to stay with him and figure things out. Maybe she could eventually say that she loved him too, she just didn’t want to go without trying. 

“Hey, Saltzman.”, a dangerously familiar voice pulls her back from staring at the phone. Knowing who the voice belongs to already, she doesn’t bother to look up but instead looks like she’s focused on whatever she’s reading. “Go away, Park. I told you, you don’t have to apologize anymore.”, she tries to keep up the same cold tone that she used to push Penelope away awhile ago in the dining hall.

“No that’s not why I’m here. Well- I am sorry about that too but I’m here to apologize for something else.”, she grabs a chair and sits beside Josie, aware that the brunette didn’t appreciate her disturbance again but what was she disturbing, really? “I’m sorry I annoyed you this morning”

“Really? That’s an apology?”

“Wait let me finish, jeez.” Josie rolls her eyes and leans back on the chair, trying to put as much space as she can without being to noticeable because seeing Penelope under this good lighting didn’t do well for her. “I’m sorry that I thought one breakfast could get you to forgive me but I’m not sorry that I tried doing something nice for you-“

“Just stop trying. I told you that you didn’t need-“

“But I wanted to. I want to. And I know that we can never go back to how we were and I’m not entirely fine with that but if it’s what you need from me then I should be fine with it I guess. But I’m not going to stop trying to do good things for you.”, the raven haired girl says genuinely, making Josie uncomfortable with how real it felt. “Look, I don’t know what has gotten into you for you to suddenly reach out to me again.”

“Um I’ve been reaching out to you, you just ignore me-“ 

“Yes and I thought I made it perfectly clear that I’m done with us going in circles. I just want to move on and I’m dating Landon now and I really just want to focus on that and my studies so I don’t have the time and energy to deal with however you’re trying to make yourself feel better.”

“Really? You think I’m doing this for myself?”, the raven haired girl accusingly asks.

Josie shrugs, “Isn’t it? Why else would you be talking to me again? It’s not like we were close friends anyway. We barely knew anything about each other”

“Yeah and you clearly threw any chance of us getting closer when you walked out.”

The brunette’s eyes widened with what Penelope said. It seemed like she was blaming Josie for how their friendship went down the trash so easily. “You walked out and I never heard a word from you again for three months and if I hadn’t tried to talk to you, you would’ve probably treated me like I were invisible until we graduated.”, each word was like an exhale to Penelope. She knew she’s been hurting for the past months but right now seemed like bitter words made much more sense the a sweet breakfast. 

Josie, at a loss for words, stands up and quickly gathers her book to walk away again from Penelope. “Right, that’s what you’re good at. Walking away when you’re faced with something you can’t deal with!”, she shouts at the girl as she watches Josie walk away, again. 

Josie practically ran down the halls, running away from a half confrontation from Penelope. This is when Hope sees her and blocks her path. “Josie! Hey what’s wrong?” Josie can’t bring herself to look up knowing tears would pour down. “Jo, tell me what happened. I tried looking for Penelope when she left and-“

“What’s her deal, Hope? I’m trying to move on and here she is trying to pull me back! It’s like I’m a toy and she’s playing with me!” Hope pulls her in for a hug and doesn’t say anything, just letting Josie spill everything out. “I told her to stay away from me, why won’t she just do that?” The amber haired girl could almost feel the pain in Josie’s breaths. “I’m so sorry, Jo.”, she apologizes on behalf of her best friend. 

Hope sees Penelope walk out of the library, her green eyes watching the both of them. Luckily, Josie was facing the other way so she didn’t see Penelope and Hope made sure that she didn’t. “Why don’t you go straight to your room and I’ll pour some tea for us and we’ll talk about it. Okay?”, the amber haired girl says as she pulls away from the hug and smiles supportively at her. 

She makes sure Josie was out of sight when she apporached her best friend with a deadly stare, “What the hell did you tell her?”

“Is she okay?” Hope sees genuine worry in Penelope’s eyes that somehow manages to dismiss her anger. “No, she isn’t. Penelope, just stop going after her if you’re still scared of what she wants from you.”, she scolds but also considers her best friend’s feelings. Penelope looks guilty, she doesn’t even try to defend herself. She just takes in Hope’s words. “If it’s the bracelet you need, I can get it from her but please. Let her go.”, she almost pleads. 

“Hope, you were the one who told me to make my amends with her.”

“And I’m telling you to stop. Clearly, it’s just hurting her even more!” 

“No, Hope-“

“No, Penelope!”, she shouts over the raven haired girl trying to argue. “You don’t know what it’s like to have a constant reminder of what you can’t have following you around! You don’t know this kind of heart break!” They were the only ones in that hall so no one witnessed or heard Hope’s shouting. Penelope’s heart ached when she remembers those times where her parents would dictate how she was supposed to feel and she would bow her head down and follow whatever they said. But this time, she knew what she felt. “Hope, I do. I do know what it feels like. Josie is my constant reminder of what I could have had if I weren’t a coward.”, the raven haired girl admits and drops to the floor, her back leaning on the wall. “I don’t want to hurt her more that I already have.” She hides her face behind the palm of her hands, the guilt and shame creeping back in. “It’s not just about the bracelet- I mean, maybe it was. But when I saw her walk away from me yesterday, I just thought that I never want to see that image again.”, she admits. 

Hope sat next to her, not knowing what to say with what Penelope braved herself to say out loud. “What does that mean, P?”

“It means that bracelet is the only connection I have to Josie and I don’t want to get it back if that means I still have some reason to be in her life, a chance to fix what I did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Penelope Park will go to great lengths for Josie Saltzman and we can all agree on that.  
> But how far is she willing to go exactly? 
> 
> Josie's poem is written by yours truly, I hope you guys liked it:>
> 
> And out of stupid curiosity, who do u feel most sorry for so far in this fic? :<
> 
> .....and thoughts perhaps?
> 
> Thank you so much!


	12. Malachite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Will you stop doing that?”_
> 
> _“Doing what?”_
> 
> _“Pushing people out of your life and act like you can do it alone.”_

Penelope didn’t try to talk to Josie the rest of the day yesterday to give the girl the space she wanted. Maybe saying those words out loud to Josie made her feel better but when she saw how Josie cried in the arms of Hope, she felt twice as worse knowing she hurt Josie again. A full weak meal of the brunette’s favorite foods suddenly seemed so small of an apology, so she woke up early the next day again but not because she had to help with breakfast. She realized that forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight, so she didn’t bother following the girl around today. They’ve been through months of not speaking to each other what would 24 hours do, right? Instead, she texted her driver, to pick her up at the school. 

“P? Up so early again? What are you up to this time?”, Hope says groggily as she rubs her eyes to adjust from the sunlight coming from the window. Penelope, all dressed up, walks towards Hope’s bed and sits down by the edge. The strong smell of her perfume managed to wake Hope up a little bit. “Don’t worry, Hope. I’m not going to do anything stupid, I just need to go somewhere for awhile to take care of something.”, she tries to reassure her barely awake best friend. When Penelope mentions she was going somewhere, Hope sat right up. “Let me come with.” The raven haired girl shakes her head as a no, “I won’t be gone for long, I promise. This is something I have to do by myself.”

Hope doesn’t bother fighting Penelope so she could go with her, she was too sleepy to get out of bed and dress up. “Just go back to sleep, Hope. I’ll see you later.”, the raven haired girl bids her goodbye and takes her purse with her. She takes one final look at the mirror, making sure her outfit was good enough. She had a white V-neck shirt under a camel blazer paired with black leggings and white sneakers. A casual look she pulled off with light natural make-up that accentuates her facial features and sunglasses worn on the top of her head like a headband that pulled her raven waves away from her face. Despite everything that’s happened in the past few months, she still managed to look angelic. 

But of course, Lizzie Saltzman would call her anything but that. “I’d say good morning but you just passed by and there’s nothing good in that.”, the blonde immediately went for an insult when she walks out of her room, still in her pajamas, and sees Penelope walking down the hall. The raven haired girl just smiles sarcastically at her, “Don’t worry, Lizzie. I’ll be out of your sight the whole day to do some shopping. Something you clearly don’t do.”, she talks back and walks away with her chin up high, parading down the halls with confidence.

Pissed at her encounter with Penelope, she went back inside her room and slammed the door shut. Josie jumps in shock with the loud bang, “Liz, what is wrong with you? It’s still early in the morning, people are trying to sleep!” Josie covers her head with a pillow in annoyance, clearly woken up with Lizzie’s outburst. “You don’t have feelings for Penelope anymore, right? Coz I swear I’m going to kill her! and you’ll have to help me hide her body”, she blares in frustration. Knowing her sister wasn’t going to let this go, Josie gave up her chances of going back to sleep. “What did she do this time?” Josie, facing defeat, sits up on her bed and tries to listen to her sister ranting about the raven haired girl. “She goes out into those halls in her thousand dollar clothes and insults me like she’s so high up there”, she rambles on. “That doesn’t sound like her, Liz. It sounds like you attacking her first with her fighting back and you losing.” To Lizzie’s ears, it sounded like Josie was trying to defend Penelope, the girl that broke her heart. 

“Excuse me, do my ears deceive me? Are you defending that Prada wearing she-devil?”, the blonde raises her eyebrows and her tone, making Josie even more annoyed after being woken up like that. “Just ease up on her, Liz.”, Josie tries to ask her sister to calm down and lay off on the attacks. Lizzie crosses her arms and looks at Josie like she were a whole new different person that she didn’t like. The brunette sighs in defeat, “The more you notice her, the more she’s in our life and I would really love to just stir clear of her.” Lizzie, satisfied with her sister’s answer just brushes the topic off. “Fine. But be ready before breakfast, remember how Mom wanted a family day and all, in case you forgot.”, the blonde reminds her sister and leaves her alone and heads out to the shower room.

As she’s been doing the past days when she’d wake up, Josie grabbed to check her phone if there were any new messages from Landon who’s still ignoring her texts and calls. Of course, there was nothing which just means they’re probably over already. Josie sighs, and gets out of bed even though all she wanted was to just stay in and sleep through the whole day. 

The brunette walked over to her closet and brought out a change of clothes and a fresh towel so she could take a shower to wake her up but she hears something fall on the floor. It was a beautiful yellow gold bracelet with blue stones and round diamonds. She forgot that she had it over the past months but she still remembers the day when she found it in the shower room. 

_The brunette, in the shower singing Taylor Swift songs at the top of her lungs, hears the door close and realizes that she wasn’t alone the whole time. “Oh shit”, she curses to herself in embarrassment thinking that she probably scared the girl off with her loud singing. When she finally finishes with her hot shower, she pats herself down dry and puts a robe on top of her._

_As soon as she comes out of the cubicle, she gets a whiff of a sweet strawberry scent in the air. Jose swears she inhaled the scent until it vanished because of how good it smelled. “Who are you mystery concert-audience strawberry smelling girl?”, she ponders as she brushes her teeth in front of the mirror. That’s when her eyes notice something shiny by the sink next to her, it was a pretty bracelet and just by one look, she knew it was expensive with all the diamonds and precious stones on it. “I swear these rich kids don’t are so careless with their things.”, she mumbles to herself. “But it’s okay, you’ll find your owner soon. How many strawberry smelling haired girls are in this school anyway, right?”, and she places the bracelet in the pocket of her robe safely._

“Still lost, huh?”, she talks to the bracelet like it would actually talk back to her. “Well, that makes two of us. The difference is, someone might be actually missing you.”

Little did she know, Penelope Park is missing her bracelet… and Josie.

—————

After Lizzie’s shower, she decided to wait for her sister in Hope’s room since Penelope was out. They’ve always been close even though Penelope and Josie stopped talking to each other. In Lizzie Saltzman’s words, it was too good to throw away. If they weren’t with their boyfriends or best friend and sister, they were always found together hanging out. The company of each other became their escape place from all the drama around them. 

“So what are your plans for the day off?”, the blonde asks as she jumps on Penelope’s bed like a child seeking for petty revenge. Hope just ignored whatever she was doing and decided she’d just fix it after she left. “I don’t know, sleep, eat, sleep. Maybe study but that’s still to be decided on.”, the amber haired girl answers. “I asked Penelope if I could go with her but she said it was something she had to do on our own which probably means she’s up to something again with Josie.” Lizzie stops jumping on Penelope’s bed and stands right in front of Hope, “What?!”

“What what?”, she asks with a yawn. 

“If Penelope is indeed planning something for my sister, whose heart she broke by the way, you need to stop it!”, she yells in more of a command than a request. But Hope shrugs her shoulders and just ignores the overreaction from the blonde. “Hope! Why won’t your best friend just leave my sister alone?! How can she be this heartless?”

Hope, triggered from what Lizzie said, defends her best friend. “Liz, she’s not heartless. Like I told you, she’s misunderstood but she means well and she definetly never meant to hurt Josie.”

“But she still did! and-“

Never being a morning person, Hope grew annoyed at Lizzie’s loud voice nagging at her. “Josie has Penelope’s bracelet! Okay? Somehow she’s under the impression that the bracelet her grandfather gave her is with Josie because of some singing in the shower- I don’t know!”, she covers her face with a pillow and tries to mute whatever Lizzie is about to say again. When the silence takes over, Hope thinks to what information she just passed to Lizzie but before she could explain further, the blonde was already out the door. But Hope did not have the energy to go after her and went back to sleep like it’s the only thing keeping her from exploding. 

Lizzie runs back to her room and finds Josie seated on her bed, already dressed up. “Where have you been? Mom has been looking for us, we should go!”, the brunette scolds her sister. “I- uh I-“, the blonde couldn’t spit out the words she wanted to tell her sister and before she could, Josie already pulled her out of the room to look for their mom and Stefan.

The four of them were in the car, the twins silent while Stefan drove and Caroline did all the talking. “So here’s the agenda for the day. We’re going to the park to have a small picnic then after that, we’ll go the the theatre to watch a movie and have late lunch. How does that sound?”, Caroline says with a big smile on her face and full enthusiasm. But the two girls at the back replied with a simple lack of energy yes and thumbs up as they were not in the mood to interact with anyone. Lizzie was looking for the perfect opportunity to tell Josie about Penelope and her bracelet while Josie had a lot in her mind, Landon and Penelope mostly. She would check her phone every five minutes, waiting for her boyfriend to call or at least text her but she still got nothing.

“Still no word from Landon, huh?”, Lizzie finally speaks up when Stefan parks the car and the couple goes out first to find a spot in the park. “Nope.”, the brunette answers with popping the p sound. “Can’t blame him though, I know I hurt him. But I wish he would just talk to me instead of dead silence.”, she adds as they get out of the car and follow their mom and Stefan who were laying down the picnic mat. “That’s ironic.” The blonde chuckles and Josie looks at her with a confusing look. “I mean because you know, you ignored Penelope when she hurt you. Which I’m totally supportive of by the way. But if you want to say anything about Penelope, I’m all ears.”, Lizzie tries to show her support to get her sister to say something about the bracelet that Hope mentioned. Josie, obviously not getting her sister’s tone, rolls her eyes and walks quicker to their mom to try and avoid the topic of the raven haired girl.

“So what are we having for this picnic breakfast mom?”, Lizzie asks as they all sat down after preparing their spot under the sun but also protected by the shade of a tree. “Well, I packed some juice packs, cut up fruits, bread , special cold cuts, special cheese that I don’t know how to pronounce the name-“

“Wow special everything. What’s the occasion?”, the brunette asks as she punches a hole in a juice pack with a straw and takes a sip. “No special occasion. Our kitchen just got an upgrade in supplies because of Penelope’s donation-“

Josie spits out the drink dramatically. Luckily, she faced the other way and it went to the grass instead of the faces of her family. The shock in her face and on Lizzie’s gave Caroline the impression that her daughters were unaware of what the raven haired girl did. “Wait, you didn’t know that she donated to the kitchen’s budget for the whole year?”, she asks just as confused as the two girls were. “Do our faces right now look like we know?”, the blonde points at her own face and at her sister’s whose mouth was in an O shape. “I just thought that she manipulated her way into the kitchen and got the staff to serve my favorite foods- wait. How did she even know about that anyway?”, the brunette finally speaks up.

“Well- I might’ve-“

“Mom. What did you tell her?”

“I didn’t think she’d have it memorized in her brain, okay!” Caroline tries to defend herself like she weren’t the adult in the conversation. “But I think it’s actually sweet-“

“Nothing about that manipulative witch is sweet, mom!” Lizzie takes her turn at showing her frustration when Caroline tries to argue or even defend Penelope’s intentions. “Okay, girls. I think you’re mother just tried to support whatever Penelope was doing because she thinks that it would’ve made Josie happy.”, Stefan tries to defend Caroline from the two. “I’m sure she’s sorry now that she knows how you two feel about it. Isn’t that right?” He nudges Caroline to take the imaginary mic so she can apologize. “Right. I’m sorry, girls. We should just go on and eat and enjoy this beautiful day, okay?”

Everyone agrees and they dig in. Though Josie and Lizzie hated the idea that what they were eating and they will eat for the whole year came from Penelope’s money, they still enjoyed the food and expensive special cheese. Enjoyed it too much actually because not thirty minutes later, all the containers were already empty. 

The rest of their family picnic flew by without the two girls remembering their personal problems and they just enjoyed having this time to sit down and talk. Stefan shared news about his and Damon’s bourbon business’ success while Caroline took out old photos of the twins from her phone that she showed Penelope the other day, of course not mentioning that to her daughters, and they all went to a trip down memory lane. Though the morning didn’t start well for the two sisters, they felt like this was the best they’ve felt since the school year started. 

“Look at my girls, already all grown up and having boyfriends.” Caroline starts to get emotional while viewing the pictures and looks at her daughters who grew into their own person. The twins roll their eyes when they see their mother become teary eyed. “And next school year, you’ll be graduating and off to college..” Caroline wipes off the tears forming in her eyes. “And you’ll fall in love, then spend the rest of your life filled with happiness…”

At the mention of the dreaded word _love_ , Josie reacted in a way like it triggered allergies and they would be blind not to notice her flinch. “What’s wrong dear? Did an ant bite you or something?”, her mom asks when she’s done wiping the last tears off of her face. “Yeah an ant named Landon.”, her sister mumbles under her breath that the couple and her sister hear making Josie elbow her arm which earned a groan from Lizzie. 

“What? What about Landon?”, Stefan asks intrigued, having this face like he was ready to go on full protective father mode. “Nothing. Nothing about Landon, Uncle Stef. We’re fine.”, Josie says sternly, mostly looking at her sister with a chiding look like she were mentally hitting Lizzie. “Right. Sorry.”, she half apologizes as she rolls her eyes making Josie even more annoyed. 

“Alright, girls I think we should pack up this picnic and go to the theatre so we can get good seats. Yes?”, Caroline tries to break the tension forming between the twins before it escalates. Stefan helps her pack up while Josie and Lizzie walked ahead to the car, still not speaking to each other. 

The silent treatment lasted the whole 10 minute drive to the theatre. Neither Caroline nor Stefan knew what was going on between the two and they didn’t know how to get the two girls to start talking again. Many of Caroline’s failed attempts were to open up conversations about school even though that was the last thing she wanted to do but it seemed like she had no choice. Stefan tried cracking up a few jokes but with his cold monotoned voice, it didn’t end up well either. 

When it came to seating arrangements in the theatre, the couple were in the middle of the twins. Josie sat beside Stefan while Lizzie took Caroline’s side which made things even more inconvenient for the couple to get them to talk. It was a whole two hour movie that not one of them enjoyed because of the tension sitting with them. 

“So much for family day”, the older blonde whispers to herself as they exit the theatre, obviously saddened and disappointed with how this day went. Stefan felt sorry for her and glanced at the twins walking behind them, still giving each other the silent treatment. “You know what, sweetie? Why won’t you go ahead to the Mystic Grill, I think I left something inside.”

“Oh I can help you-“

“No it’s fine, I’ll just ask help from Josie and Lizzie. Just go and get us a table, we won’t be long, I promise.”, he kisses the top of her head and pulls the twins back into the theatre, leaving Caroline to walk to the restaurant alone. 

“What’s wrong, Uncle Stef?”, Josie asks concerned when Stefan brings them back in. “You guys have got to fix this. Your mother wanted a simple family day because she feels like she’s been missing out in your life.”, he scolds the two and defends his wife. Josie and Lizzie obviously felt bad for letting their mother down but they felt anger for each other even more. “I’m sorry, Uncle Stef. I’ll go and apologize to mom now.”, the blonde answers and tries to run after her but Stefan keeps her from doing so by blocking her way. “But first, apologize to each other. I don’t know what’s going on between you two and if you don’t want me to know, it’s fine. But you two are sisters and you should never keep this hate in for each other. Trust me, I’d know.” 

“But I have nothing to apologize for-“

“Right.”, Lizzie rolls her eyes and cuts off Josie. The brunette looks at her with a confusing innocent look that genuinely shows she had no idea why her sister is mad at her. “If anything, it’s Lizzie that has to apologize to me.”, she crosses her arms in a confident manner, expecting the blonde to come forward and apologize. “For what? You’re the one keeping secrets from me when you told me you’d start being honest with me!”

“What could I be possibly keeping from you when you’re always practically breathing down my neck!”, the brunette matches her sister’s yelling, making everyone passing by look at them with bewildering eyes. “Yeah I think I’ll just leave you two, go to the restaurant when you’re done.” Stefan leaves the two girls to their own privacy and the twins didn’t even notice him leave with how deadly they were staring at each other.

“Breathing down your neck?! Is that how you call me worrying about you?!”

“I don’t need you to worry about me, Liz! I’m fine!”

“You clearly aren’t! I don’t think waiting for someone who probably already moved on is fine! I don’t think holding on to ex crush’s jewellery counts as fine!”

Josie’s eyes narrow, her eyebrows furrow in confusion. “What the hell are you talking about?” The blonde scoffs, “Really? Playing dumb won’t work! Being in denial never works, Jo but I guess you do you.” With that, Lizzie leaves Josie even more confused to what her sister meant by her keeping secrets and jewellery. 

When they entered the restaurant just minutes after Stefan did, the couple expected that they’d already fixed whatever feud the two had but with the even more frustrated looks on the twins’ faces, Stefan knew he failed. “I think I just added fuel to the fire, I’m sorry.”, he whispers into Caroline’s ear as Josie and Lizzie take their seats in front of the couple. 

Compared to the other times the family were here together, the restaurant wasn’t fully packed so the silence made everything more intense. Caroline tries to ignore her daughter’s foul faces, just wanting this day to be over with. “So what are we going to order?”, she asks the others as she scans through the menu as if she doesn’t have it memorized at the back of her head since she grew up eating the restaurant’s whole menu. “I’m not really hungry, Mom. Lost my appetite.”, Josie coldly says and pushed the menu away from her. “Yeah me too.”, the blonde does the same and crosses her arms, still looking just as pissed as she was awhile ago. “What-“

“Maybe Josie would want a plate of betrayal with additional bitterness on the side.”, Lizzie comments that pushed her sister to her limits. The only thing she knew what to do in times of emotional stress like this was to walk out, to pull herself away from the situation so she didn’t have to feel every pressuring moment of agony. And it’s what she did. Josie stood up from her seat and ran out the restaurant, her blood boiling in anger with how Lizzie came at her and she didn’t even know why her sister was acting that way.

Caroline, already having enough of them fighting all day, looked at Lizzie, telling her to go after her sister and fix it. It wasn’t a look that was asking her to, it was the one that almost looked scary. It was the strict mother look that she rarely saw in the older blonde’s eyes. Lizzie rolled her eyes in frustration and stomped her way out to look for the brunette. 

She scanned the surrounding area and found Josie sitting alone by the curb. She looked so deep in thought that she didn’t even realize her sister sit down beside her. “Look, Jo-“

“Please, Liz. Just leave me alone.” Josie tries to move further from her sister, making Lizzie roll her eyes. “I’m not leaving without you. Mom looked at me like she was ready to put me up for adoption if I don’t come back with you.” Lizzie tries to lighten up the conversation but Josie was no help. “I’m not in the mood. Just go.”

“Will you stop doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Pushing people out of your life and act like you can do it alone.”

Somehow despite Josie wanting to get rid of Lizzie right in front of her, her mind still paid full attention to what she was saying. “You push everyone away. Landon, Penelope, and you’re pushing me away too… just like how you pushed dad away.” It’s always the mention of her father that triggers her worst thoughts and right now was no different. “I know you’re strong, Jo. It’s one of the many things I admire about you but keeping secrets that just stops you from moving forward-“

“What secrets? What am I keeping from you, Liz?”, she genuinely asks, trying not to sound angry so her sister can tell that she really doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Lizzie takes a deep breath to suppress her emotions and ask Josie straight up why she has Penelope’s bracelet without having Josie run off again.

“Josie, why do you have Penelope’s bracelet?”

The brunette’s brows furrow in confusion and her eyes narrow, “What bracelet? I don’t have her bracelet-“ Then she remembers the special yellow gold bracelet with blue stones and diamonds she found in the shower room, the one that showed itself to Josie again this morning after months of forgetting about it, the one that is sitting right now in her drawer in their room. _Of course. Who else would be so careless to lose something with that kind of value,_ she thinks to herself. When her face drops the confused look, gaining clarity to why Lizzie acted out the way she did, she tried to explain herself to her sister. 

“Liz, I didn’t know it was hers. I found it in the shower room months ago and kept it incase the owner comes finding it.” The genuine puzzled expression convinced Lizzie that Josie really had no idea that the bracelet belonged to Penelope. “Well, she’s looking for it.”, she answers.

And suddenly, it’s as if Josie had connected the dots she’s been trying to figure out since Penelope started trying to talk to her again. “So everything she’s done was to get her bracelet back. Her trying to reach out to me wasn’t because she wanted us to be friends again, it was all just for some fucking bracelet she so carelessly lost.”, she scoffed. The pain she felt with the thought of Penelope was overpowered by the anger she felt finding out how obnoxious, selfish and evil that girl really is with all her emotional manipulation. All the good Penelope tried to do for Josie was actually all for herself and to think she spent some time feeling guilty for how she treated the raven haired girl.

“You’re better off without her, Jo. And if it’s not with Landon, I’m sure you’ll find someone who’ll love you the way you deserve to be loved.” Lizzie brings in her sister for a hug, finally closing the distance that formed between the two since this morning. “Just promise me you won’t shut down the idea of putting yourself out there again, okay? And I’ll only be saying this once and if I hear it from you ever again, God as my witness, I will be disowning you as my sister.”, she pulls away and clears her throat. “I hate to say this but Penelope did bring one good thing when she came into our lives. You started looking up instead of keeping your head down, glued to your books. You actually confronted your feelings for her and-“ Lizzie didn’t get to finish when Josie started chuckling, a bittersweet laughter that confused the blonde. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. It’s just- Months ago, you gave me the same pep talk except it was to admit my feelings and now, it’s to push me to move on from her.” Josie remembers that day like it were yesterday. She can still remember the clouds passing by and the feeling of being a nervous wreck. “Call it what it is, growth.”, her sister comments with a smile. “Growth.”, Josie agrees.

After another hug and a few pep talks later, they both decided it was time to go back to the restaurant. “So what are you going to do about Satan?”, Lizzie asks. “Cutting her off from my life I guess, but of course I still have to give back her bracelet so there’s that.” And as if on cue, her phone vibrates with a text message. Thinking it was from Landon, she quickly checked to open it and the growing smile on her face immediately dropped when she read the text and who it was from. 

_Penelope: Can we talk later when you get back? Just hear me out and if u still want to ignore me after, I’ll leave you alone. For good._

It felt like she was back to three months ago with the walking out of a restaurant, Lizzie following her and giving her a pep talk and Penelope texting her asking if they can meet up. But still too furious with what she figured out, she didn’t bother replying to the raven haired girl who was still so keen on trying to fix things between them. Instead, she ignored it and went back to the table where Caroline and Stefan were waiting for them. “Hey mom, I’m sorry for walking out like that-“

“It’s fine. Let’s just go home.” Caroline already gave up on her plan of having this perfect family day for them and when the twins sensed the sadness in their mother’s tone they wanted to make it up to her. “No, mom. The sun is still up and while we’re still here, it’s still family day.”, the brunette stays seated. “I know it isn’t a perfect family day but we are family and perfect is overrated anyway.”, Lizzie backs her sister. Stefan smiles at the twins finally coming to their senses and asks Caroline to stay put. “Well, what’s a family with no drama, right?”, he adds on. The older blonde had this big smile on her face when she sees that her daughters have made their peace. She raises her glass of water to make a toast, “To a family that stays and faces drama.”

The family started having fun again through a hearty meal for late lunch as they shared stories with what’s been going on in their lives for the past months. The twins stirred away from mentioning what problems they were having in their personal lives to maintain the good energy flowing and of course, to keep that smile on their mother’s face from dropping into a frown again. And because Caroline was in a good mood, she ordered a shot of tequila for the four of them like any responsibly fun parent would. 

When the time came that they needed to finally leave the restaurant, the sun was about to set and pinkish orange hues covered the horizon. The twins wanted to take this moment as a form of finally tying lose ends that kept them from moving on. As the sun goes to sleep, they bid their farewells and Josie knows the only way she can do it is to face what’s been haunting her. And maybe with this goodbye, she can finally really open herself up to Landon and see where this thing between them will lead to.

The family arrived at the boarding school and the twins were left by the steps, still mesmerized with the sunset. “This is it, huh?”, Josie mumbles and chuckles nervously. She didn’t even know why she was nervous when she should be excited. “You having second thoughts?”, Lizzie asks, showing genuine care for her sister’s feelings unlike the times she forced Josie to move on. “It’s always different when she’s right in front of me. It’s like I don’t know what I’m thinking, how I feel and everything feels so heightened.”, she reveals. “Is that a good thing?”, the blonde looks at her sister who looked lost. 

“I thought it was. But no.”, she answers trying to sound convincing enough to make herself believe what she just said. “Then take this chance. The devil is finally letting us exorcise her from our lives.”, she tries to support her sister despite not being convinced with what Josie was saying. Josie’s phone in her hand lights up again, showing another text from Penelope.

_Penelope: I saw Ms Forbes already, u in the school? Can we talk pls? I’m outside your room._

Josie takes a deep breath and leaves her sister by the steps and goes up the stairs to confront Penelope so she can just move on. The inside of the school was fully heated but she still shivered as she walked up the stairs, each step she took felt like dipping her foot in ice. Time slowed down and Josie knew these were the final minutes she had to hug the pain so she can finally set it free. 

When she arrived at the last step leading to the hallway of their rooms, some part of her wanted to turn around and continue to hide, to pretend like she didn’t know about the bracelet and have Penelope chase after her because she also knew that having that bracelet in her possession was the only bridge she had left leading her to Penelope and some part of her didn’t want to let that go.

But she knew she had to.

Despite how heavy her heart felt like and how she practically had to drag her feet to the hallway like there were chains weighing her down, Josie made her way and found Penelope seated outside their door and for a split second, the guilt came back and everything she tried to cover up with anger resurfaced.

“Park.”, she calls out to the raven haired girl who had her eyes shut like she had a tiring day. Even without opening her eyes, Penelope knew it was Josie and knowing that it was, a smile crept on to her face. “You’re here..”, she says like it were a miracle that Josie showed up since she never got a reply from her texts. “Well, this is my room and you’re guarding it so I don’t really have a choice, do I?” The raven haired girl doesn’t even care for the sarcasm in the brunette’s tone, all she’s thinking is how grateful she is that Josie was right in front of her and not hiding from her like she feared she would. 

Penelope stands up and gives way for Josie to open the door with her keys. They both enter, this awkward air between them that still felt strange even after months of ignoring each other. “So what was it that you wanted to talk about?”, Josie tiredly says as she throws her keys to her nightstand and sits by the edge of her bed. “Can I?” Penelope points to the spot beside the brunette, asking permission if she could sit beside her. Josie nods and the raven haired girl happily but also nervously takes her seat but also making sure there was this distance so she wouldn’t make Josie uncomfortable. 

“I’m really sorry for what I said in the library yesterday. I’m sorry for the shouting, I’m sorry for the stupid gestures, I’m sorry for being annoying these past few weeks and I’m sorry for hurting you, Josie. I really am.”, she starts off her apology. “But what I’m most sorry for is that I didn’t run after you when you walked out the door when I knew I should’ve.” Saying those words meant a great deal to Penelope because mentioning that day was like ripping off a bandaid only to reveal a still bloody open wound. “I should’ve-“

“Stop.”, Josie puts her hand out to interrupt Penelope’s speech. “Josie, please let me finish.”, the raven haired girl pleads with heartache. “I don’t want to hear you talk about what you thought you should have done because that day happened three months ago so unless you can turn back time or something, just keep those regrets to yourself. Please.” Hearing Josie say those words felt like another stab to the same wound but she still tried to understand Josie’s pain so she accepted and cut out that part of her speech. “So to show how sorry I am, I just wanted to give you this.”, she says excitedly bringing out this box from her purse. It was a red Cartier box and the brand itself screamed expensive with how fancy it looked. When Penelope opened it up to reveal what was inside, it was a pink gold amulet bracelet with a diamond and a a beautiful green malachite stone that’s known to be the stone of transformation. It’s used for deep energy cleaning, protection, and for healing and positive transformation for the wearer. 

Penelope had this big smile on her face, proud with what she found today. She had spent the whole day driving around town only to end up in the neighbouring town to find a jewellery shop that didn’t sell antiques or old furniture. She made sure that she picked the best bracelet she could find for Josie with the best meaning and when her eyes found that bracelet, she knew it was meant to be worn by the brunette.

But what smile that shined bright on Penelope’s face was the complete opposite to the frown on Josie’s. Without a doubt, Josie found the bracelet beautiful and mesmerizing with how unique and yet simple it looked, but she saw it as nothing more than another one of Penelope’s manipulative tactic to get her bracelet back and the fact that she used her money again to win over the brunette angered her. “What is this Penelope?”, she asks, trying her best not to snap at the raven haired girl in front of her. “It’s for you, to show you-“

“Penelope! You can’t buy people! You can’t bring out shiny jewellery and expect them to forgive you!”, she shouts, failing to keep her calm. “Really?! All this just for one stupid bracelet?! Are you really that desperate to get it back that you’d buy a replacement for it?!” Penelope didn’t understand where Josie was going with her screaming but when Josie pulled her drawer and brought out Penelope’s bracelet, her whole world just stopped. “Here! This is what you’ve wanted all along isn’t it?! Just take it and leave me alone!”

When Penelope’s eyes meet the piece of jewellery, she saw her whole future burn to the ground knowing finding that bracelet was the final nail in the coffin. The smile she kept since the moment she found Josie out in the hall dropped. This was the only moment she didn’t want to see the bracelet that she spent years finding comfort in. “How do you have that?”, she only manages to say as her heart broke into pieces knowing this was it for them. 

“Don’t act dumb with me. I know this is what you’ve been pining for and now that you have it can you just leave me alone?”, she answers in frustration as she tries to give it back to Penelope who refuses to take it, refusing this to be it for them. “Take it and bring your new bracelet with you, I don’t want it just as I don’t want you in my life.” Penelope felt lightheaded with how things escalated so quickly. She came here hoping to fix things with Josie but the opposite was happening. She wanted to say something but she couldn’t, it’s like everything in her shut down with how Josie spoke so much hatred for her.

How can you go from completely falling for someone to wishing they never existed? Because Penelope feels like Josie just wanted her to disappear right there and it killed her to even just think of it. “What are you still sitting there for? I told you to go!”, Josie almost pushes Penelope out of her room but the raven haired girl didn’t leave her spot, not wanting this moment to end despite it killing her every second she stayed. “No. No. I’m not going anywhere-“

“Penelope listen to yourself! You’re being so selfish! You’re so spoiled! You don’t always get your way!” In those words, Penelope heard her mom’s voice echoing in the back of her mind reminding her of how bad of a person she is. “No, you don’t understand…”, her trembling voice pleads for Josie to hear her out. “Please just listen to me, Josie. I-“

“I did listen to you, Penelope! I listened to you when you told me I shouldn’t have called off the plan with Landon. I listened to you when you told me you knew how I felt for you and I listened to how my heart broke because I didn’t listen to all the signs that pointed to what was right in front of me. That you weren’t worth the risk of falling in love for.”

_You weren’t worth the risk of falling in love for._

It repeated over and over again in her mind, forcing it’s way down her heart to hurt her even more. She stared at those brown eyes and found so much anger that she didn’t even know Josie was capable of feeling. They have hurt each other too many times since they’ve met and it became clear to Penelope that she was right the first time, Josie was better off without her. So she takes her bracelet and the newly bought bracelet with her as she stormed out of the room without another word and as soon as the door shut behind her, she let herself breakdown. 

The brunette left inside broke into tears too as she watched Penelope walk out the door, flashes of her last night with her father appearing in her mind. Josie knew her words were too much, she knew she had hurt Penelope and she felt guilty so she stood up and thought about running after the raven haired girl. But when her hand touches the door knob, she immediately pulled away and remembered why she confronted Penelope in the first place. And it was to let her go.

Penelope didn’t want to go back in her room, she didn’t want to go to the library, she had nowhere to go and for the first time, she felt like the world was so small and it felt like it was closing in on her. She ran around the school, tears pouring down her eyes and her vision almost a blur with two bracelets in hand. Now, Penelope had two reminders of the people she’s loved the most that she lost. Josie thought wrong about the bracelet but Penelope didn’t even get to explain herself, she didn’t get to tell Josie her true intentions for buying that bracelet.

“Penelope?”, a familiar voice calls to her, pulling her back to reality, when she’s seen standing in the middle of the common room looking lost. When she looked up to see who it was, her heart pained even more seeing him standing in front of her because the last person she’d want to see right now was him.

“Landon?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The stone from Penelope's bracelet given to her by her grandfather is a lapiz lazuli stone that's said to assist in confronting and speaking one's truth and it inspires confidence. It bonds relationships, aiding in expression of feelings and emotions. Which I think is befitting for Penelope. (Boucheron bracelet)
> 
> And the stone from Josie's bracelet that Penelope failed to give is a malachite stone. This stone, in spiritual belief, is said to be a "stone of transformation". It also opens the heart to unconditional love. (Cartier bracelet)
> 
> So that's chapter 12......... :)  
> did it hurt? because i hurt while writing this:<
> 
> .... thoughts perhaps?
> 
> thank you so much!


	13. I'll be better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Penelope, do you love yourself?"_
> 
> _"I don't even know what love is."_

The next week came, Penelope didn’t bother to show up to any of her classes. Hope tried her best to pull her best friend out of bed but it was no use. She never went down during meal services and would only eat if Hope brought her some food. The raven haired girl was hurting and she didn’t have it in her to even try to hide it anymore unlike the last months. Every word Josie threw at her last night were like repeated stabs to her heart with a long dull knife. Her days became reading books, sneaking out of her room at night and sulking in her bed. She felt paralyzed with the pain, glued to her bed with pain knocking at her door every minute. 

Josie tried not to care about the raven haired girl when she didn’t see her in class the next day. She went on with her quiet day without Penelope bothering her and she enjoyed every second of it. The only problem she had to deal with was her boyfriend still not answering any of her calls or replying to her texts. But a a few more days passed, the absence of Penelope turned into something concerning so she went to the only person she had a connection to Penelope.

“Hope! Wait up!”, she calls for the amber haired girl walking alone down the hall after class. Hope stops and waits for Josie so they can walk together back to their rooms. “What’s up Jo?”, she asks with a less caring voice. “Haven’t seen you these past days. How are you?” Josie tries to make small conversation so it won’t look like she sounds interested talking about a certain raven haired girl. “I don’t know. Try living with a heartbroken teenage girl.”, she says coldly, almost spiteful and Josie doesn’t let her tone pass. “Are you… mad at me?”, the brunette asks with confusion and a bit of annoyance. “No… I’m mad at myself”, Hope sighs and Josie could almost feel the weight on the shorter girl’s shoulders dragging her down. 

“Is she-“

“She’s not okay, Jo. If that’s what you really wanted to ask.”, she leaves those words with Josie as she walks away and heads for her door. But when she realizes how rude she sounded, Hope sighed and took a deep breath before turning around to go back to the brunette and apologize. “I’m sorry… it’s just- I haven’t been thinking straight lately… you know, with trying to get Penelope out of bed and all.”, she says with sincerity that makes Josie smile sadly knowing how what happened between her and Penelope also affected Hope. “Don’t worry, Hope. Just get a new room if she’s bothering you-“

“What? No. I’m all she has here, I can’t leave her alone. How could you say that?”, she says with disbelief. “Besides, I owe this to her. It’s my fault she’s acting like this.”, she whispers, mostly to herself but Josie still hears this and it brings confusion to her. “How is it your fault?”

“Because I said something I shouldn’t have had.” The way she looks at Josie makes it seem like it had something to do with the brunette which makes her confused even more. “I’m sorry, Jo. That she hurt you but Penelope never meant to. She really only wanted you to be happy.” Josie rolls her eyes when she hears this. Through her eyes, it seemed like the same stupid excuse someone says to try and validate the pain they’ve caused. “Penelope… she’s been through a lot and I know it’s not my place to say this but you’re really the best thing that happened to her and-“

Hope’s phone rings and she excuses herself to answer it, leaving Josie with her unfinished sentence that created a new canvas for her to paint her thoughts with. 

_You’re really the best thing that happened to her_

But she shrugs it off, thinking that there is no deeper meaning behind it all and goes into her room.

Hope, after taking the call, went in her room and found her best friend asleep like she has every time she came back from her classes. Not in the mood to be understanding, just puts the slip of notice from the school’s office on Penelope’s nightstand. But Penelope senses the motion and her best friend’s presence entering the room so she eventually woke up. Even though she had been sleeping all day, she looked tired and her eyes looked deeper than they were. Her hair that she used to keep so neatly done with her curls flowing like beautiful ocean waves was messy and dry. It looked like she stopped taking care of her well-being and she really did, she cared less about how she looked like, what time she slept, how much water she drank, and how she was. 

“Hey, Hope.”, she greets her roommate when she sees her tiredly letting her fall to her own bed. “Have you eaten?”, the amber haired girl only says when she sees Penelope awake. The raven haired girl shakes her head as a no and Hope sighs, “Fine. I’ll get you some food from the kitchen. Wait here.” And she leaves the room, not bothering to ask how her best friend is doing anymore since she looked like she already gave up on herself. When Hope shuts the door behind her, Penelope feels this guilt watching her best friend having to take care of her like that. She knows she has caused trouble and she understands why Hope started becoming so silent with her, not being like what they used to.

Then she spots the piece of paper that Hope placed on her nightstand. It was a printed notice showing all the subjects that Penelope was in danger of failing if she flunks her midterms. But under the list is a handwritten note that said _Please come to my office when you’re available_ signed by Caroline which was weird because she didn’t have headmistress under her name. Thinking that time was all she had, she considered making an appearance in the headmistress’ office so she put a hoodie on and didn’t even bother to look at herself in the mirror before heading out. 

She walked to Caroline’s office and it seemed like there was this dark aura surrounding her with the looks the students were giving her. But she couldn’t care less, she just lazily made her way and knocked at the door before hearing Caroline telling whoever it was to come in. When the blonde spots Penelope, she looked shocked with how the young girl looked but more so because she didn’t think that Penelope would actually voluntarily show up. “Penelope…”, she calls and Penelope immediately senses the lack of formality in her tone, it sounded more personal. “Hi Miss Forbes, you wanted me to come see you?”, she asks shyly as she closes the door behind her. 

“Um yeah please take a seat.” The young girl, still showing some hesitance in her showing up here, takes a seat in front of Caroline’s table. “I wanted to talk to you about your attendance. Since you missed a whole week due to your suspension and add in the four days you’ve been absent with no notice or excuse letter, the teachers are showing concern with your grades and if you fail the midterms, you might need to be held back for a semester and you won’t get to graduate with your friends… with Hope.”, she starts to explain the gravity of Penelope’s situation but she looked like she didn’t care about it and it worried Caroline even more. “Midterms are on Monday and I really wish you could start putting some effort into bringing your grades back up. Prove to your teachers that you deserve another chance.” At the mention of Penelope having to prove herself, she snapped. “Proving myself to people has gotten me nowhere, Miss Forbes.”, she says with so much bitterness. 

“Why do you say that, Penelope?”, the blonde asks, trying to understand where the young girl is coming from. And for once, Penelope lets the words come out of her instead of keeping it all in, using it to beat herself up every night. “I try to prove myself to people but they already assume the worst of me.”, she reveals without looking at Caroline, too ashamed with herself. “People don’t believe that I’m trying everyday to be better but putting myself…”, she sighs, “… my heart.. out there only to have it thrown to my face with dirt just doesn’t seem to be worth it to keep trying to prove them wrong.” Caroline knows the young girl is going through so much more than she has no idea of but some part of her feels that her daughter hurt the young girl in front of her. “So you just go ahead and play the part that they wrote for you?”, the headmistress asks, trying to take on Penelope’s perspective. Hearing those words made Penelope look up to Caroline and not just physically look up but she felt like the older woman understood what she felt and wasn’t trying to scold her for it. 

“Penelope, do you love yourself?”

The young girl scoffs at the question but answers anyway. “I don’t even know what love is.”, she answers. “I thought I did. I thought my parents loved me, I knew my grandfather loved me but I’m sure his last dying memory of me completely changed that, I like to think Hope does but I can feel that even she’s pulling away from me, and at some point, I thought Josie did.” At the mention of her daughter’s name, Caroline tensed up. She figured that things had gotten worse between the two but she didn’t want to pressure her daughter to talk about it but this was her chance to find out what’s been going on between the two. “If you don’t mind me asking, what really happened between you and my daughter?”, she asks as she leans forward, resting her elbows on her table to bring her closer to Penelope. The raven haired girl didn’t want to cause any more drama or pain to the brunette than she already has so telling the girl’s mother about them didn’t seem like she was staying true to her word of leaving her alone. 

“Nothing that can be fixed, Miss Forbes.”, is all she answers. Caroline sighs, “I hope you reconsider the decisions you make in life, Penelope. You’re an intelligent young girl with a promising future. There’s a whole world out there with love in every corner waiting to be found.” She gives Penelope an encouraging smile and the young girl tries her best reciprocate that smile. “Thank you, Miss Forbes. But I have something to ask of you, if you don’t mind.” Caroline nods for her to continue.

“Can you not tell Josie about this? I promised her I’d stay out of her life and your daughter’s good heart would get her to worry and overthink if she found out I look like a mess.”, she pleads with sadness in her voice that just made Caroline sad but acknowledges the young girl’s request. “You did a good job in raising her, Miss Forbes. You’re a good mother to her and to Lizzie.”, she adds, meaning every word and Caroline felt touched hearing this from Penelope. “Thank you for listening to me, I really appreciate it.”, she says as she stands up and leaves the room. But not before Caroline walks up to her and wraps her in an embrace, “You don’t have to prove to anyone how good of a person you are, Penelope. As long as you believe that you are and you do good things even when people aren’t looking. But as far as I’ve seen, you have a good heart. Don’t stop sharing it to the world.”, she says to comfort the young girl. Caroline’s warm embrace and meaningful words were able to get through Penelope and for the first time in a long time, she felt genuinely better. “Thank you, Miss Forbes.”, she gives her gratitude to Caroline and leaves her office feeling better than she’s been for the past days. 

Penelope decides she wanted some fresh air to clear her thoughts before heading back to her room. She hasn’t seen much of the sun lately and today, it looked beautiful. She walked to the Old Mill, a spot she’s been running to at night whenever her room felt so suffocating to be in. Everything seemed so colorful, the leaves on the trees were greener, the sky looked livelier, and the sun burned brighter. 

“Park! Haven’t seen you these past few days”, a blonde boy calls her, disrupting her peaceful moment. “Not gonna lie, I thought you dropped out and went back home.”, he teases as he approaches the raven haired girl. Penelope stared at him with a deadly look, clearly not in the mood for any of his antics. “What are you doing here, Roman?”, she says with no energy in her voice. “Oh I was just on a call with my father. There’s better cell reception here.”, he explains. Penelope raises her eyebrows in suspicion, “Out here in the woods?”

He rolls his eyes at her accusing tone and tries to change the topic, “Do you know where Hope is? ‘Coz she’s been avoiding me since yesterday and I don’t know, maybe she said something to you…” Penelope rolls her eyes, “She’s your girlfriend, Roman. I’m sure she’s fine, just go and talk to her. I think she’s still at the kitchen or if not, maybe she’s back in our room.”

Roman thanks Penelope and leaves the raven haired girl alone, finally having the peace and quiet she’s been meaning to have even though silence is the only thing she’s ever had for the past few days. She just sat there at the steps leading to the second floor of the Old Mill, letting the sun rays pass through the cracks on the wood, the wind blowing in from the open gaps and the rustling of the trees that brought serenity. She closes her eyes and she could almost feel like she’s adventuring through a rainforest or laying on a hammock in the woods with a good book. She remembers everything that she wanted to live for, what her grandfather wanted for her to experience. “I miss you, Grampa. I really wish you were still here so you could tell me what to do, how to get over this pain that I’m feeling. I don’t know what this is that I feel for Josie but I knew it was something good. It was good and it scared me because with everything that I’ve done… do I even deserve good?”

_“Penelope, listen to me… the doctors say he doesn’t have much time left. There’s nothing they can do to save him anymore…”, her father says looking directly at his fifteen year old daughter. She looks up to him in shock, her heart stopped. Unable to find any words, she looked over to her mother and she saw her own reflection in her glistening green eyes that were on the verge of tears. “They can take him off the ventilator so we can have our last words with him-“_

_“Last words? What- what do I say to him on his deathbed? What could be the best thing to tell him-“_

_“Penelope.”, her mother says her name in a scolding manner._

_“No! Mom! He is your father! How are you going to say goodbye to your father?!”, she fights back, feeling all these different intense emotions. “Because.. I- I can’t.”, and she runs off, leaving her parents with tears in their eyes too._

_She runs out of the hospital and texts Hope to meet her at the only bar in town where they can sneak in because it’s ran by her best friend’s uncles. All the young girl knew was that she wanted to be as far as possible from this place because she felt like if she stayed any longer, her grandfather would pass away any second and she didn’t want that. She wanted to hear more of his stories, taste more of his cooking, have more laughs with him and gain more wisdom from him. He was the only one that loved her for who she is, despite the binge drinking and partying that she also found comfort in. Aside from loud crowds, being with her grandfather was her safe space and now that she was losing him, she ran to the other._

_“Hey P! What’s up?”, Hope greets her as soon as she gets out of a cab after escaping her drivers parked in front of the hospital. “Nothing. I just want a drink, let’s go.” Penelope pulls her best friend into the bar, the bouncers letting them in without asking them for anything. As soon as they get in, the raven haired girl orders a few shots of tequila and downed them all, not leaving any for Hope and that’s when the amber haired girl realizes there must be something wrong. “P, take it slow. Are you okay?”, she asks as Penelope continues on taking shots, licking the salt off the rim. She pretends to ignore the question and dances with the music, pulling Hope into the dance floor to stop her from asking any more questions._

_That night, Penelope had the most shots she ever had in her lifetime. It reached the point that tequila tasted like water and she didn’t care for the burning feeling it left in her throat without a chaser. She let herself melt with the music, not minding her phone buzzing in her purse with her parents incessant calling. She was escaping again and she didn’t feel like going back to her real world knowing that her grandfather won’t be in it anymore. So she partied until the sunrise came, it was almost 5am when Hope decided Penelope was done for the night. Good thing Hope stayed sober the whole time to look out for Penelope and she let her fully drunk best friend crash on her couch._

_Hope woke up to her phone ringing at 7 in the morning, the two best friends barely getting two hours of sleep. Penelope groaned for her to answer it because of the annoying sound it made. She answers it and when the man spoke on the other line, she immediately knew it was Penelope’s father and it stroke fear but what he had to say caused her to look at her slightly peacefully sleeping best friend with an aching heart. “Yes, we’ll be there right away.”, she whispers, fully awakened by the call._

_She walks over to her couch and shakes her best friend to wake up, tears were starting to pour down her eyes too. “P… wake up. We- we have to go to the hospital now…”, she says, her breath shaking not knowing how to spit out the news. “I’ll go visit later. Mom would kill me if she saw me like this there.”, she groans and covers herself up with her a blanket. “Y- your grandfather… he- he passed away this morning.”_

_Penelope’s whole world crumbles, she couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes in fear that if she opened them, it would be all real. Instead, she lays there frozen under the sheet and she could hear Hope’s sniffles as she stared into nothingness. She could feel ever beat her heart made, it screamed at her, reminding her that she had to live with this pain every single day of her life._

_It took her half an hour before she gained the strength to move from her spot, to exist in a world where her grandfather was no longer with her. On the ride to the hospital, neither one of them spoke. Hope not knowing what to say and Penelope not having anything to say. But when they arrived at her grandfather’s room, she was met with painful stares from her parents. And she looked down on the bed where her grandfather laid the last time she saw him but now, he was under a white sheet._

_“Penelope, where have you been all night?! He was looking for you! How could you do this to him?! Are you that selfish?!”, her mother screamed at her with tears pouring down her eyes with the pain of losing her father. But Penelope didn’t care about any of that, she didn’t care about anything else. Her eyes were to focused on the man under the white sheet as she approached the bed. “He’s been there for you throughout your whole life and you couldn’t be there for him in his final hours! What? Because you were hurt? You were scared?! You’re a coward, Penelope!”_

_Every step she took as she went nearer felt suffocating, like her heart was about to give up. She stood beside the bed, her hand about to pull the sheets to see if it were really him. She prayed that this was all just a dream but when she saw his pale face and his eyes shut close, it wasn’t just her heart that gave up, her whole body collapsed. She fell and hugged her grandfather begging him to come back to her. That she was sorry she wasn’t there to say goodbye. That she let him down. That she was being selfish when she ran away last night. That his last memory of her was that his granddaughter was a selfish coward who didn’t think about what he would feel._

_She stayed there hugging him, not wanting to let go, waiting for some miracle that would bring back her grandfather. But there was nothing and she had to go through a funeral and watch as they lowered his casket down to the ground. And ever since that day, her parents never looked at her again even though they never really have but this time, they made sure Penelope felt bad for what she did and she carried it with her everywhere she went, everyday she wakes up and every time the sun rises._

“I mean, who am I to ask for Josie to listen to me when I ran away from you without a word, right?”, she chuckles, seeing the irony of everything. “But I’ll be okay, grampa. I promise, I’ll be okay.”, she gives reassurance to the wind but more to herself. “I won’t be a coward this time. I won’t run from the pain.”

Penelope promised to herself at that moment of self-reflection that she won’t hide the broken pieces under a rag but instead, to pick up every last piece even if she got hurt in the process. Because if she just let them lay there, she’d be walking on shards of glass everyday for the rest of her life and she didn’t want that anymore.

—————

“Still no word from Landon?”, Lizzie asks as they eat breakfast, or at least she and Rafael does as they watch Josie stare at her phone the whole morning. Josie shakes her head, almost ready to just break up with him over one simple text but she knew Landon deserved more than that. Even though she’s been ignoring her for the past week. “He’s your brother, Raf. Have you not heard a word from him?”, Lizzie passes the question unto her boyfriend who tensed up when he was put on a hot seat with a simple question. “Uh- no not really. The last time we spoke he said the school was giving them a week off-“

“A week off? And he couldn’t pick up his phone to text me about it?”

Raf gets nervous, “You know how important this is to him.. he’s probably just practicing”

“Yeah maybe”, the brunette sighs and tries to eat her breakfast without worrying about Landon and their relationship or what’s left of it. But her whole body freezes when she sees Penelope walk into the dining hall with Hope, she had her uniform on which just meant Josie would see more of her today. “Looks like Satan is back”, Lizzie comments with a matching eye roll.

“Just because she’s going back to classes doesn’t mean she’s back in our lives, Liz. Don’t worry about her.”, Josie assures her sister while still staring at the raven haired girl. “Oh it’s not me I’m worried about.”, the blonde looks at Josie like she were worried her sister would fall back to how she was. “And don’t worry about me, Liz. I’ve moved on from her, I’ve said what I needed to say and I’m done.”, she says as she pulls away from her stare. 

Through breakfast, she couldn’t help but steal secret glances at the raven haired girl across the room who looked… well. It eased some of her worries knowing that Penelope was up and running again, though still feeling guilty with what she said the last time they spoke. She thought about apologizing and checking up on her to see how she was doing or to offer some help since she’s way behind on all their lessons and midterms were just a few days away. But doing so would just render her whole letting go thing useless. So she stood her ground and ignored the raven haired girl. 

Well, at least she tried to.

Being in the same class didn’t help Josie at all. Especially with Penelope starting to be more active in class, whenever she’d hear her from the corner of the room, she’d flinch at the sound of her voice. There were times that Josie would have a few seconds to stare at Penelope as she recited and she noticed how stressed she looked. Her eyes were deeper than the last time she saw them, her sparkling green eyes looked like they’ve been burned out and her cheekbones were more prominent. It just shows how much Josie’s words had actually affected Penelope.

The raven haired girl was all she thought about the whole day, thinking of ways on how to make it up to her without actually having to face her. During their breaks, she slipped copies of her notes under her room from all their classes together and even highlighted the ones where she thought Penelope needed to focus more on but what she didn’t think of was that Penelope could recognize her elegant writing at first glance. Also, slipping in some of her answers in their homework even though it was totally against her morals of being a perfect student. Josie also tried checking up on the raven haired girl through MG, of course asking him to keep it a secret. 

Josie tried to keep an eye on her during break, being extra cautious if she would suddenly appear by the hall and catch her slipping her notes under her door, catching her red handed and going against her own words of wanting Penelope to leave her alone. But the raven haired girl was nowhere to be found. Hope and the boys didn’t know where she was too and it’s like she always disappeared into thin air. 

After class, Penelope needed to be left behind to have a word with her teacher as she did with all her other classes. Josie, as she always did, stayed behind to fix the chairs and clean the chalkboard. But this time, it was for the pure intention of keeping her eyes on Penelope even though she hate to admit it. She tried to look busy but her ears were focused on the raven haired girl’s conversation with the teacher.

“I can ask you to write an essay for extra credit but that’s all the help I can give, Miss Park. If you fail the midterms, say goodbye to your chances of graduating with your classmates.”, the old woman says trying to seem caring. “I understand that, thank you. I’ll just try my best not to disappoint you.”, the raven haired girl says. Josie falls confused, her tone unfamiliar with the lack of resistance. Penelope didn’t try to argue for anything else and it surprised the brunette that she’d accept her situation with grace.

When Josie senses that Penelope was looking at her, she tried to hide her face with a notebook but it was no use. “Miss Saltzman, I have to lock this room in a bit. You can leave now, thank you for helping out.”, the teacher says forcing Josie to look up, but still trying her best to ignore the raven haired girl’s stare at her. “Yes, I’ll just get my things and go.”, she shortly replies. Penelope leaves the room before Josie and as she walked out, the brunette caught a glimpse of the raven haired girl smiling to herself. Somehow, it allowed Josie to breathe. It lifted some of her worries that rested on her shoulders for the past few weeks. 

She waited a few more minutes before going up the stairs to her room when she saw Penelope going in the same direction. The last thing she wanted was for awkward silence between the two as they walked separately into their own rooms. When Josie opened her room, her face fell to see Lizzie going through at least five shopping bags that were placed on her bed. “Where the hell did you get all these, Liz? Did Raf cheat on you or something?”, she teases to mask the shock in her expression. 

The blonde rolls her eyes and scoffs, “As if! He’d never cheat on me and these aren’t for me, clearly, they are in your bed and there’s a card.” Lizzie takes the folded card from the bed and reads it out loud to the brunette, “I didn’t want to plan your outfit for you so I got you different clothes that you can match by yourself for our date tonight by the lake at 7pm. Go crazy, Saltzman.”

She had a gut feeling that Penelope was behind all this considering everything looked expensive and she was the only one who ever called her by her last name. But she tries to brush off her assumptions, “It says Saltzman, it could easily be you too.”

“I miss you. Signed, Landon.”, the blonde adds, finishing what was written on the card. 

With the mention of her boyfriend’s name, Josie grabs the card immediately and rereads it to see with her own eyes that Landon, who has been ignoring her since that tragic phone call, was actually reaching out to her. “Does Landon have a job or something? How’d he afford all this? I thought he was poor.”, Lizzie comments.

“Liz.”, she warns her sister. “Right, filter. Sorry.”

“Well, Raf did say he had a week off. Maybe he wanted to surprise you and take you on a big date.”, the blonde encourages, trying to act supportive for her sister. Josie, though still in shock, looked ecstatic at the thought of how everything started to line up for her. She opened up the paper bags and her eyes caught the Chanel white sweatpants that Josie knew was way expensive. “Jo, if you don’t call dibs I-“

“I have a bad feeling about this, Liz.”, the brunette admits as soon as she sees the ridiculously expensive sweatpants. She still thinks that this has Penelope written all over it and it bothered her, but of course she wouldn’t admit that to her sister. “I feel guilty that Landon had to spend so much money-“

Lizzie pulls out another item from one of the paper bags and reveals one of Landon’s old hoodies. “Looks like he didn’t have to spend that much money”, the blonde comments. The hoodie manages to ease some of her worries and overthinking. For the rest of the time that she got ready for this supposed date by the docks, Josie managed to not worry about Penelope’s possible hand in all this. 

Lizzie was fixing her sister’s hair, making sure she looked perfect. And she really did. She wore the sweatpants that fit perfectly and partnered it with a neon tank top that showed off her toned arms and stomach. But since it was chilly out in the night, she grabbed one of her long black cardigans to cover up. She looked stylish and comfortable at the same time which she’s guessing is what Landon wanted her to be based on the clothes sent to her.

It was around six in the evening when the twins heard a knock on their door. Lizzie answered it to reveal Hope standing outside, looking a bit shocked with Josie’s look. “Wow, Jo. You look hot.”, she praises the brunette who did a little twirl to show off her outfit. Lizzie rolls her eyes, “Don’t tell me you’re crushing on my sister too.” The amber haired girl giggles, “Why? You jealous?”, and throws a wink at the blonde. “In your dreams, Hope.”, Lizzie scoffs and lets the amber haired girl in.

“I just wanted to come over and ask if you guys wanted to spend the Friday night studying for midterms but I see Josie already has plans tonight.”, she smiles at Josie and looks over at Lizzie, “You however don’t and I really need help with a few subjects.” The blonde rolls her eyes again but agrees anyway and lets Hope stay so they could study when Josie leaves for her date. 

Hope notices all the paper bags in the corner of Josie’s side of the room and chuckles lightly to herself. “So did you finally give Penelope a chance?”, Hope asks, making Lizzie look at her with disgust like she said something so offending while Josie looked at her with pure confusion. “What? No! Penelope and Josie are done, the end. It’s Landon who sent all of these and asked her to go to the lake for a date which, even though sounds weird since he’s been MIA, is sweet.”, the blonde explains in a defensive matter which earns an apology from Hope. But with the mention of Penelope, the worries and thoughts that the raven haired girl had a hand in this crept back into Josie’s mind.

As the two girls talked for another hour, discussing midterms, boys and other things, Josie fell quiet which Lizzie noticed. “You okay, Jo?”, she asks with a worried tone. Josie gives off a forced smile and tries to reassure her sister and Hope that she was. “It’s just seeing Landon again after so long and not knowing what to say when he’s in front of me or how this night will turn out for us.”, she admits with it being at least half true. She was so caught up in overthinking Penelope’s involvement in this that she didn’t realize how this night would end up for her and Landon. She didn’t know what to say, what to feel or how to react if ever he tries to say those three words again. 

“He loves you, Jo. Maybe you don’t feel the exact same way he does but you can at least try.”, the blonde tries to give her words of wisdom but Josie catches Hope’s secret look of disapproval to what Lizzie just said but she disregarded it and focused on her sister. “Just show up tonight and see where this date takes you.”, she offers her hand to Josie so she can escort her out the door since it’s already 7pm. 

“You’re right, thank you.”, she takes her sister’s hand and they walk to the door which was only a few steps away. Lizzie fixes her hair one last time before she opens the door. But before she took another step, she called for Hope and the amber haired girl joined the sisterly moment the two were having. Lizzie took this as her cue to give them some privacy so she went back to her bed and started bringing out her school books and notes for her and Hope to review when Josie leaves.

Josie pulls Hope out into the hall and closes the door behind her. “Why did you think I was going out with Penelope tonight?”, she asks straight away. Hope, taken aback by her question, tries to remain calm. “I just thought that since she looked a bit better today and started going to class that you two finally made up-“

“But why would you ask me if I finally gave Penelope a chance? What does that mean?”, she starts to go on her interrogation mode. Hope, not wanting to cause any more damage, tried to answer Josie’s questions to calm her down. “Josie, I just-“

She was cut off by a text message from Landon saying he was already down at the lake waiting for her. To Hope’s relief, Josie didn’t ask her to continue what she was about to say. Instead, the brunette ran off to her date while she left Hope standing there in the middle of the hall smiling sadly at the brunette as her shadow disappear. 

Josie, walking down to the lake, started to get suspicious of her surroundings because of how dark everything was. She could barely see where she was walking so she thought how could a date happen in the darkness. But then everything around her lights up, fairy lights hung above her that gave a warm glow to her surroundings and it lead to a spot by the docks where Landon was standing with dandelions spread out on the path to him as he started to strum his guitar, a soft melody that made everything feel romantic. She stood there in awe, taking this whole perfect image in to cherish forever. 

She walked over to Landon who was still strumming his guitar like an angel with a harp, his big goofy smile that Josie mirrored. When she finally stood in front of him, he put down the guitar and started this whole speech that he prepared for this moment as he held Josie’s hands in his.

“Josie, I’m sorry that I’ve been ignoring your calls. And I admit that it hurt when you hung up on me when I told you I love you and I was an ass with how I responded to your reaction. But I realized a girl like you doesn’t deserve to hear those words for the first time over the phone, a girl like you deserves these grand gestures to know how special she is… to know how much I love you.”, he pours his heart out for the brunette smiling in front of him. “I love you, Josie Saltzman.”, he repeats with so much feelings that Josie feels compelled to reciprocate it and the next thing she knows…

“I love you too.”, she says those three words back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Penelope trying to learn self love and Josie.. well.. heh
> 
> and yea... that's more of Penelope's backstory to sort of explain some things or why she thinks like that..
> 
> so.... do u guys think Penelope rlly has something to do with this whole thing? Or is Josie just overthinking things?
> 
> ....and thoughts perhaps?
> 
> thank you so much!!


	14. We all get messy sometimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I wanna be alone._   
>  _Alone with you, does that make sense?_

“I love you too”, she says those three words back. 

“Really?” His eyes imitate the stars above them, sparkling with so much joy. 

“Yes, I do.” 

Landon leans in and catches Josie’s lips for a heartfelt kiss. He pulls away with a smile on his face as he stared at Josie’s brown eyes that looked even more beautiful under the warm light. 

“So, what’s all this?”, the brunette looks around and spots blankets and pillows beside them with a picnic basket. She pulls away from his intense loving stare and tries to change the topic, a bit shocked with what words came out of her just a few minute ago. “I just wanted to do this for you… You deserve good things.”, he answers, still happily smiling after hearing how Josie reciprocated his love. 

He leads the brunette to sit down with him, being the gentleman that he is. Josie takes in the view of the lake and how the waters were so still that it reflected the image of the moon. But her mind didn’t think about the boy sitting beside her, her mind wandered to the night she and Penelope sat on the rooftop adoring the sky above them and how they almost kissed that night. She tries her best to just shake off the thought of Penelope close to her and how she misses her strawberry scent and alluring eyes that always makes her knees go weak.

“Tell me about New York”, the brunette asks, almost commanding him to, just to push the thought of the raven haired girl away. Landon chuckles at his girlfriend’s immediate interest about his stay in the big city. “New York is everything. The buildings are so tall, there’s life everywhere and it’s just amazing.”, he says with so much amusement like the bright lights were still right in front of him. “Big city for big dreams”, she comments while adding a supportive smile. “Yeah I really wish I could bring you when I go back so you can see it for yourself. New York would be perfect for you.”, he adds. Josie smiles at how she imagines this great city to be like and it helped in distracting her from the thought of Penelope.

The two talk about New York and everything beautiful that Landon witnessed in his stay there. They at least spend an hour painting a picture of what they would do if they went to New York together. “We’d walk around Central Park and have a picnic there.”, he says. “And then you’ll play the guitar and I’ll sing and people passing by will look at us and be jealous because of how cute of a couple we make.”, she adds to the picture. “And you’ll write songs about me and I’ll love every one of them.”

Landon’s smile drops and feels this punch on his stomach so he tries to change the topic. “I know it’s not really big dinner type but… I’ve brought peanut butter and jelly sandwiches”. He reveals the contents of the picnic basket and it takes Josie back to Penelope’s first night when they ate that same snack in the kitchen enjoying the silence with each other’s company. “That’s my favorite! I’m surprise you knew since I never told you about it”, she tries to look happy and the curly haired boy looked nervous at the slightest hint of suspicion. 

“Don’t be silly, I do what I can to find out your favorites… even if it meant asking Lizzie-“

“Lizzie? That’s weird… she sounded just as surprised as I was when you sent the clothes to my room.”, the brunette says and takes a bite. “You know, Lizzie… great actress”, he tries to convince Josie who was too busy enjoying the sandwich to notice his suspicious tone. 

“So about my audition.”, he tries to change the topic. “I got the second audition and I don’t want to get my hopes up just yet but I really feel like I have a good shot at this.”, he adds. “That’s great, Landon! I’m proud of you but…” Josie looks at him with a sad look, “Raf said you got a week off? Until when?” He sighs and looks down in shame, “I have to leave tomorrow morning”

“So you were in town the whole week and you didn’t bother to pick up the phone.”

“Josie… I wanted to but I didn’t want to just come out of nowhere and not exert any effort at all. I knew I needed to do everything I could to try and make it up to you.”, he pleads. “I really am sorry for ghosting you for the past few days. I’m sorry that I was acting selfish and that I didn’t listen to you.”

At the word ghosting, Josie thought of the three months she tried so hard to dodge Penelope and act like the raven haired girl didn’t exist. She also thought of the times she pushed Penelope away when all the girl wanted was for Josie to listen and it made the brunette understand how he felt. “You don’t have to say sorry. I understand that I hurt you and I’m the one who has to be sorry, really.” The words come out of her mouth like a rehearsed script, something that she’s been practicing for the past week in hopes that Landon would answer one of her dozen phone calls. 

Landon raises his eyebrows in disbelief, like what Josie just said was so unexpected. “I just- I understand. With everything that happened with Penelope, trust me, I understand.”, she adds to reassure him. Mentioning Penelope in front of her boyfriend on a date that’s supposed to fix their relationship, Josie thought, was a stupid move. And as expected, it had an effect on Landon that was evident in how he tensed up. Josie saw how he froze at the mention of the raven haired girl’s name and felt bad for bringing her up knowing Landon knew what Penelope meant to Josie, in the past at least. 

“Did she try to talk to you while I was away?”, he, to Josie’s surprise, pushes the topic of Penelope Park further. Josie looks down, feeling some kind of shame remembering how every encounter she’s had with the raven haired girl always left at least one of them in tears or their heart shattered. “Yeah she did.”, she answers, trying not to go into detail with every moment that Penelope tried to talk to Josie. “Did you guys make up?”, he pushes further. At the question, Josie’s heart ached more than it should knowing that she and Penelope were probably never going to speak to each other again. “She hates me and she thinks I hate her.”, she answers as the truth she can never say out loud in front of her sister. “Do you hate her?”

“I thought I did. I mean, it was easier to. It made sense of the pain I felt. But now…”, she trails off.

“Now?”, he asks Josie to continue.

“Now… she’s finally out of my life, I still feel that pain even though I’ve said all I needed to say.”

Landon exhales, a deep sigh that made Josie nervous. 

“Josie, it’s still her, isn’t it?”

She refuses to look at him, scared that he might see right through her and see what she herself tried to turn a blind eye on for months. “No, Landon. It’s you.”, she answers sternly, trying to seem confident with her words. “I love you”, she adds with so much desperation to convince Landon that there’s only him. 

Landon smiles, a sad one, and takes Josie’s hands into his. “Yeah maybe you do but she’s always going to be here, isn’t she?”, he asks as he lifts Josie’s chin up to look at her eyes. “Here.”, he points at Josie’s temples, meaning that Penelope will always be on her mind. “And here.”, he adds as his hand moves to point at her heart. “No she’s gone-“

He stands up from where he was seated with his hands behind his head, not buying anything the brunette is saying. And so he does the only thing that he knows is the right thing to do at this moment. “Josie, I didn’t do all this. Not alone at least.”, he reveals. This makes Josie finally look up at him, meeting those bright green eyes with confusion and so many questions in mind. “What do you mean?”, she asks, though already having a feeling to where this conversation was going.

“Penelope.”

_“Penelope?”, a familiar voice calls to her, pulling her back to reality, when she’s seen standing in the middle of the common room looking lost. When she looked up to see who it was, her heart pained even more seeing him standing in front of her because the last person she’d want to see right now was him._

_“Landon?”, she says softly as her vision starts to clear, revealing the image of the curly haired boy a few steps away from her. He looked at her like she was a bomb about to explode, not knowing if he should just leave her be or approach her and see what he can do to help. “Are you okay?”, he asks the weeping girl who obviously looked far from okay. Realizing that his question was stupid, he tried to rephrase it. “What’s wrong?”, he asks more affectionately._

_Penelope shakes her head, no words coming out of her. The couch catches her fall as she broke into tears again, holding the two bracelets on her hand like it were the only thing keeping her sane. Landon approaches her and sits beside the raven haired girl crying her heart out, keeping her company._

_When Penelope finally comes to her senses and wipes her tears on her shirt, she breaks the silence. “What are you doing here?”, she asks with her muffled voice. Landon looks at the raven haired girl and sees how her eyes have puffed a bit and how strained they looked. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for Penelope. “I was actually looking for Josie-“_

_“What for?”, she cuts him off. Hearing the brunette’s name after what just happened between them caused a sting. “I just got back from New York and I wanted to apologize to her and tell her I love her in person”, he reveals. Penelope looks at him and immediately thinks of the only way she could ever make Josie happy again. Even though her eyes were burning and she didn’t have it in her to do anything, she still wanted to make Josie happy. She wanted to make it up to the brunette and she thought maybe she could do that by ensuring that Landon makes her happy._

_“I’ll help you.”, she says, her voice cracking. Landon looked at her with a bewildering look, “But aren’t you and Josie on the outs?”_

_The raven haired girl tries her best to keep any more tears from pouring down, “She doesn’t need to know that I helped. I’ve hurt her and I just really want to do this for her.”, she almost pleads for him to let her help him._

_“Did you guys get into a fight? Is that why I found you crying?”_

_She looks down and avoids eye contact with him so he we won’t see how weak she feels. “She hates me.”, but saying those words only sends her down deeper into the pit she’s made for herself in her own mind. Landon knows Josie doesn’t, even through all the ignoring and the acting like Penelope doesn’t exist. But he also knows he doesn’t have the right to say anything especially after being gone for a week and ignoring Josie for days._

_“Penelope, I need your help with Josie.”, he acts like she didn’t ask this of him to try and cheer up the poor girl. Penelope looks up at him, her eyes glistening and Landon just smiles at him to comfort her._

—————

_“Seriously? Are you like a vampire or something? Why do we have to meet in the middle of the night for this?” Landon complains when he sees Penelope approaching the Old Mill. The raven haired girl wore a black hoodie on with sweatpants who obviously looked like she hasn’t left her bed the whole day. “Why? Are you scared of the dark?”, she teases. But when she sees that he really is serious, she rolls her eyes and explains. “I don’t like coming out when everyone is out, okay? And this way, the lesser the chances are that we get caught.”_

_“Fine.”, he answers as he crosses his arms and sits down on the steps of the old looking house. “So what’s the plan?”, he asks. Before answering him, Penelope leans on the wall and takes a good look at Landon, trying to piece together what Josie sees in him. She thinks hard until she doesn’t even notice that she’s staring at him which creeped Landon out, considering the darkness surrounding them and the cold breeze of the night, add in the creepy looking old mill they’re in. “Penelope!”, he calls out to her to bring her back to her senses._

_“Right. The plan.”, she repeats, also not knowing what the plan actually is since she hasn’t come up with one yet even though all she had today was time to think. “Um so I was thinking that y- you bring her to the lake at night”_

_“But it’ll be dark out there. I doubt that makes a good spot for a surprise date”, he criticizes her idea right away that just makes Penelope roll her eyes again. “Let me finish.”, she scolds as she sits down beside him on the steps. “We’ll put fairy lights, make it look like something off a fairytale book. Then we’ll scatter her favorite flowers in a path leading to you. Then you can have a picnic basket with her favorite food, and then the two of you will lay under the stars.” Penelope visualizes the whole setting and drifts off into her mind as she explains in detail how she imagines everything to be._

_“And I can play the guitar for her, she always loves it when I play while she sings. It’s like our thing together, you know?” Penelope nods at his suggestion and agrees with it._

_“All that sounds great, Penelope. The only problem is that I don’t know her favorite flowers or her favorite food and what if she expects too much or too less from this date and she won’t know how to dress? What if it rains that night? What if fairy lights won’t be enough?” Landon expresses his concern and goes through everything that can go wrong._

_“Don’t worry. I’ve got all that covered, trust me.”, she reassures him and places her arm around his shoulder to show her support. “I mean, I’m Penelope Park.”, she says with a smug look on her face despite her weak state of not taking care of herself. This makes Landon laugh and they both spend another hour going into detail to make sure everything goes according to plan._

“She helped me with all of this. She knows your favorite flowers, your favorite food, hell- she even knows what clothes look good on you.”, he admits to everything and drops this bomb on Josie’s lap fully knowing what it could do. “We’ve been together for months and yet she still knows you more than I do”, he adds with a hurt tone. 

Josie stands up and reaches out to him and acts like what Landon just said wasn’t a big deal to her. That her suspicions the moment she saw those paper bags were true, that Penelope still has this hold on her. “I don’t care.”, she asserted as she shook her head and swallowed this lump forming on her throat to make sure he hears her clearly. “I don’t care that she helped you with all this because you’re the one here with me right now, okay?”, she grabs his hand and takes it in hers to show her sincerity. “Is this why you’re pushing that I might still have feelings for her?”, she asks and he nods as a reply. “Landon, she manipulated you into allowing her to do this because that’s who she is. She’s selfish and that’s why she’s out of my life.”, she adds. “So let’s drop anything and everything Penelope related and you play me the song that got you that audition, okay?” 

Josie gives Landon a genuine smile as she leads him back to the blankets to sit back down. She picks up Landon’s guitar from the case but the wind blows away a paper from it and she tries to run after it. When she catches it, she feels the softness of how old the paper feels. It was a page torn out from one of his notebooks. Guessing that it was the lyrics to his song, she unfolded it and started reading it with an excited smile on her lips, expecting it to be about her.

But the title itself gave the whole song away and she felt her heart shatter as she went through the rest of the lyrics. She felt blank. She wanted to scream, to cry, to run, to hide but most of all she just wanted to hit pause. When Landon sensed that Josie wasn’t moving behind him, he turned around and found her frozen and holding a piece of paper. Landon eyes widened when he remembered what that paper contained and suddenly, it’s like a bucket of ice cold water was poured on him. They were both frozen and both didn’t know what to do.

Josie just kept on reading what was written. She reread it over and over again, trying to make sure she wasn’t misinterpreting words or overanalyzing anything. But everything just pointed on to one fact and it was that Landon was in love. Just not with Josie.

“Josie-“

“About those eyes. The way they spark when she’s about to pick a fight. When we disagree and she knows that she’s right-“

“Josie, let me explain.”, he approaches the brunette whose eyes were still glued to the paper she was holding. But she doesn’t listen to him and continues reading the lyrics out loud, maybe hoping if she heard it herself, she could think of it as just words that don’t mean anything else.

“About that smile. She tries to hide cause that’s what they expect her to. When no one’s watching, it lights up the room. About the time. You’ve locked your heart up safely, someone breaks right through.-“

Landon snatches the paper from her hands and Josie looks up at him, biting her lip and refusing for the tears forming in her eyes to escape. “Josie-“

“Is this the song that got you the audition in New York?” Josie looked like she didn’t want to hear Landon’s lame excuse into getting out of this situation so she threw questions at him right away. Landon nods as an answer and tries to take Josie’s hands to connect with the brunette, “I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.” 

Josie scoffs, “In what way would’ve it been appropriate for you to tell me that you wrote a song about someone else- wait no, not just someone else. Hope!” 

“It’s not-“

“Don’t tell me it’s not about Hope when the title literally says A Song About Hope!”, she yells in frustration at his poor attempt to salvage himself. Landon looks down to his feet in shame, not having the courage to look at Josie in the eye. “I came back here for you, Josie.”

“But you left because of how good that song was! How people saw how you felt with that song! And it’s not about me, your girlfriend, it’s about Hope! Imagine how stupid that makes me feel, Landon!” She tried her best but her tears started to fall like waterfalls. They were tears of pain but mostly of anger because she really believed that Landon was good for her. “And you tried to point your finger at me! Saying that I’m the one in love with someone else-“

“Isn’t that true though?!”, he counters which leaves Josie startled. “The only difference is I accepted how I felt while you continue to push it away-“

“Then why say you love me when you knew you had feelings for someone else?!”

“Because I did love you! I do!”

“Bullshit!”, she curses and tries to leave him there behind but Landon catches up to her and pulls her back. “You can’t love us both, Landon! And I don’t want to have to wait to get my heart broken!”, she shouts, the pain she felt latched itself unto every word she said. 

“She’s with Roman! I’m with you and I’m happy!”, he tries to make her stay.

“If the only reason you have for not being with her and settling with me is because she’s with Roman then you don’t deserve me and you don’t deserve Hope. Just go back to New York and find more girls to write songs about. Don’t show your face to me ever again.” 

Josie pulls her hand away from Landon’s grip and runs off into the woods. Her tears start pouring down and she just keeps on running, trying so hard to put as much distance as she can between her and Landon. She finds light coming from the school but she didn’t want to be around anyone else, especially her sister who would bombard her with questions she can’t deal with right now. “Josie!”, she hears Landon’s voice calling her echoing through the woods. This makes her run even faster, her heart about to give out at this point. And maybe she just wanted it to. To push it to it’s limit so it can explode and burst out of her chest because maybe that wouldn’t be the worst feeling compared to the ache that Josie can only feel. 

She finds herself stumbling on tree roots and she curses, a desperate need to run away from Landon. She finds refuge in the empty Old Mill where she rests on the steps inside the house. The only thing she could hear was the sound of the wood creaking as she entered and the crickets chirping outside. Aside from all that, it was pure and absolute silence that enabled her to hear her crazy heart beat. At that moment, she just wanted to grab it and force it to stop feeling things. To stop the ache so she can just move on with her life but knowing that she can’t, she just cried. She cried and she cried, still trying to do so quietly not just because Landon was out there looking for her but because she got used to doing so every night she cried her heart out and Lizzie was sleeping a few feet away from her. She cried because of the song. She cried because of Landon admitting to being in love with Hope. She cried because she thought this night would lead to finally having a good thing going in her life. She cried because her first I love you was to a boy who only gave half his heart. She cried because with everything wrong in her life, she was still thinking about a certain raven haired girl and how she had a hand in preparing that date. She cried because she didn’t know why Penelope did that and she cried because she may never know why after saying all those horrible things to her and about her.

Josie closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to try calm her breathing so she can stop crying, but the wind brings a disgusting scent. It’s the smell that takes her back to the memory of finding Penelope smoking a cigarette. She looks behind her and finds a small light coming from a burning ember and the smoke floating up into the air. A stick held between the fingers of a figure that makes Josie jump to her feet in shock. Standing up, she could see who the person was clearer and she cursed under her breath, a dreadful one. 

“What the fuck, Park?”, she curses in a quavering voice as she wipes her tears and yells at the raven haired girl sitting at the top of the stairs with a lit cigarette in hand. 

“What?”, she replies casually like the presence of Josie in front of her didn’t affect her at all when really, this all feels like some dream. “What what? You’ve been here all this time and you couldn’t say a word to tell me I wasn’t alone?”, the brunette scolds, trying to hide the embarrassment she feels knowing that Penelope witnessed her break down.

“You said you didn’t want me in your life anymore so I didn’t think I had to make my presence known.”

Josie knows Penelope didn’t mean it to attack her but she couldn’t help but feel guilty knowing those words stayed in the raven haired girl’s mind. Josie doesn’t argue with her and so Penelope continues to smoke her cigarette which annoys her even more. The brunette rolls her eyes, “I thought you promised my mom you’d stop.”

“Nope. I only promised Miss Forbes I won’t disappoint her, and she’ll only get disappointed if she finds out.”, she tries to defend herself but she also doesn’t bother asking Josie to not rat her out like the last time she caught Penelope smoking. Silence came after her short answer so Josie just watched as the smoke curled off of Penelope’s lips. Though it was dark, she could still see her face and she saw how Penelope tried so hard not to look directly at Josie. The raven haired girl poured all her attention to the stick on her hand and the smoke she blew out. 

“Stop looking.” Josie is taken aback when she’s caught because Penelope wasn’t even looking at her. “I can feel you staring at me.”, she explains when she feels the hitch in the brunette’s breathing. “You’re so full of yourself.” Josie tries to defend herself and scoffs. 

“I think I should just leave. Me being here just throws the whole stay out of each other’s lives thing to the trash.” Penelope stands up and kills the cigarette by throwing it to the ground and steps on it. “Clearly, it’s already in the trash since you just can’t leave me alone.” Josie doesn’t even try to speak softly. She makes sure Penelope hears every word but every word just made Penelope confused. “I was the first one here, Saltzman. If I had known you’d come here to cry-“

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” The raven haired girl raises her eyebrows, asking Josie to just spit it out even though she knew what she was talking about. “I know you helped Landon set up this whole date when you could’ve just let him do it alone when he got back. You just had to be involved in my life again.”, she reveals so bitterly without even hearing out Penelope’s explanation. “Not everything revolves around you, Penelope. You can’t control everything. You’re being the spoiled rich kid again that doesn’t stop until she gets what she wants which is exactly why you should just stay out of my life.”

They were both standing up, Penelope looking down at the brunette standing at the bottom of the stairs looking so angry at her. She could feel her heart tighten up again with how sharp Josie’s words were. She wanted to just leave Josie alone and go back to her room to sulk but she promised herself no more hiding. Penelope just disregards everything Josie said to spite her and sat back down. 

“Why are you here, Josie?”, she asks in an exhausted tone, tired from their bickering whenever they’d cross paths. Hearing her name in Penelope’s voice, her anger drops and she answers the raven haired girl. “Landon and I broke up. I think.”, she says and looks down, not wanting to see the pity looks she’ll get from Penelope. She expected her to speak ill of Landon or to tell her that they can still fix this but again, Penelope surprises her. 

“Are you okay?” Josie looks up and doesn’t see pity but genuine concern in her soft expression. She sighs and sits down on the bottom step but fixes her position so she can still see Penelope. “Does it look like I am? I’m a mess.” She leans on the wooden railings of the stairs and hides her face behind her hands. 

Penelope looks at Josie and she could almost feel the weight of what she’s carrying on her shoulders. “We all get messy sometimes”, she tries to comfort the brunette. Josie looks up and only feels guilt with what Penelope said, remembering that she hurt Penelope too and how it made the raven haired girl skip almost a week of school, putting her grades in jeopardy. The guilt and every bad feeling built up on her chest and all she could do was exhale it. Penelope noticed this and felt how much Josie was keeping in. “You should let that out. Bottling up feelings only hurts more. Trust me, I’d know.”

“I’m fine, Park. I don’t need you to tell me how to manage my feelings.”, she turns away from the raven haired girl. “I saw you awhile ago and it’s like you’re so used to suppressing everything.” Penelope knows it’s not her place to talk about emotions, considering she had the habit of ignoring them too. But she wanted better for Josie. “You’re not seriously expecting me to open up to you, right? After everything that happened?”, the brunette scoffed. Penelope rolled her eyes at Josie trying to turn things again into a fight. 

“Then don’t tell me, just tell the air. Like, you’re in a confession booth in a chapel pouring your heart out except you don’t have to repent or apologize for feeling the way you feel.” Josie looks at Penelope like she were the devil trying to pull her deepest secrets and use them against her. At her silence, Penelope takes an extra step by standing up and pulling Josie to the middle of the room. They stood there and Josie grew confused with what Penelope was trying to do but flashes of the night they danced in the same spot softened her heart, giving all her attention to Penelope who felt the same rush as she relives the same moment in her mind. 

Penelope takes a hold of Josie’s shoulders and turns her around and asks her to sit down. She does the same so by now, their backs were against each other as they were sitting down in the middle of the Old Mill’s dusty floor. “What is this, Park?”, Josie asks, still confused with what was happening. She knew Penelope had her back against hers because she could feel her warmth behind her and though she hate to admit, she felt comfortable in Penelope’s company again. “So you don’t have to hide or act strong when you’re speaking your heart out. I won’t say anything and it’ll be like you’re alone… alone with me. Does that make sense?”

Josie chuckles at Penelope trying to explain her point. “Yeah it actually does.”

“It’s just 9pm so we have all night, no need to rush. I can wait for you, Josie.” Josie’s heart flutters with Penelope’s sincere words. It’s a side that she’s seen when they were the only ones in the room or in a hallway or when they had their own small bubble in the middle of a busy dining hall. “I won’t walk away.”, the raven haired girl adds behind her in a soothing and reassuring voice. 

Josie takes a deep breath and tries to form words. “Landon told me he loved me last week and I hung up the phone because I didn’t know what to say.” This makes Penelope chuckle at how Josie panicked. The brunette elbows her from behind to make her stop, “Right. Sorry.”, the raven haired girl apologizes, her lips still pulled into a smile. 

“I tried calling him, texting him for days but it’s like he just disappeared. He never picked up, he never replied and it hurt. So I thought it was over between us. ”, she explains what she’s been through for the past weeks. “And there were days where I was relieved that it was, because I didn’t have to be pressured into reciprocating his love. But he was good to me. He’s everything that I thought I wanted.”, she reveals. Hearing this made Penelope’s smile drop into a frown, realizing that she’s far from the goodness Landon is in Josie’s life. “So I still tried to reach out to him and when I found those paper bags on my bed… not gonna lie.. I knew from the start they were from you and I was about to throw them out because I thought it was another one of your stunts. But smart move in putting one of Landon’s hoodies.”, Penelope looks down in shame. “But then it still felt like he existed in my life again and that my chances of finally having something good in my life wasn’t completely gone because to be honest, I’m not sure I deserve much good.” Hearing that made it feel like Penelope was listening to herself because she felt the same way Josie did, undeserving of good things but she wondered why Josie felt that way.

Penelope broke the rule and spoke up, really curious to why Josie would look down on herself like that. “Why do you feel like you don’t deserve good?”, she asks with a careful tone to not overstep and set Josie walking away from her again. Josie takes a deep breath and a few more to prepare herself with what she’s about to say. Her exhales became sharp and shaky, thinking about the memory made her feel so aware of the broken pieces she’s been walking on her whole life and the painful feeling just heightened. 

“Because I killed my dad.”

_“No! He wants to leave and I’m letting him! Because I don’t just think about myself unlike him!”, with all her strength she tries to throw his duffel bags at him. Endless tears were pouring out of Josie’s eyes and so were everyone else’s but she exploded with anger, her face was red and it looked like if she could, she would carry him and his bags out of the house._

_But they didn’t have to because Josie and Lizzie watched their father walk out of the door that night, leaving them with Caroline. The twins slept beside each other because they were all they had with their mom dead and their dad abandoning them._

_Lizzie drifted off to sleep first after crying the whole night but Josie stayed awake with the image of her dad walking out the door keeping her up. In the silence of the night, she heard the doorbell ring and a knock on the front door downstairs. She ran down in her pajamas and her bare feet, leaving her sister sound asleep. Thinking that it was Alaric who changed his mind, Josie was ready to forgive him because after all, he’s still her father and the little girl in her wanted him back despite everything. Caroline was sleeping on the couch when she heard the knock on the door so she was closer and she beat Josie to it. The blonde opened the door and found a scary looking policemen and the two girls became nervous._

_“Is this where Mister Alaric Saltzman lives?”, the man in blue uniform asks with his deep voice. Caroline nods as an answer, still afraid to why the police knocked on their door in the middle of the night. Josie hid behind Caroline’s leg and answered words that Caroline couldn’t bring herself to say out loud. “Yes he’s my father. Why?”, the little brunette asks showing so much bravery which made the cop smile sadly._

_“He was in a car accident a few miles from here. He was intoxicated with alcohol.”, he breaks the news so bluntly. The two girls were in shock and they let him in the living room to explain further what happened. Josie lost all her bravery with the thought of something bad happening to her father._

_“But he was sober before he left-“_

_“He might have had a drink in the road, ma’am. Were you aware of any signs of him being an alcoholic?”, the cop asks. Caroline shakes her head but Josie speaks up angry at her father for putting himself in this situation, “You can never see him without a drink in hand. He holds a bottle more than he he does his daughters.”, she scoffs._

_“Josie.”, Caroline warns and looks at the young girl saying this wasn’t the time for her anger towards her father. She asks for the policeman to continue with what he needed to say._

_“Our paramedics did everything they could.” This strikes fear in the two girls, a different one from what they felt awhile ago. They weren’t afraid of the man in front of them anymore but they were afraid with the news he had brought with him._

_Josie shakes her head, refusing to let what those words meant. She closed her eyes and covered her ears and she sang to herself so she wouldn’t have to hear what he was about to say. This made Caroline and the cop looked at her so sympathetically._

_But her mind betrayed her and focused on his words, hearing it in full volume, shattering every piece of her soul._

_“He died at the scene.”_

“I pushed him away and told him to leave and when he did. I was just 12 when he died.” Josie didn’t notice the tears escaping her eyes as she remembers that painful memory. “The cops said he must have had a drink on the road after he left the house. I knew he was an alcoholic but my words drove him to drink. I said things I shouldn’t have had and it killed him.”, she doesn’t care about keeping her composure anymore so she let herself break down. Josie hugged her knees and the tears kept flowing, and she had a hard time trying to calm her breathing. She felt like her heart was about to burst again. “I make this image of him… of the father that left his daughters. That- that my mom made a mistake of m- marrying him. B- because it’s all I can do to wake up everyday without falling apart. Hating him was easier.”, she struggles to bring out the words with her uncontrollable crying.

Penelope breaks the essence of the whole back to back thing and turns around to pull a crying Josie into a warm embrace. Josie just cried in Penelope’s arms, repeatedly telling herself that she was to blame for her father’s death. Penelope’s heart broke watching Josie beat herself up for something she had no control over. The unending river of tears just poured down but her spiteful words toward herself stopped when Penelope tightens the embrace.

“It was an accident, Jojo.”, she manages to spit out after awhile when she feels Josie’s breathing calm down. “There are some things that are just out of our control…”, she adds. Josie pulls away and lifts her head up to face Penelope with curious watery eyes. “What did you just call me?”, she asks, unable to hide the small smile that formed in her lips. Penelope realizes what she called her by the nickname she’s made for the brunette when they first met. She rolls her eyes and pulls away from Josie, embarrassed that she let herself slip. 

“Jojo.”, she repeats with a warm soothing voice and smiles at the brunette. Penelope wipes the remaining tears that rolled off Josie’s cheeks. The warmth of Penelope’s thumb on her cheeks gave a great sense of comfort and she was thankful that Penelope was here with her right now. They lock eyes, brown ones staring into ocean green ones. It felt right to be under each other’s stare after such a long time of having to turn their heads and looking away from each other. Penelope’s hand stayed on Josie’s face and the brunette placed her hand just on top of hers to keep Penelope from pulling it away. They inch closer as their eyes were still locked, and their foreheads rested against each other. Josie got a whiff of the smell of cigarette but she focused more on the strawberry scent she’s been missing for months. Both of them craved the warmth of each other’s lips but not one of them dared to close the distance.

“We shouldn’t.”, Penelope mumbles but doesn’t pull away.

“Yeah we shouldn’t.”, Josie agrees but doesn’t move an inch.

They stay glued to that position, not wanting the night to end. Penelope braves herself to put some distance between her and Josie, afraid she might not be able to control herself if they stayed like that for a second longer. Josie sighs when Penelope does and immediately misses her warmth. She thought that this night was coming to a close too soon and she didn’t want this to end thinking that they’d go back to how they were before this night. Ignoring each other like they don’t exist.

“You’re turn.”, Josie says and Penelope raises her eyebrows in confusion. “Why did you help Landon?”, she asks with a serious voice that makes Penelope’s fluttering heart die again predicting how this conversation will end up. When Josie noticed Penelope’s mood drop, she made Penelope turn around so they were in the same back to back position again. “I’ll listen and I won’t walk away this time.”, she says to reassure the nervous raven haired girl. 

“He found me crying the night we fought. He was looking for you, saying how he wanted to make things right.”, she starts off. Hearing that Penelope cried when she ran away that night was like a punch to her stomach knowing she caused that. “Then I said I’d help him-“

“Why?”, Josie interrupts her. Penelope clears her throat and Josie immediately gets it and apologizes and asks her to continue. 

“Because I wanted to make sure you were happy. I hurt you when all I wanted was for you to be happy.”, the raven haired girl reveals with so much affection that Josie knows she’s telling the truth. But she sees this as something else. “I told you that you didn’t have to make it up to me. Even though I wanted to blame you for everything, I knew it was all on me for having feelings for someone that didn’t like me back.”, the brunette argues.

Penelope takes a deep breath and sighs. “Who says I didn’t?”

Josie froze. Her eyes were wide open and her heart started beating so loud. Her mind shuts down completely but at the same time, it’s the loudest it’s ever been and she couldn’t make sense of anything. Penelope took this silence for her to continue. “You walked out before I could say anything else and you ignored me for months then you wouldn’t hear me out after.” Penelope’s confession sends Josie to shiver, a chill running up her spine. “You’re just as blind as I am I guess.”, the raven haired girl chuckles and her soft laughter brings Josie back to life.

The brunette turns her back to hit Penelope on her shoulder. The raven haired girl winces and pouts. “What was that for?”, she complains as she rubs the area Josie hit. “Why didn’t you just tell me?!”, the brunette yells in a volume that matched her heart’s screams. “Why did you have to tell me that I shouldn’t have called off the plan-“

“Because you deserve better than me!”, Penelope bursts and stands up from her spot and paces around the room. Josie watched Penelope as she tried to calm herself down. “Even though I liked you… which I still do”, she starts off with a bomb that makes whatever she’s about to say next would be just blurry noise to Josie. The brunette’s heart flutters and she grins knowing that Penelope likes her and that she has all this time. 

“I wouldn’t have acted on my feelings because you deserve better than me. It’s why I helped Landon and it’s why I pulled myself away from your life.”, she adds. Penelope stops her pacing and looks at Josie who’s still seated on the floor. “Your heart is good and I would’ve ruined you, Jojo.”

Josie sighs and stands up. The two girls stood facing each other with a few feet of space between them. Josie shakes her head and runs to Penelope and catches her soft lips with hers. Penelope, shocked, finally gives in and deepens the kiss by pulling Josie closer to her. Their lips move in synchrony, slow and soft like they had all the time in the world to catch up. They melted in each other’s company and everything they were doing felt right, like it were the thing missing from them their whole lives, like they finally found each other after years of being alone. 

The brunette is the first to pull away but she kept her eyes locked on Penelope to make sure she listened to every word. “We all get messy sometimes.”, she uses Penelope’s own words against her which makes the raven haired girl chuckle. “Besides… I was ruined a long time ago.”, the brunette says in a whisper that Penelope could hear because of how close their faces were. “But you’re here now and I don’t want to lose you too.” Josie leans in for another kiss before Penelope could say anything else. They both smiled in between kisses, hearts happy finally being in each other’s company. 

On the same spot that they’ve felt things for each other that neither of them understood, they confronted what they felt for each other. It just took them a few months and a lot of tears to find themselves back to where they should’ve been the whole time. They stayed in silence and darkness, a total opposite of what surrounded them that night but with feelings that were much more clearer.

“So do you still want me out of your life? Or…?”, Penelope teases and she has this smug look on her face that drives Josie insane because of how hot she looked. “I hate you.”, she rolls her eyes and pulls away from the raven haired girl. Penelope giggles, “I know.”

Josie walks away from Penelope to tease her back but when she hears someone outside, she hides behind the wall to make sure she wouldn’t be seen. Josie calls for Penelope to walk quietly and points at the figure outside to show they weren’t alone. The raven haired girl follows Josie and they both peak out to see who was the man outside. 

“Yes, father. I’ll make sure to get the information you need.”, he says on a call. 

Josie and Penelope’s eyes widen when they realize who it was. 

“We can take down their business, trust me. I’ve got Hope Mikaelson wrapped around my finger.”, he says in an evil tone. 

“Of course she trusts me. I’m her _boyfriend._ ”, he adds with a sly smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took so many turns my brain feels so twisted.
> 
> RIP Jandon (Chapter 9-14),  
>  you will not be missed.
> 
> so...... posie. these blind bitches finally found each other :> good for them  
> but we are soooooooo far from the end this is like.. barely the beginning hehe
> 
> did their confrontation scene come unexpected? do you think they'll finally be happy?   
> and goshhh whats up with roman amiryt XD
> 
> ......thoughts perhaps?
> 
> thank you so much!!


	15. I want you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"You never had me, Landon. Not in that way."_   
>  _"It's because it's Penelope, right? It's always been Penelope."_

“We have to tell Hope.”, Josie immediately says when Roman leaves, making it safe for them to speak. Penelope, still shocked with what she just heard, looked so angry. Her cheery mood from awhile ago disappeared and Josie feared that she might go after Roman to fight him. “I knew that bastard was up to no fucking good.”, the raven haired girl curses. “I told her that she was gonna get played and she still didn’t fucking listen!”, she yells and almost punches the wooden wall. “Park, breathe.”, the brunette places her hands on the raven haired girl’s shoulders and forced her to look at Josie in the eye. She took a deep breath and exhaled, making Penelope synchronise her breathing with Josie’s to calm down. It took awhile before Penelope dropped the dark look on her face and Josie didn’t let her leave until she knew Penelope was okay. 

“I have to go to Hope and talk to her about this. She needs to know.” Penelope and Josie walk back to the school in the dead night. Landon was long gone and Josie was relieved that she didn’t have to face him again. “She’s at my room studying with Lizzie for the midterms.”, the brunette says. 

They make their way up the stairs and it looked like the past three months didn’t happen because of how close they walked together. Luckily, there were no students around to be suspicious of the two even though that was the least of their worries at that moment. Josie lead Penelope down the hall and she opened the door to her room with Penelope following behind her. 

The look on the two girls studying were priceless. Hope and Lizzie’s jaw dropped at the sight of Penelope and Josie being in the same room at the same moment. A smile crept on the amber haired girl’s lips, a smug one when she looked directly at Penelope who couldn’t look at her in the eye. However, Lizzie had the opposite of a smile. In fact, she was far from happy seeing the two together. “Josie, what the fuck are you doing with Penelope?”, the blonde asks her sister, not caring about politeness or sensitivity. 

Josie looked just as ashamed as Penelope was. Unlike the raven haired girl, she wasn’t good on her feet in hot seats like this. Especially if were about Penelope. “We-“

“We crossed paths outside and I was looking for Hope and she tried to ignore me but I explained that I needed to see her ASAP so she just brought me here.”, she beats Josie to it. The brunette had this puzzled look on her face when she hears the lie come out of Penelope’s mouth. “So don’t antagonize her for helping me out even though she could’ve just walked away. Okay?”, she adds with a scolding tone that makes Josie’s heart flutter watching Penelope subtly stand up for her. 

Lizzie rolls her eyes and ignores Penelope while Hope started to look concerned with why Penelope wanted to talk to her right away. “What’s wrong, P?”, she asks in a fragile tone with a fear that whatever her best friend was about to say would be bad. Penelope sighs, “Can I talk to you?”, she asks finally braving herself to look directly at Hope. “In private?”, she looks over to Josie and the brunette gives her an assuring smile and nods to show she understood. “Lizzie let’s go out into the hall for a minute and let these two talk”, she calls for her sister who looked even more annoyed. “What? But this is our room, why do we have to-“

“Lizzie.”, the brunette says sternly, showing she wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“Fine. Whatever.”, she childishly stomps her foot as she walks out with Josie behind her closing the door to give the two best friends their privacy. But before Josie closed the door completely, she caught Penelope looking at her so she gave the raven haired girl a supportive smile that managed to calm Penelope’s worries.

“P, what’s wrong? You’re making me nervous here.” Hope gives off a nervous smile when Penelope sits beside her on Lizzie’s bed.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, Lizzie has her arms crossed and stares at Josie leaning on the wall looking exhausted. The brunette felt like she was under a microscope being studied so she throws her sister off. “Lizzie quit it.” Josie still doesn’t look at her sister but she knows her too well that Lizzie wouldn’t listen. “Why did Penelope defend you like that? Did you two make up or something?”, she pushes, ignoring Penelope asking her to drop the topic and interrogation on her sister. Josie sighs, “Liz, I don’t know what to tell you. Okay? If you don’t want to believe her, then don’t. You’re just overthinking things.”, she tries to avoid having to lie to her sister. “Then why didn’t you just send Penelope back to her room? Obviously there’s a huge secret here and I don’t want to be the one left out.”

Lizzie presses her ear against the door and tries to focus on the two voices inside her room. “I swear if Penelope sits on my bed, you owe me new sheets.”, she whispers. Josie rolls her eyes and tries to pull Lizzie away from the door to give them their privacy. “Liz, have you no boundaries?” 

“They are in my room. They are in my boundaries. So don’t be a traitor and just listen with me.”

Josie sighs and massages her temples, obviously starting to get stressed out with her sister being nosy. “Lizzie I swear-“

“Shut up they’re talking about Roman. Here, listen.”, she drags her sister closer to the door and forcer her to press her ear against it too so they were both spying on the two best friends.

“Hope, you know I love you with all my heart and I’m here for you forever right?”, the raven haired girl starts off making the blonde out in the hall have this disgusting look on her face. “I thought the devil isn’t capable of love?”, she comments. Josie elbows her and tells her to shut up. 

“Right. Always and forever.” Hope smiles at Penelope who was taking deep breaths, trying to form the right words in her mind but also stalling so she doesn’t have to get to the part where Hope ends up heart broken. Penelope sighed and finally let it out, “I was at the Old Mill awhile ago then… I… heard Roman outside talking to someone on the phone. It was his father… and he said that he had you wrapped around his finger so they can take out your father’s business.” Penelope looks directly at Hope and waits for her to get mad, to cry, to yell at her and say Penelope was wrong but nothing came in those denim blue eyes. It almost looked like this wasn’t new to her. “Hope?”, she calls out, making sure she heard what Penelope had to say about her boyfriend. 

“Oh I’m so going to murder that blonde bitch”, Lizzie on the other end of the door curses when she hears the whole story too. Her hand curls into a fist and her knuckles became even more visible. Josie takes her hand to make her let go of the anger forming in her chest, dealing with the same anger as she did with Penelope just a few minutes ago back at the Old Mill. “Liz, breathe. Let your hand free and breathe.”, she reminds her sister of oxygen to get her mind straight.

Hope shakes her head with a sad smile, “P, I know.”, she reveals and Penelope furrows her eyebrows. “What?”, she asks almost in an angry tone. “I’ve known for the past weeks…”, she explains with hurt remembering how painful her days have been trying to act like everything was okay. Penelope looked angry but not at her best friend, at herself for not seeing how Hope was hurting too. “Why didn’t you tell me?”, she asks, trying to keep her composure together. “I could’ve-“ Hope shakes her head again to stop Penelope from talking, tears forming in her eyes making it glisten, showing the pain she’s been hiding for so long. “There’s nothing that you could’ve done when this has been his plan since the beginning.”

“I could’ve been there for you.”

“You weren’t even there for you, P. And that’s okay because you were dealing with your own heart break.”

Lizzie looked confused and nudged Josie, “Is this you?” The brunette shakes her head, fully knowing that it was. She had this guilty look on her face as she remembers how much shit she put Penelope through and how many times she’s hurt her. 

“I didn’t want you to worry about me when you couldn’t even care about yourself.”, she adds. Penelope looks down in shame, remembering how Hope had to basically babysit her, bring her food, made sure she drank enough water, and tried to get her out of bed everyday. “Hope…”

“I’m okay, P. Well, I wasn’t the first time I found out but hanging out with Lizzie really has been a good distraction for me. She’s been my escape from all this hurt and I’m thankful for her. I’m getting better, P. I swear.”, she puts out her pinky to do do the pinky promise with her best friend. Penelope takes this but she still can’t shake off the thought that she let her best friend down. “And I love that you’re getting better too.”, Hope adds and points to the direction of the door with a teasing look. Penelope rolls her eyes and tries to stir away from that conversation to save herself from lying even more to her best friend. “Well, I’m here now and I really am sorry-“

“Don’t be. Honestly, despite everything that happened you made me proud, P. You confronted your feelings for Josie and you didn’t run away from it.”, she says with so much pride for her best friend. “I mean, it didn’t end up well but if I knew Josie Saltzman was the key to finally get you to let your heart feel things, I would’ve brought your ass here years ago.”, she adds with a chuckle, making Penelope roll her eyes at Hope’s teasing. Penelope remembers the night that she and the brunette outside just had and she finds herself staring at the door. 

“She liked you back?!” Josie had to cover her sister’s mouth with her hands to not expose themselves. “Did you know?”, her muffled voice under Josie’s hand still didn’t stop talking. Josie shakes her head as an answer. _Another lie._ Her name being mentioned made Josie lean closer to the door to hear more while Lizzie didn’t have it in her anymore to listen since she was left in shock. Josie just listened intently to the two voices behind the door.

Penelope starts to feel this guilt knowing that Hope had her worst moments without Penelope by her side and here she was, given the happiness that Hope had lost. It didn’t feel fair for her to celebrate the outcome of this night knowing her best friend was hurting. “But that’s all in the past now. Josie, Roman, let’s just forget about them and try to enjoy the rest of our high school lives coz God knows what’s waiting for us when we get back.”, she says to comfort her best friend and remind her that they were in this together. “To moving on together.”, Hope agrees. The two share a hug, it felt comforting considering they both felt this distance between them but it was finally cleared out and they were back stronger than ever.  
Josie, on the other hand, felt even more confused with what she just heard. Though she wasn’t supposed to be listening, everything Penelope just said was the complete opposite of what she heard in the Old Mill. She tried to convince herself that this was just Penelope being sensitive with her best friend’s feelings or to avoid making things complicated but none of it made sense for her to have to say that Josie was just something from her past. Maybe, she was overreacting but after what happened between them, she didn’t know what to think or what to feel.

“Screw this. I’m going back in.” Lizzie bursts into her own room with Josie trying to pull her back out. “Liz! Wait!” But of course, there was no use in stopping her sister. “I’m sorry I tried stopping her.”, she apologizes to the two girls.

“Can I get back my room, please?”, she almost yells at the two best friends. Penelope rolls her eyes and whispers to Hope, “Seriously? She’s your safe place?” Hope chuckles and elbows Penelope to get her to shut up before Lizzie hears her, to avoid having another fight between the two. “I think we should go back to our room and give their room back.”, the raven haired girl says, almost in a mocking way to annoy Lizzie.

Hope leaves the room first but not before she thanks the twins, especially Lizzie, and says goodnight to them. Penelope follows her out the door without giving a second to look at Josie which the brunette didn’t like at all. She had so many questions for Penelope, so many things going through her mind that needed clarification and she needed answers now. “Liz, I’ll just go to the bathroom to freshen up.”, she tells her sister before going out just seconds after Penelope left. 

When she sees that Hope had entered the room and catches Penelope just about to enter, she calls her name softly to get her attention. The raven haired girl stops and turns her head immediately with her hand on the door knob, just one more step to get her in her room. The two stare at each other for awhile until Josie finally braves herself to speak up and ask. “Penelope… what-“

“P, you coming in?”, Hope calls for her, making Penelope sigh. “Tomorrow, Jojo.”, she says and leaves Josie out in the hall with a million questions racing through her head but hearing Penelope call her by her made up nickname reminded her that this was all real and it will still be real when she wakes up tomorrow morning.

—————

“I swear Josie’s notes make everything easier to understand” Penelope and Hope spent the whole Saturday morning studying for their midterms. Books were scattered across the floor and notes spread out on Penelope’s bed. “How are you sure that those are Josie’s notes, P? Aren’t you two like… invisible to each other?”, the amber haired girl asks. Penelope rolls her eyes, “I know Josie’s handwriting and no one else in my class would be diligent enough to research the lessons in greater detail.”, she explains and chuckles as her mind races to the events of last night. 

Hope notices the smile that lingered on Penelope’s lips for far too long. “What’s the smile for? Been a while since I’ve seen that on you” She wiggles her eyebrows in a teasing and suspicious way. But before Penelope could make up some excuse, Lizzie bursts through their door unannounced with books and notes in hand. 

“Liz? What are you doing here?” Hope moves away some of her things to make space for Lizzie on her bed. “Why do you seem so shocked? I thought you loved being with me?”, the blonde teases which makes Hope smack her on her shoulder. “Now where did you pick that up?” 

“Heard you last night, Hope. No use in denying how much you love spending time with me.”, she explains with a smug look on her face.

“Wait you heard us last night?”, Penelope chimes in, making Lizzie’s good mood drop right away. “Yeah walls aren’t that thick, Satan.” Hearing Lizzie’s spite in her tone made Penelope gather her things and put on a hoodie. “Hope I’ll just go study at the library. Can’t study with bad energy around me.”

Hope gives the blonde this look, Lizzie sighs and tries to stop Penelope from leaving. “I also heard that you liked my sister all this time and I don’t know why you said or showed like you didn’t, but you hurt her and that’s all I saw.”, she starts off, making Penelope pause in her walking out. “I never really hated you, Park. I just felt like I needed to do the hating for my sister since she couldn’t do that for herself.” Penelope needed to act like she and Josie still weren’t on good terms so she scoffs. “Believe me, your sister knows how to make someone know how much she hates them.”, she tries to say but she didn’t have to try so hard because it wasn’t a lie. Those words Josie spoke the time they last fought was still etched into her mind that even just thinking of it was just as painful as hearing it for the first time. 

“I don’t hate you. I hate what you did to my sister. That’s all I’m saying.”, Lizzie explains and switches her focus to her notes while Hope awkwardly watched the two talk. Penelope sighs and puts down her wall so she and Lizzie can try to bury the hatchet, considering she and Josie were actually better now. “Well, Josie is happy now and that’s all that matters.”, she says and approaches the blonde. “Besides, she’s with Landon now, right?”, she tries to act dumb but what Lizzie says next makes her feel dumb. 

“Right. She’s actually with him right now. Guess their date last night went well.”, she reveals. Penelope tries her best not to react in a way that would make them suspicious so she turns around and takes a deep breath to calm her nerves. “I’ll just be at the library to study. I need quiet.”, she says and leaves the two girls to study on their own.

Penelope walks to the library while she texts Josie and she tries to call her phone but she couldn’t get through. She could only think of the worst thoughts knowing that Josie was out there talking to Landon, probably taking him back after hearing Penelope lie that she was done with Josie. She tried to burry herself in books and lessons until she almost memorizes everything Josie wrote down. Though there were a few other students in the library with her, also studying for the upcoming exams, the silence was enough to let her drift off to sleep after she repeatedly read her notes just to get Josie being with Landon right now out of her mind.

—————

“Josie, please just give me another chance.” Landon almost goes down on his knees and begs for Josie to take him back. “I really am sorry and I know I screwed up with writing that song-“

“Landon.”, Josie interrupts him. They were at the same spot they had their date last night by the lake. This way, nobody would see them and she didn’t have to worry about Penelope finding out. She takes a deep breath and wears this genuine smile on her face. “Don’t say sorry for writing that song. It’s the best thing that’s happened to you because it got you a scholarship in New York.”, she says with so much understanding that it manages to calm down the curly haired boy’s worries. “But at the cost of losing you.”, he says sadly and looks down, unable to look at Josie in the eye. 

The brunette shakes her head to disagree, “You never had me, Landon. Not in that way.” Landon scoffs, “It’s because it’s Penelope, right? It’s always been Penelope.” Josie tries to ignore the bitterness in his tone. “Maybe it has. But with you, it’s always been Hope and I’m okay with that now. I understand because we never gave ourselves time to move on from them.” Hearing this, Landon finally looked up because even he knew that Josie was right. That they never let themselves feel their heart ache and it was unfair for them both to just pass on the pain to each other. 

“Do you love Penelope?”, he asks with less bitterness and more sincerity which makes Josie smile. “Love is a big word and I don’t want my next I love you to be for someone that can’t love me back.”, she answers which makes Landon bow his head in guilt. “She loves you, Josie. Everyone who knows what love is can see it.”, he answers to try and make Josie feel better. “Oh so you know what love is?”, she asks in a sarcastic tone. Landon chuckles, “No I don’t. But I know what I want love to be and it’s how you and Penelope still always think of each other in a good way despite everything.”

“But I said awful things about her?”

“But did you really mean it? Or were you trying so hard to hate her because the alternative would be to hurt? Penelope may have stepped back first but you ran away.” The brunette grows even more confused, “How is this supposed to be love?” Landon chuckles. “Because even though there’s this distance between you two, you still think of each other even though it hurts and love isn’t supposed to be just good. It’s supposed to be hard, to hurt. But at least it’s real.” Josie is always left in awe with how Landon’s mind works. The wisdom just flows through his words naturally, which just shows how far he can make it with his songs.  
“When do you leave for New York?”

“Monday night.”, he answers with a sad smile. “Are you going to talk to Hope?”, she nudges him playfully. “Only if you finally talk to Penelope.”, he tries to bargain. Josie has this sly smile on her face knowing she already won the deal. “Fine. But that’s unfair since I’m taking a bigger risk here but fine.”, she tries to sound hesitant so he won’t seem suspicious with how she just easily agreed.

“Now who says exes can’t be friends. Right?” Josie places her arm around Landon’s shoulder and pulls her closer to her side. Landon chuckles at how positive she’s taking their break up when she literally ran away from him crying last night. “You seem happy with our break up, Josie. You’re kind of breaking my heart here.”, he teases. “I just had some time to think last night, that’s all.”, she explains. Josie remembers what she secretly meant by that and her lips pull into a smile as she replays Penelope acting all soft on her and confessing her feelings for the brunette. And she remembers how soft the raven haired girl’s lips were and she wanted to feel them again. 

“I should go and study now. Our midterms are on Monday.”, she breaks their sweet friendship moment and stands up, too eager to look for Penelope. They hugged and parted ways peacefully with a friendship that formed out of a relationship that was already broken from the start. 

Josie walks inside the room and heads to her empty room. She checks her phone to text Penelope to meet her outside her room but instead, she’s met with a dozen missed calls from her and a few text messages. 

_Penelope: Wru?_  
_Penelope: Lizzie told me you were with Landon_  
_Penelope: Do you need me to come and get you?_  
_Penelope: why aren’t you replying jojo :(_

Instead of being worried that Penelope ended up finding out that she met up with Landon, her heart flutters seeing Penelope call her Jojo because once again, she was reminded that this all wasn’t just some dream that she never wanted to wake up from. She tries to call Penelope back but the sleeping girl on the other end doesn’t even notice her phone buzz like crazy. This is when Josie thinks that something went wrong so she made her way down the hall and knocked on the best friend’s room. 

“Josie?”, the amber haired girl looks surprised to see her. “Hey, Hope. Uh… is-“

“Hey Jo, what’s up? How’d it go with Landon?”, her sister asks and walks over to pull Josie into the room. When Lizzie notices how Josie looked around the room, she rolled her eyes. “She isn’t here, Jo. If that’s what you’re worried about.” Hearing that, Josie was able to breathe properly, even though that wasn’t what she was worried about. She takes this as an open door to find out where Penelope actually is. “Do you know where she is?”, she asks, trying to act as casual as possible. Lizzie eyes her suspiciously, “Yeah she’s at the library. Why?” Josie shrugs her shoulders and scans through their notes without looking at them in the eye knowing that Lizzie could read her so well. “No reason.”

“Whatever you say, Jo.” Lizzie looks at Hope and the amber haired girl chuckles knowing that the blonde doesn’t believe her sister. “So what happened with Landon?”, Hope tries to change the topic before Lizzie starts interrogating Josie again. “We broke up actually…”, she starts of, trying her best not to sound too pleased. Naturally, the two girls drop everything to give all their attention to Josie expecting that she must be heart broken. “But really, I’m fine. It was for the best anyway. We wanted different things.”, she looks at Hope as she says this but of course, Hope doesn’t get it. 

“I swear if this is because you found out that Penelope liked you back all this time I-“

“You’ll what, Liz? Stop your sister from being happy?” Hope jumps right in front of Lizzie’s attempt to scold her sister. Josie sighs, “I’m not going after Penelope if that’s what you’re so worried of, Liz.”, she lies. “I’m just going to take some alone time for myself without being pressured.”, she adds and puts on this confident look on her face.

“Yes, let’s take a break from love. I support that, Jo!”, Hope cheers her on. “Exactly!”, the brunette adds in on the positivity. “Whatever”, Lizzie rolls her eyes, making the two burst out in laughter. “You can still join our club even though you aren’t single, Liz. Don’t worry”, Hope teases. “Or just break up with your boyfriend so we can be single together”, she adds with a wink. Josie smiles and notices how her sister tensed up and it reminded her of how she misses being like that with Penelope so she gets up and lies that she was out to study by herself. 

Josie goes to the library like her sister mentioned, still a bit nervous with having to face Penelope after everything that happened last night. But she felt more excited than nervous and it’s a feeling she hasn’t felt in a while. 

The brunette enters the library and scans the area for Penelope and that’s when she finds the raven haired girl asleep on one of the desks by the window. She chuckles to herself and approaches her quietly to not wake her up right away. Josie grabs a chair and sits down beside a sleeping, and lightly snoring, Penelope. She looked like an angel sleeping on the softest cloud and Josie thought to herself that Penelope Park was indeed one of the most beautiful human beings she’s met and had the pleasure of meeting and to think that they have something special going on between them made her feel like the luckiest person in the world. She smiled when she breathes in Penelope’s strawberry scent that wasn’t mixed with smoke anymore and it gave her a boost of serotonin. 

Josie spots the notes scattered on the table and recognizes them as her notes that she slipped under the door for Penelope. She smiles knowing that Penelope used them and didn’t just disregard them. “Park…”, she gently gets a hold of Penelope’s hand on the table to try and wake her up. “Wake up…”, she says quietly and tucks a fallen strand of hair behind Penelope’s ear. Feeling Josie’s soft touch, Penelope’s eyes opened and adjusted to the light coming from the windows. “Jojo?”, she lets out groggily and sits back up. “What time is it?”, she asks still trying to fully wake up. “It’s four in the afternoon… you were asleep when I got here.”, the brunette explains. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be with your boyfriend?” Penelope immediately acts cold when her brain starts functioning and remembers how she stressed herself out thinking about Josie. The brunette looks down but she still has this smile on her face that she can’t get rid of even though Penelope was purposefully being rude to her. 

“I broke up with him. I guess he didn’t find that clear last night when I ran away from him because he asked me if we could talk but yeah… I broke up with him. Officially.”, she explains and Penelope looks at her, studying her tone and everything if she were telling the truth. Then her lips pull into a smug smile and she scrunches her nose in a cute way, “So you’re single now?”

“I don’t know… ” Josie leans in, closing the small distance between her and Penelope and catchers the raven haired girl’s lips. “Am I?”, she says in between the kiss with a smile and her eyes still closed, relishing in the feeling of being this close to Penelope again. But the silence that came after that question made her look at Penelope who looked just as happy as she was in that moment. “Jojo… not here”, she pulls away from Josie but the smile on her face shows otherwise from her putting a safe distance between them. “Why not?”, the brunette pouts making Penelope roll her eyes at how cute Josie was trying to look. Then Josie remembers Penelope lying to Hope about them. “Why’d you tell Hope you were moving on from me? Because kissing me last night isn’t exactly moving on”, she tries to bring in the topic to the millions of questions that raced through her mind last night. Penelope scoffs, “Excuse me, you kissed me first.”

“Well you- whatever I hate you.” Josie hates that she ended up blushing so she turns her back knowing she lost the argument already but also knowing Penelope could use that to tease her forever. Penelope laughs at how Josie raised the white flag immediately so she stands up and walks over to the side Josie was facing. She pokes the brunette’s arm to try and get the her attention but Josie wouldn’t budge and stood her ground. After minutes of still being ignored, Penelope had this look on her face like she had an evil plan. She bent down to kiss Josie on the lips, catching her off guard. Josie melted under Penelope’s warmth and grabbed her by her hoodie, making Penelope deepen the kiss. Knowing that she finally got Josie’s attention, she pulled away with a smirk and left Josie in shock. 

“I lied to Hope because I don’t want to ruin what we have before it even began. I mean, look at what happened to us.”, she starts off. “I want you, Josie.”, she adds with her alluring voice and confidence that makes Josie want to pull her back in for another kiss. Penelope looks at Josie straight into her brown eyes to make sure Josie understood every word. “I want you and honestly, it scares me how much I want you because I’ve never wanted something this much in my entire life.” Josie hangs on to every word like they were lyrics to a song matched with the beat her heart made hearing Penelope spill her feelings so bravely. 

“Well, I’m here now.”, Josie assures her with a smile and places her hands on Penelope’s cheeks to bring her closer for their foreheads to touch and their lips feeling the warmth of each other’s breathing. “I want this so much which is why I can’t be with you yet.” Glass shatters, breaking the moment they were having. Josie pulls away, confused to what Penelope meant. “I’m like… really messed up and I want to be better. So I can be someone that deserves you.”, she adds and looks down in shame. 

If they were having this conversation at a time where she only knew to push Penelope away, she would’ve walked out the moment Penelope said she couldn’t be with her. But she remembered what Landon said awhile ago. That love isn’t supposed to be just good. 

“What do you need?”, she takes a hold of Penelope’s hand to assure her that she understood. Penelope looked up at Josie with a soft look, “Time.”

Josie smiles genuinely. “Okay”, she agrees with the most sincerity which makes Penelope raise her eyebrows in shock. “Okay?”, she repeats with confusion, making Josie chuckle. “If you aren’t ready, I can’t force you to be. I don’t want you to feel like you have to be with me right away just because we feel the same way for each other.”, she starts off. Penelope listens and pays full attention like a child in front of a television screen watching her favorite show. “To be honest, even I’m scared of how real this is too. It’s nothing like I had with Landon-“ Penelope clears her throat at the mention of Josie’s ex. The brunette rolls her eyes, “What I mean is that, I wasn’t scared with him because I know now that what he and I had is nothing compared to what you and I share. And even though the uncertainty scares me and just makes me want to walk out right now, I’ll wait for you until you’re ready. Until we’re both ready.”

“Why?”

“Because I want you too.”, she answers with her whole heart. This big smile creeps up on Penelope’s face and she leans in to kiss Josie. “Besides, I just got out of a relationship I’m not sure I want-“, the brunette teases. Penelope rolls her eyes and sits back on her chair beside Josie, still wearing this big smile on her face. Josie turns to face Penelope and kisses her on the cheek, “I’m kidding. I want to be better too so we won’t end up hurting each other. That’s how sure I am that I want this.”

Josie looks at Penelope with an innocent smile. “So… friends?”, she brings out her hand for a friendly hand shake. Penelope stared at Josie’s hand with an are-you-kidding-me look and an eyebrow arched. “Really? Friends?”, she says sarcastically, obviously not satisfied with their label. “How about… friends who kiss?”, she flirts and leans in closer to Josie but doesn’t close the distance between them, making Josie’s stomach turn. 

“I like that”, she admits without filter. Penelope’s touch just has so much power on her that her mind goes blank and forgets to push away thoughts she would never have the bravery to say. Penelope finally closes the distance. She softly kisses Josie and pulls away, making sure she left her wanting for more. Penelope pretends like nothing happened and continues on reading her notes even though she barely got any words through her head.

When both their minds started functioning without screaming for each other’s warmth, worries for their weirdly labeled relationship comes knocking on the door. And as if they had the same mind, they looked at each other with one same answer.

“We can’t tell Hope.”

“We can’t tell Lizzie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> schoolmates to best friends to not talking to each other to fighting every time they talked to friends who kiss :>
> 
> I rlly don't know how to write without angst so this is getting harddd but posie deserves some happy:)
> 
> .....thoughts perhaps?
> 
> thank you so much!!:>


	16. It's you for me and I for you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“You’re going to hold this against me for the rest of my life, aren’t you?”_
> 
> _“As long as you’ll have me”_

On a Sunday morning, the halls were left dead quiet with students trapped in their rooms preparing for the exams the next day. Usually on a weekend like this, everyone would be out playing in the field or planning another secret party behind the woods. The twins had just woken up and Josie received a text from a certain raven haired girl three rooms down the hall asking for help to catch up with the lessons she missed. 

“Liz you’re studying with Hope the whole day, right?” 

Lizzie doesn’t hear the eagerness to her sister’s tone from being still half asleep. “Yup… what about you? You gonna lock yourself up in here the whole day?”, she asks and looks at Josie with her sleepy blue eyes and her hair in a mess. “Yeah maybe…” Josie hates lying to anyone, especially her sister so when she’s put under a hot seat with risky questions, she tries her best to just answer them as vaguely as possible. “I need to focus on studying, lost two days worth because of all the drama in my life.”, she pretends to complain although she knows she has nothing to mope about considering she and Penelope were on _really_ good terms. 

“Well at least you’re life isn’t boring, Jo.”, the blonde comments and gets up to fix her bed. Josie feels the weight of her sister’s words and sits up to pay more attention. “Are you okay, Liz?”, she asks with a worried tone. Lizzie sighs, “It’s nothing.” The blonde continues her morning ritual with something weighing her down but Josie just can’t pin point what it was. 

After Lizzie left their room to go over to Hope’s, she texted Penelope to meet her at the Old Mill in 30 minutes. With a cheerful smile on her face, she got ready and made sure she looked good but also giving off the impression she didn’t try too hard to look good knowing Penelope would get cocky. So she settled on black leggings and a white knotted tank top since it looked hot out. Once she gathered her study materials, Josie made her way down to the Old Mill and when she got there Penelope was already seated by the stairs. 

Josie’s smile immediately dropped as soon as her eyes found Penelope because of the cigarette on her hand that she’s been puffing on. “Park.”, she calls to her coldly to make her presence known. Penelope’s face lights up as soon as she sees Josie and she doesn’t even try to conceal how she checked the brunette out by staring at her from head to toe. “Saltzman.”, she mimics the dry greeting. Josie stares at her scoldingly and Penelope immediately gets why. 

“Sorry. I’ll stop.”, she apologizes and puts out the stick. She looks at Josie with a smile, “There. Better?” The brunette sighs and walks up to sit beside her, immediately regretting it when she takes in the lingering scent of the cigarette smoke. “I know you’re stressed because of exams and all but does smoking cigarettes really help?”, she asks trying to lessen the judgement in her tone. “Why? Will you report me again?”, the raven haired girl jokes. Penelope laughs but Josie looked dead serious, feeling guilt remembering how it must have affected her. “I’m sorry about that”, she says sincerely. Penelope just gives her an assuring smile, “You were angry. I understand.”

Josie shakes her head to disagree, “That was only part of the reason. I told mom so you would stop smoking because it’s unhealthy.”

“Why? I thought at that time you didn’t care about me”, Penelope moves closer to Josie, and she notices how the brunette simply falls under her warmth. Josie feels her stomach turns and it takes everything in her to stand up to put a safe distance between them. “Let’s study. That’s why you called me for help, right? To study.”, she doesn’t look at Penelope in the eye as she opens her notes. 

“I understand the lessons, Josie. I’m a fast learner”, she says. “Well, your notes were really helpful.” Penelope smiles at Josie, one that shows gratitude but Josie hints a bit of flirt. 

“Then why did you call me here to help you study?”, she scolds. Penelope chuckles, “I want to spend more time with you… get to know you more”, she admits without even trying to cover up her intentions. But Josie stands her ground and tries her best not to easily fall for her sweet words. “You couldn’t have done that after the exams?” 

“You’re so serious when you study and I want to see you in your element. You know, how your mind works and all.”, she explains. When Penelope sees Josie eyeing her suspiciously, she stands up, takes her hand and pulls the brunette up to the second floor. Josie almost drags her feet up the steps but when they get there, her jaw drops in shock.

There were sheets and pillows laid out with snacks placed on the table and even lavender scented candles set up. The rays pushed past the gaps from the wooden walls and the big windows made sunlight more accessible. “What’s this?”, she tugs Penelope’s hand that was still intertwined with hers. The raven haired girl smirks, “Just something so we can study properly. I made Pb&J sandwiches for brain food and bought lavender candles because I saw that you had some in your room. Thought it might help you work better-“

“No, I see that. I mean, what is this?” Penelope falls confused when she sees the opposite reaction to what she was expecting. “I thought we agreed we’d stay friends. Friends don’t do this, Park.”, she adds. The raven haired girl looks at Josie who had this frozen look like her eyes were glued to appreciating the set up. “Then you clearly don’t know what it’s like to be friends with me.” Josie finally turns to face her like she’s waiting for more words to come out of the shorter girl. “This is a friendly gesture, Josie. Don’t worry. Just take it is a thank you for writing down those notes for me.”, she explains and pulls Josie to sit with her on the comfortable sheets. Penelope lights up the candles with her lighter and gives Josie a sandwich to make her feel better. 

“How did you even set this all up in thirty minutes?”, she asks, still in shock, and takes a bite to her snack. Penelope chuckles, “I’ve made some friends with the kitchen staff when I was on my suspension.” Josie just nods to accept her answer, still in disbelief with the sweet gesture that Penelope just pulled off for her. 

Though the two girls were close together, they still had their own bubbles as they studied. Josie was so focused on understanding and highlighting important words and keeping them in her memory while Penelope was also reading but she’d peak at Josie from time to time. They spent more than an hour studying in their own space and that’s when Penelope grabbed Josie’s book. 

“Break time.”, she says which makes Josie annoyed because she always hated being disturbed. She eyed Penelope like she would jump on her anytime which just made the raven haired girl laugh. “You need to rest your brain. Study shows it’ll work better if you take a rest every hour.”, she explains while still trying to contain her laughter. “Or is this you trying to steal me away again?”, the brunette says so boldly that makes Penelope smirk.

“Just take time to breathe, Jojo. You can’t overwork that great mind of yours.”

“I don’t overwork and if I do, it’s why I’m the school’s representative for quiz bee competitions.”, she says proudly with her chin up high. Penelope scrunches her nose in a cute way with a smile, “Oh honey congrats! You’re a nerd!” Josie hits her on the shoulder and acts offended but they both ended up laughing.

“How about we make things a little more exciting.” Penelope puts all the books and notes away to the side. Josie’s eyes immediately widen, “I knew it! You’re just trying to get into my pants!”, she accuses nervously and uses a pillow as a shield, making Penelope look at her with an eyebrow arched and a dangerous smile. She inches closer to the brunette and she could see how nervous she became which just made her bust out in laughter. She clenched her stomach from laughing so hard while Josie looked at her with confused eyes. 

“What’s so funny?”, she asks innocently with a pout. Penelope had to wipe her tears of joy to see the brunette clearly. “Josie I’m not trying to get into your pants”, she explains, still giggling. “I mean not yet”, she adds and throws a flirty wink at her. The brunette slaps her shoulder again. “That’s strike two, Park. One more and I’m walking out of here”, she threatens, making Penelope go on serious mode again but would still let out small giggles when she remembers how nervous Josie looked. 

“I mean we can make things more exciting by coaching each other. You know? Not just ignore each other’s existence like we’ve been doing for the past months.”, the raven haired girl finally explains clearly without breaking into laughter. 

Josie thinks about Penelope’s proposal and ends up twisting it even more. With her idea, her lips pulled to an evil smile which scared Penelope. “That sounds fun but you know what would be better?” Penelope’s eyes narrow with what she actually meant by _better._ “If you get a question right, you get to ask me a personal question. But if you get it wrong, I ask you one then we switch roles. You ask me questions.”, she explains. Penelope becomes hesitant at first but agrees since the whole point of not jumping into a relationship with Josie was to get to know each other better and this seemed like a perfect opportunity to do that. 

“Deal.”

Josie was shooting Penelope questions, purposefully making them hard but she underestimated the girl when she said she was a fast learner because she rarely got any of the questions wrong. 

“What are Shakespeare’s four greatest tragedies?”, the brunette shoots while looking at Penelope with her narrowed eyes, getting a bit competitive since the raven haired girl was clearly getting more dirt out of her for the past hour. 

“Macbeth, Othello, Hamlet and King Lear.”, she answers confidently. Josie scoffs, “Fine. You win again. What’s your question?”

Penelope wears this smile with pride and it seemed like she was running out of questions since she’s already asked so much. It’s when she looks around the room and sees all the books scattered and finds the competitive look on Josie’s eyes that she starts to form a more personal question. 

“What motivates you to work so hard?”

Josie already knew the answer to this question. “To give back to my mom and uncle Stef.”, she answers automatically. 

Penelope gives her a warm smile, “Why?” Josie shakes her head and chuckles. “No follow up questions, Park. Unfair.” The raven haired girl rolls her eyes as Josie asks the next question. 

“Who is the first female writer?” 

“Enheduanna.”, she answers immediately, not even having to think twice. Josie sighs knowing she had to explain herself, “I want to give back to my mom and uncle Stef because they took me and Lizzie as their own even before dad left. Especially mom. Since bio mom died before I got the chance to actually remember meeting her, she stepped forward and took care of us.”, she pours her heart out. Penelope pats Josie in the back back as a way of showing her support and leaves her hand on the brunette’s shoulder to connect more with her. “I’m glad you shared something that personal with me, Jojo. I appreciate it.” They smile at each other and Josie felt safe.

“So my question is-“

“But I just answered your question already”, she interrupts her, confused.

“Nuh uh you didn’t. I didn’t even ask my question yet… but I really appreciate you sharing what you meant by you wanting to give back to Caroline and Stefan.”, she says innocently. When Josie realizes she unknowingly spat out a free answer, she pouts, feeling like she was played. 

“I hate you” 

It takes everything in Penelope to not break into laughter again because of how innocent she looked. Instead, she takes the brunette’s hand into hers. “Should I ask you my question? Or will you ask me another one?” Josie’s face lights up when she sees another way out but she thinks that if she did, it wouldn’t be fair. She did come up with this whole game anyway. 

“Shoot”, she says, still in a pout. Penelope rolls her eyes and leans in to catch her plump lips with hers, pulling away after a few seconds to get rid off the sad look on Josie’s face. 

“Why do you try so hard to be the best?”

Clearly, Penelope’s kiss affected Josie, making her walls go down and her mind running free. The raven haired girl locks her eyes on the brunette’s brown eyes, making sure she doesn’t miss any sign that shows otherwise of what words she’ll say. Josie looked right back into those ocean green eyes and she felt like Penelope was giving her all the time in the world for her to answer. The patience and the understanding in her eyes just gave her the bravery to say things she’s never said out loud.

Josie takes a deep breath and sighs, still holding on to Penelope’s hand intertwined with hers. “I want to be enough… for someone to stay.” This makes Penelope’s guard go down too as she sees Josie being vulnerable with her. “Because being the best easily means there won’t be a reason for someone to leave. Like, why would someone leave someone great. Right?” Josie looks down and plays with Penelope’s fingers to distract her from crying. “Or maybe I’m overcompensating for being a failure of a daughter to my father? I don’t know.”, she adds. 

“Maybe it’s because I want to be better than my father? To be everything good that he wasn’t.”

“But maybe it’s the simple answer, that I want to be the best because I just want to be.”, she looks away and lets go of Penelope’s hand, putting a dot to her different answers. 

Josie was about to put distance between her and Penelope but the raven haired girl just pulls her in for a hug. Penelope didn’t have any words that felt right to ease the pain that Josie had in her heart and all she knew was to be there for her and to not let her go. 

“Next question?”, the brunette pulls away and tries to change the conversation. Penelope nods and takes her hand in hers again, making Josie smile warmly at her. Josie opens her notes again to form another question for Penelope. “Who’s theory is Marxism?” Penelope takes a good look at Josie and sighs, “Someone named John?”

Josie has this big smile on her face when Penelope gets the answer wrong and even imitates a buzzer sound. “Nope! Karl Marx!”, she says too happily. Penelope takes her hand away and pretends to be disappointed. “Ask away, Saltzman. Make it a good one.”

“What was your grandfather like?”, she asks right away, like she’s been wanting to let it out since forever. Penelope knew Josie would fire back by fishing for deep and personal things but the last thing she would expect of her asking would be about her late grandfather. It was still a fresh wound for Penelope and she never spoke about him openly since his death. Josie notices her frozen expression and she could almost feel Penelope pulling away so she tries to take back her question, noticing that she stepped over a line. “You don’t have to-“

“He loved to sing. He always sang me to sleep and he’d spin me around the living room and let me step on his feet as we danced.”, she braves herself to look back to her memories of him. “He always spoiled me but reminded me that material things weren’t everything and I think it’s why I never found joy in spending my family’s riches.”, she adds. “He always inspired me to be strong despite everything with how brave he was. He stood up for me, defended me against my own parents. Maybe that’s why I never grew the courage to stand up to them because I thought he’d be there to save me forever.” Penelope ends her answer with a sad smile while Josie just watched and admired her for sharing this part of her. 

“You’re braver than you think you are, Pen. And you’re stronger too.”, Josie squeezes her hand to show her support. 

Penelope raises her eyebrows at Josie, “Pen?”

The brunette’s eyes widen and Penelope chuckles.

“It’s not my fault your name is so long.”, she pouts.

“I like it, Jojo.”, the raven haired girl assures her. 

“So we’re on nicknames basis now, huh?”, the brunette shyly bites her lip.

“Apparently so. I might even start calling you baby. Who knows?”, she shrugs teasingly.

“Call me baby and I will break up with you before we even start dating.”, Josie threatens, making Penelope burst into laughter again. 

It’s been a while since Penelope laughed so much in one sitting. She was grateful and she had Josie to thank for that. It made her feel good things, positivity that she would rarely find and being with Josie was like finding a whole treasure chest of it. “Thank you, Jojo.”, she says with so much affection that the brunette almost melts.

“Why are you saying thank you? I didn’t do anything-“

“For not running away again when you found me in the Old Mill. For making me feel happy. For being here.”

Josie’s lips tug into a smile hearing Penelope pour her heart out in front of her without filter or pretty words, just the truth. 

“Well, thank you for not giving up when I did.”, the brunette says back with a bittersweet smile. 

—————

“I could just get drunk right now!” 

After their last test of the week ended, Lizzie immediately texted Josie for them to meet up so she could finally breathe properly after the tiring and stressful week they all had. Clearly, she was overjoyed with not having to spend another hour with her eyes glued to her books.

“Liz, it’s still Thursday. We still have classes tomorrow..”, the brunette breaks her joy. Lizzie rolls her eyes but not at Josie’s reminder but because of a raven haired girl striding down the hall like everyone’s eyes were on her and of course, they were. 

Ever since Penelope and Josie started secretly seeing each other, she gained back the confidence she thought she had lost in the past months. She felt good about herself again and everyone could tell that she was glowing. She looked like an angel but with an allure of something that didn’t come from heaven.

“Oh look… it’s Satan… in a crop top”, the blonde comments as she and Hope passes by, making sure that her voice was loud enough for Penelope to hear. Penelope just rolls her eyes and tries to ignore her but opposite can be said for Josie who Hope swears she caught staring at Penelope’s toned abs that her blazer barely hid. When Josie feels Hope’s suspicious stare, she tries to shake it off and act less obvious. 

“Rest of the fabric probably burned in hellfire”, she adds on to Lizzie’s comment, making Penelope look back at her with narrow, but deadly, eyes. Josie tried to swallow this lump down her throat that formed out of fear with how Penelope looked at her as she walked away. To add to her agitation, her phone buzzes in her pocket and then looked to Penelope and saw her holding hers. 

_Pen: u likin what u see? Hahaha now im scared you might just burn all my clothes in half so you could see moreXD just try not to be obvious next time;) hope noticed_

“Josie, you listening to me?” Lizzie almost shakes her sister to bring her back to reality when she noticed Josie space out into her Penelope dream land. “What? What is it?”, she asks as she quickly hides her phone in her back pocket after replying to Penelope.

_Jojo: yk what? i might just actually._

“Who is that, P?” Hope almost peaks over to see who Penelope was texting to make her have this big smile on her face. Luckily, Penelope has quick hands so she turned it off and hid it right away. 

“Just a funny picture of a cat”, she answers without looking at her.

Hope looked at her suspiciously and Penelope feels the intensity of her stare that she had to deflect. “So where’s your boyfriend?”, she steers the attention away from her in hopes that the amber haired girl would just drop it. Fortunately, she does and lets out a breath of frustration. 

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

“Okay but why won’t you just tell him that you know about his bullshit and drop him already?”, she presses further to hide her own dirt.

“Because Dad and I have a plan to take him, his father… and his family’s business go down.”, she reveals with a reassuring smile. Penelope’s doubts and worries washed away with the involvement of her father. Ever since they were little girls, Penelope always admired Klaus’ power over a lot of things. It wasn’t just about money, but everyone around him respected him because of his values that he instills in his real life and in his business. 

“As long as Roman and his father thinks they have the upper hand to take down the Mikaelson legacy, they’ll be too distracted plotting against us that they won’t notice the FBI investigating them for their illegal shit”, she explains further with a lower volume to make sure no one else overheard. “And he’s not the only one getting information from me, which I fake, but he’s a teenage boy who keeps things laying around in his room. Even the important things about their family’s business.”, she smirks proudly.

“Didn’t know you had it in you to lie. I’m proud of you.”, the raven haired girl says and gives her a pat on the back. 

The two best friends were smiling at each other, finally both being happy after a very long time. But their joy was quickly stepped on by Roman appearing in front of them. The dirty blonde haired boy was way taller than the two girls so he was blocking their path. 

He looked at Hope with innocent eyes that Penelope just wanted to gouge out. “What do you want, Sienna?”, the raven haired girl speaks first, making sure she sounded intimidating enough for him to back off and leave her alone. But Roman was one of the few people that didn’t buy her tough act so he just ignored her. Instead, he tried to take Hope’s hand into his to try and connect with his girlfriend. 

“Hope, can we talk? In private?”, he asks, looking straight into her denim blue eyes to try and break her into agreeing. But Hope didn’t fall for his move and hid her hands inside her blazer to avoid his hand holding. “Whatever you need to tell me, you can say it in front of my best friend.”, she links her arm with Penelope’s and the raven haired girl smirks at how Hope didn’t give in to Roman’s charms. 

“Fine.”, he sighs in defeat. “I’m not a good boyfriend and I’ve done terrible things-“

“You got that right.”, Penelope interrupts with a scoff.

“And if I’ve hurt you, I’m sorry. I’ll do better.”, he adds. The two girls try their best not to hit him right in his pretty face, Penelope trying the hardest. His half assed apology didn’t even sound like an apology. It sounded more like another one of his plays of manipulation that he’s been doing to Hope this entire time. But Hope needed to keep him in the dark so she had to go along with his apology even though it felt disgusting to.

“Don’t worry, we’re good. I’ve just been too focused with exams and all.” She kisses him on the cheek and pulls Penelope away from him, no longer having it in her to face his manipulative user ass. 

Once they were a safe distance from him, Hope finally let out her frustrations. “Stupid Ken thinks he’s so slick. Ugh! I just wanted to punch him in the face!”, she curses then takes a deep breath. “Just until Christmas break. It won’t be long, Hope. Calm down.”, she says to herself with her eyes closed to imagine Roman’s face in his downfall when all of this ends.

“You okay, Hope?”, a familiar voice calls out from behind them.

When they turn around, Landon greets them with a big smile and Penelope’s stomach drops. 

“Hey Landon!” Hope greets him with the same smile but Penelope didn’t bother saying anything, thinking how awkward things were and she didn’t even know if Landon knew about her and Josie. 

“Hey Penelope”, he greets her with less energy. This somehow helps her confirm that Landon knows something with how bitter his tone was when he switches his direction to Penelope. She acknowledges his greeting with a simple nod and an awkward smile.

“Are you looking for Rafael? Or Josie?”, Hope asks with a welcoming smile as they lead him to the common area to sit and catch up. 

Landon shakes his head, “Nah I’m not looking for Raf… and haven’t you heard? Josie and I broke up” He says those last words so coldly while he looked directly at Penelope like a venomous snake. Penelope looks elsewhere to try and cut off the tension before Hope notices anything suspicious. 

“Yeah I actually heard about that… I’m sorry”, she says genuinely, patting him on his shoulder to show support and comfort. “I’m fine, most of it was my fault anyway.”, he reveals, a shock to Penelope. 

“But I’m here to talk to you actually… In private, if you don’t mind?”, he pleads. Hope nods her head in approval right away, making Penelope even more confused. 

“But you let me stay when you talked to Roman awhile ago… no fair” Penelope tries to protest but Hope almost pushed her ass off the couch for her to leave. “This is Landon, P. You trust him more than Roman, right?”

“I don’t trust men.”, she answers with conviction. But she sees Hope’s deadly look and she was left with no choice but to leave them alone to talk.

Penelope walks out of the building and sends a text to the one person that can clarify everything that’s happening right now. 

_Pen: We need to talk. Right now. Old Mill in 10mins._

The twins and Rafael were in the dining hall having a small afternoon snack after the heavy load of brain power they had to use today. When Josie’s phone buzzed on her back pocket, she sneakily checked it under the table and made sure none of them saw. The text sounded urgent with how Penelope used so much periods in one text. So she had to come up with an excuse to get out of the table real quick without acting suspicious.

“Hey Liz I’m not feeling well… I’ll just go back to the room and sleep it off for awhile” Josie acts like her head was aching and that she felt weak so Lizzie would be convinced with her lie. Lizzie studies her and she looks at her suspiciously but Rafael is the one to set her free, not being able to see past her bad acting. 

“It’s alright, Jo. Just take all the rest you need, we’ll just bring you some food if you still don’t feel better by dinner time.”, he says with a warm voice. Josie says thank you and doesn’t bother to take another look at Lizzie’s suspicious gaze that followed her out of the dining hall. 

When she got there, she found Penelope in her usual spot in the middle of the stairs. And of course, she was puffing out another cigarette. Josie immediately raised her voice on Penelope when she sees Penelope smoking again after she already told the raven haired girl how she didn’t like her smoking. 

“Penelope Park! What the fuck?!”

Penelope’s eyes widened in shock and she immediately puts out the cigarette by stepping on it and sprays some of her perfume from her bag to cover up the smell. She faces Josie who had this murderous disappointed look on her face. Penelope approached her with a guilty smile and she even tries to act innocent by acting dumb like Josie didn’t see anything. 

“Jojo-“

“I thought you were done smoking?” It was evident that Penelope had let Josie down with smoking another cigarette after a week of being in her best behaviour. Penelope bowed her head in shame, obviously feeling the guilt that Josie’s stare was giving. “I’m sorry… It’s just- I got stressed awhile ago… I got a back to back hit with Roman and Landon showing up.”, she explains, making Josie drop her scolding look and show a more concerned one.

Josie pulls Penelope to the steps and they sit beside each other, urging Penelope to explain further. “You know about the Roman drama, right?”, she asks the brunette and to which she nods to say yes. “I had to witness first hand his manipulative stunts that he thinks are working on Hope and how my best friend had to act like she wasn’t affected when she clearly was. I just wanted to beat the life out of him and ship him back home.”, she expresses her frustration and Josie notices how Penelope clenches her fist so she takes a hold of her hand to calm her down.

“Pen…”, she calls out to her, making sure that she wouldn’t drown herself in all these negative emotions. Penelope looks at Josie and assures her she’s fine but Josie still doesn’t let go and Penelope didn’t want her to. “Then Landon showed up out of nowhere. It was so awkward and he looked at me like I was to blame for everything that happened between you two-“

“But you know that’s wrong, right?”

“Honestly? At first, I was fully convinced that I had a hand since I helped him set up a date then I ended up kissing you.”, she chuckles lightly, remembering how that night ended. “Wait no, you ended up kissing me.”, she clarifies, making Josie pull her hand back just to hit her on the shoulder. 

“You’re going to hold this against me for the rest of my life, aren’t you?”

“As long as you’ll have me”, she smirks but when they both heard the words they spoke out loud, it felt heavier, much more serious. Penelope broke the silence building up between them by going back to the subject of Landon. 

“But then he said something that confused me even more.”

Josie snaps out of her overthinking and gives her full attention to Penelope. “What- what did he say?”

“He said that most of it was his fault? Then I realized, you never really explained how you ended up crying here that night.”, she answers, sounding a bit hesitant to ask Josie to open up about what happened.

“What happened, Jojo? Why does he feel like it’s his fault? Did he hurt you?”, she pushes further. Josie takes a deep breath. She knows she’s already moved on from Landon but thinking about it still affected her, it still managed to make her feel like a fool. She sighed in defeat, “Remember how he got this scholarship in New York because he wrote this really good song? Yeah well, that song isn’t about me…”, she explains. Penelope furrows her eyebrow and thinks of how Josie must have felt when she found out. 

“It was about Hope.”, she reveals, making Penelope’s jaw drop in shock. She wanted to run to Landon, pull him away from Hope and hit him where it hurt. She wanted to make a quick phone call and make sure his whole future and that any chance of a scholarship was ruined. But all she really wanted to do was pull Josie in an embrace.

“Are you okay, Jojo?”, she asks so affectionately that it soothes the brunette’s wounds even more. Josie nods under Penelope’s chin resting on top of Josie’s head. “I’m okay now, Pen. Thank you.”, she softly assures her. 

“Screw Landon. You deserve more than him.” Josie chuckles and Penelope feels this and it makes her smile. 

_Someone like you?,_ Josie wanted to ask but knew that it wouldn’t end in a good conversation and she just wanted to be in the safe arms of the raven haired girl. 

They stay like that for awhile, not one of them wanting to let go. It’s like they were making up for the times they’d cross paths in the hallway when they couldn’t run to each other’s arms.

“Why didn’t you tell me right away?”, Penelope asks in a hushed voice.

Josie looks up at Penelope’s green eyes that showed so much intense feelings that Josie just wanted to melt under. “Because the song was about your best friend. I didn’t know how you’d feel about it.”

“Well he’s asked for some privacy to talk to Hope. You think he’d actually try his luck and tell her about it?”

“Hope is kind of single now… I don’t know why he shouldn’t”, the brunette admits, making Penelope think more on the thought of Landon and Hope getting together. “Would that be okay with you, though?”, she asks Josie, obviously concerned with how the brunette would feel about her ex dating one of her closest friends.

“He was never mine to begin with, Pen. From the start, it was always supposed to be Landon and Hope, right?” Penelope knows that Josie was referring to the plan the three of them made which just started the whole mess that lead them into a different road. 

“Right.”, she just agrees although what she really wanted to say was, _And you for me, I for you._

But instead, the two girls just enjoy the afternoon air and the tint of everything the sun touches turn to a beautiful golden color. Josie felt so safe in Penelope’s arms, like her heart was so secured and nothing could possibly ruin them this time. They had all the time in the world to make sure everything goes right. 

They looked like a beautiful painting but like all works of art, they really can’t be kept in the shadows for long despite them trying so hard. It’s only a matter of time until someone finds this hidden treasure for it to be exposed to the chances of people tearing them apart and pull them away from a world where they were in full control, where they were happy. 

As Penelope and Josie relished in each other’s company with sweet chatters and soft words, a pair of nosy hazel eyes peaked through the small gaps of the old wooden walls. He watched as the known two sworn enemies seemed like the complete opposite of what they show in the hallways. He found them in each other’s arms, looking affectionate and all these despicable ideas came to mind. And after he ended the call with his father, Roman had this evil smile on his face and quickly left before he would get caught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i found it hard to write bc i prefer angst but i just rlly wanted to put a study buddy posie scene because im lonely like that.  
> and the old mill is officially posie territory. 
> 
> aaaand lets hate Roman even more, yes? yes.  
> but what about Landon? is he in or is he out?
> 
> ......thoughts perhaps?
> 
> thank you so muchhh!!:>


	17. They've all been said before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Does your _special friend_ know who Penelope Park really is?"

At the dining hall during lunch, Josie sat across from where Penelope, Hope, Roman and the boys were seated. In their random conversations, Penelope would look past the heads blocking her view to see Josie looking right back at her with a smile she tried so hard to hide as she talks to her sister and Raf. 

It’s like a staring contest and everyone else became blurry, like their eyes were lenses that only focused on each other. Sparks were all over the room and if someone caught them, they’d immediately come to the conclusion that there was something going on between them. And ever since Roman had caught Penelope and Josie two weeks ago being all cuddly in the Old Mill, he kept a close eye on them both without the two girls noticing. 

He watches as Josie gets up and Penelope excuses herself just minutes after, both having this idiotic smile on their faces. “I’ll just go to the comfort room, I’ll be back in a few”, he announces to the table and secretly follows Penelope out the dining hall.

Roman catches Penelope on the way out of the building, obviously headed her way down to the Old Mill that they’ve treated as their own sanctuary. “Park!”, he yells after her, making the raven haired girl turn to him with an irritated look. 

“What do you want, Sienna?”, she snarled. 

“I want to talk to you about Hope.”, he answers. Penelope crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows, fully tapping in to her bitch mode. He ignores it and continues on, “She says we’re okay but I know we aren’t and I just want to fix it… help me out, P”

Penelope blocks his face with her hand and scoffs, “Okay first of all, you don’t get to call me P. We aren’t friends. Second, why are you asking me for help when I’m anti-you?”

“Because I know you and Josie are together.”

The raven haired girl freezes and her mask drops, revealing her fragile and vulnerable side. She knew that someday they’d have to put an end to their secret friendship but she thought that when that day came, they’d be ready to face anything and everything. They were just starting, putting all the pieces together and yet they’ve already hit an iceberg. 

“J- Josie and I… w- we aren’t together.”, she stutters. 

She’s frozen and even her clever witty brain can’t come up with anything to make up some excuse to deny what he’s saying. Roman takes this as a win, seeing how Penelope was caught off guard.

“I saw you two all cuddled up in the Old Mill two weeks ago. No use in denying it.”, he pushes with a smug look. 

The complacency that shows in his devilish eyes and his sly smile just made Penelope want to punch him right at that moment. Her hands curl into a fists and Roman notices this so he slowly backs away and puts his hands up in surrender. “I just want your help with Hope, Penelope. I’m not a bad guy.”, he says with a sinister tone. 

“Leave. Right now.”, she growls. “And I don’t mean to just walk back to the dining hall, I mean leave this school and go back to where you belong. Go back to selling drugs and ruin other people’s lives, I don’t care. Just get the fuck out of ours.”, she turns around and almost walks out on him but he manages to freeze her once again with another one of his cards. 

“Speaking of drugs, does Josie know?”, he says so loudly that Penelope’s whole body went cold. Roman calmly puts his hands in his pockets, obviously having the upper hand in this situation. 

This time, Penelope didn’t have it in her to regain her heat to move and fight back. Her regrets started catching up to her even though she tried so hard to escape from them. Flashes of nights dancing on tables at bars, the endless flowing alcohol and blank spaces in her mind of memories she can’t remember. 

“Does your _special friend_ know who Penelope Park really is?”, he confidently steps forward and circles the frozen raven haired girl like a shark. “I mean Josie is good and all, maybe she might still accept you after finding out.”, he shrugs in a sarcastic manner. Penelope doesn’t even follow him walking around her, she just stares out the door imagining how Josie must be waiting for her by the Old Mill. 

“But you’re just going to drag her down with you. She’s a fragile moth and you’re the toxic fire that is just as damaging as you are to yourself.”, he taunts. 

“I mean, once you get out of this school and graduate, you’re going back to New York. Back to everything you thought you’ve escaped. The parties, the vices, the scandals-“

He’s silenced by a blow with Penelope’s fist under his eye. The strength of the raven haired girl’s punch made him step back and lose his balance a bit. He cries with pain and Penelope shakes off the shooting pain on her hand. 

“What the fuck?!”, someone yells from behind them. Penelope turns and her eyes widen at the sight of a tall blonde looking at her with her blue eyes in shock. 

“Lizzie-“

“What the hell happened here, Penelope!? What did you do!?”, the blonde rushes to the aid of a bruise-forming and nose-bleeding Roman. 

The raven haired girl watches as Lizzie easily points her scolding finger at Penelope. She watches as the blonde joins Roman’s side and decides to just leave them there. Thinking that she had already lost this fight, she ran up the stairs to her room and skips the rest of her classes for the day, only texting Josie that something came up and she couldn’t make it.

“Are you okay?” Lizzie helps Roman up and guides him to the common room so he could be more comfortable. Roman nods his head as an answer, “Yeah. Always knew Penelope could throw a good one, she’s always had this wild side in her.”

“Well, I know you deserved to get punched since from what I hear, you’re a total ass,” Lizzie chastised, showing less sympathy than she did the first time she found him. Roman retaliates and fights back but not to spite Lizzie. “Well, don’t believe everything you hear, especially if it’s from her. Penelope isn’t the strong brave well-composed girl she shows everybody.”

The blonde looks at him with questioning eyes, a want to know more to who Penelope Park really is… or was. “The three of you were friends before you went here, right? How was she like?”, she asks, leaning in to show her interest. A small evil smile tugs at Roman’s lips seeing as this is his chance of putting a target on Penelope’s back as revenge. 

“I actually met Penelope drunk dancing on a table in a bar.”, he starts off, immediately putting a stain to Penelope’s name. “Hope had brought me in to her uncle’s bar to meet her best friend, of course hoping that she was sober. But every memory I have of Penelope mostly involved alcohol and she was like an animal, never really having control.” Then he shrugs to act innocent. “Well, it’s the life of being spoiled by rich parents.” Roman looks at Lizzie with a dark look like he was the devil. 

“And being spoiled means unlimited access to cash, meaning access to all that New York’s streets has to offer.”, the blonde looks confused at first but piecing out what she had heard the first time and why Penelope immediately growled at Roman. 

_“To get drunk and sell drugs to kids at parties? Oh wait, weren’t you already doing that back at home?”_

_“What? Did my favorite customer miss her plug?”_

“Not gonna lie, Penelope was my idol. She lived like there was no tomorrow… but it’s nice seeing her back on her feet.” Roman gives a fake sad smile and stands up, then leaves Lizzie with words that made her grow even more suspicious of the raven haired girl.

“But everyone falls back down eventually”, he adds with an exaggerated disappointed tone and points to the bruise forming under his eye. Roman leaves Lizzie with the information he just gave her, fully hoping in his dark hollow heart that she uses it against Penelope.

Roman left with a smug look on his face like one of those overused scenes in movies of badass characters walking away from huge explosions. And that’s exactly what was happening in Lizzie’s mind. It was going off everywhere and none of it lead to any good things but fumes of anger for Penelope who she thought was a good person despite breaking her sister’s heart.

So, now more than ever, Lizzie is against the idea of Penelope Park existing in her and Josie’s life. 

—————

“Mom! You can’t let her stay here! No matter how much money her parents bring to this school! She’s not a loss, she’s a liability!”, Lizzie yells at the top of her lungs. 

After classes ended, she went straight to Caroline’s office to get Penelope kicked out from the school. The younger blonde looked so eager to have Penelope out of her and Josie’s lives because of what Roman told her about Penelope’s past and for fear that she might just fall back and bring Josie or anyone else down with her. 

“Sweetie, I can’t do that-“

“But you have to! You don’t know her, mom!”

Caroline is silenced by Lizzie’s interruption. She stares at her daughter’s frantic eyes and takes a deep breath. She pulls one of her drawers open and goes through the files, pulling out a folder labeled “P. Park” and hands it over to Lizzie. 

“What is this?”, the younger blonde asks as she opens it hesitantly.  
“It’s Penelope’s file. I don’t just blindly let students in here, Lizzie. I make sure I know who I’m letting into this school.”, she answers and stands up nervously. “Penelope is a… troubled teenager…”, she starts off and approaches her daughter who is focused on the contents of the folder. 

Aside from pictures of Penelope parading down the streets of New York like she owns the whole city, Lizzie sees all these newspaper clippings and paparazzi photos of Penelope being a reckless teenager too. There were headlines, scandals and gossips that all involved Penelope. Lizzie feels this second hand embarrassment for all the things Penelope has done, like she can’t image why someone would do all those things.

“So she’s rich, powerful, and can get away with anything she wants, mom. What’s your point?”, she scoffs and throws the folder back to the table, looking even more annoyed than she entered the office.

“Yes exactly, Liz. She’s rich and powerful and she can get away with anything she wants. But still… why is she acting like this? Did you give that a thought?” Caroline almost scolds Lizzie for jumping into conclusions on what Penelope really is like and who she is just based on what she did in her past. 

“Yes, she’s spoiled. Her parents probably never taught her right from wrong-“

“Because they never gave time for her. She’s neglected and she’s acting out.”, she cuts out Lizzie before she hears words she won’t like. “Penelope is a good kid and I’ve seen that. What’s written about her or what you hear about her isn’t who she really is, Lizzie.” Caroline says this so sternly that Lizzie shuts up and actually hears what her mother was trying to say. 

“I don’t want to deprive someone of a good future just because of their past. Everyone deserves a second chance.”, she adds. “And considering what you and Josie have been through, I thought you’d know better, Lizzie. I’m disappointed.”

Lizzie falls quiet and bows her head down in shame, feeling guilty for how she barged in her mom’s office demanding Penelope’s expulsion. But despite her mother’s attempt at trying to get her to understand Penelope, all she could think about was still those scandalous photos and how everyone around her must have been dragged down too. 

“Is there anything on Hope?”, she asks without looking at Caroline, still staring at the floor. 

“Why do you want to know?” Caroline has this confused and worried look on her face that Lizzie doesn’t see. 

“Because she’s best friends with Penelope and I need to know if she’s her partner in crime or the one always cleaning up the crime scene.”

————-

The raven haired girl had a lot on her mind as she stared at the unlit cigarette she was holding. She skipped the rest of her classes and locked herself in her room, ignoring and isolating herself to give space for her thoughts. Once the outside fell quiet and empty, she snuck out and walked to the Old Mill where she found herself debating wether or not to let the flame of her lighter meet the end of the stick. Her problems made the light flicker but the reminder of Josie pulled the cigarette away further. 

The stench and the feeling of the cigarette on her hand, even unlit, takes her back to those nights she’d run out the back door of the clubs to smoke. She could almost feel the cold crisp air crawling on her skin, the music playing from the inside resonating in the background, and the quiet conversations of strangers that would give her the stink eye as they puffed out their own smoke. Those were the moments where she could take a step back and see the whole image of who she became. A teenage drunk, spoiled rich kid that won’t do anything good for the world. It was her own version of a beating by the alley, only in this case, she was beating herself up. Then, she’d go back to the crowd and act like there were no bruises in her heart. She’d drink like her heart wasn’t burning enough with pain, and she’d dance like there was so much space for her in this world when really, she felt trapped. 

She becomes so lost in her thoughts that she doesn’t notice someone walk in on her playing with a cigarette. 

“Really, Penelope? Cigarettes?”, the hissing voice spites Penelope who looked up to see moonlight illuminating the girl’s blonde hair. 

“What are you doing here, Lizzie?” Penelope quickly hides the cigarette and lighter underneath the loose wood of a step on the stairs. The blonde just rolls her eyes at her attempt to even save herself when she was caught red handed. And it just confirmed all the thoughts that were running on the blonde’s mind. 

“I followed you when I saw you sneaking out.”

“What? Why were you-“

“You shouldn’t have gone to school here.”, she says so bitterly and straightforward that made Penelope look up at her in shock. She knew that Lizzie hated her but there was something about how she said those words so poisonously that stung her. “You’ve made life terrible for us. You bring down anyone that even tries to get close to you-“

“If this is about Josie, I’m not doing anything.”, she jumps in to defend herself when Lizzie’s words were starting to cross a line. 

“Not doing anything means not existing in our lives!”

Penelope just stares at her in confusion. She was used to being yelled at just for simply existing so it was nothing new for her but it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt less. 

“Roman told me all about your selfish attention-seeking stunts! Maybe in a Tumblr blog somewhere it would be seen as living young and wild and free, but do you know what I see?” Lizzie approaches Penelope with this hate in her eyes that the raven haired girl is so familiar with it doesn’t make her step back. “It’s being reckless and ungrateful. Throwing your life away. Being a coward.” The words hurt Penelope deeply but she tried to show some strength, to show Lizzie that what she thought of her was wrong.

“I am not that girl anymore. I’m trying to be better and I am getting there. I am making up for who I was-“

“No. you see, you think everything is just replaceable. But you’re going to wake up one day and realize you can’t replace all the people you’ve pushed away. You can’t replace all the moments you’ve fucked up-“

That’s when Penelope loses it and stands up from the steps, making Lizzie stop talking. The control and poise she held crumbled. She clenches her fist but then takes deep breaths, just like how Josie taught her. Inhale and exhale.

“Lizzie, I’m sorry I hurt Josie but that’s already water under the bridge. I told her I’d stay away so I don’t know why you’re still focusing on all this hatred.”, she finally speaks up, trying so hard to keep her calm. 

The taller blonde scoffs at Penelope’s nonchalance, convinced that the raven haired girl was skilled in acting and in deceiving others. “Just stay away from Josie.”, she says so coldly that even the evening air feels warmer to her. “And while you’re at it, try to stay away from Hope too.”, she turns around, her back facing Penelope so she didn’t see the confused expression on the raven haired girl’s face. But she could tell by the heavy silence, Penelope was taken aback by what she said. She’s about to leave but Penelope manages to stand up for herself, throwing away the understanding act she put up for the sake of Josie being Lizzie’s sister. 

“You don’t have the right to tell me to stay away from my best friend-“

“Best friend? Is that what she really is to you? You didn’t even notice that she was going through something because everything is just about you and your problems! And everyone is just better off without you constantly dragging them down!”

“Where the fuck are you coming from?! Why are you so obsessed with who’s in my life-“

“See?! God! It’s all about you! You’re so blinded by your own selfishness that you can’t even see how people sacrifice so much for you!”

_“But I’m here to talk to you actually… In private, if you don’t mind?”, he pleads. Hope nods her head in approval right away, making Penelope even more confused._

_“But you let me stay when you talked to Roman awhile ago… no fair” Penelope tries to protest but Hope almost pushes her ass off the couch for her to leave. “This is Landon, P. You trust him more than Roman, right?”_

_“I don’t trust men.”, she answers with conviction. But she sees Hope’s deadly look and she was left with no choice but to leave them alone to talk._

_“So what is it you want to talk about?” Hope turns to face Landon who looked nervous but there’s this dread in his expression to say whatever he needed to tell Hope right away. And it’s that look that makes the amber haired girl suspicious to what Landon needed to say._

_“Landon, if you’re going to say what I think you’re about to say, please don’t. You just broke up with Josie and I… I’m dating Roman.” She inches away from him in a way that wasn’t overly dramatic but enough for him to notice how uncomfortable she became._

_But Landon just giggles, a noticeably sad one but there was no bitterness to it. “I’m not here to tell you I like you, Hope. I mean I do… and I never stopped- but glad to know where you’re at”_

_Hope looked guilty and she tried to apologize but he started talking before she could even get a word out._

_“So I was in New York, as you probably already knew, for this music program.”, he starts off. Hope seemed intrigued and already dropped the awkwardness building up between them. “Yeah Josie mentioned it and congrats by the way!” She smiles so warmly at him that he forgets why he was nervous in the first place._

_“So I was there waiting by the hall for my audition and I guess the school is for the arts in general because down the hall, they were holding interviews for the other programs.” Landon looked like he was giving crumps to Hope for her to figure out what he was trying to say without actually having to say it. But she didn’t understand so he continued, “And one of those is the visual arts program. And I hear the lady shout Hope Andrea Mikaelson five times. I mean, I thought to myself that I must be mistaken because Hope is miles away from where she’s supposed to be.”_

_The amber haired girl didn’t need anymore crumbs to understand that Landon found out about her application for the art program she wanted so much. “I think you should go-“_

_“No, Hope. Come back to New York with me and go make your art. Your talents are wasted here”, he grabs Hope’s arm to stop her from turning her back on him. “Hope, this is your chance to do something you really love. Why aren’t you taking it? I’m sure your parents would support whatever it is you decide to do with your life. And even if they didn’t, at least you won’t be living everyday in regret-“_

_“It’s not that. My parents taught me to do what I love. That I’d have their support in whatever it is that I choose to do.”, she interrupts his motivational speech without looking at him in the eye._

_“Then what’s holding you back?”_

_“My parents also raised me to not only care about myself but for others too.”_

_Landon’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, “What do you mean?”_

_“Always and forever.”_

————-

_“Is there anything on Hope?”_

_“Why do you want to know?”_

_“Because she’s best friends with Penelope and I need to know if she’s her partner in crime or the one always cleaning up the crime scene.”_

_Caroline reaches for the folder with Hope’s name on. She hesitates to give it to her daughter but Lizzie grabs it from Caroline’s hand before the older blonde could even make a decision._

_She went through the papers and thankfully, there wasn’t anything much on Hope. No articles connecting her to Penelope’s mess, instead there were photographs of her surprisingly beautiful paintings that got attention from well-known art critics. And that’s when she finds Hope’s application for this academy in New York that specializes in the arts._

_“Wait- what’s this?”, she asks her mother and points at the paper._

_Caroline sighs, “Hope applied for this arts program, she got an interview-“_

_“If she applied for an art school then why is she here?”_

_Caroline doesn’t say a word. Her silence allowed Lizzie to form her own answer to her question._

_“It’s because of her best friend isn’t it? She’s here, when she could have taken this big opportunity, so she could take care of her best friend. Right?” Lizzie looks at her mother with an anger that Caroline hasn’t seen yet. It was dark, spiteful, and bitter. “Tell me I’m wrong, mom.”_

_“I’m not Hope. I can’t answer you-“_

_Lizzie storms out of her mom’s office before Caroline could even try to calm her down. She carried this hatred for Penelope that started out as being protective of her sister, growing into bitterness when she found out about the raven haired girl’s self-destructiveness and now resentment sticks to her mind at the thought of Penelope after finding out about the reason why Hope was even here in the first place._

“Everyone tries to see the best in you. Josie, Hope and I don’t know how you did it, but even my mom thinks there’s something in you that’s redeemable.” Lizzie tones down her yelling but the lowered volume just gives a more disappointing tone that stings much more than her loud voice. “But I’m not them. I’m not blind. I’ve seen this before and you’re just going to get worse and bring everyone down-“

“What do you mean you’ve seen this before? You don’t know me!”, the raven haired girl argues, she furrows her eyebrows and crosses her arms in a defensive manner.

“I knew my father. At least, I thought I did. And he just kept getting worse and worse, dragging people down with him. Josie and I were lucky enough to break free from his downward spiral.”, she reveals, letting some walls down to show why everything about finding out about Penelope affected her the way it did. 

“Just stay away from us. And let Hope go. She’s everything that’s good in this miserable world and she deserves to be happy.” Lizzie gets a folded piece of paper from her back pocket and hands it over to Penelope before leaving. 

Penelope watches Lizzie walk away, her heart aching after hearing all those awful words that the blonde just spat on her face. But it’s nothing new for the raven haired girl, they’ve all been said before. 

She unfolds the paper that was handed over to her, revealing a copy of Hope’s application for an art program back at home. Every bit of her freezes as she scans through it and everything that Lizzie just said became clearer but at the same time, it hurt deeper. 

Some part of her told her to be grateful for Hope but a bigger part resented her best friend for doing this. Penelope always thought that Hope didn’t see her as fragile, scared that she might break without the proper care. So to find out that she just wasted a chance like this to keep eyes on her proved the very foundation of their friendship wrong. The last thing she wanted was to be a baggage for anyone around her, especially Hope.

And right now, it didn’t just feel like she was in a sinking ship. 

It felt like she was the sinking ship and she’s dragging Hope down with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a late update bc i've been too hung up on glee im sorry
> 
> so here's a short messy chapter to mess up the whole plot even more 
> 
> i rlly need to keep the angst going bc it's all i rlly know how to write i'm sorry 
> 
> I noticed that I only kind of showed Josie's ache / daddy issues and not Lizzie's so here we see her hate on Penelope because she feels like she knows how things are going to end up and that's sad bc i think that just shows how Alaric affected her too. 
> 
> So what do you think is Penelope's next move? hehe
> 
> .....and thoughts perhaps?
> 
> Thank you so much!!


	18. The Most Wonderful Day of the Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“… do you want me to forward a message?”_
> 
> _“Just a simple Happy Holidays from us I guess will do.”_

Penelope knows that missing another week of class would risk expulsion. Though some part of her thought that would be the best option right now, she still managed to get up from bed every morning to attend her classes. In fact, she’d wake up too early that she’d beat the sun’s first visible light. It was the only way she knew how to avoid having to deal with a conscious Hope because after what Lizzie confronted her with, she couldn’t face her best friend again without her stomach twisting with all of the mixed emotions she’s been keeping to herself. She’d get up and be the first in the shower rooms, get dressed and hide in the library or the bleachers by the field because the Old Mill was no longer a safe space since she’s been avoiding Josie too. They’d just exchange text messages and since the brunette knew they had to be a bit secretive about their friendship, she didn’t put much into Penelope’s silence. 

It wasn’t until a week later, the start of Christmas break, that Josie became sure that there was definitely something else going on with the raven haired girl. Penelope and Hope left for New York to go back to their families for the holidays and she didn’t even reach out to say goodbye. Hope did though, and she even promised to bring back gifts for the twins. It took every strength Josie had to control herself from asking about Penelope. Thankfully, she kept her mouth shut but when Hope left their room, she regretted not asking and it weighed her down for the next days that the best friends were gone. 

The twins, like all the other years they’ve been with Caroline and Stefan, stayed in the school for the holidays. They were setting up this beautiful Christmas tree with a mainly gold theme in the corner of the common room. They had cups of hot chocolate and even had Santa hats on. They all looked really happy as they sang and danced to Christmas songs playing in the background, tending to their duties for the tree. But Josie, as much as she wanted to stay away from her phone like Caroline asked, kept checking for any new messages from Penelope. Of course, there was nothing. She grew impatient and snuck off to the bathroom to try and call the raven haired girl. 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_The number you have dialled cannot be reached please try again later_

Sighing, Josie gives up, turns her phone off and heads back to her family with a smile that Lizzie apparently knows is forced. The blonde doesn’t go and attack her sister right away with Caroline and Stefan in the same room but she does keep her eyes on the brunette for the next few hours and notices how her shoulders drop when she feels like nobody is looking at her. 

Once they finish setting up the Christmas tree, they all stand in front of it and admire the fairy lights that make everything seem so magical. The whole room goes silent and the only thing they can hear is the burning wood from the fireplace and the soft music playing in the background. Thankful smiles plastered on their faces and Caroline almost tears up as she watches the twins have this bright smile on their faces. They still looked like the innocent little girls falling in awe of the warm golden lights wrapped around the tree. Before she could break into sobs, Stefan pulled her away from them and announced he and Caroline were just going to look for the camera so they can take pictures. 

Lizzie doesn’t waste another second. When the two are nowhere to be seen, she immediately checks up on Josie. “Jo, you okay? You seem so down”, she asks the brunette who had her eyes frozen on the tree, almost refusing to look at her sister. 

“Of course I’m okay. Just a little tired is all”, she tries so hard to sound convincing. Lizzie knows better than to believe her lies and Josie knows this so she sighs and turns to her sister with her arms crossed while she looked at the floor. “This Christmas just seems… lonely. Incomplete.”

Lizzie furrows her eyebrows in confusion, “What? It’s been just the four of us in the past holidays-” The blonde notices that Josie really did seem down about it so she came up with an idea. “I mean, I can try and ask Mom and Uncle Stef if we can have Christmas with Uncle Damon-“

“No that’s not what I mean.” The brunette shyly plays with her fingers and she finally looks at her sister’s blue eyes that feels like she’s under a microscope, figuring out why Josie is acting this way. “I mean this year has been different for us. I mean in all our years here, we didn’t really connect much with people and it kind of feels lonely being left out here” Josie tries to feed her sister words so she can piece it out by herself, and luckily Lizzie does just that.

“Yeah I know what you’re talking about. You mean you miss Raf, Landon, Hope…” Josie waits for a certain name to come up but it doesn’t. She sighs, knowing she can’t voluntarily say Penelope’s name in the list of people she misses even though the raven haired girl really is top 1 in said list. 

So the brunette just nods and tries to cover up her eagerness to shout that her sister is missing a name. “I miss them. Got used to seeing them everyday, didn’t realize how quiet it would be without them.” 

Lizzie gives her a sad smile and though Josie just said those things to get her sister off her back, there really was some truth to it too. “I know, I miss them too, Jo.” The blonde brings Josie in for a hug to comfort her. It’s only when Caroline and Stefan walks in with a camera that Lizzie lets go of her sister.

“Alright let’s take pictures!”, the older blonde yells happily approaching her daughters.

Before Caroline could pull them in for picture taking, Lizzie says something to Josie that managed to brighten up the brunette’s mood so at least her smiles didn’t look forced in the pictures.

“Let’s call Hope after this.”

Knowing the best friends are always together, this was her chance to hear Penelope’s voice again and that was enough for her to go back to being her jolly self.

—————

_Ring_

_Ring_

_“Hello?”_

It doesn’t take too long for Hope to answer her phone when the twins called. Lizzie is the first to speak, acting a little too excited to be hearing Hope’s voice again. “Hey, Hope! You’re on speaker, I just called because someone here really misses you.” Josie narrows her eyes at Lizzie who’s smiling at the screen like Hope is actually in front of them right now. 

_“Is Lizzie Saltzman being sweet? Omygod Santa is real”_

Josie hears muffled chuckles and watches as her sister rolls her eyes but keeps the smile on. 

“Well I guess you’re on Santa’s naughty list because I don’t miss you. My dear sister here does though.”, she nudges Josie to speak. “Hi Hope! Actually, Lizzie really misses you. In fact, she’s the one that wanted to call you-“

Lizzie elbows Josie and hits her stomach which makes the brunette groan in pain and Hope figures out what just happened and laughs. 

_“I miss you too, Liz.”_

There’s no mocking tone or sarcasm to be detected in Hope’s voice which makes Lizzie smile and Josie grin like she’s connecting dots.   
“So how’s New York? Is Satan still giving you the silent treatment?”

And just like that, Josie’s teasing grin drops completely. 

_“Yeah she didn’t say a word the whole ride to the airport and kept her distance from me in the plane. When we landed, she went straight to her car and didn’t even bother turning to say goodbye or even look at me and it’s been days, still nothing.”_

The twins didn’t need to see the amber haired girl’s face to know that she has a hurt expression. Maybe there was some valid reason for Penelope not responding to her text messages but the brunette just couldn’t think of any idea why she’d be ignoring Hope, her best friend. And what confuses her even more is why Lizzie looked down to the floor while Hope talked about it. She knows her sister too well to know that Lizzie somehow knows something because of the guilty look in her face. 

“Well did you try visiting her? Ask her what’s up? Maybe she’s just not feeling well, I mean you know, cold weather and all.” Lizzie looks surprised when Josie speaks up, sounding like she actually cares about Penelope. Even Hope on the other end of the line takes a few seconds to process it. 

_“I might go visit her Christmas morning.”_

Josie nods, as if Hope could see her reply. The silence between the three girls thickens. 

_“… do you want me to forward a message?”_

Lizzie looks at Josie with darkness in those blue eyes and the brunette can feel the weight of her stare, add in the silence of Hope waiting for an answer. She feels the pressure and as much as she wants to just pour her heart out about how much she misses Penelope, she just shakes her head and fake shrugs. “Just a simple Happy Holidays from us I guess will do.”

_“Sure no problem! But listen, I have to go now… Dad’s taking me shopping and don’t worry, I’ll make sure to grab a few things for you both. Love you guys, byee!”_

The call ends but Lizzie still doesn’t drop the suspicious look she’s giving her sister. Josie doesn’t have the energy to deal with another Penelope related confrontation from her that just mostly involves her painting the raven haired girl as an actual devil. All she can think about right now is that Penelope is going through something and she has no idea what and she can’t help but feel like her sister knows something. 

————-

In the Park household, you won’t even think that it’s Christmas if it weren’t for the single Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. Other than that, the whole place just looks like how it is during any other normal day of the year. Because who has time for stupid decorations that take up too much time and effort, right? Add in additional labor for it to be taken down just days after the holidays. 

Penelope and her parents live in a penthouse at 15 Central Park West, where all the ridiculously wealthy people live of course. When you think of rich people holidays, maybe the picture of endless flowing champagne and galas with expensive outfits and jewellery being paraded. Or maybe you can imagine excessive gifts being given, like they didn’t bother checking the price tag. 

Of course, Penelope Park doesn’t have to imagine all these since it is her life. Well, it’s her parents life. Because ever since eyes followed her around, waiting for her next slip up, she’s been kept away from the light so she’s forced to stay home while her parents tend to their social status as one of Manhattan’s elite, fully pushing away any chance of them bonding with their daughter who they haven’t seen in months.

It’s been almost a week since Penelope arrived to an empty two storey penthouse. Her parents were too busy with the Christmas festivities to welcome their daughter back. But it didn’t bother her and she actually felt relieved that she didn’t have to face either of them. She locked herself up in her room and only went out when her stomach growled with hunger but even then, she’d just try her best to sleep it off.

At home, Penelope didn’t feel like she needed to act strong anymore. She didn’t have to put up this front that seemed like she was fine because no one was around. This was where she could let herself crash and burn without Hope, Josie or even Caroline pulling her and forcing her to get back up and sort her shit. She didn’t have to pretend that everything was okay.

When she hears a knock on her door, she just assumes it to be one of the helpers dropping off her lunch so she ignores it. But the knocks become persistent and she’s forced to get up from bed, almost dragging her feet, to see who the hell is disturbing her. She opens the door and reveals a middle aged woman in a dress robe with curlers hanging by her artificially brown highlighted hair. The woman enters as soon as the door opens, not caring wether or not she was welcome. 

“Mom.”, the raven haired girl lets out in shock. Yes, she was shocked because even though she was under the same roof as her parents, this was one of the first time she’s seen her since she arrived. 

“Well don’t act so shocked, darling. It looks like you’ve seen a ghost”, the woman comments on her daughter’s reaction. “Yeah well that’s kind of true”, Penelope mumbles to herself as she closed the door behind her. 

Her mom looked around Penelope’s room and had this disgusted look on her face. “For God’s sake, Penelope. It’s noon and your curtains are still closed, you’re still in bed and you have the helpers bringing in your food. Are you like this at your school?” 

_Of course the first thing she says is judgement,_ the raven haired girl thinks to herself. 

But instead of defending herself like she normally would if someone else were talking to her like this, she stays quiet and bows her head down in shame. Suddenly, she feels like a little girl all over again, powerless and scared.

“Well, I guess it’s better than you parading down the streets again.” Penelope feels her mother’s dark tone weighing her down, making her feel even worse than she already was. “When are you going back to school?”, she asks so coldly. The young girl tries to face her mom and looks up to answer her, trying so hard to swallow the hurt she feels as her mother sounds too eager to send her away again. At this point, she just blames herself for expecting her mom to care about her. “Third week of January.”, she answers and her mother just nods. They stand there awkwardly until her mother lets out a deep breath and Penelope immediately fears she’s done something wrong. 

“Your father and I will be here tomorrow for Christmas, we’ll have a nice family dinner.”, she says like it’s something that needs to be said, like being with your family isn’t a normal thing for them. “You can ask Hope if she wants to join us for lunch-“

“She’ll be busy.”, the raven haired girl interrupts right away at the mention of her best friend. 

“Surely not too busy for you. I mean, you two are practically inseparable.” Her mother doesn’t even notice that Penelope is trying to avoid the topic. “Just ask her, Penelope. I’m sure you’d love some company after days of being alone up in here-“

“Yeah? And whose fault is that? Keeping me locked up in here like a dog that’s bound to mess things up if I’m not on a leash.” 

Penelope loses her control over her words when her mother pushed the topic of inviting Hope. Maybe if she were being bugged about something else, she’d just drop it and nod along just to get her mother off her back but this isn’t just another one of those demands. 

“Hope is not going here tomorrow and that’s okay.”, she says as something that’s final and not up for any more discussion.

When she snaps, her mother’s eyes darken. Light flickers off in her eyes and Penelope fears for what’s about to happen next knowing she just raised her voice, even though it wasn’t really that harsh. She takes a deep breath, shuts her eyes and waits for her mother to scold her. But instead, she hears nothing but heavy silence and footsteps walking towards the door. Penelope opens her eyes and looks at her mother staring at her in disappointment. 

“You know, one day you’re not gonna have anyone left.”, she says and grabs the doorknob, and opens the door, allowing light to pass through and makes the mess of Penelope’s room even more visible. “Look around, Penelope. If you continue to act like that, your life will look like this.”, she says pertaining to the mess and gloominess in the room. The older woman shuts the door behind her and leaves an even more pained teenager to pick up the mess around her room. 

Pillows, old sheets, old clothes, food wrappers and a few bottles of emptied out alcohol. She picks them up one by one, throwing the dirtied out cloths in a hamper and places it outside her door for the help to pick up when they pass by, and throws the wrappers and bottles in a bin. She fixes her bed, rearranges some things, and then stands in the corner of the room to examine the work she’s done. 

But it doesn’t really do anything.

How is it possible to feel empty and heavy at the same time? 

Her eyes scan the room and she closes the curtains again, pulling back the darkness that comforted her more than the sunlight. It lets herself hide in peace without being too conscious of her broken pieces. She falls back to her bed and wraps the sheets around her, kicking off the pillows she just picked up from the floor. 

Penelope drifts off to sleep again in the middle of the day with the weight of the world on her shoulders anchoring her to the bed.

————-

White snow envelops the outside of the school like a fluffy blanket. It’s Christmas morning and the silence in the empty school is completely washed away by Lizzie shouting “It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas!”, as she stumbles down the hall like a seven year old excited to open presents under the tree. Josie groggily follows her sister to the common room, rubbing her eyes with her knuckles and yawning. The brunette didn’t get much sleep last night as her mind kept running with thoughts about a certain raven haired girl miles away from her and how she hasn’t heard a peep since.

The twins plop down on the floor while Caroline and Stefan, who also just woke up, sat on the couch holding hands as they watch Lizzie adoringly like she were still a kid because the excitement made her look like one. It’s not a secret that Lizzie loves presents, she loves receiving gifts and giving them so of course she’s the most energetic one on Christmas mornings. 

“Mom, this is for you. From Josie and I”, she announces as she hands over the box wrapped in red reindeer wrapper with a white Santa patterned ribbon to secure it. The older blonde places her free hand on her chest where her heart was to show how touched she was. She stands up and takes the gift, but not before she makes sure to thank her daughters and kiss the top of their heads. 

“Uncle Stef, this is yours. Also from us.” When Lizzie sees that Josie picked up one of the paper bags under the tree, she immediately grabbed it from the brunette’s hand. She even had the audacity to glare at her sister like she did something wrong. Josie furrows her eyebrows in confusion but just lets her sister be since she has no energy to argue with Lizzie. And it’s Christmas so she doesn’t want fighting. Or any more fighting. Although she isn’t really sure if she and Penelope were fighting because there’s no argument even, just pure silence. 

Lizzie continues on handing out all the gifts under the Christmas tree and sets aside the ones for the school’s staff to give later on when they come over for dinner. It became part of their Christmas tradition to invite the staff’s families over for dinner. They considered them part of their family and it brings Caroline great joy to see her daughters be raised with such good hearts that doesn’t only think about themselves in joyous occasions like this. 

When the gift giving finishes and they’ve already opened what they got, Josie excuses herself to go to the restroom. Lizzie is too busy gushing over her new sweater to even be suspicious of her sister, much to the brunette’s relief. The last time she tried calling Penelope was when they were setting up the Christmas tree and she’s tried so hard not to call again. But this time, being Christmas and all, she gives in and dials her _friend_ again. 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

Penelope has been up since an hour ago, but she just didn’t want to get up right away. So she spent the entire time she’s been awake staring at the ceiling, concentrating on her breathing, which is eventually disturbed by her phone buzzing by her bedside table. The small light lights up the dark room and Penelope has to squint her eyes to adjust to the brightness so she can read the caller ID. 

When she does, her heart jumps in joy but is immediately pulled back by a leash. Ever since that night Lizzie confronted her in the Old Mill, she’s tried so hard to distance herself from Josie. She’d give in to text messages and one sided looks but that was it. She didn’t get to close in fear that if she does, she’d just end up hurting Josie or dragging the brunette down with her. She felt like an untamed flame that damages whatever comes close, so convinced that she only brought harm to those around her. 

The raven haired girl just watches her phone buzz for the next few minutes until it stops and the silence is almost deafening, almost wanting to hear that buzz longer knowing it’s Josie wanting to talk to her, to exist in her life. But the screen fades to black and she’s left with the darkness again. Stray tears fall, feeling everything again all at once.

She hears knocks on the door and a voice informing her that breakfast is ready downstairs. She sighs, usually she’d have her meal brought up to her room so knowing breakfast was downstairs meant that she’s having it with her parents. Penelope drags herself to her bathroom and her dresser to grab a change of clothes so she could look presentable in front of her parents. Also because she knows her mother would just comment on her poor pitiful look and she just isn’t up for that so she puts on a black turtleneck sweater under a loose grey cardigan and black leggings. She throws the upper half of her raven waves to a lazy bun and tries to put on some blush to hide how pale she’s gotten. 

Penelope walks out of her room and immediately notices the different ambience. It’s lighter and much more livelier. She thinks she might actually have a chance of enjoying Christmas this year considering everything that’s happening in her life but mostly dwelling on what she thought couldn’t happen. Penelope goes down the steps into the dining room and she finds her parents already seated, her father in the end chair while her mom sat beside him. Her eyes find the empty plate and placemat in front of her mom and walks to it, greeting her parents a good morning and a Merry Christmas. 

Her father turns to look at her and watches as she sits down, a warm smile on his face as this is one of the first times he’s seen her since she arrived. Once Penelope is settled, she notices her father stopped eating and feels his stare. She looks up to him, confused to why he was looking at her like that so she tries to find any sign that she did something wrong so she can apologize right away. That’s when she notices signs of ageing in his features, eyes setting deeper and white hair dominating what used to be raven strands. His forehead started to wrinkle, though that isn’t surprising knowing how she’d always find him with his eyebrows furrowed or raised like he was questioning every single thing around him. His eyes were still the same green ones but they looked softer, more caring and that’s what throws her to look away because of the unfamiliar feeling it brought. 

“Are you okay, dad? Why are you looking at me like that?”, she manages to ask as she makes her own plate, reaching for waffles and bacon. 

“Yes, I just haven’t seen you in a long time.”, he answers and continues his breakfast.

Penelope almost scoffs at his answer, thinking back to when she lived here and even then he didn’t care much for her existence, too busy with work and keeping up his reputation and social status. She feels her mother’s eyes on her, like the older woman could almost feel her spite so she turns to her dad and puts on a fake smile. 

“I missed you too, dad.”

She notices her mom’s stare drop so she mentally sighed in relief and enjoyed her breakfast in peace. But of course, that’s only until her mom criticizes her as soon as she’s finished with her own meal and is now sipping on her coffee. 

“Why do you look so dark and gloomy? It’s Christmas! You can wear that sad outfit any other time. After breakfast, go change to something that’s livelier and pleasing to look at.”, she snarls. Penelope takes a deep breath and just nods without looking at her mom and just focuses on the food in front of her. 

“Let her wear what she wants, dear. If she’s more comfortable in that, just let her be.”

She doesn’t expect her father to defend her so when he speaks up, she almost chokes on her food. Penelope looks at her father wide eyed, like he just spoke in some language she didn’t understand. She hears her mother scoff, “Well, I know it’s her choice to look like Eeyore for Christmas. But my Christmas spirit is being affected here-”

“Eleanor.”, he warns but still manages to keep his warm composure. Eleanor rolls her eyes like a sassy teenager Penelope is so sure that she was in her youth. The ones that owned the hallways with their bitchy glares and never had any character development after high school. Maybe it’s where Penelope gets her ability to make up snarky comments right away and is a magnet for people’s attention.

“Anyways, Penelope. Your mother and I have a gift for you.”, he informs. The raven haired girl turned to the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room beside them but doesn’t see any wrapped gifts so she looks back at her father confused. He chuckles and so she grows even more confused.

“Henry, stop the stalling and just give it to her. Even I’m excited.”, her mother says almost like she wasn’t throwing insults to her daughter just a minute ago. If whatever that gift is that makes her father chuckle, and her mother’s mood lighten then it drives Penelope to curiosity, an exciting one that tugs her lips into a genuine smile. One that she hasn’t been able to do for a long time.

Her father stands up from his chair and goes to one of the drawers in the living room, coming back to the table with a brown envelope. He sits down and hands it over to Penelope with the biggest grin on his face. She looks at how her parents wait for her to bring out the contents of the envelope so eagerly and chuckles. Penelope reaches her hand in to the envelope and pulls out a key and a few papers.

“What’s this, dad?”, she asks confused. 

“It’s your own apartment!”, he blurts out and claps his hand together in joy and her mother mimics his reaction. 

Penelope reads the documents and she can’t help but read between the lines of it all. Each proof of her ownership for a new apartment tugs at her heart that makes it ache.

“Why’d you buy me an apartment?”, she asks instead of saying thank you like any other person would. But Penelope hasn’t felt like any other person in a long time and her parents buying this apartment could only mean one thing. 

They didn’t want her living with them anymore.

“Your mom and I thought you’d want some freedom when you get back from the boarding school after you graduate-“

“Why can’t I live here with you guys?”, she interrupts her father which surprisingly doesn’t send his mood off but Penelope could almost feel her mother’s eyebrow arch even though she’s looking straight at her father. “Why do I have to leave? I’ve lived here since I was a kid- this is my home!”, she argues even though not entirely truthful about the last part. Yes, she has lived here for as long as she can remember but this place wasn’t really home because she always felt like a stranger here. Plus, she doesn’t have that much strong feelings about this place as she always thought it to be too pretentious for her taste. But of course she won’t admit that out loud to make her point. 

“I mean mom doesn’t even allow me to go out anymore and now suddenly, I have my own place?”, she asks, getting more frustrated and confused. Her mother crosses her arms and Penelope knows she’s about to say something.

“People know you live here so there are eyes watching the entrance for you to come out. At least if you moved, no one would really notice… or care-“, her father takes a hold of her mother’s hand to stop her from saying anything further that even he knew was too much. 

“Penelope, I thought you’d want this.”

Her father looks at her with confusion and disappointment, something that easily scares her into agreeing with whatever her father wants. “I do, dad and thank you, really.”, she forces herself to reassure her father, accepting the gift with this lump in her throat. “I just don’t understand why I need an apartment when there’s this one with about five other bedrooms in it.”, she still pushes, trying to get in the question she really wants to ask. “Are you selling this place? Are you moving? Why-“

“Because you need to grow up, Penelope. I mean listen to yourself. You’re sounding so ungrateful right now. Do you know how many people would literally kill just to be able to live comfortably? You should be ashamed of yourself.”, her mother interjects.

_Of course she brings the ungrateful card to the table. It’s always been her specialty,_ Penelope thinks to herself as she looks at her mother with a dark stare that she usually does when the woman isn’t looking. But right now, she’s managed to brave herself to show her emotions that she always tries to hide from her parents. 

“What your mother means to say is, since you’re going to inherit this family’s legacy, you should learn to be more independent. To know how to work for things and not just handed over to you.”, he explains and Penelope can’t actually argue with that because the man has a point that she agrees to. “After you graduate, you’re moving out and you’ll be living on your own as you train to take over the business.”

“But dad I’ll be barely 18 by that time. And I want to travel after I graduate, you know? See the world and all.”, she almost pleads but she sees _that look_ in her father’s eyes saying it’s already been decided before it could even be discussed. 

“Well then you should be focused so you can earn money for your plans to travel.”, he says sternly, the dark cold aura resurfacing and the warmth she saw for a while vanish completely. “You’re a Park. It’s your birthright to inherit what I have but I’m not just handing my company that my family worked hard for to just anybody if they don’t prove themselves worthy. Even my own daughter.”

It’s like he isn’t talking to his daughter at all with how he spoke. It’s clear to Penelope that the man values his company more than her. Well, how can she be surprised really when he’s spent most of his time for work. 

Her earlier hopes for Christmas to be better this year immediately died out when her father spoke in those cold words again, words more chilling than the snow drizzling outside. Penelope just keeps the envelope close and when she finishes her breakfast, she goes back up the stairs without looking at either one of her parents and without another word after her father’s speech on how he doesn’t think Penelope is “worthy” of inheriting his company.

When she gets to her room, she tosses the envelope to her console table without a care to it. She just wants to go back to sleep and pretend breakfast didn’t just happen because it surely just added up to her list of what’s wrong with her life. Luckily, she does just that and drifts off to sleep so easily since she’s up way earlier than when she usually does. 

Sleeping when there’s this heavy weight of sadness, anger and other built up emotions can be so hard and so easy at the same time. Sometimes difficult because the mind wanders and goes places that keeps us up, but there are times too where it’s so easy because of the mental and emotional exhaustion we put ourselves through.

This is one of those easy times.

————-

Penelope, as she frequently has since she arrived, is woken up by a knock on her door. She groggily looks over to the clock on her nightstand and it read half an hour past noon. The raven haired girl sits up as she rubs her eyes with her knuckles to adjust to the bright light coming from her windows because she forgot to close her curtains before she fell asleep. 

“What is it?”, she asks, in a loud raspy voice. 

Instead of an answer, the door opens and a flash of amber hair peaks through. Penelope’s eyes widen and she scrunches her forehead in shock and disbelief.

“Hope?”

“Hey, P.”

Hope closes the door behind her and awkwardly smiles, not knowing where to sit since she knows Penelope wasn’t expecting her nor does she even want to see her. Normally, she’d just walk in and jump to her bed like she owned the place but now was different and they both knew that. 

“What are you doing here?”, Penelope asks, and she feels the ache in her heart again. The one that’s been bugging her since she found out about Hope’s application for an art program that she turned down to follow Penelope to the boarding school.

“Your mom invited me.” Penelope scoffs, almost mentally slapping herself because of course her mother would go against her wishes.

“And I miss my best friend”, she replies so straightforward that instantly makes Penelope miss her again. But she just pushes past the want to hug the amber haired girl and reaches for her phone to distract herself because a conversation with Hope is what she’s been trying to avoid since she found out, knowing she’ll either say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing.

“Glad to know your phone still works, I’ve been trying to reach you for the past few days” Hope takes it to herself to sit on the edge of Penelope’s bed, sitting so stiff like it were an unfamiliar place and though it wasn’t really, it felt like it was with the heavy tension between them.

“Haven’t been using my phone much, haven’t been up to much actually-“

“Okay cut it. I’ve been trying to understand what’s happening to you, P. But I can’t think of anything. One day you were so happy and giddy, but then when you woke up one morning it’s like your whole world crashed. So what happened?”

Penelope is shocked by Hope’s outburst but she manages to keep a straight look, like she wasn’t affected. But not the same can be said for Hope who looks like she’s just about ready to flip over the bed in search for answers. 

“Is this still about Josie? I thought you’ve moved on-“

“Your gift is inside that drawer.”, she deflects when she hears Josie’s name and points to the wide drawer of her console table. She’s never missed a Christmas without giving Hope a gift and even though she’s doubting their friendship, she stays true to her own tradition.

Hope takes a good look at Penelope and sighs. She just listens and walks over to the table and pulls the drawer, revealing a good number of different kinds of paint brushes, a few collections of acrylic paints, and a couple of canvases all tied up together in a red ribbon to look presentable. But what catches Hope’s eyes is the brown envelope tucked in the middle of the whole collection, like it were meant to be opened first.

Before taking it, she eyes Penelope suspiciously who looks down when she feels Hope’s eyes on her. Penelope knows what’s about to go down and she’s just mustering up the courage to do what’s right for once. To do good by Hope like her best friend has over the many years of their friendship.

Hope opens the envelope and goes through the contents. She freezes once she realizes what it was and brings her eyes back to the art materials laid out for her. Then she looks at Penelope who’s eyes are glued to her hands on her lap, feeling all the guilt in the world.

“P, there’s a reason why I didn’t take this program-“

Blue eyes meet sad ocean green ones and her words come to a halt when she sees how pained Penelope looked. Her heart softens and she wants to take her best friend into a warm embrace and tell her everything is going to be okay but how can she do that when she doesn’t even know what’s wrong. 

“But you still should’ve though. This was your chance to do something, to make something for yourself.”, Penelope manages to say. 

“I couldn’t go through with it knowing you needed me… and we promised always and forever, remember?” Hope almost runs out of breath as she tries to explains herself, like she were running after Penelope.

“Yes, Hope. Always and forever but that doesn’t mean you have to follow me around to pull my leash when I’m about to fuck up. Let me fuck up my life but don’t fuck up yours because you are meant for so much more than I ever will be-“

“Shut the fuck up! Don’t say that! Do you hear yourself? Your stuck in this whole self pity thing that you’ve convinced yourself you aren’t good enough. For me, for you… for Josie”

The name tugs at Penelope’s heart and she just does what she does best.

“That’s an email from the academy saying they’ll take you in for another interview. Don’t skip this one.”, the raven haired girl says, not even trying to argue with Hope anymore. “And don’t go back to Mystic Falls. I can handle being on my own.”

Penelope lies back down and covers her face with a pillow to try and hide the tears streaming down her cheeks. 

“Just go.”, she breathes out another time, a sob escaping through and Hope tears up when she just feels both the pain, the sadness and the anger all in her breathing. 

She wants to say more, to convince Penelope that she wants to go to school with her. Not just for her best friend but for herself because she’s found some kind of happiness there. She wants to climb to the bed and hug Penelope to soothe the girl’s crying, to remind her she isn’t alone and she never will be as long as she had Hope. She wants to rip out the interview schedule in her hand and show that she isn’t interested in joining the program anymore. 

She wants to do so much but all she does is shake her head in disappointment. Disappointment in Penelope and herself. She carries this as she walks out of Penelope’s room without uttering another word. She goes past through the living room, and makes up some excuse to Penelope’s mom for leaving too soon. 

When Hope reaches the lobby and is greeted by the snowy streets, she sighs and the breath she was finally able to let go just brought streams of tears. She feels so helpless and alone even though she knows she could just go back home anytime, but she doesn’t. Instead, she brings out her phone from her pocket and dials someone with her shaking freezing hand.

The phone rings for a couple seconds and on the third ring, a warm voice greets her.

“Hope?”

“Hey, you’re in New York right now. Right?”

“Yup. Why?”

“Let’s meet up. Central Park in ten minutes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know what came over me that decided to write a Christmas chapter..... but yes, here's one.
> 
> Things will just get messier from here so I apologize in advance:// 
> 
> and oH yeah thoughts on Penelope's parents and their gift? 
> 
> thank you so much!!:>


	19. Happy New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Isn't she being toxic though?"_
> 
> _“Wanting to be loved in the way you love isn’t toxic.”_

Cafes were full of people trying to get some hot coffee for the cold Christmas afternoon and some were just looking for shelter to warm themselves up. There’s garlands and ribbons decorated outside every shop, bringing the Christmas spirit to the streets of New York. 

Hope is seated by the window of one of the cafes in Central Park. Her fingers were playing with the cup of coffee in front of her to heat up her hands and it looked like she had a lot in mind as she stared at the envelope on the table. Even though she was so focused on the envelope, every time the cafe’s door would open and the small bell would ring, she’d snap up and try to find someone familiar, bringing her head back down when no one comes to sight. 

The image of Penelope so beaten down by life just a few minutes ago kept on flashing in Hope’s mind. Worries setting in, bringing a lump in her throat that almost makes her tear up if not for the warm hand that touched her shoulder.

The amber haired girl looks up and feels the concern in those bright green eyes looking down on her. 

“Landon.”

“Hey, Hope.”, he greets with a smile and takes a seat in front of Hope. The girl nudges the cup of coffee she bought for him and he thanks her. 

“So what are you doing here-“

“Did you tell Penelope about the art program?”, she asks straight away, leaving no room for warm pleasantries. Landon furrows his eyebrows in confusion for this question that seemed more of an accusation and normally, he’d lash out for being accused of something he didn’t do. But one look at Hope and he can’t bring himself to get mad, so he just shakes his head and answers. “No, I didn’t-“

“Are you sure? Because you’re the only one who knows about it.”, she shoots him a look that almost feels like it’s piercing right through him that he leans back. 

“I swear I didn’t, Hope. I have no reason to.”

“Sure you do. Josie was never in love with you, she was in love with Penelope and you could’ve gotten jealous and decided to take revenge on Penelope and-“

Landon grabs Hope’s hands on the table to make her stop rambling because obviously, there was something wrong that she needed to let out. 

“What’s wrong, Hope? What happened?”, he asks in a warm tone that almost feels like a hug, one that’s keeping her from breaking into tears. But it wasn’t enough because her eyes started to glisten as she explained what had happened between her and Penelope just before she called him.

“She- she was ignoring me, even before we got here. I didn’t know why, I mean she looked like the happiest she’s been then she goes dead silent again. But this time it’s worse because she shut me out too.”, she starts off, a tear escaping her eye so she pulls her hand back to wipe it before it could reach her cheek. 

“The whole trip here, she couldn’t even look at me. But her mom invited me over for lunch and I thought maybe she finally wanted to talk to me again so I went. But when I got there, everything just felt so… heavy. When I came into her room, she looked so shocked to see me so it was clear that she didn’t want me there. I tried to get her to tell me what was wrong-“

“Did she?”

“She found out about the art program and scheduled another interview.”, she bows her head down in shame. But Landon still doesn’t understand why she’s crying. 

“Is that… a bad thing?”, he asks, genuinely confused. 

Hope looks up to him, her blue eyes were dark and full of sorrow that Landon just wishes he didn’t ask because it looked like it was something he shouldn’t have. 

“She thinks I didn’t take it because of her.”

Still, Landon can’t seem to understand what’s so wrong about the whole situation. “Isn’t it though? I mean, you told me that yourself.”

Hope shakes her head, “You don’t know Penelope like I do, Landon. Nobody does. Sure, if other people find out someone gave up something for them, they’d take it as something endearing. But Penelope sees herself as a burden to other people and this, her finding out just gives her more to convince herself she actually is.”, she explains while breaking into sobs because she just can’t imagine what her best friend felt when she found out. 

“She’ll get over it, Hope. She’ll end up thanking you once she gets herself together, trust me. She’s your best friend and she’ll forgive you.”, he tries to comfort her. People are starting to look at them but he doesn’t care about that. All he’s focused on is trying to make Hope feel better and if he’s lucky, smile. 

“Look on the bright side, you can finally go for that art program. You can stay here with your family… with me“

Hope looks up at him with a spiteful glare that cuts what he was about to say but she doesn’t say anything so he continues.

“Now there’s nothing holding you back, Hope.”

They stare at each other, everything else going blur. The noise from the cafe tuning out and all they’re focused on is each other. Landon looks at Hope with so much affection that it runs a chill down the girl’s spine. He leans forward, elbows supporting his weight on the table so he could reach over to Hope. He tries to catch her lips but Hope backs away when she guesses what he’s about to do. 

“You mean nothing holding us back?”, the girl scoffs with a look of disbelief. “Landon, I don’t like you that way.”, she quickly stands up and takes the envelope from the table. “And after everything you just said, I’m not sure I like you at all.”

Hope leaves him there confused with where it all went wrong because he was so sure that he was feeling something going on between them. As soon as she walks out of the door, the cold air greets her again but this time she felt it more with how lonely she felt. Her hands immediately reach for her phone in her pocket and dials someone again. Only this time, she’s sure it will help make her feel better.

It takes awhile before the ringing stops and a voice greets her but as soon as she hears it, a smile appears on her face like she wasn’t just crying a few seconds ago.

 _“What’s up, Hope?”_ The voice is so calm that it soothes Hope’s worries and her harsh grip on the envelope softens.

“Nothing much, just walking around New York-“

 _“But isn’t it like, snowing really bad there?”_ , the muffled chuckles from the phone pressed against her ears makes her feel less alone.

“It’s not that bad.” Hope looks around and examines the thick snow almost covering the streets and sits down on one of the benches in the park, sitting under the snow like the cold didn’t bother her. She sighs as she remembers how she and Penelope would spend Christmas afternoons together by going shopping, hanging out at cafes, watching carollers, and everything people do together during Christmas because they really just had each other with how busy their parents usually were. 

_“Are you okay, Hope?”_

Hope almost forgets she had Lizzie on the phone when her mind went back in time. “Not really, Liz.”, she reveals and bites her lower lip, a bit shy to be so straightforward with the blonde. But she didn’t feel like she had to lie so she just went with it. 

_“What’s wrong?”_

“Landon tried to kiss me-“

_“He did what?! I mean- don’t you like him though?”_

Hope shakes her head as if Lizzie was in front of her, “No, not him.”

There’s a moment of silence that felt like two currents meeting in the middle, a lag to process what those words meant or if they even had any meaning. 

Lizzie clears her throat and tries to change the topic, _“So where are you? What are you doing?”_

The amber haired girl stands up from the bench and walks around Central Park, rolls the envelope and shoves it in one of her coat’s pockets. She glances around her like it’s the first time she’s been here. She breathes in the cool winter air and a fog appears as she exhales, the snow deep enough to make angel figures in, and the white dust settles on the tree branches like powdered sugar on pastry. 

“I’m just walking around Central Park, nothing much-“

_“Is it nice out there?”_

Hope thinks and it isn’t much right now other than the Christmas balls and garlands hanging around, but when the night sets in and the Christmas lights are lit, everything looks so magical. Plus, Hope knows Lizzie is a Christmas girl and she wouldn’t want to let her down by saying it looked just okay.

“Yeah it’s beautiful, Liz. It’s cold… but it’s beautiful.”, she answers in awe, perhaps not really thinking or even talking about the scenery around her. 

_“Describe it to me.”_ , she asks and Hope happily does. “It’s white-“

 _“Hope.”,_ the blonde scolds Hope’s basic description and the amber haired girl rolls her eyes but still keeps the smile on her face. “Fine.”, she scoffs and looks around once again to put words into what she sees. “At first, when you look around it just looks like a normal park honestly. Snow covering the whole place, trees everywhere, and there aren’t even that much people here because who would spend their Christmas Day in a park that they can easily visit another day-“

_“But you’re there right now”_

“Shut up.”, she snarls but ends up laughing at the irony of her words, making the blonde on the other end of the phone laugh too. “Anyways, it doesn’t look that special-“

_“I thought you said it looked amazing out there.”_

“If you’d let me finish and not interrupt me every few seconds, you’d have gotten my point already.”, the amber haired girl scolds. 

_“Well, if you’d just said your point then I’d have gotten it already-“_

“I thought you wanted a detailed description?”

 _“Fine.”,_ the blonde gives up and lets Hope speak without her interrupting.

“It’s not much at first glance. I mean it’s still beautiful and unlike any other place in the world. But it just doesn’t make you feel… something. It’s just an ordinary… park. But then if you stay here for a little while longer and actually look around, there’s so much to be in awe of. There’s so much more that a first look won’t show.” The last lines felt so much deeper than just a mere description of a place. There was something about what she said and how she said it that made Lizzie cling on to every word she spoke. 

It almost sounded like an encrypted love letter.

“I mean the trees are just almost aligned and there’s different kinds all over the place and it really feels like you’re away from the city.”, she adds when she realizes how vague her description was. It’s like the words just flowed out of her mouth and she had no control over them. And she really didn’t. 

“I’ll take you here some time.”, she says so softly and full of affection that when she hears it replay at the back of her mind she adds, “And Josie. You and Josie should come here some time I mean. You know, so I don’t have to keep on describing everything. You can see for yourself.”, she rambles in panic that Lizzie just laughs off. “And Raf. You can bring Raf too if you want-“

 _“No. No Raf.”,_ the blonde interrupts again but this time, it’s one that Hope doesn’t seem to mind.

“O- oh.. okay then. No Raf.”, she repeats and goes silent, the awkward air building up again. 

“But yeah, I guess we’ll have to bring Josie.” Lizzie breaks the silence and Hope feels this relief wash over her and chuckles, “Why are you saying ‘we’ll have to’ like it’s so forced? Don’t you want your sister around?”

_“Not if your best friend is.”_

Hope’s smile drops and she could feel the cool air smack her right on her face. Hearing the spite in Lizzie’s voice and the possibility of actually losing Penelope from her life with how the raven haired girl just pushes everyone away just weighs her down. “I guess you don’t have to worry about that..”

_“Why?”_

The amber haired girl walking around Central Park in the snow takes a deep breath of air that feels like it came from the freezer and musters up the courage to explain what happened between her and Penelope for the second time. As she went through the pain of narrating it again, it felt like running her fingers across fresh wounds and the sting of it all just hurt so bad.

When she finishes explaining without being interrupted, which Hope found weird since Lizzie would always chime in and comment or ask something, she takes deep breaths again to calm herself down because the last thing she wanted was to be one of those sappy Hallmark Christmas films with people who cry alone in Central Park on Christmas. 

Lizzie is the one to speak up first, _“But isn’t that true though? She holds you back from things you want.”,_ she starts with a little too much hate. _“Hope, you should just let her be if she won’t see that what you did was a sacrifice for her. It’s not your fault she’s ungrateful-“_

“God! Why does everyone think she’s such a bad person when she’s not?”, she bursts out, no room for tears because the anger from the moment she stepped into Penelope’s room, and when Landon first opened his mouth to talk, up to Lizzie painting her best friend like she was everything that was evil just built up. “I mean, Penelope isn’t Vatican or saintly good but she’s trying so hard to prove herself that she’s changing but people won’t let her! I honestly admire her for still wanting to be good, for seeing that there is good out in the world when the world has done nothing but send shit her way.”

Lizzie is left stunned by Hope’s speech defending her best friend. She talks so much out of love and admiration for the raven haired girl that she almost feels guilty for attacking Penelope the way she did a week before they left. But she’s still trying to look for at least one telltale that shows she did the right thing.

_“Isn’t she being toxic though?”_

Hope sighs, a tired one. Like she knew there was no point in trying to convince Lizzie that Penelope isn’t a bad person when the girl is literally doing nothing to defend herself right now. It doesn’t help her sound confident knowing Penelope has given up on her attempt at redemption. But Hope just has so much belief in her best friend that she just can’t seem to give up on her even when Penelope feels like the whole world already has.

“Wanting to be loved in the way you love isn’t toxic, Lizzie.”

Those words felt so heavy that it actually pushed Lizzie to face this whole thing, to show her what she’s done and make her realize the gravity of her words that she aimed at Penelope. It made the shattered pieces visible that Lizzie becomes scared to make a single movement, to say another word, afraid to break anything else. 

Hope feels Lizzie go tense and is just about to ask why but she hears Josie in the background of the call for her to help with dinner preparations. She sighs knowing she won’t get an answer.

_“I have to go… I’m sorry, Hope.”_

And the line ends before Hope could utter another word.

There was something about Lizzie saying she’s sorry that felt like it was coming from more than just an apology for having to end the call. She sounded almost sad, almost scared, and fully guilty but Hope just shrugs it off like she does the cold air that’s starting to make her uncomfortable. So without thinking twice about her last conversation with the blonde, she calls her driver and heads back to the warmth of her home.

On the ride home, she reread the contents of the envelope. The interview is set on the day that they were supposed to go back to Mystic Falls and Hope knows that wasn’t just a coincidence. Hope has witnessed and always fell in awe of Penelope in her element, persuasion. The raven haired girl had a knack for getting her way with things and though she likes to brag that it’s because of her charm, which is kind of true, but Hope knows just how good Penelope is with her words. She knows what to say in situations, and she can think well on her feet. 

Hope keeps on opening the contacts app on her phone and stares at Penelope’s name on the list, debating wether or not she should call her best friend after what happened. She’s just about to press the green call button when her driver opens the door on her side, letting in the winter breeze that freezes Hope from doing something that might just worsen things. 

She was too deep in her thoughts that she didn’t even realize that they were already in front of their apartment. Well, it really isn’t that far from Penelope’s apartment so there really isn’t that much surprise there with how fast time passed by. She sighs and hides the phone back into her pocket and puts the papers back in the envelope before getting out of the car and quickly in to the warmth of the lobby.

Just like her wealthy best friend, Hope lives in a penthouse in one of the most luxurious apartment buildings in Manhattan, 740 Park Avenue. But unlike Penelope, she can get out of that building whenever she wanted. It didn’t feel like a prison or being locked up in a tower like Rapunzel because Hope knows she goes home to her family that really loves her and that doesn’t think twice about showing her that. 

The elevator opens to a small area that looks warm and welcoming and to the side, there’s a carpeted spiral staircase that’s meant to be the actual entrance of the whole apartment. Entering the living room, it’s nothing like the Park home because it looks like the family that lived here actually cared about Christmas. Usually, her parents would be out handling business things but since it’s Hope’s first time away from them, they tried to be all together.

Christmas socks were hanging by the fireplace, garlands along the railings of the staircase, warm fairy lights scattered around the house and not only does the Christmas tree stand 15ft tall, but the amount of decorations hanging on it made it look so warm like Santa Claus visited and vomited on it.  
“Was lunch good with the Parks?”, a deep voice in an English accent asks from the top of the staircase. Hope looks up and finds Klaus in his usual black suede jacket and a black long sleeve shirt underneath and black pants. “Yup”, she answers, popping the ‘P’ sound as some sort of sarcastic tone that luckily, Klaus doesn’t catch. 

“Where’s everybody?”, she asks and drops to the couch, making sure the envelope she’s hiding underneath her coat isn’t seen. She hears her father come down from the stairs and stands by the fireplace in front of her. The serious look on his face makes her worry so she sits up properly and asks him again. Only this time, Klaus’ lips pulled into a grin that makes Hope worry even more. 

“I sent them to go do useless Christmas chores so I could get some alone time with my daughter before they steal you away from me all night.”, he admits. Hope rolls her eyes and thinks of her poor uncle and aunt, and even her own mother, walking in the cold picking up things just as a distraction. “Dad! I’m here for like a whole month, you didn’t have to send them away”, she scolds her own father for acting childish. Klaus just chuckles as a response and looks at Hope with so much warmth in his eyes but also, with so much guilt that Hope doesn’t miss. “Sweetheart, I missed you. It’s been awful quiet around here without you- well, if Rebekah isn’t visiting.”, he admits, making Hope laugh and stand up from the couch to hug her father that she’s missed so much. “And I’m sorry you had to go through all that with that Sienna boy. But also, thank you for helping me.”, he adds as he wraps his strong arms warmly around his daughter. 

“I’d do anything for family, dad. Always and forever, right?”, she pulls away from the hug and sends a reassuring smile to her father. “So when are they going to finally kick out August Sienna from his own company?”, she asks, with a voice that sounded so powerful, it makes Klaus smile proudly at his daughter. 

“I think it’s safe to say Roman won’t have to worry about missing his father for New Year’s Eve or any time after that.” 

Upon hearing her father’s news, her lips pull into a wide grin knowing she doesn’t have to put up with Roman anymore when they get back since he’ll be too busy trying to clean his father’s name or salvage whatever reputation their family has left after news of his father’s joining in on illegal trades spread like wild fire in the business district. 

Klaus sits down on the couch with his daughter and smirks ones he sees the grin in her face. “So now that he’s out of your hair, do you have your eyes on anyone at the school?”, he asks teasingly, making Hope’s eyes widen and cover her face with her hands to hide whatever telltale Klaus could find on his daughter’s expression. But her reaction in itself just shows that she has someone in mind and it just drives her father to ask more questions.

“Come on, sweetheart. I know I’m not the first person you’d want to talk to about boys-“

“Right, dad. You’re the last person I’d think about to talk about my dating life”, she interrupts, subtly correcting her father. 

“Am I really the last one? So you’d rather sit through your Uncle Elijah’s no-one-is-good-enough-for-Hope-Mikaelson speech?” Klaus crosses his arms and raises his eyebrows, almost in a teasing way. Though she doesn’t spend that much time with her father, Hope still feels safe with him. She sleeps well at night knowing whatever she does in life, she has her dad to guide and support her no matter what. 

“Is my princess here already? Or do I have to go back into the cold and start banging on the Parks’ door?”, a voice climbing up the step makes her presence known.

Hope thanks the heavens for saving her from having that conversation with her father. Klaus senses the relief wash over her daughter’s face and rolls his eyes. “I’m going to find out about that person soon, Hope. I think you’re forgetting who your father is-“

“Dad if there were anyone, trust me you’d be the first person I’d tell.”, she fake assures him just to get him to drop the topic. But before he could say anything else, she stands up from the couch and greets her mom carrying a two paper bags filled with take outs. 

“Mom, we literally have a kitchen staff to cook our dinner. Why’d you have to go out and buy all these?”, she asks and takes the bags from her mother’s hands and heads to the kitchen to set it up.

“Well, you’re father sent the whole staff home. Says he feels guilty that they can’t be with their families on Christmas day.”, she explains and sends Klaus a spiteful look before following her daughter’s lead. They both hear a chuckle from him before disappearing into the kitchen. 

“Niklaus! You wanker! The shop you sent me too is closed! But you knew that when you quote unquote called them up, didn’t you?”, a loud shrieking voice comes barging in from the staircase making Hayley and Hope laugh knowing Klaus set her up to a fake errand. “It looks like going out did you well though, didn’t it?”, he answers back and Hope can almost see that sly smile on his face with how he replied. Hope peaks through the kitchen doorway and her jaw drops when she sees lots of different paper bags by Rebekah’s foot. “If you hadn’t sent me to do something useless then I wouldn’t have needed to blow off some steam… with your card”, the blonde gathers her paper bag and runs up the stairs into the guest bedroom before her brother could say anything else.

“So how’s Mystic Falls? Are they treating you alright there?”, her mother asks, pulling her back into the kitchen counter to put the food in more presentable serving trays. Hope gives her a genuine smile and nods, “Yeah, mom. I mean aside from the whole Roman thing, it’s been great actually. I’ve got new friends and they’re really great company.”, she answers and focuses on sorting out the food. 

“What about Penelope? How’s she doing? It’s been almost a week since you’ve been back and I haven’t noticed her barge in here yet-“

“She’s fine, mom. Penelope is doing fine.”, she interrupts her mom. Talking about Penelope right now after what just happened this afternoon wasn’t something that Hope wanted. Hayley sensed that something was going on but she didn’t want to interfere with the younger girls’ friendship. But she also knew she had to say something as her mother. 

“You two have been inseparable since you’ve met each other in pre-school. You used to cry until your Aunt Rebekah was forced to pick up Penelope so the two of you could watch Timmy Turner together every afternoon.”, she says so calmly, recollecting a small memory of the two best friends when they were still little girls. Hope smiles sadly at the memory of being almost glued together with Penelope and now, they’re just slowly drifting away from each other. “But sometimes, people just want to be left alone so they could sort out things by themselves. We can’t always have someone or be there for someone in every moment of our lives. We need space to grow.” Hazel green eyes now focus on Hope’s bright blue ones, confused and worry evident in them. 

“But there’s a difference between asking space for growth and pushing people away.”, Hope replies sadly.

“You are right, Hope. And sometimes, pushing people away can be a form of asking for help. Even when they don’t think that they need it.”, a deep voice comes from behind them and Hope turns to find a man in a suit. 

“God knows how many times your father has pushed me away.”, he adds with a smile that seemed like he was reminiscing. 

“What about me?” Klaus soon appears behind him, “What nonsense are you feeding my daughter again, Elijah?”, he says in a jokingly threatening tone that just makes Hayley and Hope chuckle, making two brothers laugh too.

“So are we just going to stand here or are we going to have cold Christmas dinner?”, a blonde head pops up beside the two brothers, sending a glare to Klaus and Elijah but giving Hayley and Hope a warm smile.

Hope looks around and feels at ease knowing she has family that cared about her so much. Maybe they fell off slightly on the time aspect, but she doesn’t doubt for even a second that she is loved by all of them and for that, she is grateful. 

But she thinks about her best friend who isn’t that lucky in the family department. Hope was used to Penelope pushing away everyone else in her life, but she didn’t think Hope would be one of those people. They were best friends, each other’s go-to person. They knew almost everything about each other and they had their backs in every shitty thing life threw at them. 

Hope just wants her best friend back, to be the way that they were before everything started to get messy just because of her finding out from someone else about that art program. But she also knew Penelope won’t listen to her anymore. 

Hope can only think of one other person that could get through Penelope but doing so would be a great risk. It’s her last card left and using it would either bring Penelope back to her senses or it would just send her deeper down into a hole she’s dug for herself. 

————-

After that painfully quiet Christmas dinner Penelope had with her family, she went back to sulking in her room. Staring at the wall and going to sleep were the only highlights of the days that passed by until New Year’s eve arrived. Her parents only knocked on her door once, and it was to say they were leaving for a New Year’s party downtown. 

She knows she should feel sad about being left alone on New Year’s, but she mostly feels relieved that she won’t be forced to face them again after what went down during Christmas. The staff were given the weekend off so she really had the whole apartment to herself and if she were the person she was months ago, she’d have already either went out herself and got drunk or invited a few friends over to finish her father’s liquor cabinet. 

Luckily, the staff left her dinner she could just pre-heat in the oven whenever she wanted to. And her father’s liquor stock was still accessible since he never bothered to secure it even though knowing his daughter always snuck some for herself. Ironically, this is the most free she’s been since she arrived. No pity glances from the help, no judging stares from her mother and no disappointed looks from her father. The only eyes she felt on her were the stars shining from the balcony as she watched the colors emerging in the night sky.

As the year dwindles down to it’s last day, Penelope feels the weight in her chest sink in permanently, slowly becoming a part of her that she can’t shake off when the new year comes. She feels like this is how it’s going to be for the next year and more years to come. Small moments of freedom after weeks of being suffocated by her own breath. But she looks forward to those short fleeting moments because it’s the smallest light that she’s holding on to not to run away with the money her grandfather left her and leave this whole place behind. 

Penelope, wrapped in her blanket, sat in one of the couches in their balcony, in total awe of the burst of colors and the roaring explosion of fireworks. She hugged the bottle of the almost half emptied Hennessy close to her chest like it’s the only thing keeping her company right now. What life the night sky brought that reflected in the shimmer of her eyes was the complete opposite of the truth, of what she felt in the inside and what those eyes really looked like. It was something she had adapted after finding out her grandfather was terminally ill. She chose to show light because it’s what her grandfather showed her in those days she’d visit him in the hospital. She only reflected what joy he was showing even though she was hurting so badly inside. She carried that with her even after his passing. Only this time, she reflected strobe lights and loud music. She hid the most vulnerable parts of herself behind a reflecting mirror to distract others from the hollowness past that mirror. 

The only person that saw transparency instead of deflection was Hope. She knew when the strobe lights meant dying candles. She knew when the loud music meant deafening silence. She knew and she understood her best friend when no one, not even Penelope’s own parents or the cameras would. She didn’t give up on Penelope then and she sure wasn’t planning on giving up on Penelope now.

The raven haired girl heard the doorbell rang amidst the continuous blast of fireworks in the sky. Confusion hits her face immediately as she stood up and approached the door to see through the peephole who it was. Her face falls into a frown when she sees a flash of amber colored hair. Reluctantly, she swings the door open and makes sure to put on a stern expression that shows she doesn’t want her here right now.

“Hope, it’s nine in the evening. Go home and be with your family-“

“Before you shut the door on my face, can you please just hear me out?”, the amber haired girl pleads and puts her arm against the door to make sure Penelope doesn’t shut her out again. Hope sees Penelope about to argue with her so she beats her to it, “You and Josie stopped talking for months because she wouldn’t hear you out so you know how that feels and it wasn’t good.” Penelope narrows her eyes and gives Hope a spiteful look mentioning Josie and Hope feels it. “Right?”, she asks but this time sounding more aggressive because the only way to get past her tough exterior is by being just as aggressive as she is. 

Penelope doesn’t say anything but walks to the living room and stands in the middle with her arms crossed, waiting for Hope to say what she wanted to say. Hope closes the door behind her and looks around, notices that the whole apartment is empty and feels some sort of ache knowing Penelope was spending New Year’s alone. She sighs, and approaches the raven haired girl. When she’s in front of her, she doesn’t think twice and pulls Penelope in for a hug, something she’s been meaning to do since the tense ride home. Hope feels Penelope stiffen under her embrace but she doesn’t push her away and Hope takes that as a good sign. 

“I missed you, P. Being back here in New York without you by my side doesn’t feel like being back home at all.”, she says under her shaky breath, tears already threatening to pour out. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about the art program-“

“No, Hope. You didn’t have to.” Penelope breaks lose from the embrace but keeps her eyes down to the floor. “You should have your own life. I don’t want to be the thing that keeps dragging you down. I can’t do that to you… you’re my best friend.” The tears Hope tried so hard to keep at bay just streamed down her cheeks upon hearing Penelope say those last words. Her lips almost tug into a smile but then Penelope started talking again.

“And I know that I’m your best friend but you don’t have to worry about me anymore, Hope.”, the raven haired girl says with a straight face that actually makes Hope worried with how lifeless she sounded and looked. “I won’t be deadweight-“

Hope stops her from continuing another sentence by taking Penelope’s hand and puts a flash drive on her cold palm. 

“What’s this?”, she asks, unamused. 

“You are covering your ears like a child, P. You repeat the same words that there is no good in you over and over again that you believe it. And you won’t listen to anyone, you won’t listen to me.” Hope wipes her tears and takes deep breaths to get words out of her mouth in a convincing way. “And I know you’ll only listen to one other person but he’s gone and I’m sorry that he is.” Penelope takes the flash drive and pulls her hand away but doesn’t say anything. 

“But lucky for all of us that are still here, he knew that. Somehow, he knew that you’d feel helpless and broken…” Penelope leaves Hope in the living room and heads towards the balcony to ignore the amber haired girl and focus on the different colors in the sky but Hope just followed her there like a shadow and sat down beside her.

“…because he knew how much you cared and how easily someone can get hurt because of that. He knew how much love you had to give to the world and when it gives you nothing but hate, it can leave even the strongest person helpless. He knew you’d hit rock bottom because of how high you could fly, P. And he knows how strong you are to get back up again.”, she adds with so much emotion that Penelope turns to look at her and meet those denim blue eyes. “You can’t speak for someone that’s already gone, Hope.”, she just blankly says and goes back to watching the fireworks even though Hope’s words lingered on in her mind.

She could hear Hope sigh, “They’re not my words, P.”, she says and tightly holds the hand where Penelope was holding the flash drive in a fist. Hope lets go and stands up to go up to Penelope’s bedroom and grab her laptop then heads back to the balcony and places it beside Penelope who still had her eyes fixed on the sky. 

“I’ll be here, even when you don’t want me.”, the amber haired girl softly says before turning around and showing herself out of her best friend’s apartment. 

Hope didn’t notice but when she left, Penelope started to freeze up as she realized what Hope meant so when she heard the door close, Penelope, with a heavy heart, connected the flash drive to her laptop and turned it on.

When the screen lit up, a small file popped up on the corner of her desktop. Her heart raced like crazy as she manoeuvred the courser towards it and she felt time slow down as she clicked it with one gentle tap on the mousepad. 

A video file opened up and she felt her whole body go cold when the face of her late grandfather took the whole screen. He still looked healthy wearing his daily clothes just sitting on his office chair back at his old home. The old man looked livelier than she last saw him. He had a bright warm smile on his face that always managed to lighten up her dull days. She hasn’t even played the video yet but tears were already forming in her eyes, tears she tried so hard not to let go as if someone else was watching her.

She stayed like that for a few more minutes, just basking in the feeling of having the face of her cheerful grandfather in front of her, even if it was just behind a screen. After a while of just memorizing his smile that she used to take for granted, she had the strength to press play.

 _“Hey moonpie”,_ he says directly to the camera. Hearing his voice and calling her in that nickname was just about enough for Penelope to let the tears in her eyes go. _“I trust Hope gave you this video when she felt like you’re being my stubborn little girl again, thinking you should be alone.”,_ he chuckles and every second of it sounded like music to Penelope’s ears. _“I didn’t trust Henry or Eleanor with this because I know you don’t trust them and they’d give this to you to make you feel even worse.”,_ he explains. There’s a brief silence after that and he’s just looking straight at the camera, Penelope feels this chill but also some warmth being under those eyes again. 

_“No one is better left alone, moonpie. Which is why it warms my dang heart that I had you by my side when your gramma died. It was the worst time of my life, being alone… and I don’t want you to feel that. Ever.”_ Penelope breaks into sobs, her shoulders and chest rising, struggling to catch her breath. _“I know that when I’m gone, you’re going to try to turn the other way. You’re going to feel alone but please know you aren’t, sweetheart. I’m always with you, and I’m with your gramma now and I’ll tell her all about how sweet our little girl’s little girl is. How you can stuff your mouth with so many moonpies, and how you struggle to chew all of them.”_ The memory of her as a child in her grandfather’s old home stuffing her mouth with the snack, and almost choking at times, made her chuckle despite not being able to breathe properly from crying. 

“Grampa, d- don’t tell gr- gramma that. Th- that’s embarrassing.”, she says out loud in between the cries like he was there with her at that moment. 

_“How you have such a good heart that anyone who is loved by you is so lucky and I wish I could stay longer to meet the people that are lucky enough to witness your kindness. Your heart, Penelope… your heart. It’s where I am, whenever and wherever you may be. And you’ll be in mine even when it stops beating.”_ The old man pats his chest a couple of times, showing how he’ll be in Penelope’s heart and she’ll be in his. _“There will be times where you’ll feel like the world is against you. Times like this.”,_ he says so fittingly to her situation, like he really is with her and watching her being a mess. 

_“You have so much love to give to the world and sometimes it won’t give the same love back. It’ll feel dark and lonely, almost empty but darling, you can take a break. Breathe and dettach yourself from the mess so you can face it when you’re ready.”,_ his words hit her like a wave, refreshing but at the same time stinging. _“I know you miss me, moonpie. And as you watch this, I’m giving you the biggest warmest hug ever.”,_ he hugs the camera and Penelope holds the laptop closer, hugging him back. 

_“Grampa, it’s time to take your medicines already!“_

The camera shows black when Penelope hears her own voice in the background. 

_“Yes, moonpie! Thank you for the reminder!”_

Then it shows his face again, a smile that Penelope always recognized. The smile she’d wave goodbye too as she jumped into her service car when she’d leave his place. His goodbye smile.

_“I love you, Penelope. You’ll be okay soon, I promise.”_

And the video stops playing. 

Penelope rewinds the last seconds for comfort.

_“I love you, Penelope. You’ll be okay soon, I promise.”_

_“I love you, Penelope. You’ll be okay soon, I promise.”_

The raven haired girl whimpers, releasing all the pent-up emotion she still didn’t let out in the weeks she’s been locked in her room. She cries and she cries, clutching on to her laptop showing his smile again like it did the first time she opened the file. 

He’s always been there when he needed her and he’s still here for her even though he’s been gone for a while now. And as the sky brightens up even more with every minute it gets closer to midnight, some light is reigniting in Penelope’s soul. There was this void she had left empty and untouched, a space she’s kept guarded because it was the pain her grandfather left when he died. The pain of his passing felt like the only real thing Penelope had left but knowing that she had this video and all the other memories with him somewhere in her heart, in some way, was slowly filling that void. 

It was like lighting a candle in a spot where it was darkest the most.

And that light will just keep dancing around until it’s bright everywhere again.

Penelope’s phone screen lit up in the darkness of her balcony and she pulled it closer to read it.

_Jojo: Happy New Year, Pen._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wewww a heavy chapter to write honestly. 
> 
> so happy new year in their world!!:>> and hello to a hizzie storyline?? :O gasp 
> 
> i know not much posie in this chapter too:< but we'll get there soon i hope hehe
> 
> tried to give hope and penelope's friendship more depth and meaning and i hope this did that :))
> 
> so yeah... thoughts perhaps?
> 
> thank you so much!!


	20. Not all hope is lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _When she arrived at the Salvatore Boarding School alone in her car. She sighed and looked around, she saw some students coming back from the break too. They all had someone with them and it just made Penelope remember her best friend who she purposefully left behind in hopes that she’d finally do something for herself._

After New Years, Penelope didn’t hear from Hope again but the space around her did feel a bit livelier than usual. Instead of watching dust particles float around her room, she spent three weeks catching up with some of her unread books, binge watching some Netflix shows, and even replied to MG, Jed and Kaleb’s holiday greetings. She apologized for her sudden silence and promised to make it up to them by bringing them home gifts. 

When she arrived at the Salvatore Boarding School alone in her car. She sighed and looked around, she saw some students coming back from the break too. They all had someone with them and it just made Penelope remember her best friend who she purposefully left behind in hopes that she’d finally do something for herself. 

Her driver carried her bags up to her room and since Penelope had her sunglasses on, she didn’t bother looking directly at anyone as she followed her bags. She opened the door to her room and accidentally steps on a paper that was slipped under her door. 

“Miss Park, this is all of your bags right? Should I go now-“

“Yes, you may leave now, thank you.”, she says without looking at her driver who just closed the door on his way out after bringing in her bags. 

Penelope reads the paper she stepped on and sighs. 

It’s a call slip from the headmistress asking Penelope to visit her. 

_Great. First day back and I’m already called to the office,_ she thinks to herself. But Penelope can’t complain much since she actually likes being around the headmistress. She feels understood and that doesn’t happen that often. Penelope appreciates Caroline’s positive outlook and encouraging words, something she doesn’t have that much but needs so much. 

Before she leaves for the office, she grabs something from her suitcase and moves her bags to her side of the room. She realizes the other half is still kind of empty. The only things that remained were Hope’s framed pictures by her bedside table, a few books and some of her clothes and uniform. Penelope scans the room and sighs, realizing how lonely the rest of her stay here is going to be without her best friend.

Penelope heads out to the hallway, still in her sunglasses so she doesn’t have to interact with anybody. Three rooms down, her feet felt heavier and it’s like she wasn’t moving at all. Like time slowed down in the exact moment she passes by the twins’ room. But she just tried to shake off the feeling, like she does everything else and continued her way to the headmistress’ office. 

Before going in, she knocked on the door and when she heard a voice allowing her to come in, she tried to put on the most believable smile she could possibly muster.  
“Hi, Miss Forbes. You wanted to see me?”, she asks, halfway peaking through the door and waving the paper to show the headmistress the note. 

“Oh Penelope, yeah come in”, the older woman says and the raven haired girl walks in, closing the door behind her. She sits on one of the chairs in front of the headmistress’ table and smiles at her. 

“Why are you wearing sunglasses? We’re indoors”, the blonde points out. She asks Penelope to remove them and when the raven haired girl does, Caroline notices sadness in her tired looking eyes. She was about to ask Penelope what was wrong but the younger girl probably knew so she beat her to it.

“Oh wait, I have something for you.”, she says and hands over a paper bag to the blonde. Caroline takes it, confused, and pulls out a Burberry scarf that made her eyes widen in shock. 

“Penelope, I can’t take this-“

“Please, Miss Forbes. It’s my Christmas present.”, the raven haired girl explains at the first sign of Caroline not taking it. “And if you still won’t take it, it’s my way of saying thank you for your support and encouragement. For believing in me.”, she reassures and gives a genuine smile. Caroline is still hesitant to take it with how extravagant this gift is

“Or do you not like it? I mean if I could’ve gotten out of the apartment, I would’ve picked out something better since shopping online isn’t really my style-“

The blonde’s eyes widen with Penelope’s words and she shakes her head, “What? No no no this is more than okay, Penelope. Too much actually. I mean, it’s my job to make sure the students here are pushed to their limits so really, you don’t need to thank me.”, she explains, still in shock. 

“Okay. I’ll remember that next time.”, the student chuckles with a nod. “But still, even though it is your job, I know I’m a handful, Miss Forbes. Please, just take the gift.”, she pushes, not giving up anytime soon and Caroline knows this. 

“You’re not a handful, Penelope. But, okay… thank you for this.”, she gives in and smiles at the raven haired girl whose grin is twice as wide as the blonde’s when she accepted the gift. “But I hope you know this gift has nothing to do with what I’m about to say. Okay?”, she adds as she puts on the scarf. Penelope smiles and nods nervously expecting the headmistress to reprimand her for whatever it is she did this time. 

“You’re grades were pulled up by your midterm results and the teachers say they’re proud of the effort you put in despite your absences in their class.”, she shares with a proud smile on her face. Penelope is in shock, she thought she was going to be warned again for her attendance, grades, or whatever mischief she’s caught up on again. Her lips tug into a smile, mentally giving herself a pat on the shoulder even though she really doesn’t care much about her grades. What she’s proud of is the fact that she wasn’t shamed and that she was progressing, not going backwards. Maybe three weeks ago, she wouldn’t even care about this with how low she felt but slowly but surely, she’s getting up on her feet again.

“I’m really proud of you, Penelope.”, the older woman adds. Penelope is humbled by those words that she doesn’t say anything but nods and gives a grateful smile to Caroline.

“So how was Christmas?”, the blonde asks. Penelope’s smile drops halfway but tries not to put some negativity in the atmosphere. 

“It was okay.” 

_Lie._

“Did you and Hope have a good time back home?”

“We didn’t really see much of each other.”

_Truth._

Penelope jumps in the topic of her roommate- well, ex-roommate. 

“Speaking of Hope, she won’t be coming back to the school anymore.”, she shares, making the headmistress look at her, confused. “But her father didn’t say anything about dropping out… Are you sure about that?”, she asks as she turns on her computer to check if she missed any emails. 

“She’s going to this art program-“

“Oh.”, the blonde mutters, not needing anything else to know where Hope went. It was Penelope’s turn to be confused with Caroline’s reaction but before she could ask why, someone burst through the doors. 

“Mom the students are planning to do the welcome back party in the Old Mill tonight-“

Penelope and Caroline turn to who entered unexpectedly. Caroline’s eyes widen at the realization and Penelope’s heart drops when she sees who it was. 

“Pen? You’re back.”, the brunette says wide eyed and frozen in the middle of the office as her eyes immediately falls on those ocean green ones she’s missed so much. 

Penelope is glued to her chair and she’s just as shocked as Josie was. She knew she’d bump into the brunette some day but she was hoping it was along the halls where she could just easily walk away. But no, she was right there with only a few feet of space between them. Her bursting into the office wafted in her lavender scent and Penelope felt like she wanted to stop breathing but also found herself wanting to inhale as long as she possibly could. 

“Yeah, I’m back.”, the raven haired girl casually says and tears her eyes away from those brown ones. 

Caroline feels the awkwardness as she shifts her look from one girl to the other. To try and lighten the atmosphere, she speaks up. “I was just congratulating Penelope because her grades went up after the midterm exams.”, she says, making Penelope and Josie look at her to avoid looking at each other. 

“Oh? That’s good news. Congrats, Pen.”, she says, directed to the raven haired girl but brings her gaze down to the floor. 

Caroline looks even more confused as she repeats what Josie just called Penelope. “Pen?”, she mumbles to herself as she looks at the two girls again. 

“Yeah, thanks for that by the way.”, the raven haired girl says, also directed to the brunette behind her. 

Caroline looks at her daughter and asks, “You helped Penelope?”

Josie just nods as a reply to her mom. “Yeah, well we’re friends, right?”, she asks, only this time, she’s looking straight at Penelope’s back, wishing she’d turn around so she can see what truth those eyes would tell. 

But Penelope doesn’t and keeps her composure. 

“Yeah, friends.”, the raven haired girl replies so shortly that the brunette could almost feel the dot after the word _friends_ , like there was nothing after it, nothing special. Josie swears she could hear her heart shattering in the silence that took over the room.

“Well that’s good! It’s about time you girls cleared the air between you two. And maybe you can go with each other to the party-“

“Actually, I’m still a bit tired from the trip back here, Miss Forbes. I might skip the party.”, the raven haired girl says as she stands up from her chair. Caroline looks a bit disappointed noticing that they still have this heavy tension between them but she also knows she can’t force two people to forgiving each other or whatever it was Penelope and Josie needed to do. 

“It’s okay.”, the brunette says. “I understand.”, she adds, sounding like she was pertaining to something else. 

Penelope says her goodbye to the headmistress and walks out the door, not giving one last look which Josie eagerly waited for. But of course, she just fell into even more disappointment. 

When Penelope walked out of Caroline’s office, her eyes immediately met blue ones that belonged to a blonde. Penelope felt instant anger and pain, like it was that night all over again and she could hear and feel all the venom to the blonde’s words. Her fists balled up into a fist, trying so hard to squeeze the anger out of her to keep her from lashing out. But she couldn’t control what her eyes wanted to say, and it was nothing but spite for the blonde. 

Lizzie was leaning on the wall in front of the door waiting for her sister when she saw Penelope come out. She saw bags forming under Penelope’s green eyes that had anger and pain written all over them. Lizzie felt guilt and confusion so she tried to look away as fast as she could. Confusion with why Penelope was coming out of her mom’s office and guilt because she knows the gravity of what she’s done but she just can’t bring herself to own up to it and run after the raven haired girl to apologize.

Penelope walks, almost stomps, to her room with so much mixed emotions in her heart. She jumps into her bed and groans into her pillow, allowing her to let out at least some of the frustration she feels. Then she brings her head up and turns to the right side of the room which only adds up to the heavy weight she’s feeling when she remembers it’s empty, that she’s alone once again.

As time passes by as she’s looking at that empty side, Penelope drifts off to sleep. The physical and emotional tiredness of what she’s been through with the day not even ending yet just sets in and anchors her to her bed. Her grip on her pillow lightens and her breathing steadies, allowing herself to let go of everything bothering her when she’s conscious. 

————

“Dude you wake her up”

“What? Do you think I have a death wish or something? You wake her up.”

“Shut up, both of you. Just flip a coin and decide who wakes up.”

“But a coin only has two sides, there’s three of us here-“

“You think I want to take her up? Nu uh. No way. I’m no Hope Mikaelson-“

Penelope groans into her pillow and buries her face to keep her from snapping at the three guys in her room arguing who was going to wake her up. The three boys stepped back when Penelope moved and made a noise, all of them having fear written all over their faces. They watched the raven haired girl to see if she was already awake, slowly leaning forward to try and get a glimpse of her face. 

“Uh… Penelope? We were wondering if you wanted to go to the party…” Kaleb is the first to speak up when he notices her breathing wasn’t as calm as it was minutes ago. Penelope once again groaned and looked up at them, her eyes adjusting to the room’s light they turned on to wake her up without having to actually wake her up.

“Do I look like I’m in a party mood to you?”, she snaps. “The last thing I want is to interact with stupid drunk people.”, she adds and pulls the sheets up to her head to hide from the light and the three boys.

“Come on, Peez. It’ll be fun ‘coz you’ve got us with you. You don’t have to talk to the other students there, just enjoy the cool night, the free beer and… making fun of the drunk people. You’d love that, right?”, MG tries to persuade Penelope but she doesn’t budge.

“You said you’d make it up to us, Penelope. But I guess words are just words, right?”, Jed tries to play the guilt card. _A brave move,_ she thinks.

“Fine! Gosh!”, she jerks up from her sleeping position and gets out of her bed and stomps to her closet to bring out some clothes. “But if I get bored for even just one minute, I’m out of there. And if you three ever try to wake me up again, you’ll be on my hit list.”, she threatens, pulling out black track pants and a black shirt. The three boys gave each other subtle low fives in their success to get Penelope out of bed and persuade her to go to the party with them. 

The four of them walk out of the building and into the woods where they easily spotted the party with the music blaring from the speakers and the colorful lights beaming from the Old Mill. The party looked like it had just started because there were no signs of anyone stumbling around or people grinding on each other. 

“I don’t know guys, it looks boring in here. I’d really rather just-“

“But we just got here and the party’s barely started.”, Kaleb says as he pulls Penelope’s arm when she tries to walk backwards.

“Let’s just get some drinks in you first. Then, maybe you’ll let lose a little.”, Jed adds and leads their small group inside the Old Mill. When they entered, there were more people inside dancing to the music and Penelope froze when the memory of her and Josie flashed before her eyes. The night they danced when Josie got drunk, the night Josie stumbled upon a smoking Penelope (and a few more other times of that) and how they ended up finally talking and letting out what they’ve been meaning to say all along, and all those solemn moments of just being with Josie when they’d escape their lives inside the school. 

She felt a pang in her chest and she needed to get rid of it somehow. 

Penelope headed straight for the alcohol table, the three boys following behind her who were in shock with her ability to slither past the dancing teenagers crowding the whole room. They watched as she grabbed a red cup and poured some of the hard alcohol without mixing it with anything. 

“Woah, peez. Aren’t you-“ 

Whatever MG was about to say was cut off when Kaleb elbowed him, telling him to stop talking. 

“Don’t mind him, Penelope. Just enjoy yourself tonight.”, he says while MG looks at him with narrowed eyes, almost telepathically saying that this was a bad idea.

Penelope watched the short exchange between the two and rolled her eyes. “Guys, I’m not going to do anything stupid. Just this one cup and I’m done for the night. So don’t worry about me and enjoy the party.”, she tries to convince them. They don’t say anything else but pour themselves their own cups of beer, still not leaving Penelope’s side. 

“I’ll just go out for awhile, it’s getting too cramped in here.”, she says after a few minutes of just standing by the corner, disappearing into the crowd with her cup in hand. When she leaves the entrance of the Old Mill, the evening air immediately embraces her and it refreshes her after being stuck in a room filled with the stench of alcohol and teenagers. 

She breathes in and feels some sort of calmness being away from the crowd. Sober Penelope just couldn’t stand that kind of crowd, though drunk Penelope would. But she wasn’t planning on being that version of herself tonight, or ever even. 

Just as she started to feel better, she spots Josie sitting down beside Lizzie and Raf by the bonfire. The brunette hadn’t spotted her yet so Penelope took this chance to see her for real this time and not just quick glances. Josie was just staring at the flame dancing around, the light just bright enough to show her brown eyes Penelope loved getting lost in. She looked deep in thought, just playing with her cup and not paying attention to the two people beside her. It’s like she was in her own world and Penelope had to fight the urge to walk up to her and pull her away from everyone else so she could say how much she’d missed her. 

Maybe she was staring at Josie for too long because the brunette looked up and caught her eyes amidst the sea of people between them. They were pained, longing stares that made Penelope’s heart melt. Tearing her eyes away from Josie when she looked at her like that was probably one of the hardest things she had to do. She walked back into the Old Mill to look for her friends again, making a mental note to ignore the bonfire area when she goes out to avoid looking at Josie again. 

The brunette that was left by the bonfire just followed the sight of Penelope walking back to the Old Mill. She had felt someone staring at her through her peripheral vision even though she was so focused on the flame in front of them. When her eyes immediately found Penelope, she felt her heart skip a beat. The last person she’d expect to come to this party was her, who said she was too tired to even get out of bed. She waited, waited until Penelope would nod her head and give her that silly teasing grin like she used to do when they’d see each other in the hallways a month ago. But there was nothing and it broke her instead when Penelope just walked back in the Old Mill.

It brought back that painfully hollow yet heavy feeling she had in her chest when the year started. While others were welcoming the New Years by jumping around so carefree, Josie couldn’t bring herself to match their energy. It was too painful to pretend, but she got lucky because it was dark and Lizzie, Caroline and Stefan were too busy admiring the colorful night sky. 

_Jojo: Happy New Year, Pen._

_It’s been an hour since she greeted Penelope and she’s been waiting anxiously for a reply. Caroline and Lizzie were firing up some fireworks and Stefan took photos of them while she sat and watched. She loved seeing her small family live in moments like these, especially after everything they’ve been through. But still, some part of her felt incomplete. Like she wasn’t truly living. She was the blank night sky, not the colorful fireworks._

_She felt her phone buzz in her hand and she quickly stood up when she read the caller ID. Josie snuck away from her family and went back in the common room to take the call privately._

_“Pen.”, she shakily greets._

_“Hi Josie.”_

_The brunette sighs with the lack of nickname she was hoping to hear after so long._

_“Happy New Year”_

_But then her heart skips a beat again when Penelope greets her. It was like being in a rollercoaster with the sudden drops and loops._

_“Yeah, Happy New Year too. How are you?”, she asks so warmly, so affectionately._

_There was no reply other than silence and heavy breathing on the other line._

_“Pen… what’s wrong? Talk to me…”, she almost pleads for her to answer, to speak, to say anything that assures her she was okay. That they were okay._

_“It’s nothing. I’m fine.”_

_“You don’t need to shut me out remember?”_

_She hears Penelope sigh, “Yeah, Josie. I remember. It’s just-“_

_“Josie… I don’t need you to wait anymore.. I don't need time anymore.”_

_Whatever Penelope was about to say would either send her stomach into loops or she would feel like the aftermath of riding continuous loops._

_“I can’t be with you.”_

_It was neither. No loops, just a straight drop plummeting to the face of the earth._

_But Josie doesn’t get it right away. Or she doesn’t want to, “I know, Pen. Not yet-“_

_“No, Josie. Not now, not ever.”_

_Josie felt like she forgot how to breathe, how to function properly. It didn’t just feel like a rollercoaster ride anymore. It felt like skydiving without the parachute, like bungee jumping without the harness, like falling without having someone to catch you._

_“What happened? What changed? Just talk to me, please.”, she begs. Josie tries not to cry, to show that she wasn’t easy to break. But her voice betrays her with it sounding like she was gasping for air._

_“I’m just not the relationship type. I don’t date and I don’t take anything seriously-“_

_“Bullshit!”, the brunette curses. “I know you and you aren’t coldhearted, Penelope. You wouldn’t do this-“_

_“It’s the truth, Saltzman. You say you know me, so some part of you knows that I’m telling the truth. Maybe for a minute I thought I could take things seriously but that’s not me.”_

_Josie collapses on the coach, no longer able to support herself. She takes a deep breath and exhales, letting a few tears go. But she wipes it as soon as they rolled down her cheeks as if Penelope could see her right now._

_“No, Pen. The only thing I know is you’re drunk. And I need you to tell me what’s wrong-“_

_She hears a beep and sees that Penelope ended the call. When the screen turned off, she saw her reflection and realizes how red her eyes were so she ran up to her bedroom to fix herself before facing her family again._

_She took some time to calm herself, to fight back the stinging tears but they always reappeared along with even more heartache as Penelope’s words echoed like the roaring fireworks._

She thought about following her inside to pull her away and talk to her. She had so many questions that needed answers and thoughts that needed to be silenced so she could at least get some sleep at night. But she also thought about Lizzie and how her sister begged her not to leave her and Raf’s side with how awkward they were. The blonde expressed how she wanted to break up with the athlete during the break and Josie wasn’t shocked, she felt like something was up between them. In her supportive sister mode, she did everything to make sure Lizzie knew she had her support all the way. Even when she didn’t get an explanation other than, “It’s just not working between us anymore.”

Half an hour passed and she stayed in that spot as she tried to mute or at least blur out the two beside her knowing having to consciously witness the awkwardness would be torture. So instead, she allowed herself to focus on four things. The flame in front of her, her cup that was almost empty, the night sky above them and the door leading to the Old Mill. Whenever she felt movement around the area of the entrance, her head would shoot up right away like a dog. 

_Penelope had to come out sometime,_ she thought to herself.

“Josie, you okay? You seemed lost in there for a second.”, the blonde beside her speaks, making Josie tear her eyes away from the door to look at her sister and give off the most convincing smile she could possibly muster. “Yeah of course.”, she replies. Lizzie still never mentioned Penelope being back which was odd since she expected total backlash from her, but maybe she really did drag the thought of Penelope into the trash bin of her mind. 

“If you’re getting bored, we can go ahead. This party seems to be dead anyway.”, her sister adds. Josie immediately shook her head, no way was she going anywhere else knowing Penelope was still around. She didn’t care if she had to sit through another hour of being in the same awkward bubble as them if it meant she had a chance of seeing Penelope again, even though it would most likely end up with the raven haired girl walking away.

“No, it’s fine. I’m enjoying watching people get drunk, it’s entertaining.”, she lied. Not once has she paid attention to anyone here besides Penelope. 

Lizzie just nods, disappointed, and turns her attention back to her boyfriend beside her. 

Josie turns her attention back to the door and looks around the area to see if she missed anyone come out of the Old Mill. Still, no short raven haired girl in sight. She sighs and wonders if Penelope remembered this place as much as Josie did. This place was somewhat “their” place since almost all their moments happened here. She just wonders if Penelope thought about it that way too. 

“Why are you looking so sad? Don’t tell me you’re the crier type of drunk.”, a voice says beside her. 

Josie looks up and jumps in shock when she realizes who that voice belonged to. 

“Hope?!”, she screamed out, making the two beside her turn their heads to find the amber haired girl in a sweater and jeans. 

“Why do you look so shocked? Isn’t this a welcome back party? Am I not welcomed back?”, she teases and acts offended.

The day of her interview was purposefully set on the day Penelope was supposed to go back to Mystic Falls. She thought about attending that interview but immediately changed her mind when she read about some of the students coming back to school on her timeline. It just didn’t feel right for Hope to be away from not just Penelope, but from the people she grew to be close with over the past few months like the three boys and the twins. So, she called up one of her father’s private jets and packed for her trip back to the small town that’s been home for her in the short time she’s been there. 

“Hope?!”, the blonde beside Josie mirrors her shock but make it more exaggerated. 

Hope smiles when she sees Lizzie but tries not to drop her smile when she spots Raf beside her. She just looks around and pretends to act normal. “Why is everyone so shocked to see me?”, she asks again. 

“We just thought you wouldn’t be coming back because mom said you might not and Penelope came back to the school alone.”, the brunette explains, feeling her chest tighten when she says Penelope’s name out loud. It felt like doing so was something forbidden around her sister who made sure she knew how much she despised the raven haired girl. 

“Well… I’m here. Penelope and I still aren’t on .. speaking terms but she’ll come around.”, she says and looks around again. “Speaking of, have you seen her anywhere? She wasn’t in our room when I arrived. And I heard some students talking and figured she’d be here with MG, Jed and Kaleb.”, she adds.

 _Ohh so that’s who she’s with,_ the brunette thinks to herself and makes a mental note to watch out for them around the area too.

“She’s probably emptying the keg… or the bottles of alcohol… or both, who knows?”, the blonde says so bitterly beside the brunette. Josie looks at her sister and glares at her, then turns her attention back on Hope who was also looking at Lizzie, but with a more intense look that Josie couldn’t figure out if it was good or bad. 

She felt like Hope was about to say something but then she felt movement from the door again and turned her head right away to find Penelope walking out of the Old Mill with the three boys beside her. From where she was standing, it looked like she was using Jed’s body to cover her sight of where Josie was and the brunette just let out a painful sigh.

“I swear Peez, if you’re leaving this part so soon I’m going to-“

MG stops talking then taps her in the shoulder repeatedly, annoying Penelope. Then Jed and Kaleb stopped walking, making the sight of the bonfire visible to her peripheral vision. She tried to keep on walking but MG’s annoying pestering made her snap. 

“I’m not going to leave this party! I just need some fresh air-“

“Peez!”

“What?!”, she snapped and looked back at the three. Without asking, Penelope knew their eyes were focused around the area of the bonfire but she didn’t want to look knowing Josie was right there. 

“Hope’s here.”, MG says and points to the bonfire.

Penelope furrows her eyebrows and turns to look where he was pointing at, and true enough, her best friend was seated beside Josie who was looking at her again. But she tried to ignore that fact and focus on the amber haired girl that was supposed to be miles away from here, from her. 

“I thought she wasn’t coming back”, Jed says and looks at Penelope with confused eyes.

“Yeah but I’m glad she’s here though. I missed her too. Come on, let’s go and talk to her”, Kaleb adds and is about to walk over there with Jed but MG stops them, blocking their path with his extended arm while looking straight at Penelope. 

“You okay, Peez?”, he asks, a bit worried knowing that she and Hope aren’t in good terms right now but the two seemed to have forgotten that.

Penelope doesn’t say anything and leaves the three boys and walks over to Hope with a scowl on her face, totally ignoring that she’d also be walking up to Josie and Lizzie.  
Hope easily spots her as she walked over and braces herself for whatever she had to say. She’s rehearsed this scene in her head the whole trip here. She’s thought of all possibilities on how this confrontation would end and seeing the look on Penelope’s face, she already had an idea. 

She felt Josie tense up beside her when Penelope was close enough to be of arm’s reach. But she was completely taken aback when Penelope pulls her away from her seat by her arm and leads them away from the whole party. 

Hope sighs and doesn’t even try to break loose of her hold. She just walks silently and follows Penelope, the music from the party slowly fading as they went further into the woods. It took them a few more minutes until Penelope finally stopped walking and Hope found themselves standing by the docks, the lake reflecting the moon’s image and everything around them felt serene, which was the exact opposite of what was about to go down between them.

“Why are you here, Hope?”, she asks, trying her best to sound calm.

Hope looks at Penelope and tries to study her expressions, curious to why she didn’t sound as angry when she was walking towards her like a mad dog.

“Because I want to.”, she proudly says, having her chin up and posing in confidence to make her words believable and convincing. “Because I like studying here. Because I like being here.”, she adds. Penelope looks at her, studies her to see if there’s any sign of her lying because she could easily tell if her best friend was. Hope sighs, “I didn’t take the interview, P. And I’m not doing this for you… I’m doing this for me because I’m happy here.”

Penelope crosses her arms, slightly taken aback by the truth in her voice. Then she looks down to the ground, tearing her stare away from the amber haired girl knowing she had no other choice. That this really was something Hope wanted for herself and all she wanted was for Hope to be genuinely happy.

“Fine. Welcome back I guess…”, she answers shyly.

Hope smiles, one of the first real ones she’s had this year, knowing she had her best friend back. 

“But you’ll be in another room. I still think we need some space from each other. I mean, we’ve had each other for like, our whole lives. I don’t think that’s healthy..”, the raven haired girl adds, making the smile on Hope’s face drop right away. But she also knows that Penelope had a point. This whole studying away from home thing was for them to be better versions of themselves and they couldn’t do that if they were reliant on each other. So, with a heavy heart, she nods in agreement. 

Back at the party, as soon as Penelope pulled Hope away, Josie secretly followed them with Lizzie begging her to just let them be, not wanting to be left alone with Raf. But there was something else with how the blonde pleaded for her not to follow them. Josie sensed fear in her sister’s tone, though she doesn’t know why.

The twins found them by the docks and hid behind the big trees a few meters away from them but still near enough to hear what they were talking about. 

“Jo, we really should go. This isn’t any of our business.”, the blonde whispers, tugging at Josie’s arm for them to leave. The brunette ignores her sister and puts all her attention to the two girls talking by the docks. She expected a screaming match so she was shocked when they were speaking in calm tones. 

“Josie, meddling isn’t good. Especially if it involves Penelope Park.”, her sister says so sternly, and Josie feels like Lizzie knew something she didn’t. So she looks at the blonde, eyebrows furrowed with a confused look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”, she asks. She feels Lizzie tense up but doesn’t get an answer so she just brings her attention back to the two best friends. 

“So… are we good?”, the amber haired girl asks. Penelope gives a half smile and shakes her head. “No, Hope. We aren’t. Not yet at least.”, she says so sadly.

Hope frowns but nods, “I understand. But I’ll always be here, P. Wether we’re in different rooms or different cities. You’ll always be my best friend.”, she adds a warm smile that Penelope reciprocates.

“So you gonna tell me what happened and why you started acting out that I had to bring out my secret weapon?”, Hope manages to tease Penelope. Luckily, the raven haired girl doesn’t push Hope away and chuckles. 

“You should’ve given that video to me ages ago. Maybe we wouldn’t need to be here.”, Penelope jokes too and looks around, breathing in the fresh air to calm her thoughts that were just all tangled up. 

Josie frowns when she hears there’s a chance that she would’ve never met Penelope. Then she leans closer with curiosity to know why and what video they were talking about.

“Seemed like perfect timing to me.”, the amber haired girl answers. “I’m just glad you listened to him.”, she adds. Penelope smiles sadly as a reply, remembering all the times Hope tried to reach out to her and she just pushed her out the door. “I’m… sorry… Hope”, the raven haired girl says softly but enough for Hope to hear. Hope brings in her best friend for a hug.

“I’m sorry too.”, she says and lets go. “But how’d you find out about the program anyway? I mean, I only told Landon since he found out about it.”, she asks. 

Penelope looks up at her and chuckles, a sad and pained one that confuses Hope. 

“Why don’t you ask your new best friend?”, the raven haired girl answers so bitterly. 

Hope still didn’t understand what she had meant but pieced it out after a few seconds. And when she did, she felt her stomach twist up to knots. 

“No.. Lizzie wouldn’t do that…”, she only manages to say in a whisper.

The brunette behind the trees has the same expression on Hope’s face. Only, it wasn’t so much a pained expression.. but a confused one. Because she had no idea what was happening, why whatever Lizzie had told Penelope affected her in the way that it did, making them distant again. 

Then, she remembers how vicious Lizzie can get with her words when she gets angry. And she knows so well how angry the blonde was with Penelope. 

Josie stares at her sister who looked like life had been drained out from her with how pale she looked. That fear in her eyes just confirmed everything Josie assumed and soon enough, her eyes started to sting and her vision started to blur.

“Liz.. what’s she talking about? Wh- what did you do..”, she chokes on her own words, trying so hard not to lash out at her sister because they were still trying to stay hidden. 

Lizzie took a step back, almost ready to run back to the party and pretend none of this ever happened. But when she did, she tripped over the tree’s roots and fell on the ground. 

Penelope had a blank expression on her face while Hope was on the verge of tears when suddenly, they heard a small thump and looked to the trees behind them. 

Hope meets those blue eyes right away and the tears she tried not to let out streamed down her cheeks. She’s been betrayed by Roman once and felt pain like no other. But with Lizzie, it was a whole different kind of hurt because she’s the last person Hope would expect betrayal from. 

“Pen?”

Penelope’s eyes widen when she sees the brunette pop out from the other side of the tree. Her lifeless expression turns to a worried one. She felt the need to walk over to Josie, to wipe the tears rolling off her cheeks, to bring her to an embrace with how upset she looked. 

So she did. 

But when she was a feet away from Josie, she realized what reality she was in so she just continued walking and pretended like she didn’t see her. 

Josie felt a chill run up her spine being that close to Penelope again and when she just walked ahead, it felt like a ghost had just passed by. 

Her knees weakened and she felt like all hope was lost.

_And maybe all hope really was lost for them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are at the loops of the rollercoaster but faaaar from the end of it. more loops and drops to go:>
> 
> i knew i needed to at least make Hope and Penelope reconcile a bit but they won't be roommates anymore:( or at least for now.. how sad is that right?
> 
> so what do u think is gonna happen w hope and josie finding out abt what lizzie did? :O
> 
> ....and thoughts perhaps??
> 
> thank you so much!!


	21. confusion, clarity, closure.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"I don't think I could handle you just being a memory"_   
>  _"And I don't think I could handle you just being a memory too."_

“Have you seen my History book? I’m almost late for class”

Hope stayed true to her word that she’d move out after that talk she and Penelope had that night of the welcome back party. Though it was just a few rooms away from her previous room, Penelope offered to help her move her things to her new room saying it’s the least she could do to make up for basically kicking her out. While helping her best friend carry and unpack things, they got the chance to bond and reconnect. They caught up with everything that happened in each other’s lives, minus the part where Penelope almost had something with Josie of course. It felt like the space they’ve created only made them closer. Sometimes it just really takes a step back to see the whole picture and this was one of those moments. 

However, Hope’s new roommate wasn’t making the sudden move easy. 

“Don’t care where you put your stuff, Mikaelson.”, her new roommate says and walks out the door. 

Hope soon finds her book underneath her roommate’s clothes. “Damn it, Alyssa.”, she curses to the wind and hurries out the door in a rush to get to her class she’s already late to. 

But as soon as she walks out of the door, a tall blonde rushes to her side and starts rambling. 

“Hope can we please talk? Just give me a chance to explain why I-“

“Stop, Lizzie. I’m late for class. Can you just leave me alone?”, Hope snaps and leaves a disheartened blonde behind with a sad look on her face. She was angry at Lizzie but most of all, she was disappointed and had felt betrayed which was way worse in her books.

Lizzie watches Hope walk away from her and she spots her sister at the end of the hall, who’s also ignoring her, waiting for the amber haired girl. Josie just looked at Lizzie with these cold eyes that made the blonde feel even more awful.

“You still ignoring her?”, the brunette asks as soon as Hope joins her and they walk to the classrooms. They weren’t in the same classes but they’d been spending more time together since they were both giving Lizzie the cold shoulder. 

“Yeah.”, Hope answers. Then turns to look at the taller girl as they walked, “But why are you? It’s been almost a week. I mean, I know what she did was awful… but she’s your sister and she probably needs you right now… even though she’s mean.”

“I know how Lizzie can get when she hates someone.”, Josie answers with a sigh, imagining all the possible things her sister could’ve said to hurt Penelope.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Josie snaps out of her thoughts and just shakes her head as a reply. They were already nearing her classroom so they had to go their separate ways. 

“Just keep an eye on Penelope.”, she manages to say before hugging Hope goodbye and walking in to her classroom. Hope was left confused in the middle of the hall. “But she’s in your class.”, she mumbles to herself and to the door Josie had just closed behind her. 

Josie walks in the room with the class already about to start. She apologizes to the teacher and heads to her usual seat by the front row. As she walks to the front, she feels familiar set of eyes watching her from the corner back row and she just knows who sits there. When she gets settled in on her chair, she turns to look at Penelope who immediately turned her eyes away like she had been caught staring. 

An hour passed of the teacher giving her lecture about something Josie doesn’t understand since she really can’t concentrate knowing Penelope kept on looking at her. When she’d turn to look, the raven haired girl would pretend she was doing something or looking some place else. Josie didn’t know what that meant and it just messed with her mind even more so she gave up on the lesson and just tried to decide wether or not she should walk up to Penelope after class. 

But what would she even say? 

_I’m sorry my sister verbally attacked you._

Or

_I’ll hold Lizzie while you slap her to get revenge_

Or

_Did you understand anything about the lesson today? ‘Coz I didn’t_

Or

_I really miss you._

Before she could decide, the bell rang and everyone was out of the room in a flash, including Penelope. Josie just sighed and walked out of class with disappointment weighing her down because she really thought she could talk to Penelope this time. She tried to give the raven haired girl some space after the party but then she also feared that they’d have too much space, they could go back to being strangers. And that’s the last thing Josie wanted, to lose Penelope more than she already has. 

The brunette decided to spend her free period in the dining hall since it’s always empty during class hours. Maybe she could study the lesson she didn’t understand in her book or get started on some of her homework. Since she and Penelope had the same schedule, they’d usually sneak around and just spend time together. But right now, Penelope would probably be on the other side of the school to be as far away from Josie as possible. 

She sighs at the thought and just opens her notebook. She tried to concentrate on the book in front of her but her thoughts were all too messed up to even understand the written explanation of the lesson. 

There was always one way though that helped straighten out her tangled thoughts. 

She pushed her book aside and began writing on her notebook. The pen just having it’s own life like it were possessed by every heartache Josie had kept inside. Writing became her outlet when she tried it out and found out how soothing it can be to just pour the painful parts of herself on paper. Though the pain never really just goes away, it lets her make sense of what she’s feeling. It’s better than just being in denial of her pain, right?

As the brunette scribbled away on her notebook, a pair of ocean green eyes watched her from the entrance, the girl just leaning on the wall. She was sure that Josie wouldn’t look up because she knows how the brunette can get when she’s focused on something. It’s like she’s in her own bubble that blocks everything around her and she admires that.

Penelope could never get tired of looking at Josie. In the few days of their sneaking around, she found comfort in Josie’s presence. Something about watching the brunette just made her feel a thousand times better, even if it were from afar. It felt like she was being pulled away from the chaos in her world and into a haven where she could get lost in without ever having to worry about anything. 

After a few minutes of just having her own stolen moment of watching Josie, she walked away before the brunette would notice. Josie looked up and caught a glimpse of short raven waves but she forced the thought of it possibly being Penelope away knowing it would’ve been too good to be true. 

Penelope heads to her own room and decides to hide out there until her next class. She managed to convince Caroline that she’d gladly pay for the other half of the room just so she wouldn’t have to share it with a stranger. It’s been awful quiet since Hope moved out and somehow her thoughts had more space to roam around in the night. She still doesn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

The raven haired girl sighs as she opens her drawer and finds a leather journal with a wrap around tie engraved with the letter J on the cover sitting on top of a first edition copy of E E Cummings’ “Tulips and Chimneys”. When she found the rare book sitting in her small library at home, she remembered Josie and the first thing they bonded over. It was one of the few moments that managed to crack a smile on her frowning face the whole time she was back home. A fleeting moment that she cherished with every hopeful piece she had left in her.  
Penelope also bought a journal for Josie to write her poems in knowing the brunette had a talent for writing. It’s a small gesture to show how much she believes that Josie could be something with her writing.

But all it’s doing now is collecting dust in Penelope’s drawer, almost begging for it to be used. 

So, Penelope brings out the notebook and untangles the tie wrapped around it to open it up to the first page of the journal. Its ivory lined pages looked so clean, too clean. She reaches for a pen and takes over the first page.

_I hope you don’t mind me taking up a page in this journal. Or maybe a few more after this. Just enough until I have the courage to give this gift to you. Anyways, how do you write in one of these? You’re the writer between us, so how exactly does one pour their heart out on paper?_

_Do I write a title first? Maybe I’ll call this, “The Most Selfish Thing I’ve Ever Written.”_

The young girl writes and writes while the brunette, a few floors beneath her, was also focused on her own pen and paper. 

Their words ran in a parallel line, a one-way conversation, going in the same direction yet so stuck in a different path, so close yet so far from each other. Always missing each other, in all the ways a dictionary defines missing. 

————-

After her last class of the day, Josie again watched Penelope walk out the door as soon as the bell rang. Maybe she had gotten used to the image but it didn’t mean it hurt less each time. It just made her want to lock herself up in her room and not come out for dinner. Which was what she had planned to do if it weren’t for Lizzie walking in on her doing her homework. 

The air between them has been tense since that night of the party and they never really spoke after. Lizzie tried talking to her but each time, Josie would make up some excuse so she could leave the room. It was something she needed to do because if she stayed, she would’ve snapped and she didn’t like fighting Lizzie knowing the blonde would have this twisted way of making the conversation end up with Josie doubting herself. 

This time though, she didn’t have the energy to think of some sorry excuse to leave. She was just hoping that Lizzie would sense that she didn’t want to talk and leave her be. But of course, that would just be wishful thinking.

“Jo, can we please talk?”, the blonde speaks up and locks the door behind her as if it would keep Josie from walking out on her. 

When Josie doesn’t say anything or doesn’t even bother to look up to meet eyes with her sister, Lizzie takes the liberty of sitting down on the brunette’s bed to grab her attention. 

“I’m not in the mood to talk, Lizzie. I’m studying.”, Josie says and pulls her book and backs further away from her sister. As much as she tried focusing on her book, the blonde’s pleading stare was too distracting. 

But Lizzie never was one for surrendering, or backing off.

“Penelope isn’t a good person, Jo. She’s not the perfect girl you think she is.”, the blonde starts off. Josie freezes, partly because hearing Lizzie say Penelope’s name just didn’t feel right after what she knows she’s done. But also because she knows if she moved a muscle, it would be a straight hit to her sister’s face and she wasn’t a violent person. 

“Talk to mom or just google her even. There’s tons of articles about her and not the good ones where she shakes hands with the mayor or something.”, she adds with a sigh. When she finally senses her sister’s wall built around her, she stands up disappointed and moves to her own bed. 

But when she does, the brunette surprisingly speaks up.

“I don’t care what some article says about her.”, Josie manages to say, though still not looking at her sister. 

Lizzie takes a deep breath, “She’s going to hurt you, Jo. I mean… she already has..”

Josie finally snaps and turns to face her sister. She saw some remorse in those blue eyes but it felt like Lizzie wasn’t sorry for what she did, just for how it turned out. And this angered Josie even more.

“You still had no right to threaten her or whatever it is you did.”, the brunette says sternly, scolding her sister. “Just because you don’t like her doesn’t give you the right to make her feel like shit, Liz.” 

“I didn’t do it for me, I did it for you!”, the blonde tries to defend herself. “Why are you even so worked up about this? I get why Hope is but for awhile there, you hated her too!”

Josie stands up, exasperated, so she’s on the same eye level as her sister.

“I didn’t! I never did! I tried to because I thought it would’ve been the easier option but-“

The words gets all tangled up and she loses the ability to speak. In her silence, Lizzie’s blue eyes went from confusion to having this shocking realization. 

“You still like her.”

Josie doesn’t say a word. She barely breathes, even. She just bows her head like a child with her hand caught in a cookie jar. Though she knows she had nothing to feel guilty of since she wasn’t the one at fault, she still felt like she betrayed her sister. 

Lizzie, upon having confirmation by her sister’s silence, was at a loss for words too. She knew that Josie wasn’t fully over the raven haired girl, but there was something about how guilty Josie looked that said there was something more than just being stuck in having a crush over Penelope Park.

“Omygod! What do you even see in her? She’s not worth all the trouble- all the pain you’re putting yourself up for! You weren’t even with her and yet you were crying over her like she’s the last person in those whole world! And you’re still defending her after everything she’s put you through?!”, the blonde chastises.

Lizzie takes her sister’s silence to keep talking. She takes a deep breath to calm herself before she goes on.

“She’s going through her own shit, I know that. Yes, I was wrong to tell her she brings down everyone around her. That she was reckless, selfish, and ungrateful… a coward-”, she admits. 

Josie snaps out of her tangled thoughts when she heard what Lizzie just shared, what she had told Penelope. 

“You did what?!”, the brunette raises her voice, eyes wide and burning with rage. Lizzie steps back at the sudden tone. “You don’t know Penelope well enough to call her those things! To attack her like that!”

But the blonde doesn’t back down.

“And you do? You know her?”, Lizzie crosses her arms. “You’ve always been the more selfless caring twin which is why I’m not shocked that you always try to see the best in people. But if we’re being honest here, you of all people know-“

“Don’t you dare turn this into something about Dad!”, the brunette cuts her off, knowing where her sister was stirring the conversation to. 

“But this is about Dad! You can’t save everyone just to make up for this guilt you feel! … that you couldn’t save him. It wasn’t your fault and you have to stop blaming yourself for it, Jo!”

She didn’t realize the tears forming in her eyes until they rolled off her cheeks. Her hands were balled up into a fist, almost shaking with anger. Despite her blurring vision, she felt her sister’s own shock at her words. 

“Wait- no, Jo-“

Josie didn’t listen to whatever apology or excuse her sister was about to say because she stormed out of the room as fast as she could. 

Talking about their late father always has been a sore subject for Josie. Just the simplest mention of him or something about him in a normal conversation always lead the brunette to go blank. This time, it did exactly that and more. 

There’s just so much pain being built up and Jose knew only one place to let it all out where Lizzie won’t find her. 

She went through the halls with her head down, people giving these curious looks but also respecting her enough to not whisper to each other, not in front of her at least. 

When she finally reached the main door to hide out in the Old Mill, she felt a hand on her shoulder tapping her. The weight of the hand took her by surprise because of how detached she felt with her surroundings. It’s like she was a floating balloon in the clouds that was pulled down back to the face of the earth. 

“Josie, are you okay?”, the deep voice asks. 

Josie lets out a deep breath, one that she didn’t notice she’s been keeping since she left her sister. The brunette turned around and saw a worried look on Raf’s face. Totally someone she didn’t expect to run into tonight, much less interact with him. 

“I’m fine, Raf. Lizzie’s in the room if you’re looking for her-“

“No no. I’m not looking for Lizzie. I was just at the common area and I saw you so I just thought you needed a friend.”, he said with a reassuring smile. “So, do you need a friend? Or were you planning to rant to trees?” Raf’s teasing managed to make Josie smile a little and she shook her head. 

“No not the trees. Maybe the moon.”, she answers.

“Right. There’s just something poetic about that and you’re like this great Shakespearean poet, right?”

The two laugh and the brunette feels a bit lighter than she was a few minutes ago. But she still couldn’t shake off the pain she was feeling. 

Raf sensed that Josie was carrying something heavy so he pulled her out the door and they both sat by the benches a few feet away from the main entrance. There were only a few students passing by but were far from the two to hear whatever they were going to talk about.

“So, what’s wrong?”, he starts off after a few minutes of sitting in silence. 

“Well, I was in a fight with my sister and things sort of went overboard.”

“She crossed a line again?”, he asked like it was nothing new. Josie chuckled and just nodded as a reply. “I love that girl but she really doesn’t know how to control her words.”, he adds.

Josie was shocked to hear him say that because after all the awkwardness between him and her sister, she thought they were nearing the end of their relationship. 

“You love her?”

“Yeah… why do you look shocked? I mean I know she and I have been together for only like half a year but … it’s something. You know?”, he explains with a hopeful smile. 

It pained Josie to see Raf so in love with Lizzie while knowing her sister was falling out of love with him. Maybe it was easier to face him with her sister around because she only needed to see one side to the whole thing, that they weren’t working anymore.

“Enough about me though, I’m sure you already have an earful with your sister being your sister.” Raf laughs at his own joke and Josie just forces a smile to try and hide the fact that he was wrong. 

But the athlete sees past her forced positivity, his grin drops and he sighs. 

“It isn’t the same for her anymore, is it?” What warmth and happiness he radiated awhile ago just disappeared and was now replaced with a pent up sadness and doubt. Josie tenses, not knowing what to say and in fear that she might say something that will mess things up even more between the couple. 

“She’s… confused.”, the brunette answers. “But you said you love her though, right?”

“Yeah, I did- I do.”

Josie senses the hesitation in his answer. 

“But?”, she says trying to let the dots lead to an answer. 

“She’s like.. the best person I know..”

“I doubt that”, the brunette comments, making them both chuckle.

“I love her… but not in the way I’m supposed to? It’s love but it’s not _that_ kind of love I guess.”

“How do you know which is which?”

“I don’t know… I like to think that it won’t be tiring. It won’t feel like an obligation to be there for someone… you’ll just want to be. And everything else won’t matter because you know it’s worth it.. Or I don’t know.. you just feel it I guess.”, he shrugs and sighs. Raf looks over at Josie who looked like she was deep in thought. 

“Have you felt that, Jo?”, he asks, pulling Josie back to her senses. 

The brunette doesn’t answer and just shrugs.

“Well, the only way you can find it is if you walk away from what isn’t it.”

“You’re breaking up with her aren’t you?”, she asks.

“I guess it’s been over between us for awhile now.. I just need closure. We both do.”

“Closure?”

“Yeah… I mean, it’s hard not knowing where I stand in someone’s life, you know? It’s better to just go out the door instead of blindly walking around a dark room not knowing if she’s still there or if you’re all alone..”

Raf’s answer felt like Josie’s own to a question she hasn’t asked herself yet. It made sense and it mirrored what she felt with Penelope. 

She didn’t know where she belongs in Penelope’s life, and maybe she and Raf needed the same thing.

Closure. 

“Wait- why are we talking about me still? You were the one crying before we got here.”, he says with a realization and scratches his head like he did something bad. 

Josie just gives him a small smile, “No, Raf. You helped. A lot. Thank you.”

————-

Before sunrise, Josie decided to head back to her own room. The halls were empty and dim so she tried to tiptoe her way and quietly open the door. As soon as she entered the room, she was welcomed with darkness and tense air still lingering after she walked out last night. 

Her things were still scattered around her bed so she tried to put them aside without making a noise. But her sister, who was asleep in her own bed, must have sensed the movements around the room. 

“Jo? Where were you?”, she asked groggily. 

“Mom’s office.”, she answers so plainly, making sure Lizzie knew she was still angry.

“I’m sorry-“

“I’m going to try to get some sleep.”, the brunette cuts her off and hides underneath her sheets.

Josie hears Lizzie sigh but no other words were said. 

Her back ached from trying to fall asleep on a couch in Caroline’s office, so when she fell on her soft bed, it was easy for her to drift off to sleep.

But it felt like she just closed her eyes for a few minutes because not so long after, her alarm started ringing. Josie groaned and sat up on her bed to turn off the alarm. Her head felt heavy and her eyes felt like they were burning. She craved sleep and probably the only thing she was looking forward for today was for it to end so she could sleep more. 

“Hey Jo”

But she knew she had a long day ahead after the night she just had.

Lizzie was sitting by the edge of her bed, already dressed in her uniform, looking at her sister with a guilty smile. 

Josie felt tired already. 

“Eat some breakfast, Jo. You skipped dinner last night, you’re forgetting to eat again.”, she says and nudges the plate of French toast placed on the table between their beds. 

The brunette doesn’t say anything and just stares at Lizzie with a dead cold look. 

“Listen, I’m sorry-“

“Save it. I’m not the only one you owe an apology to. Work on the first one you attacked and then maybe we can talk.”, she cuts off and stands up from her bed. Her legs felt like jelly and she almost fell down back to her bed but she forced herself to get her clothes before walking out on her sister again. But before she closes the door behind her, she looks to Lizzie who was still seated on her bed with a look of disappointment in her face.

“And you and Raf need to talk. He’s a good guy… just be honest with him at least.”, she says and leaves. 

————-

She feels like she’s floating but at the same time she feels so heavy. The teacher speaking in front seemed so far away even though she was seated on the first row. Her words felt loud yet muffled at the same time. Josie was barely functioning on two hours of sleep, add in an empty stomach. She now wishes she had taken the toast her sister was offering her awhile ago.

The discussion on psyche for their literature class caught the attention of most of the students so the whole class fell silent. The silence just made her eyelids feel a little heavier and her mind a little more open. She was about to drift off to a short nap when someone kicked her chair from her behind and it’s like she was tased with how her body sat up straight right away. She didn’t know wether to thank the guy behind her or to snap at him but half way through her turn to face him, she somehow catches Penelope who was also looking right back at her. Josie is the first to break their eye contact when she turns her attention back to the teacher like nothing happened.

She wasn’t as sleepy as she was minutes ago. It’s like having those ocean green eyes staring at her gave her enough power supply to get through the next half hour in this class. Somehow, she managed to pay attention to the teacher and she too finally caught interest like her other classmates did. Though she finally had her focus back, she could still feel Penelope up glance to her direction from time to time which felt like a recharge every time she did because it made her conscious of her surroundings, enough to keep her from drifting off to sleep again. 

“Sometimes troubling memories will make us want to let go, like the pain is just too much for us to bare. And it affects what we do with our lives, what decisions we make. So it’s like saying, we are who we are because of our memories, because of our past experiences.”

Something about this lesson felt so personal and Josie could easily find herself relating to it, connecting to it. Not only because she totally agrees with what the teacher is saying. It’s like she had this conversation before but it all seemed blurry with her mind not being able to function like it usually does.

“Works of literature are shaped by the writers’ memories and past experiences. And we will be discussing the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to help us along the way to make sure you kids are kept interested on the lesson like you are now.”, the older woman in front says with excitement in her tone. 

What the teacher just said felt like a missing piece to a puzzle and the image it brought was the raven haired girl sitting in the corner. It triggered a memory and she could feel her heart swell just thinking about it. 

_Penelope pauses the movie they were watching and Josie looks at her confused. “Why? What happened?”, she asks with her eyebrows furrowed._

_The two snuck out to the Old Mill again in the middle of the night when their roommates finally fell asleep. They had some sheets and pillows kept hidden in the corner on standby for a hangout like this. A movie, warm sheets, soft pillows, night sky, cool breeze and each other to keep company. This night, Josie picked the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” and as much as Penelope wanted to just talk all night and listen to the brunette’s voice instead, she didn’t have much choice with how Josie pouted when she said she wasn’t really in the mood for a movie._

_The raven haired girl just shrugs, “I just want to remember this, you know… this is a good memory I want to keep incase things get ugly.“_

_Josie playfully roles her eyes and lightly smacks Penelope’s shoulder._

_“You’re such a dork.”, the brunette comments and reaches for the play button to continue the movie. But then she stops midway, her finger resting on the space bar and looks at the beautiful girl beside her again and says with such sincerity, “Well I promise you won’t just have a memory. You’ll have me too.”_

_Penelope chuckles and just smiles at her, basking in the small peaceful moment. Josie would normally feel self-conscious when someone stared at her like that but with Penelope at that moment, it felt good. She felt safe and free at the same time._

_“So are we going to watch the movie or are you going to-“_

_“Yeah I don’t think I could handle you just being a memory.”_

_Penelope felt brave at that moment, something she rarely felt being. Confidence and bravery were two very different things and she’s starting to realize the difference._

_All the brunette could do was smile, her cheeks heating up and she felt like she were melting with Penelope’s words. She thought words like those were only ever spoken in books or movies but hearing them in real life and being directed towards her made her feel like the main character who actually has a shot at a happy ending._

_“And I don’t think I could handle you just being a memory too.”, the brunette replies, mimicking Penelope’s last words._

Penelope watches Josie zone out from the back row. She watches as brown eyes fall to the floor and her face pale. The mention of the movie gave Penelope a shock too, being brought to the same moment the brunette was probably thinking of with that pained look she had. 

Her heart breaks just the same knowing that’s all it could ever be now, a moment to look back to. A memory. 

“Before we wrap up this meeting, I really want to hear something from any of those that have already watched the movie. Give your classmates a glimpse of what they’ll have to look forward to without spoiling the movie.”, the teacher says, breaking Josie from her quick flashback. 

“Ms. Saltzman, you look like you’re deep in thought. Have you watched the movie?”, the older woman approaches the brunette who shyly nodded as a reply. She felt all eyes on her but the ones that burned the most came from the back corner. 

“Great! I’d love to hear your thoughts, if you won’t mind.”

Josie felt frozen to her seat but she had enough strength in her to stand up and answer. 

“Uhm.. well.. the plot really r- relates to our discussion.”, she stammers. “It shows just how important memories are for our own… self growth. It shapes us. No matter how painful they are, they’re there for a reason.”

The teacher nods, and asks another question in which Josie internally groaned. 

“But it is still different if you’re the one in pain, right? Maybe you’re thinking now would be different and not as positive as it would be if you were stuck in this… loop of misery.”, the teacher says in a way that tries to make Josie rethink everything she knows about the world.

_But I am stuck in a loop of misery,_ she thinks to herself.

Josie prepares to answer the implied question, “I think-“

“We all have moments of weaknesses and we’ll always want the easy way out. The way where we wont feel that much hurt because who wants to go down that road, right?”, a voice from the back of the room cuts the brunette off. Everyone turns their attention to who spoke and Josie had to press her hand on her table to help keep her balance because she could feel her knees go weak.

“Miss Park, care to expound more on your answer? Miss Saltzman, you may take your seat.” 

Josie does as told and lets herself fall to her chair, but she doesn’t twist her body to look at Penelope like everyone else. Instead, she just looks straight to the board in front of her while Penelope’s voice took over the whole room. The brunette just wanted the warm voice without looking at cold eyes she knew she’d meet if she turned around. 

“In the movie, Joel erases Clementine out of spite and anger because she did it to him first out of her impulsiveness. But when he does have them erased, as he feels the memories melt off his mind, he realizes he made a mistake because he felt genuine happiness in those memories.” Penelope’s eyes dart to Josie, and even though the brunette wasn’t facing her, she knew she was listening to every word. “I know I wouldn’t erase the memory of…” Though being far from the brunette, Penelope could still see her shoulders stiffening at her words. “… of anything that hurt me and that’s coming from someone who’s been through lots of shit-“ 

The teacher clears her throat as a warning for Penelope’s words. 

“Sorry. I’ve been through a lot of things and it’s a loop of misery, according to your words. But erasing isn’t an equivalent to actually beginning again because beginning again just means making the same mistakes again, it’s not learning and it isn’t growing. It’s best to just… let go.”, the raven haired girl says so poetically, once again leaving her classmates stunned with her words. Though the words were said so confidently, Penelope knew she was living the opposite. 

_It’s best to just… let go._

Those words keep ringing in Josie’s mind that she didn’t notice the school bell actually ringing. 

She tiredly gets up from her seat and heads out the halls, this time beating Penelope on walking out first. As she walks to the kitchen to get something to fuel her up for the next hours of classes for the day, her mind once again went on overdrive and all she could think about was what the raven haired girl had said. 

_Was that her telling me to just let go?,_ she asks herself.

But then the questions come to a halt when Hope sneaks up beside her, giving Josie a good scare.

“Woah, Jo. You look really pale. Are you okay?”, the amber haired girl asks with a concerned look on her face. She studies Josie’s face and tries to feel for her temperature by touching her forehead with the back of her hand. Hope didn’t feel scorching heat or anything that seemed serious aside from her pale look and the tired eyes but that didn’t stop her from worrying.

“Yeah I just didn’t have much sleep and I missed dinner last night then I kind of skipped breakfast too when I walked out on Lizzie again this morning.”, the brunette explains.

“Then let’s get some food in you ASAP.” Hope pulls Josie to the dining hall and luckily everyone seemed to be still stuffed from breakfast because there weren’t any students looking for food in the dining hall.

The staff easily recognized Josie and tended to her care right away by fixing her up something heavy to eat while giving just a simple snack to Hope since she said she wasn’t that hungry. 

“So you mentioned something about walking out on Lizzie this morning? What happened?”, Hope asks as they wait for their food.

Josie tried not to make it obvious but her stomach felt like it was being twisted with a knife and not because of hunger, but because of the sudden realization that the last time she was seated here by the counter was with Penelope the day of the party where she went humiliatingly drunk. 

Hope sensed the brunette spacing out so she tapped her by the shoulder.

“Um- well- she-“, Josie finds difficulty in completing a sentence with so many thoughts running through her mind so she takes a deep breath to try and clear them out. 

“She tried apologizing last night but then it didn’t really seem like an apology because she kept on insisting that Penelope is a bad person and I-“

“Wait. What? Why?”

Hope looks at Josie with her eyebrows furrowed. Josie gulps in panic, remembering Hope doesn’t know that Lizzie ambushed Penelope, just that Lizzie told Penelope about the art program. 

Luckily, they were interrupted by the staff serving them their food. Josie sighed in relief from escaping that hot seat but also thought that Hope had a right to know since it was her relationship with her best friend that got messed up because of her sister’s mean words. 

“She said there were articles about Penelope being… well, not good ones.”, the brunette says after a few minutes of silence and them munching on their food. Hope frowns and sets down the cookie she was eating on the plate. “Those were true?”, Josie asks when she notices Hope’s dismayed look. 

“If they were true, would you still like her?”, she asks in return, totally taking Josie by surprise. Hope chuckles at the brunette’s flushed cheeks and embarrassment written all over her face. “Penelope is like my sister, Jo. We grew up together and I’m used to spotting eyes that turn into hearts when she passes by. But you, well… it’s not just that.”, she adds and shakes her head as she chuckles.

“What do you mean? I’m over Penelope.”, the brunette tries to convince Hope, failing of course. The shorter girl just stares at her with narrowed eyes, mentally saying the gig is up and she’s been caught. This makes Josie surrender, rolling her eyes in defeat as she turns her head away from Hope who bumps her fist in the air like she won.

“But it’s not like that though. Even though I’m not over Penelope, I have to be.”, she says in a sad tone. 

“Is it because of the articles? Jo, those articles only show the Penelope that can stir drama and bring in cash to their websites and magazines. She isn’t just the chaotic spoiled rich kid the tabloids imply-“

“No no no I don’t care about those. Okay, maybe that brings some concern.. But it’s not just that. She’s so…” 

The words seemed to tangle up and Josie couldn’t find the right one to say. 

“Frustrating? Confusing?”, Hope tries to give her options and Josie finds them all to be fitting so she nods. “Yeah, not gonna lie… she really is. But.. well, it’s not my place to tell you… things. All I can say I guess is… getting through those thick and high walls of hers is so worth it. Because you’ll get to see the Penelope no one else sees.”, she adds as she keeps her focus on cracking her cookie. 

“I’m just really tired. Maybe Lizzie was right, I should just move on and forget about her.”, she says, making Hope frown but not at her words, but at her tone. She really did sound exhausted and though Hope seemed like she only knew about the missed-crushing-on-each-other phase that didn’t turn out well, she knew it was more than that for both of them. But she also knows about the immense pain it caused them both separately. 

“Maybe you should, maybe you shouldn’t. You’ll never know unless you talk to her.”, the amber haired girl says encouragingly as she pats the taller girl’s shoulder. “And nevermind what Lizzie says. She’s your sister but that doesn’t make her right all the time.”, she adds and hops off the stool. 

“I’ll let you eat in peace here, I need to pass by my room first before heading out to my next class. Just text me if you need me, okay?”, the amber haired girl says and brings Josie in for a quick hug before heading out.

Josie continues eating her lunch with the same old thoughts circling around her mind. But then she notices Hope standing by the door facing the dining hall, frozen and a shocked expression on her face. 

“Hope, you okay?”, she calls out to her. 

“Why are they…”, the amber haired girl mumbles.

Josie, confused, walks over to where Hope was standing only to find herself in the exact same expression Hope had. Disbelief, shock, and confusion.

Two girls were at the dining hall, a blonde and a raven haired girl standing by the twins’ usual table in the corner so it was safe to say who was the one that pulled the other into whatever conversation they were having. 

“What the fuck?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh wow its been more than a month im sosorry and ngl im losing my touch with writing:/ but i've got the next two chapters done already so there's that :)
> 
> eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, i love this movie. i just knew i had to put it in here somehow and make it fit (idk if it rlly did)
> 
> we all know how much pain penelope was in during the holidays so here's more to josie's side this time.. :>
> 
> ....and thoughts perhaps?
> 
> thank you so much!!


	22. It's just a room.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Come on, Jo. It’s just a room.. you got this.”, Hope says encouragingly and gives Josie a reassuring smile before she enters the room and turns the light on._

“You and I both know we’d each be rather doing different things right now so what the hell do you want, Lizzie?”

The two were in the corner standing by the twins’ usual table. Penelope had her hands on her hips and looked really frustrated while Lizzie had her arms crossed but she had her head down facing the floor. An obvious sign of guilt.

Luckily from their position, the two girls peaking from the kitchen door weren’t seen. They really thought they were alone in the dining hall so they didn’t bother acting all mature and civil. Especially not Penelope who looked like she’d kill just to be away from the blonde. 

“Is this another ambush?”, she scoffs. “What else could you possibly throw at me? Or did your dictionary of cruel bitter words finally run out?” The blonde just stays silent with her head down, taking in just a small ounce of what hate she threw at Penelope that night.

Hope turned to Josie confused at Penelope’s words. “What did Lizzie do and why does it feel like it isn’t just what I thought it was?”, she whispers to Josie who was standing close to her. Josie sighs and tears her attention away from the two girls. 

“She called Penelope all these… mean things.. and-“

“What mean things?”

“Like… she’s selfish… reckless.. a coward-“

“What?!”

Josie had to pull Hope further into the kitchen because of how loud she shouted. 

“I’m going in there, Jo! She had no right-“

“I know I know, but they’re talking right now. Maybe Lizzie came to her senses and realized what she did wrong so keep quiet. Okay?”, she asks, still having a grasp on Hope’s arm to keep her from walking out to fight the blonde. When Hope reluctantly nods, they walk back near the door.

“I heard Josie was running around the halls last night crying. Did you actually attack your own sister this time?”, she asks, still trying to taunt Lizzie. Josie furrows her eyebrows.

_How did she know? Did she see me? Is that why she was staring at me in class earlier?_

Still getting no words out of Lizzie, Penelope rolled her eyes in annoyance. “I’m shocked, honestly. I thought you cared so much about your sister’s feelings… you know… considering you told me to stay away from her.”

What life Josie had left from being too sad these past few days just drained out completely out of her, and Hope noticed. Every part of her felt numb and she felt like she couldn’t move. To know the person you trust the most in the entire world is the reason why the person you want to be with is slipping further and further away is just completely heart breaking and more. It just puts her in a position where she just felt so lost and the only thing that made sense to her right now was to walk out. But she couldn’t even do that with how frozen she was. 

Hope felt even more frustration for the blonde a few feet away from them and if it weren’t for the mortified look on Josie’s face, she would’ve left the brunette to snap at the blonde. When she notices a tear escape Josie’s brown eyes, she did the only thing she knew she could do at that moment. To lead Josie out of there through the staff exit. 

The two girls didn’t speak to each other on their way back to the dorm rooms. Hope had her arm linked to Josie’s to help her walk in the right direction because the brunette seemed to be out of it. When they reached Hope’s room she told Josie, who still looked stunned, to sit down on her bed.

But Hope had her own frustrations too and groaned, “Why? Why would she do that? No wonder P’s been acting out. It was more than just her feeling abandoned again. Gosh! Lizzie just basically threw all her worst fears right at her face!” 

Josie looked up at the amber haired girl and wiped her tears that she didn’t notice were escaping her eyes, “What do you mean feeling abandoned again?”

Hope looked at her like she didn’t expect the brunette to hear what she said because she didn’t seem present. “Nothing, nothing. It’s just… it’s nothing.”, she shakes her head and sits beside Josie on her bed. “How are you feeling?”, she asked, grabbing the tissue box from her bedside table to offer to the tearful girl.

“I’m confused, Hope. I don’t know what to do and I’m really tired.”, she sighs and hides her face on her palms, elbows resting on her knees. Hope looked at her friend with a sad look, also not knowing what to do to help her. 

“I need to get to class but you should skip your next one and rest here for a bit.”, she says and rubs the taller girls back that moved with her uneven breathing because of her crying. 

“I can’t skip-“

“I’m sure your mom will talk to your teachers. Worry about yourself for now, Jo. Okay?”

Josie didn’t look up but nodded her head as a reply. Hope sighed as she stood up and headed out the door, “I’ll turn off the lights so you can get some sleep. Text me when you wake up, okay? I’ll try and convince Alyssa not to come back for awhile so you won’t be disturbed.”, she says and walks out, quietly closing the door behind her. 

The brunette just tiredly took of her shoes and allowed herself to get comfortable in Hope’s bed. She looks around the somewhat pink tinted room. The sun was still up and shining so the light pushed passed the pink curtains by the window and into the dark room. Slowly, her tired eyelids felt heavier each second and she completely drifted off to sleep. 

————-

After her talk with Lizzie, she walked to class alone which she was used to anyway. But when she got to the room, her eyes fell on an empty chair by the front. She didn’t know why but she felt worried because Josie never misses class, she was too good of a student to do so. If she skipped, it must be something serious, or she collapsed somewhere since she looked pale earlier and no one noticed, or she’s out crying- breathe. Penelope gives herself five full breathing cycles to keep herself calm. 

Well, not calm. But enough to keep her from running out of the room to look for the missing brunette. 

Class seemed to pass by slower and in between periods, she casually walked around campus to look for any signs of Josie but she was always left more worried than ever. It wasn’t until the end of her last class of the day that she calmed down, weirdly enough. Perhaps it was because it was only during class hours that she could see Josie without having to purposefully ignore her, a chance to bask in the brunette’s presence even for just a little while, and somehow that schedule stuck with her and that the sudden change bothered her. 

She started to feel calmer and more at ease so she decided to look for her best friend. It’s been awhile since they’ve hung out and she missed her. Though she hated to admit, her life, and especially her room, has been awfully quiet without her. So she grabbed her phone and sent a short “Where are you?” message. But after minutes of nothing, she decided to just head to her best friend’s new room and wait for her there.

The walk over there felt slow, like there was this force dragging her away from the room but at the same time she felt pulled to it. There was this unexplainable nervousness that almost made her take a turn and just wait in her own room.

And when she opened her best friend’s door, she knew exactly why.

She didn’t have to turn on the lights to know who was sleeping peacefully on the bed. Her heart dropped at the sight and she felt guilty for being in the same room as her. Being in a classroom is different since they weren’t alone and this was just them, just the two of them after so long. 

This is where Penelope wonders, _how did they get here?_

But she knew the answer to that all too well. She knew who was to blame.

The brunette didn’t wake up when the door opened so Penelope thought about just heading out and pretend she didn’t see her. But she felt so at peace watching Josie at peace. 

“P, what are you doing here? I just got your text-”, the door opens behind her, Hope coming in the room with a confused look on her face. Then a shocking realization sets in when she sees the brunette still sleeping on her bed. “She- I- uh..”, she stammers, nervous for the raven haired girl’s reaction. 

“Is she okay?”, is all the girl asks, not showing any bitterness or whatever negative reaction the amber haired girl anticipated.

“She looked a bit pale in class earlier… I thought she fainted somewhere in the hall during the break when she didn’t come back to class.”, she adds softly, her eyes glued to the sleeping brunette. Still baffled by the undisturbed peace, she nods as a reply. “Yeah she just needed some rest and some food in her system..”

The raven haired girl just nods while Hope watches the gentle look on Penelope’s face. The way her eyes soften, the tenseness in her posture disappears, her eyebrows aren’t furrowed, and she swears she could even see a faint smile on her lips. It was a far look from her usual scowl, dead expression and an I-hate-the-world face she always puts on to show her tough side. 

Hope sighs at the sight, making Penelope break from her daze. 

“What are you doing, P?”

“Oh.. sorry. I was looking for you-“, she turns to look at her best friend who had the most disappointed look on her face.

“No, not that. You know what I mean. Why won’t you just admit that you want to be with Josie too?”, she asks so straightforward, leaving no room for any other meaning because she knows Penelope’s skill of manipulating words all too well. 

But her lack of subtleness shocked Penelope that she took a step back and was left speechless. She thinks of a way out of this hot seat, of an excuse or a way to twist the question but she was cornered. 

“I can’t.”, she manages to say in a struggling whisper. “I thought I could, but I can’t. I can’t hurt her more than I already have… I mean look at her.”, she glances at Josie. “I’ve done enough. I can’t do worse.”

“No, P. You’re the one not looking at her. You’re turning the other way, ‘coz of what? Guilt? Fear? _You_ look at her. Closely.”, the amber haired girl commands sternly. “She isn’t like that because you being in her life hurts her… It’s because you aren’t. It’s because you keep on pushing her away and you keep giving her these half assed excuses saying you aren’t good enough, that she deserves better, than you aren’t ready, or whatever shit you’ve come up with.”, she scolds. “You aren’t doing anyone any favors, P. Thinking you know what’s best for Josie shows how much you care for her but at the same time, it’s stupid. She knows what’s best for her, not you and most especially not Lizzie.”, she adds with a frustrated sigh. 

“I’m just really tired, Hope. I don’t want to fight anymore… with you, with Lizzie, with Josie…”, she manages to say, swallowing the lump in her throat that warns she’s about to cry after hearing Hope’s painfully right words.

“But when are you going to stop fighting with yourself?”, her best friend asks, now with a more caring tone. She tries to reach for Penelope to bring her in for a hug she looked like she needed but Penelope just headed for the door. 

“You look like you’ve go a lot in your hands right now. Let’s just hang out some other time.”, she says without looking at Hope. “I’ll go now. Just… make sure she eats dinner this time.” And just like that, Penelope quietly closed the door behind her.

Hope sighs and looks over at a still sleeping Josie. 

“For a smart girl, she really keeps making all these dumb decisions, huh?”, she just says to the sleeping girl and walks to her study table to finish a few readings and homework while waiting for Josie to wake up.

An hour passed and it already started to get dark out, meaning it was time for dinner. Hope didn’t want to disturb Josie’s sleep because it really looked like she needed it but she didn’t have a choice since she wasn’t the sole owner of the room. So she carefully nudged the sleeping brunette and called to her. 

“Jo.. Josie.. wake up.. Josie.. Jo-“

The brunette’s eyes flutter open, a confused look takes over when she realizes she isn’t in her room. After a minute though, everything that happened before she fell asleep came back and she just wish she could go back to sleep and not deal with reality. 

“Let’s go grab some dinner-“

“It’s fine, I’m not hungry.”, she replies with a raspy voice as she sits up from the bed and rubs her eyes. Hope shakes her head, “Nope. You still need to eat, not my orders.”

Josie looked at her with her head tilted to the side like a confused puppy. “Huh? What do you mean? Whose orders?”, she asks. Hope chuckles and the teasing grin on her face just makes Josie even more puzzled. 

“Come on, let’s just go.”, she pulls Josie up from the bed and out the door, into the halls. 

“Wait- I didn’t even get to fix myself-“

“You’re just having dinner, it’s not like you’re going to run into Taylor Swift or something.”, she says and looks at a groggy tall brunette. “Unless it’s not Taylor Swift you’re worried about running into… maybe it’s-“

“You got me out the door already, let’s just go”, the brunette cuts her off and pulls Hope this time to walk quicker. The shorter girl lets herself to be pulled with another teasing grin on her face.

Unlike the last time they were there, the dining hall was kind of packed. Students just hanging out with their friends as they ate dinner, some still in uniform like Josie. The brunette usually stayed inside her room during dinner time and would sneak off to the kitchen around midnight to eat alone so the environment was really sort of unfamiliar to her, even though it’s really just the same with the breakfast and lunch services except people seemed to be more relaxed and care free. 

The two girls joined MG, Jed and Kaleb who were already halfway done with their own plate. 

“Oh hey, Josie! I didn’t see you today.”, MG says when the two girls sat down.

Josie tries to smile but because of her messy tired look, it wasn’t probably as convincing as she wanted it to be. “Yeah I skipped the rest of the day after free cut…”, she answers. The three boys looked at each other shocked, their jaws almost dropping to the table. 

“Why? What’s wrong? Did something happen?”, she asks worriedly and looks around to see if she missed something. 

Hope just chuckles beside her, “Don’t mind them, they’re just shocked you skipped… you know, considering you have a known reputation for having a squeaky clean perfect attendance.”, she explains.

Josie nods saying she understood. The two girls went to the serving area to fix themselves a plate and headed right back to the table. The group of friends talked as they ate and the brunette was thankful she had actual friends now that she could count on. Maybe even for that short time, Josie didn’t feel as pained as she usually does. It was a good distraction being around such positive people. Their light was just infectious.

The three guys excused themselves to get seconds at the serving area when they spotted a refill of the tater tots tray. The two girls just rolled their eyes as they practically raced over there but also laughed at their goofiness. 

“So… you sure you’re good to sleep at your room tonight?”, the amber haired girl asks, making Josie’s shoulders drop along with the smile in her face that grew over dinner. 

“I don’t know… I’ll probably sneak off when Lizzie’s out so I can get a change of clothes for the morning but I think I’m going to sleep at my mom’s office again tonight.”, she answers with her attention focused on her plate of unfinished salad. 

“Wait- what do you mean again? Did you sleep there last night?”

Josie just bit her lower lip, embarrassed with revealing that information. 

“No. You’re sleep in my room tonight.”, she says sternly, leaving no room for discussion. 

“I think mom’s couch sounds comfier than your floor though…”, the brunette tries to argue. 

Hope shakes her head, “No, of course I won’t let you sleep on the floor. Well, not exactly… I have an air mattress that you can use. I think sleepover with your best friend beats sleeping alone in an old office, right?”

Josie smiles genuinely, “Yeah it does. Thank you.”, and hugs the shorter girl. 

“Though… we’ll need to pass by somewhere on the way back.”, Hope says as she pulls away from the hug. Josie nods, “Okay. Where?”

“The air mattress is… well, it’s still in my old room.”

The brunette tenses but tries to play it cool. She shrugs and answers, “Oh okay. We can go after dinner.” 

Hope narrows her eyes and tries to study her face closely, expecting a negative or violent reaction. Josie becomes aware of the blue eye staring at her and becomes a little self conscious.

“Is there something wrong?”

“What? No trying to get away from Penelope? No excuses?”, the amber haired girl asks.

Josie sighs, “It’s not like I’m going to talk to her. We’ll just get the mattress and leave. You’ll be doing all the talking while I help lift so…”, and shrugs again like walking into Penelope’s room after everything that happened was just a piece of cake. 

But the confidence she has is from the knowledge that Penelope uses this time when everyone’s busy to sneak off to the Old Mill for some fresh air or a cigarette. It’s how they bumped into each other that night they finally talked about their feelings, the night they kissed for the first time.

“Fine. But I think P won’t be there since she usually disappears around this time anyway.”, Hope agrees and voices out what Josie was just thinking. 

The two girls left the dining hall shortly after the boys finished their second plates. Josie felt relaxed throughout dinner and she didn’t think much about the small possibility of Penelope being in her room since she was confident that the raven haired girl wouldn’t be.

But as they took the turn to their dimly lit hallway, the panic started to creep in. All the possibilities of how this night could turn out if she were there in her room. What if they end in an even bigger fight that drives them further apart? What if she gets hurt again? What if she gets pushed away again? But mostly, what if she weren’t there and she’ll feel disappointed? What will she do then? 

Josie didn’t even notice she had a grip on Hope’s arm, making them stop in the middle of the hallway. Hope looks at the now anxious expression on the brunette’s face and mumbles to herself, “Knew it.”

“I- I need to get some t- things from my room.. you can go ahead a- and I’ll just go to y- your room after…”, the brunette stammers. The fear in her brown eyes and her being a nervous wreck would’ve been enough for Hope to agree but she thought that Josie can’t hide forever and some people just need a little push to get things going. Even it’s just for closure.

“No, Jo.. I can’t carry that air mattress all by myself.. We can go into your room right now though, I saw Lizzie talking to Raf in the dining room so we should be clear.”, she disagrees and leads Josie to their door when the brunette doesn’t say anything else, probably thinking of another possible excuse so she won’t have to go with Hope.

They quietly enter Josie’s room, her eyes wander around and she randomly blurts out, “On second thought, maybe I can stay here tonight. I can just fall asleep before Lizzie comes back and wake up before she does. Or at least pretend to fall asleep so she won’t bother me-“

“Jo. Breathe. You’re rambling.”, Hope cuts her off. “She won’t be there, Jo. I didn’t see any light under the door, so she isn’t there.”

“What if she just likes the dark?”

“Josie, come on. The sooner we go in there, the sooner we’ll be out. If you keep on stalling like this, we’ll surely run into her.”, Hope explains and walks out the room, Josie following shortly behind with her focus on the floor as she plays with her fingers nervously. 

Hope twists the knob gently, opening the door to a dark empty room. 

“See. I told you she isn’t here.”, she says and pushes the door even more to show Josie, like she were a child that needed assurance that there weren’t any monsters hiding in the closet. 

The brunette sighs, though she isn’t sure if it’s out of relief or disappointment.

“Come on, Jo. It’s just a room.. you got this.”, Hope says encouragingly and gives Josie a reassuring smile before she enters the room and turns the light on.  
Just as Josie took her first step in, the faint smell of strawberries and the sophisticated perfume that the raven haired girl always wore punched her gut and sent her weak to her knees. It really is funny how a simple scent can just light up your emotions and you don’t know which to focus on, positive or negative ones. 

Josie craved for more of the scent she missed so much and it made the steps going further in the room easier. Not much has changed since the last time she was here. The only difference is the other half of the room being empty since it used to be Hope’s. 

“Is she going to have a new roommate?”, the brunette asks Hope who was looking for the mattress on her side of the room. Hope shakes her head and turns her attention to Josie who was standing in the middle of the room like it was the only safe spot to be to make sure she wouldn’t touch anything. “Nope, she’s paying full for the room. She’s all by herself here, just like she wanted.”, she says and Josie doesn’t miss the hint of sadness in Hope’s tone so she just nods to show she understands. 

“You can move around, you know. Nothing won’t break if you breathe a little.”, Hope teases once she gets back to her task. Josie playfully rolls her eyes at Hope’s comment and walks away from the spot she’s been staying at for the past five minutes. 

Her eyes immediately land on Penelope’s bookshelf so she walks up to them, remembering how they easily bonded over books. A weak smile tugs at her lips at the memory as her eyes dart down to the raven haired girl’s bedside table, specifically on a certain author’s name that meant too much for her not to notice. 

_E E Cummings’ Tulips and Chimneys_

Josie’s heart beats faster as she picks it up and runs her hand along the old book’s cover. Some part of her hoped that this being in Penelope’s bedside was more than it just being a good book, but because it was a reminder of the brunette and the first laughter they shared in the library. 

But that would be just wishful thinking, wouldn’t it?

She lays it back down on the table, but not before she sees a leather journal with the letter J engraved so beautifully on the cover. If her heart was rapidly beating just seconds ago, it must have stopped completely by now. The life drained out of her body and she could feel her hands go cold as she picked up the, what felt like, brand new journal. She traces the curves and lines that form a scripted J on the cover as if she were making sure that it was that letter and not just some stupid illusion.

She tried not to think too much about it. _It’s just a simple letter from the alphabet,_ she convinces herself. But out of all letters, why J? She can’t think of any other reason than her name.

“Oh shit.”, Hope says with her eyes wide from the other side of the room once she spots Josie holding the journal in her hands. The brunette hears this but she doesn’t break her stare nor does she even question the shock in Hope’s tone. The questions in her head are drowning every sound out, her mind is becoming full of scribbly lines again.

“That’s P’s… supposed… gift for you.. I-“

“Did you know… about us?”, Josie asks in a soft tone, her eyes still fixed on the journal.

The calm in her voice was the opposite of what her whole face was showing, which was anything but calm. Hope, though still shocked, takes a deep breath and sits down on the edge of her old bed. 

“No.. but I had my assumptions. I felt like something was going on, I just didn’t know for how long or how… deep.”, she starts off. “A week before we left for New York… she seemed.. like her old self. The Penelope before… well, before the storm. Her smiles were just noticeably brighter and she rarely snapped at me. I mean, I didn’t know why but I also didn’t want to question it.” Hope shrugs and sighs, like it wasn’t new information anymore. Perhaps it’s also why she cared for Josie in a sisterly way, because she knew Penelope cared for her deeply. “Then I noticed you disappearing when she disappears and plus… there wasn’t any drama between you two anymore. Lizzie didn’t notice since the both of us were together most of the time and she somehow fell for your lame ass excuses.”, she teases, trying to lighten the mood. “And you two weren’t really subtle, you know? Anyone with a good eye and that knew you both could catch those longing stares… But I didn’t want to say anything. She was happy and that’s all that mattered to me.”

Josie smiles at the memory and it felt like this weight was lifted off of her chest knowing Hope knew and she understood. She didn’t feel so alone anymore and it was a relief. 

“When I was moving out and P helped, I found that on her desk still wrapped neatly in a ribbon with a book.”, she explains when Josie still doesn’t move an inch after all that she said. 

Josie opens the notebook and finds that the first page had been written on. She immediately recognizes the handwriting and her heart swells at the sight.

“She wrote something on it, Hope.”, she manages to say. Josie turns to Hope with a fearful look that makes the amber haired girl nod, trying not to look shock and cause more unnecessary fear for the girl. “Do you want to read it?”, she asks. “I mean… that is technically your notebook. Whatever is written there is probably for you..”

She had wished on all the stars present at night for Penelope to speak to her again. Maybe this wasn’t in the way she had hoped, but they were still her words. Her words for her.

But then again, what if it were something that weren’t for her eyes? What if it’s going to hurt her even more? What if-

Her thoughts are interrupted when she just cuts off her thinking like counting 1 2 3 before jumping off a cliff but jumping at 2. It’s like tricking her own mind so she can read the words Penelope wrote on the journal.

_I hope you don’t mind me taking up a page in this journal. Or maybe a few more after this. Just enough until I have the courage to give this gift to you. Anyways, how do you write in one of these? You’re the writer between us, so how exactly does one pour their heart out on paper?_

_Do I write a title first? Maybe I’ll call this, “The Most Selfish Thing I’ve Ever Written.”_

_I want you._

“What the hell are you doing in here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yes.... that was chap22... scary, right?
> 
> anywaysss i wanted to incorporate the whole concept of "penelope's journal" thingy from the show making it actually josie's journal in the end since pen gave it to her. idk if that made sense but yes. 
> 
> also, the rest of pen and lizzie's talk is in the next chapter! and maybe it'll help see Lizzie in a different light? 
> 
> .....thoughts perhaps?
> 
> thank you so much!


	23. The Most Selfish Thing I've Ever Written

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I want you. I want to hear how your day’s been in the gaps that we aren’t together… I want everyone to know not to mess with you because they know I’ll tear them to pieces. Though I’m sure you can handle that too. I want to see your smile and be the reason behind it. I want to sit beside you in class and adore how your mind works. I want to hold your hand and have you in my arms. Not just under the moon anymore, though I’d love that too. I want to be with you in every way that means to be close to you. I want to witness how your heart cares… because maybe though people think I’ve gotten everything I’ve wanted.. a heart like yours seemed to be out of stock in my world. And for the times that you do cry, I want to be the one you run to. I’ll catch you and whisper sweet nothings to try and cheer you up. I want to be selfish and ignore everything my mind is trying to tell me._

The night felt a little cooler and the sky darker as minutes passed by with Penelope just playing with her hands as she watched the clouds move slowly hiding the moon. The stars weren’t that visible and it seemed like a dead night. Usually, she had her cigarettes to keep her company but her mind was already clouded enough. Plus, she thought cutting off one bad habit might be a baby step she’s willing to take for things to start changing. 

There really felt like nothing to do besides listen to the chirping crickets and she didn’t want to stay out in the cold any longer. The Old Mill always brought some peace but this time in the dark wasn’t it for her. Besides, she had a whole room to herself that she can overthink in. 

The raven haired girl made her way back to the school with her arms wrapped around her body to keep herself warm. Dinner service just finished so students were either on the way back to their dorm rooms or were just chilling at the common area. Penelope kept an eye out for a specific tall brunette amongst the small crowd of students, maybe accompanied by a short amber haired girl or even a tall blonde. She wanted to make sure she didn’t skip dinner this time and that Josie felt better but all those caring thoughts were pushed aside when she tried to keep her grip on reality. 

It’s not long until she reaches her hallway and finds the light of her room on through the small gap underneath her door. Her eyebrows furrow as she tries to recall if she left the lights on before she left. When she nears the closed door, she hears movements coming from the inside of her room. 

Her hand twists the knob gently, making sure she would catch whoever was inside by surprise without giving off that she was entering. 

But when she spots a tall brunette standing by her bed, she was the one taken by surprise.

“What the hell are you doing here?”, the raven haired girl asks in shock. She didn’t mean for it to sound rude or offensive but you can’t blame her for the little violent reaction upon seeing Josie standing in her room. 

The brunette takes awhile before turning to face Penelope who had a scowl on her face. When she meets those brown eyes that screamed fear and shock, she felt like she was back in the Old Mill just minutes ago where everything felt dead, lifeless. A chill ran up her spine when their eyes met for a few seconds more than they usually would allow these days. 

Before Josie could try to explain, Hope came out from the other side of the room with a nervous smile as she approached her best friend. 

“P! What are you doing here?”, the amber haired girl asks, putting herself into the equation to break the tension between the two girls. 

“What am I doing here? This is my room..? What are you doing here?”, she asks in return, annoyance and confusion mixed in her tone. “What are you _both_ doing here?”, she adds and sends Josie a look that makes her head drop to the floor. 

“I was just looking for my old air mattress, P. Don’t worry.”, Hope answers calmly like she wasn’t caught doing something bad. Well, she wasn’t but Josie almost was. 

“But I can’t find it, Jo. I’m sorry, I really thought that it was here. I guess the couch it is for you again tonight then.. I’m sorry.”, she turns her direction to Josie who just looked up to give Hope a smile and a shy nod. 

Penelope turns to look at Josie then back at Hope. “What couch again? What do you mean?”, she asks, sounding a little too curious that makes Hope secretly smirk. “She slept at her mom’s office couch last night ‘coz her sister was being a bitch-“

“Hope.”, the brunette cut off her cursing. Hope just shook her head and rolled her eyes, trying her best to keep calm. “Whatever.”

“So yeah, Josie ended up sleeping in an uncomfortable couch alone in an office after being lashed out on by her sister. So I offered poor Josie here an air mattress so she can sleep in my room tonight… but that option is gone now too I guess.”, Hope continues to explain. Penelope’s expression softens and the annoyance and anger was no longer there. The scowl turned into a caring one which Hope knew would happen if she explained everything in an overly dramatic way.

“But there’s an extra perfect, well a little dusty, bed here… maybe you can help her out, P?”, she bravely asks with a grin. Josie and Penelope’s eyes widen, but one fell silent while the other screamed bloody murder. 

“Hope I know what you’re doing! Don’t even try to go there!”, the brunette scolded, finally having control of her legs to walk over to Hope. The amber haired girl feigned innocence as she moved backwards as Josie walked up to her. “Now, now, Jo. I’m just trying to help, no need to attack.”, she says with a chuckle and her hands in front of her like she was trying to keep a wild animal from lunging at her. Penelope couldn’t help but smile at the interaction and the two girls looked at her when they heard her snicker. Josie’s face softened and what nervousness she had awhile ago disappeared. But Hope had this sly smile on her face like she had something else in mind and what she had in mind was to sneak out of the room, pulling the door shut behind her. 

The bang of the door brought the two girls back to their senses and the walls they had let down for a few seconds went back up right away. 

“Hope!”, the both of them shouted as they approached the door. Josie tried turning the knob and opening the door but it wouldn’t open which was weird since the lock was from the inside of the room. 

“Hope! Did you break my door?!”, Penelope shouts, shocked and frustrated.

“Nope! I’m just pulling the door from the outside so the two of you won’t leave and I will stay here until the two of you work things out!”, she shouts in return, not even sounding like she had regrets or was scared by the raven haired girl’s tone. “You guys are just being stubborn and I’m sorry if I’m meddling with something I’m not supposed to but I’m getting tired of seeing either of you two so sad..”, she adds, a little softer this time. 

Penelope just backed away from the door, cursing her frustrations under her breath. She looked enraged but didn’t bother doing anything. However, Josie didn’t carry the same controlled emotions that the raven girl had. 

“Hope, this isn’t funny. You can’t lock us up in here!”, the brunette shouts as she bangs on the door. “I understand where you’re coming from but you can’t force someone who can’t even look at me in the eye to talk! Let alone fix things in one night!”, she yells. Penelope looks at the struggling brunette with guilty eyes. 

“Let me out right now! Please!”, she begs again, sounding desperate to be away from where she was. Josie pleads and pleads but Hope doesn’t give in. Penelope just watches from the edge of her bed at the brunette banging the door. 

“She won’t budge. She’s a Mikaelson.”, the raven haired girl tiredly says, making the banging on the door stop. But Penelope would’ve preferred the deafening banging rather than what she heard after. 

Josie was curled up into a ball, her back facing Penelope as she had her forehead rested on the door, shoulders bobbing, eyes closed as tears streamed down her face. Her soft sobs tore into every tough layer Penelope tried building up to convince herself she was doing the right thing by letting Josie go. 

Penelope quietly walked over to the door and sat on the floor with the crying girl. Except, she was facing the room and her back was against the door. 

Josie felt Penelope by her side, and wanting to just melt in her embrace but not being able to made her soft sobs break into even heavier ones. She was just so tired of all the closed doors, both metaphorical and literal ones. 

The two just stayed there within arm’s reach, Penelope quietly waiting for Josie to calm down. It took a good 10 minutes before the sobs died down to just heavy breathing. But Penelope still couldn’t bring herself to look at the brunette beside her, not wanting to see her red puffy eyes. 

“Surprised you haven’t jumped off out the window yet.”, a hoarse voice speaks out, a lighter tone compared to the screaming from awhile ago. “Why would I do that?”, the raven haired girl asks a bit confused, keeping the same light tone, but still not turning to Josie’s direction.

The brunette shrugs as she wipes the few tear stains on her cheek. “I just thought you’re allergic to being around me.”, she answers. The hurt in her voice was masked by a forced joking tone but Penelope saw past that but didn’t want to make Josie uncomfortable. 

“By the way you were screaming awhile ago like you were locked in a lion’s den, I’d think you were the one allergic to me.”, she replies, trying to match the joking tone that Josie used. “And besides, this is my room. If anyone’s jumping out the window.. it should be you.”, she adds with a shrug, making the brunette chuckle.

The sound of her soft laughter was enough to make Penelope’s hesitance of turning to face her fade away because the second she heard it, her neck turned so fast that she might’ve heard a bone crack or something.

Josie must’ve sensed that Penelope was looking at her because she turned to face her just a few seconds after. Those green eyes at that moment were nothing like the ones she’d just pass by along the halls or catch a glimpse of in class. They spoke of so much emotion that Josie felt like she was out of breath just by trying to catch everything. She’s never been this close to the raven haired girl ever since things went down between them.

“But please don’t though…”

Something about those words slipping off her tongue like that made Josie hope that Penelope still cared about her the way she wanted her to.

“Your sister might go and attack me again if she finds out.”, the raven haired girl adds with a forced chuckle and tears her eyes away from Josie’s pleading brown ones. 

Josie just shakes her head with disappointment and keeps her head down to the floor, “Yeah uh- I’m sorry about that. She can get a little too much with her words when she’s angry..”

“Yeah… a little too honest.”

The brunette’s head shoots up and meets Penelope’s face at those words with furrowed eyebrows and a piercing stare. 

“No. Whatever she said, she was either lying or she was wrong.”, she says, the anger rising in her tone at the memory of finding out that Lizzie told Penelope to stay away from her and all the bad things the blonde added just to get her point across. 

“No.. she had her points-”

“That you should stay away from me because I deserve better?”

Penelope was shocked by Josie’s question that no words fell out when she opened her mouth to answer. 

“I thought you were making progress.. that we were. But if just one word from Lizzie sent you packing and back into your hollow shell… I guess I was just assuming things then.”, the brunette adds, not even trying to hide the pain and disappointment she felt. Where she was getting the courage to say all these, she doesn’t know. All she knows is that she’s tired and wants to untangle all the knots keeping her from functioning properly again. Perhaps this is the closure she needed to be herself again. “I guess I was just assuming that all those silly kisses and those sweet words meant that you actually wanted to be with me.”

“How- how did you find out that Lizzie-“

“That’s what you’re worried about, Pen? How I found out?” 

Hearing her nickname brought so much feelings that Penelope tried to push away. She didn’t even bother paying attention to the growing annoyance in Josie’s tone and expression. 

Penelope still being silent just made Josie sigh in frustration. “Hope and I heard the two of you talking in the dining hall. You were going on about how she made me cry and that it was ironic because she’s the one that asked you to stay away from me. But I didn’t stay for the rest of the show so don’t worry about me eavesdropping… It already was too much for me to hear.”

“So you didn’t hear the rest. why she acted the way she did… why she became, though very crazy, also very protective of you.”, the raven haired girl points out, unfazed by the brunette’s annoyance. 

“What do you mean?”, Josie asks with a tired expression with Penelope still not focusing on what Josie wanted to talk about.

_“I’m shocked, honestly. I thought you cared so much about your sister’s feelings… you know… considering you told me to stay away from her.”_

_“I’m sorry, okay? What else do you want me to say?”_

_“We both know you won’t mean it.”_

_“I know I said some pretty messed up things. But I was angry. All those things Roman said-“_

_“And so you assumed who I am because of what he said? Fr- from articles? And what some guy we all mutually hated from the beginning?”, she stutters a bit out of pent up frustration, moving her hands around giving emphasis to her annoyance. Lizzie goes back to hiding her guilty face by looking down. Penelope takes a deep breath to try and calm herself, each exhale coming out a bit shaky._

_“Your mom promised me a fresh start here. She told me that whatever I did or whoever I was back at home won’t be used to treat me any differently here. But I guess, the past really can’t be forgotten, huh?.”, she says with a lump in her throat she’s trying to force back down. It almost sounded like she was about to cry which made the blonde hide in guilt even more. But she manages to mumble out a few words, “No.. not really. It sticks with you.. wherever you go.”_

_There’s something hidden in those words agreeing to Penelope’s last ones. It seemed like it’s coming from a place that’s deeper than just anger. There’s pain and bitterness. Penelope is surely familiar with it but by the blonde’s tone, she thinks Lizzie might just know it too. She thinks, maybe this is one of those circumstances where hurt people somehow hurt other people too. Unknowingly or purposely._

_“I’m really tired of dirty pasts kept hidden from us I guess.”, she adds in a soft voice, finally bringing her attention back to Penelope who tried to look as understanding as she could despite the feud between them. The blonde takes a seat on the table, heart heavy with her past._

_“What do you mean ‘us’?”_

_“Yeah… Josie and I. Our father. He had a lot of secrets and I think that’s what killed him.”_

_The anger she was holding on to awhile ago washed away, remembering all the hurt Josie felt as she talked about her dad. But all she knew was that Josie blamed herself for his death and has been carrying that guilt with her ever since._

_“He tried running away from something.. I don’t know what it was or who it was.. he wouldn’t tell us.. but I won’t forget his face when he barged in the living room that night. He was so ready to leave everything behind.. and i- if Josie didn’t stand up for us, he would’ve brought us with him. W- we would’ve died in that crash with him.”, she stammers as tears start to form in her eyes, remembering that awful night. She wipes them immediately though before they even fall off, facing the raven haired girl who was leaning on the table in front of her. “So yeah, I- I hate secrets. And finding Josie getting attached to someone with so many… it- it’s scary. And unlike that night, I don’t want to keep quiet. I did nothing and I’m not making the same mistake.”, she adds with a stern tone despite the few stutters. “Maybe you aren’t so bad like I painted you out to be. But you are still that girl in those papers, no matter how hard you try to run away from them… Th- this whole thing is too familiar, I can’t stand idly by and do nothing.”_

_Penelope tries to take everything in. She wanted to lash out and maybe the old her would have. Maybe if Lizzie stood before her weeks ago and said those exact words, she would’ve lunged at the girl for causing her pain that was based on something she had no control over. But instead, she understood. She didn’t like what Lizzie did, but she understood. She knows how the past can haunt you, she knows that all too well and the walls and defences that comes with it._

_Lizzie shared something so deep with someone she despised and with one wrong move, Penelope knows things will turn out the wrong way. So even though her curiosity to why they both feel like they’re at fault and that they feel like they have to make up for things makes her want to ask more questions, she takes the other road._

_“Does Josie know you feel this way?”, she asks calmly._

_“No. She won’t talk to me, remember? And besides, she doesn’t need to. She’s carrying her own guilt.”_

_Those last few words came out softer than the rest but Penelope heard and knew what the blond was talking about despite it being mumbled out._

_“She needs to know how you feel, Lizzie. She only knows what you did and not why or what made you do it. Josie will understand, I know she will.”, the raven haired girl says, trying to reassure the blonde._

Josie stares into oblivion, not sure what to feel about what Penelope just shared. 

“Lizzie and I talked. We still aren’t best of friends nor have I forgiven her for what she did and this may be weird.. but I kind of understand where she’s coming from.” 

Penelope watches as Josie’s blank stare quickly turns to her green eyes.

“And what is that?”

“She thinks she’s doing right by you because she’s seen this before. She knows how it’ll end and she just doesn’t want you getting hurt.“

“Omygod! Are you some kind of witch or something? How can you predict the future?! And even if you do end up hurting me, it’s part of life! No one can control what I want to do with mine. Not you, not Lizzie!”

The brunette stands up out of frustration and paces around the room while Penelope stands up but stays put by the door.

“Is there a ‘handle with care’ tape somewhere on my back that I can’t see? Because I’m not this fragile thing that you have to worry about because I can take care of myself, Pen. I don’t need someone to protect my feelings.”, she rambles on, the pent up rage coming out of her like smoke. 

“I know that. I just wanted to do what was right for once! Why can’t you understand that?”, the raven haired girl answers back, somehow nearly matching Josie’s frustration. Her tone takes Josie by surprise so she crosses her arms and looks at Penelope in the eye, trying so hard not to let the newly formed tears roll of her cheeks. 

“Tell me that’s what you really want.”, she says with her stern but pained voice from keeping in her tears. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want to be with me. That you really believe you did right by me.. because this?” Josie points to her heart and taps it three times to show just how bad she was hurting. “This doesn’t feel right at all, Pen. So just tell me that you don’t want to be with me and let me go. Don’t just ignore me. Let me go.”

Penelope’s ocean green eyes reddened too. Like Josie, she tried to keep the tears in but only when she looked down to the floor did she let them go. She takes in a shaky breath but bringing her head back up to face those brown eyes took like forever. It’s like there were shackles keeping her from looking up. Her lips trembled as she let out the words she’s forcing herself to believe.

“I- I want you t- to let me go-“

“Liar.”, the brunette mumbles and walks to Penelope’s bedside table then picks up something. She walks back to the raven haired girl, wipes her tears that made her vision blurry and reads the first words from a leather journal that made Penelope’s eyes go wide. 

“The Most Selfish Thing I’ve Ever Written-“

“You went through my things?!”

Penelope tries to snatch the notebook from Josie’s hands but the taller girl was quick to step back, her other hand trying to block Penelope’s reach.

“I want you. I want to hear how your day’s been-“

“Stop!”

She reaches for the brunette’s wrist to try and stop her from reading it out loud. 

The sudden grip and the closeness paralyzed Josie, making her lower her guard that allowed Penelope to snatch the journal freely from her hand. Josie didn’t even notice that she wasn’t holding anything anymore until Penelope started pacing around the room.

“You can’t just go in here and open things. This is my room-“

“And that’s _my_ journal. Well… it’s for me. Right?”, the brunette cuts her off, finally coming back to her senses. “Hope told me you got that for me for Christmas. Why didn’t you give it to me when you came back?”, she asked. Penelope doesn’t answer but she stops her pacing and stiffens, Josie walks to her and places both her hands on the raven haired girl’s shoulders. The anger in those brown eyes calmed down and they weren’t so terrifying to look at anymore. Penelope somehow softens at the touch but she still keeps her eyes on the floor knowing those brown eyes were dangerous things for her to look at right now. 

“Pen…”, Josie calls out to her softly, not sounding bossy or frustrated. It sounded patient, calm and soothing that Penelope can’t help but turn to meet those brown eyes. “Read it to me. Please.”, she adds, carrying the same soft tone. “Read it to me and if you still want to let me go- if you still want me to let you go.. I’ll go. Just read it out loud.”, she pleads as she holds on to Penelope’s shirt to try and pull her closer. 

The raven haired girl’s lips trembled as the tears escaped at hearing Josie’s request. 

“Please, Pen.”, she calls out again. 

Penelope ends up nodding, her eyes and the tip of her nose reddening. She opens the journal and flips to the first page where she had what Josie wanted her to read. Her hands that were holding both sides of the notebook to keep it open were shaking, and Josie saw so she held them both with her own. Her warm hands soothed Penelope’s cold ones like heat thawing ice. 

“I want you.”, she starts off, her voice thick with sadness. “I want to hear how your day’s been in the gaps that we aren’t together… I want everyone to know not to mess with you because they know I’ll tear them to pieces. Though I’m sure you can handle that too.”, she says with small chuckle breaking in between her sobs, making the brunette smile too. “I want to see your smile and be the reason behind it. I want to sit beside you in class and adore how your mind works.” Josie’s grip on her hands tighten which somehow made Penelope’s lips tug into a small smile. “I want to hold your hand and have you in my arms. Not just under the moon anymore, though I’d love that too. I want to be with you in every way that means to be close to you.” The brunette just listens to every word, being completely smitten. “I want to witness how your heart cares… because maybe though people think I’ve gotten everything I’ve wanted.. a heart like yours seemed to be out of stock in my world.” This made Josie’s smile falter but she soothes the back of her hands with her thumb, showing her support and encouraging her to go on. “And for the times that you do cry, I want to be the one you run to. I’ll catch you and whisper sweet nothings to try and cheer you up.”, she adds with a little hint of guilt in her tone. 

Penelope takes a deep breath which Josie mistakes for her being finished but Penelope kept going, her eyes still glued to the journal. “I want to be selfish and ignore everything my mind is trying to tell me.”, she adds, turning to Josie’s brown eyes light up. 

“But I can’t be. You deserve someone that can be good, brave and selfless and I can only be one.”, she says as she quickly turns back to the page, not wanting to see the smile drop from Josie’s face.

“And you don’t deserve less.”

Penelope sighs and closes the journal, stepping away from Josie’s grip on her hands. She throws the journal to her bed and turns her back to the brunette who had a disappointed look on her face. Josie had only read the first few sentences so she didn’t know how it was going to end.

And hearing the missing pieces, she probably knows the ending by now. 

Instead of walking up to the raven haired girl who was facing the wall so Josie didn’t have to see her cry like that, she just knocked on the door. 

“Hope, let me out.”, she says, her voice threatening to break into sobs again but forcefully blocking out the lump in her throat. But Josie doesn’t hear anything from the other side of the door so she knocks again and still nothing. So she presses her ear on the door and sighs. 

“Hope left. She isn’t out there anymore.”, she says out loud, making sure Penelope heard her even though she was facing the door and Penelope was facing the wall, their backs turned against each other. 

Josie grabs for the door knob, silently hoping that Penelope would stop her from leaving. This scene just felt all too familiar. Except the last time she walked out on Penelope like this, things were too fast. Now, it’s all too slow and it hurt even more because she could feel the pain all too well. 

She twists the knob, a click sound resonating in the silent room, making Penelope turn to Josie.

Penelope watches as words just float around her mind. Somehow she knew that this was it. There’s no coming back from this because she’s caused way too much damage. There’s too much to be fixed in their relationship that it’s better to just erase whatever they were to each other. There are cracks everywhere, it’s an impossible fix and the only way to make it out alive is to abandon ship.

And even when the time comes that she finds herself brave and worthy enough, there won’t be anything left to fight for.

Somehow that’s what scared Penelope the most. 

Josie takes Penelope’s silence as the closure she needed. Without another word, another glance, another tear, she leaves the room wishing the pain would just disappear the moment she stepped back into those halls. 

She could just fall apart right there under the dim lights that depicts the dying light inside of her, and when the lights go off, it’s hard to find the switch to turn them on again. 

It’s hard to be alone in the dark, not knowing what to do or what to touch. It’s unpredictable and the uncertainty is just terrifying. 

I mean, who knows what could be lurking around behind you.

_“Josie, wait.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tHiS wOrLd nEeDs A sELfLeSs aNd a sELfiSh tO kEEp sPinNing.. i HaPPeN tO bE tHe LaTtEr.
> 
> so is this it for them? or is this _it_ for them? :O
> 
> did the lizzie thing make sense? i mean, she won't be forgiven by Hope anytime soon but is it possible that josie could? hmmm 
> 
> next chap may take a while.. or not. 
> 
> ....thoughts perhaps?
> 
> thank you so much!!


	24. meet me in the middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“But, Pen?”, she calls out to the raven haired girl spacing out. “When someone wants to love you next time, let them. Don’t think about what could go wrong, don’t fight it.”_

It’s hard not to look back. When someone calls your name, it’s hard not to look back. When the warmth of familiarity calls out to you, it’s painful to even try not to look back. When the words you’ve been wanting to hear falls out of that person’s mouth in that same eager tone that shows she wants this just as much as you do, it’s impossible not to look back.

“Josie, wait.”, the raven haired girl calls out to her, nose red and eyes tired. There’s a sense of panic in her tone, fear that the brunette never recalled hearing from her in their short time together. 

“I know what I want and I can read it from a notebook and say it out loud as many times as you want me to.. but th- that doesn’t make it okay.”, she says, the words trembling from her lips, trying to convince herself so hard that she’s doing the right thing. “You have to understand that I can’t.”, she sighed, seeming out of breath from trying to keep in her tears. Penelope stands in the middle of the hall facing the brunette’s back who tried with the life of her, not to turn around. 

“But I don’t want to lose you.”, the raven haired girl pleads, staring at the brunette’s every move, silently begging for her to turn around. “I don’t want to lose you too.”, she repeats with a more confident tone to show she really means it. 

There’s something in her last words that hint she’s been hurt before so Josie turns to face her slowly, troubled green eyes meet her brown ones that looked just as tired as Penelope’s, maybe even more. It’s when she forgets about her curiosity and feels the weight tenfold. “What do you want from me, Penelope?”, she asks with an exhausted sigh. “I can’t keep playing red light green light with you.”, she adds with a tired shrug, almost as if accepting defeat. Penelope doesn’t speak, Josie just watches her. 

“When you found out I liked you, you got scared and said I deserved better than you. We went through months of not talking to each other because I thought you didn’t like me back when all along you actually did. And that was my fault for not hearing you out.”, the brunette says, eyes piercing right through Penelope’s, making sure she gets her words across. “You keep on saying that I deserve better than you and that’s what you said again that night in the Old Mill but that didn’t stop you from kissing me. That didn’t stop you from being with me. That didn’t hold you back then and every other time we were together, so why now?”, she asks, trying to mask the bitter and painful tone with patience and understanding. “Is it because of what Lizzie did? Or Roman? Did something happen back at home?”, she throws out options that Penelope can just nod to. But she doesn’t, she stays silent. “Please just give me something, Pen. Anything. What’s going on in your mind? Let me in.”, she begs, again. 

Penelope wants to say something. She wants to tell her all about how Roman caught up to her that day when she didn’t show up in the Old Mill, how Lizzie confronted her, how she was kept hidden in her apartment because her parents were just too ashamed of her, how she almost lost her best friend because of her idiocy, how she’s so tired of being alone in her room at night, and all the ugly that needed to be laid out in the open for things to get better. She wanted to narrate everything to Josie and not leave her stories in a shelf to be buried in dust, to be aged with time that it won’t matter when it’s ready to be read out loud. 

But there’s too many things that pop up in her head all at once and she finds herself at a loss for words, not knowing where to start. 

Josie takes her silence as the finish line for them and she acknowledges Penelope’s response with a sad smile and a nod to show she understands even though she really didn’t. She was just too tired of running in circles only to end up in the same argument of wether or not Penelope was good enough for her. But is it really an argument if the girl has convinced herself enough for it to be a fact?

“You’re tired, and I am too. I’m not asking you to fight anymore. Not like you really even did in the first place, but it’s okay.”, she says softly. Josie watches Penelope who seemed to be lost in her thoughts to even respond, but she takes this time to take in all the moments they shared together. How those reddening tired eyes used to scrunch up to a smile and glimmer with a short lived happiness. Maybe that’s all that’s meant to be for them, a short lived happiness.

“But, Pen?”, she calls out to the raven haired girl spacing out. “When someone wants to love you next time, let them. Don’t think about what could go wrong, don’t fight it.”

Josie walks towards the speechless girl, takes her cold hands into one of her own and Penelope immediately holds on for dear life. The brunette, with her free hand, wipes the tears rolling off Penelope’s cheek with her thumb while the raven haired girl tries to memorize the comforting warmth Josie emits. She felt like she was thawing and clarity started to come to her with every passing second that she had Josie with her. Even more so when she closes her eyes at the feel of the brunette placing a soft kiss on her forehead that seemed to have eased her furrowed eyebrows. 

“Just let yourself be loved. God knows how much you deserve to be.”, she whispers, enough for Penelope to hear clearly. The warmth of her breath lingered on her skin for a few more seconds that she didn’t realize Josie was no longer with her.

She didn’t hear her footsteps walking away because she was so engrossed in all the possibilities springing up on her all at once with Josie’s warmth invading all her senses, corrupting all logic and reasoning. Possibilities of happiness for them both that seemed to be worth disregarding all the logic and reasoning she’s come up with.

And that’s only when Penelope takes in everything she said and realizes how wrong she’s been.

How much she’s lost. 

For the second time around.

————-

Surprisingly, sleep came easy for Josie that night despite the uncomfortable couch and the thoughts circling around in her mind. Maybe it was the emotional and physical exhaustion from the long day or maybe it was because she finally closed the door that used to let in all these thoughts. 

Maybe this is the calm after the storm that people talk about.

She woke up to the sunlight beaming through the windows, the smell of fresh fruits and oatmeal, the quiet peaceful morning that she used to take for granted. Then she spots amber hair right from the corner of her eyes.

“Hope?”

The girl already dressed in her uniform turns around with a nervous smile and puts back the book on the shelf she was scanning through. She approaches the brunette on the couch with a timid look like she was walking on thin ice. 

“Good morning, Jo. How are you?”, she asks guiltily. 

Josie narrows her eyes as she scrutinizes the amber haired girl, remembering what she had done last night. She wasn’t mad at Hope though, nor was she annoyed or had any bad blood. She understood why Hope did what she did and if it was her who was stuck in a situation like that, she probably would have done the same. Maybe not lock up two people in a room to sort out their mess, but ask them to talk. 

At her silent glare, Hope gives up and puts down hers defences from Josie’s wrath. She sits down beside her on the couch and lets herself take what scolding she deserved to hear.

“I’m sorry, Jo. I really am. I hate watching my two best friends fight so I just thought if you two were left with no other option, you’d talk it out and understand each other then you’d.. I don’t know.. kiss and make up or something. I mean, that would’ve solved the no place to sleep in part-“

“Ok. No. Hope? I get that you meant well.”, the brunette cuts off her rambling. She shakes off the last words Hope spoke out of her mind before she speaks. “But you have no control over her decisions. You couldn’t have known what she was going to do or what she was going to say.”, she assures Hope. 

Josie reaches for the bowl of sliced up fruits on the coffee table in front of them and pops a melon ball into her mouth while Hope thinks about what she said. 

“Have you seen her yet?”, the brunette asks softly to pull Hope back from her thoughts. Hope looks at her with a sad smile and nods. “Is she…”

“Well, I didn’t know how things ended up between you two so I didn’t know what I was walking into. But when I saw P alone under her covers, I knew it turned out bad ‘coz she only sleeps under her sheets when she’s sad or something.”, she explains. “But at least she’s talking to me… so there’s that.”

“What’d she say?”

“Only that she lost you for good this time.”, she answers, looking straight into Josie’s brown eyes. But the brunette looks away and shrugs like it was nothing, “It’s what she wanted anyway.”

“Is that what she said?”

Josie shakes her head, knowing that it’s not what Penelope said. But it’s what Penelope showed she wanted when she didn’t fight for whatever they were. 

“What did she say, Jo?”, Hope asks, a patient and understanding tone that puts Josie’s guard down. 

Josie goes on to narrate everything that happened that night with the additional stories of their other nights months ago, how she felt, how she thought Penelope felt, what Lizzie and Penelope talked about, how she hoped things would end up, and how tired she became because she felt like she was talking to a child that didn’t understand what she was trying to say. 

Her heart grew weary backtracking what happened that night. It’s like she was peaking through the door that she thought she had already closed. By the time she finished explaining, Hope had her mouth slightly opened and her eyes showing all types of emotion, both positive and negative. It looked like she just finished watching a movie with a crazy plot line that left you on the edge of your seat. 

“So Penelope, my best friend Penelope that has her walls higher than the Great Wall of China, outright said she wanted you?”, Hope asks with disbelief when she manages to comprehend everything.

Josie nods.

“But she countered it by saying she doesn’t want to be selfish?”

Josie nods.

“Did she say why?”

Josie shakes her head.

“But she said she doesn’t want to lose you?”

Josie sighed, “Yes.”

“Do I need to lock you both up again?! What the hell!”, Hope shouts in frustration and stands up. 

Surprised by the sudden aggressive loud tone, Josie just ate her bowl of fruits and watched as the amber haired girl paced around the table mumbling things to herself. She tried to make sense of what the girl was saying but she couldn’t with how fast and how quiet she was talking so she just sat back and observed. 

“Hope you’re making me dizzy, can you sit down?”, she asks after awhile. Still frustrated though, she sits back down and faces Josie with an unreadable expression. 

“So that’s just it then? You’re like… going to move on now.”, she asks, trying to act as calm as she possibly could. 

“I honestly don’t know, Hope. I mean I like her. I really really do.” Hope smirks and Josie rolls her eyes. “I’ll still be here if she isn’t scared of ruining me or whatever else she’s so scared of. She hasn’t lost me completely.”, she adds. “At least not yet.”

“So you’re like… waiting but not really?”

“I’m going to wake up everyday and live my life like I always have. I’m not waiting, nor am I erasing her existence to move on.”, she clarifies. 

“I’m meeting her in the middle of things. She wants me, I’ll be here but she needs to walk the other half.”

————-

After the two girls finished up breakfast in Caroline’s office, they separated ways. Hope heading out to meet with some of her classmates to finish up some project while Josie went up to her room, praying her sister wouldn’t be there.

Maybe the universe was making it up to her because when she rushed into the room after a few minutes of pacing around the hall, realizing Penelope’s room is just three doors down, there was no sign of the tall blonde anywhere. The brunette sighed in relief, taking in deep breaths of the lavender scent that made her ease up. 

She brought out a fresh set of clothes and some things before heading back out to take a quick shower before showing up for class. She craved for the warm water to help relax her tense muscles, so much so that she bumped into someone who was on the way out of the shower room.

Josie immediately helped pick the fallen things up and repeatedly apologized for her carelessness. The girl she bumped into didn’t speak, she didn’t even bother peaking up her things and just watched the brunette beat herself up because of one silly mistake.

“I’m really really sorry.”, she goes on for one last time before allowing herself to breathe. When she does breathe, a strawberry scent all too familiar pulled her to look up from the ground. She curses to herself because of course, she prayed too much on her sister not being in her room today that she didn’t leave enough wishes to avoid this whole situation.

The brunette slowly gets back up and awkwardly hands over the few fallen bottles of shampoo and body wash to the raven haired girl who was still in shock. 

“Again, I’m sorry.”, Josie says, breaking the awkward silence and continues her path past the doors into the shower room, leaving Penelope to herself. 

Josie, who seemed to be well composed and calm outside those doors, started pacing around in front of the mirrors. Luckily, there was no one else behind the cubicles so she didn’t worry about looking like a fool, or being caught looking like a fool rather. 

“That was the mature thing to do, right?”, she asked herself through the mirror. “I mean, she was the one being immature since she didn’t say anything and acted like I was a ghost or something, right?”, she asks again as if her reflection would ease her panic. She shakes her head and sighs, tells herself she’s just being overactive. 

“Right.”

She jumps at the sound coming from the corner and turns to face who that voice belonged to, though she really already knew it was.

————-

She could hear the sound of incessant knockings though it didn’t wake her up. She was wide awake long before the sun was even able to peak through her windows. The sun didn’t welcome her into the new day, she welcomed the sun. 

And apparently, Hope welcomed herself into her room. 

“P? You up?”, Hope asks and plops down on Penelope’s bed.

“Go away, Hope. You still suck for what you did last night.”, the raven haired girl says under the sheets. Hope looks around and notices the leftovers of tense air from last night. 

“What happened, P?”, she asked, her rare lively morning self immediately fading away.

“I lost her for good this time”, she answers, her words a bit muffled from the layers of sheets covering her up. “ And I don’t know how I feel about that.”

Hope snickers, “I think it’s pretty clear how you feel about that.” She yanks the blanket away from Penelope and reveals her tired eyes and hopeless look. “Yeah, it’s definetly clear how you feel about that.”, she adds. Penelope rolls her eyes and hides back under the sheets with a groan.

But then she pulls the blanket down a little bit so she could look at her best friend. Hope sees this and raises her eyebrows to show she was listening even though Penelope hasn’t said anything yet. 

“Hope?”

“Yes, P?”

“Can I ask you two questions?”

Hope smiles and tries to joke around, “Two? That’s too much. I know you’re sad but-“

She gets cut off with a pillow thrown to her face.

“You suck.”, the raven haired girl mumbles and hides completely under her sheets again. 

“I swear it’s like I’m playing whack-a-mole here.”, Hope mumbles to herself and pulls Penelope’s sheets again, just enough to show the scowl on her face. “What did you want to ask, P?”, she asks in a sarcastic pleasant voice that makes Penelope roll her eyes again.

She plays with her blanket for awhile, looking shockingly timid for someone who threw a pillow at someone’s face not a minute ago. Hope senses the hesitation, the red and green light blinking way too fast, so she tries to reassure her best friend by nudging her and telling her to scoot over to make space for herself. 

Penelope moves and watches Hope lay down beside her, both of them now staring at the ceiling. She feels grateful, having someone who knows her so well that things just come automatically when silence speaks. 

“What would my grandfather tell me right now?”, she asked after a few more minutes of dwelling in the comforting silence. “Like, would he tell me I’m being stupid? Tell me to just accept things the way they are? Or to go and… fix things?”

Hope thought for awhile, then ended up shrugging. 

“He’s an old wise man, so I’m gonna have to go with all of the above.”, she answers. “He’ll surely call you stupid, maybe not in a harsh way but enough to get you to come back to your senses. I mean like, I’d call you stupid upfront but he’d mask it with layers of sweet sweet words.”, she explained. Penelope nodded in response, admitting she had a point. “Then, he’d tell you to accept what happened. You know, acknowledge all the feelings, the punishment, the pain, and everything caused by what you did… or didn’t do.”

Penelope turned to look at Hope who still had her eyes glued to the ceiling. She narrowed her eyes, tried to figure out if she meant something more to what she wanted to say, or if she just really felt like those words were for her. 

Settling on the latter, she looked back up and thought about all the things she did wrong. Not to drown herself in them, but to acknowledge them. To admit that they were in fact mistakes that can’t be justified anymore by something she thought to be the right thing to do. 

Standing idly by watching someone she claims to care for hurt because of her was a mistake. Pushing her away because of her own self doubt, another mistake. Assuming she knew what was right for her, yet another mistake. Though not on purpose, leading her around in circles of confusion was also a mistake. Plus, there are those little ones that she can’t remember because these ones weigh heavier. 

She’s made a lot of mistakes, but the one thing she always thought to be a mistake ended up being the only right thing she ever did. 

Falling for Josie was not a mistake, she thinks to herself. 

“Then, when you do acknowledge all those.”, Hope continues, breaking Penelope’s thoughts. “You’ll know what to do and what not to do, what pieces fit together and what don’t. Of course, you won’t master it, it could break again.”, she says truthfully. “But you’ll know when it’s worth it.”, she adds. 

Hope sits back up with a smug look on her face, “So, how did I do? Was that old and wise enough for you? Did I make him proud?”

Penelope sat up too, “Not bad, Hope. Not bad. You might’ve actually did something there.”, she praised, making Hope cheer for herself as she got off Penelope’s bed. 

“One last question.”, she called out to Hope who was making her way to the door already. 

The amber haired girl, who had the proudest look on her face, turned around and said, “You need more of my wisdom?”

“Alright, don’t get yourself all caught up with what I said, this isn’t really a question… it’s more of a favor.”

The grin on Hope’s face immediately dropped with her shoulders. “What?”, she asks bitterly.

“Can you check up on Josie?”, she asks, shyly. “You know, just to make sure she’s okay and doesn’t skip breakfast again. After all, you did get her hopes up by telling her you had an air mattress for her to sleep in.”, she explained right away, making Hope smirk. 

Hope just accepted the favor with a nod and turned to the door.

“Yeah right, I’m the one that got her hopes up.”, she says before leaving, making Penelope groan and throw a pillow to the door, slamming it shut. 

The raven haired girl stayed in bed for a few more minutes before deciding she’s done acting like Eeyore. She’s done pitying herself, and she’s done being in deep waters for too long. She told herself the same thing quiet a few times already for the past months, and maybe she’ll fall back into her shell again. But this time, she’s really going to try because she owes it to her grandfather. She owes it to herself. 

She’s acknowledged the pain, and now starts the first point of healing. Getting off of bed and standing back up. Maybe even take a warm shower to wash away the remaining bad vibes that could just spread into wildfire again. 

Penelope picks out some clothes and the stuff that makes her smell like sweet strawberries, the heads out to the shower room. Luckily, the whole place was empty. She loves the quiet whenever she takes her relaxing showers, except for the time she heard Josie’s singing. Aside from that, she’d rather listen to the water pouring down on her like rain. 

She pats herself dry, brushes her teeth then changes into her clothes, and collects her things to head back out. As soon as her foot leaves the shower room, she bumps into a tall brunette who immediately dropped down to pick up her things as she kept on mumbling apologies. 

Penelope was frozen on the spot and didn’t say anything, she couldn’t bring herself to even if she wanted to. 

Josie stopped her apologies and stood up slowly, looking at her like she was the last person she’d want to see in the world right now. Penelope felt the guilt rising in her chest again.

“Again, I’m sorry.”, the brunette says to her, making the raven haired girl’s brain short circuit. 

Before she could even try to say anything, Josie was gone again.

There were two things she could do at that moment. Either walk away and act like nothing happened, or finally open this door between them that she’s been guarding for too long. Walking away seemed to be the easier thing to do but she’s done doing easy.

It was time to take risks.

And even though the uncertainty of what could be waiting for her on the other side of this literal and figurative door is terrifying, she had to at least try because she can’t live a life of regrets anymore. Most importantly, she can’t live her life knowing Josie was right there and that she treated her like shit and walked away.

“It’s now or never.”, she whispers to herself as she shakes her doubt away.

“That was the mature thing to do, right?”

Penelope slips through the door completely unnoticed by the brunette talking to herself through the mirror. 

“I mean, she was the one being immature since she didn’t say anything and acted like I was a ghost or something, right?”

At those words, her guilt resurfaces but she tries to go with it instead of hiding from it or worse, drown herself in it. 

“Right.”, she replies, earning a gasp and a horrified look on the brunette’s face.

“I’m sorry.”, she apologizes even though she really wants to comment of Josie talking to herself through the mirror to break the ice but then realized she was walking on very thin ice. 

Josie took awhile to rest her speeding heart rate, only for it to speed up even more at the realization that Penelope was there and she was talking to her. This shocked her even more than the unknown voice coming from nowhere just seconds ago. Maybe she even would’ve preferred it to be an actual ghost instead of her. Penelope was a different ghost that haunted her, it was an emotional haunting that doesn’t make Josie run for her life and that’s the horror of it all. 

“Did you leave something in here?”, she managed to ask the raven haired girl who stood by the door. Josie tried to show that her presence didn’t affect her at all, even though the both of them knew it was all an act. 

Penelope thinks, clasps her hands together and shrugs, “Kind of.”

Josie’s eyes narrow as she watches Penelope who didn’t seem like she was looking for anything. “How do you kind of lose something?”, she comments as she turns to face the mirror in hopes it would be less awkward. 

She steals a glance of the raven haired girl through the mirror and sees this sad smile. Her green eyes darkened and Josie could only wonder what thoughts were running through her mind. But she can feel that Penelope wanted to say something, so she waited. She didn’t ask, she didn’t push her to talk, she waited for her to break the silence this time. 

“Josie, can we talk?”, she asks timidly. “We’re talking right now?”, the brunette responds, fully aware that wasn’t a mature answer because she knew what Penelope meant. 

“Yeah… but I don’t think… you’d want to talk about us while you’re in the shower.. I mean, unless-“

“Don’t even try to make one of your dirty jokes. We aren’t a thing anymore… or whatever it is we were, you’ve made that perfectly clear.”, Josie snaps, turning to face Penelope who backed up even further into the wall. 

“Okay. I wasn’t going to but, I’m sorry.”

Josie looked at her again through the mirror and felt guilty for exploding on her like that. It was all this frustration with Penelope being indecisive that sends her to the edge. She sighed and turned to face the startled girl, “What is there to talk about anyway?”

“I figured I owe you an explanation.”, she answers with a shrug.

“You don’t owe me anything-“

“I want to.”, she cuts Josie off, correcting herself with the right words. “I want to give you an explanation.”

Josie waits for the hesitation, the part where she drops her head and looks down, the sudden sharp inhale to show she was going to take back her words, or the word “but” followed by another excuse. 

But there was nothing she could pinpoint that would tell her to walk away. 

She didn’t carry the same confidence in her words like she usually would, she still seemed scared, uncertain. But she was trying and for Josie, that was all that mattered for her right now. 

“Fine. After classes or something, I don’t know.”

Penelope seemed to light up at her answer and the bright grin on her face was infectious but Josie didn’t want to seem like she could be easily taken back so she kept a straight neutral expression. 

“Thank you.”, the raven haired girl replies eagerly and turns to leave Josie to her privacy. 

“Wait. I thought you left something in here?”, the brunette asked, confused. 

“I kind of found it already.”, she answers and heads out.

—————

Josie was in a rush on the way to class because she had spent too much time under the shower trying to comprehend what had just happened. She had to constantly remind herself that it did happen and it wasn’t just another one of her vivid imaginations of her hopes on how Penelope would finally approach her. 

As soon as she reached the door, thankfully beating the teacher, her eyes landed on the raven haired girl sitting on the back corner. Penelope seemed to have been waiting for her to arrive because she immediately brightened up when Josie walked through those doors. She gave a small wave to the brunette and Josie awkwardly waved back as she walked to her seat in front. 

_What the hell was that?_ , Josie thinks to herself.

“Smooth, Park. Real smooth.”, Penelope mumbles to herself as she watches Josie get settled in her seat. 

Classes go by and Josie felt like the room was lighter than usual. She could feel those green eyes stealing glances at her from her peripheral vision and she subtly tried to steal some of her own. To say she was confused was an understatement because she did not know what was going on with Penelope. The last time they spoke, aside from that out of the blue interaction she still thinks is just a figment of her imagination in the shower room, it seemed like a dead end for them. So to suddenly have Penelope acting like bad happened between them, like no tears were shed or hearts were broken was strange. 

_Did she have a bad fall and forget?_ , she thinks, trying to make sense of what’s happening.

But before she could arrive at an answer, the bell rang. Time had gone faster with the light feeling of the room. She didn’t know if she loved time going fast or if she was at a disadvantage because she didn’t have time to catch up with her thoughts to think about a reasonable explanation for everything. 

Josie stood up from her seat and was surprised to see Penelope had already left. Maybe she had hoped this time would be different considering everything she didn’t understand that was happening. So she mentally cursed herself for having that tiny flame of hope be bigger than it should be because the cold seemed too chilling with disappointment with the realization it’s just an ember, a fragile one that can be taken away so easily. 

But like a flame, the wind blows in directions no one can predict. Wind makes an ember burn brighter.

“Hey Josie!”, the raven haired girl calls up to her, leaning on the hallway’s wall. 

Josie’s heart skips a beat and does that stomach turning thing she used to get in the first weeks she started having a crush on the raven haired girl. Apparently, Penelope still had the same effect on her despite the debris of a broken heart still being so visible, so felt. An awfully unfair thing for someone to have that kind of hold on you, that kind of power over you. 

And yet so fulfilling at the same time.

“Hey, you busy?”, she asks Josie. Suddenly the brunette was reminded of all the times they used their free cut to hide away to their own world in the Old Mill, their own Bridge to Terabithia. 

But before she could respond or even shake her head to show she wasn’t, she was being called by someone down the hall. The boy, looking like he’s been looking for Josie everywhere, approached the two girls. 

“Josie, we have an emergency meeting in a few at the council room. It’s about the Miss Mystic Falls pageant.”, he says, seemingly out of breath. 

“Wait, right now? I’m kinda busy-“

“No it’s okay.”, Penelope interrupts. “We’ll still have time to talk, this seems urgent.”, she says with a supportive smile. “This is urgent, right?”, she adds, suddenly shifting to a threatening tone directed to the boy. He nodded frantically, crumbling with fear at Penelope’s death glare. 

“Go do your thing, Saltzman.”, she insists. “They’d probably be in chaos without your brilliant mind in there.”, she adds, making Josie blush. “But after this though, you’ll be free by then, right? I still really need to talk to you.”

Josie shrugs, “I’ll see.”

“Okay, then.” The raven haired girl walks away from the two and Josie watches, not so subtly checking her out because she didn’t really see her outfit earlier since she was sitting on a chair. 

_How can someone wear a boarding school uniform and make it look like something from a fashion runway?_ , she thinks, too loudly. The boy clears his throat to call Josie back from her thoughts and she apologizes. 

The two head to the council room and she just wanted to get this over with because she couldn’t bare another second of anticipation for what Penelope wanted to talk about. Generally, she had a feeling of what but the specifics made her restless. 

Restless enough that she forgot about her sister being part of the committee that’s tasked to organize the Miss Mystic Falls pageant. 

Everyone was already seated in their own designated seats while the headmistress stood in front explaining things she wrote on the board. The only available spot for Josie to sit in was, of course, beside her sister that she’s been avoiding for days. 

“Good, Josie. You’re here already.”, Caroline acknowledges Josie who was standing by the door, left alone by the boy who called for her. “Are you going to take a seat or are you going to just stand there the rest of the time?”, the older blonde asked. 

Josie just smiled apologetically and made her way to the chair beside her sister who seemed to have tensed up. The young blonde didn’t speak up or dared to try and talk to her sister, at least not yet when they should be paying attention to the headmistress. They both tried to focus but Josie would catch Lizzie turning to look at her from time to time and it was unsettling. 

“Miss Mystic Falls, as you all know, is happening on our school grounds this year. Some of you may feel the pressure already of organizing such an important event. And I also know there are a couple of you out there that plans on representing our school and taking.”, Caroline looks at the younger blonde and gives her a small proud wink that makes Lizzie smile proudly. “I remember when I won-“

“Mom, we’ve already heard that story already. Lots of times.”, the brunette comments.

“Well of course you two have, but for those who haven’t-“

“Miss Forbes, not that we don’t love the story of how you won the title and stood on a float during the Founder’s day parade, but we’ve already heard it as well.”, a girl from the front row speaks up respectfully. She looks back at Josie and smirks, both ending up chuckling. 

Lizzie watches the exchange between the two closely and notices the lightness she’s giving off, trying to see if Josie is putting her flirt on or is probably just in a good mood. Hoping it’s the latter, she braves herself to nudge the brunette who looked at her with raised eyebrows. 

“What?”, she asks blankly. 

“Can we talk after the meeting?”, the blonde asks in a whisper as Caroline continues to talk about the upcoming pageant with a less jolly tone compared to awhile ago. 

_What is it with people wanting to talk to me today?_ , Josie wonders, getting a bit frustrated at having to deal with everything in one go. 

“I’m busy after this.”, she answers coldly and turns her attention back to the headmistress. 

“After classes then?”, Lizzie asks, hopeful.

“Nope. Penelope wants to talk too and she asked first.”, Josie replied with a straight face like it was just a normal thing, nothing big. But of course, Lizzie’s reaction showed that even she knew it was not nothing. 

“Penelope? Penelope Park?”

“Yeah Is there a problem?”, the brunette asks. “Or are you going to threaten me to stay away from her this time like you did with her?”

This seemed to have shut Lizzie up. And for the first time, she had nothing to say. 

“I’ll talk to you when I can. But be thankful Penelope doesn’t bad mouth you even after what you did.”, she adds, ending their short quarrel. 

The meeting lasted for longer than Josie wanted it to. Aside from Lizzie sitting next to her, she hated not knowing what Penelope wanted from her this time. She just stared at the clock, the short hands moving slower than it should. 

Until finally, Caroline wrapped everything up and closed the meeting. Just in time for their last subject to start. Josie was of course the first one out the door and everyone watched her leave with a confused look because she’d usually be the last one out. It was like watching a magnet move so quickly to connect to its pair. 

Like a moth drawn to a flame. 

————-

Josie almost pushes everyone that was blocking her way. She wasn’t running, she was walking briskly. If she ran, she’d look to eager to have that talk with Penelope and she didn’t want to give the impression that she’d take Penelope back right away. She was hurt really bad and even though she knows she still has these feelings for the raven haired girl, Penelope seemed to have the habit of changing her mind a lot. 

So, she was walking briskly to class while simultaneously yelling politely for everyone to move. She isn’t an animal, of course she said please. Loudly.

When Josie reached the classroom for their next period, there were only a few students in the room and no signs of their teacher anywhere. 

_At least I won’t be late,_ she assures herself to justify her rush back to the room. 

She stood at the doorway and looked around the hall for a short raven haired girl but still, nothing. So, to show she wasn’t too eager to have this talk like she convinced herself, she asked one of her classmates who was about to enter the room. 

“Hey, have you seen Penelope?”, she asked, with her eyebrows raised and with both her hands placed on the girl’s shoulder to stop her from walking. The girl look weirded out and just shrugged as she tried to escape Josie’s grip. “Ugh you’re useless.”, she mutters, supposedly to herself but by the scowl on the girl’s face, she had heard it to. 

“What are you doing, Josie?”, she whispers to herself and rubs at her temples while shutting her eyes close to try and calm herself. 

“Hey, Josie. You okay? You look stressed?”, a voice asks her. Josie opens her eyes and finds just the girl she was looking for staring at her like she was lost or something. 

“Uh.. yeah. I’m fine.”, she answers and tries to regain her composure. 

“What was that all about? It’s like you were begging that poor girl for answers she didn’t know”, the raven haired girl comments with a snort. 

Josie almost panics, “You saw that?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t hear though. So what’s up?”

The brunette let out a breath she didn’t even know she was keeping. “Nothing, just about the Miss Mystic Falls pageant.” Penelope nods and she seemed like she was thinking and it made Josie nervous again. “If this pageant thing is stressing you out, we can talk some other day you know-“

“Wh- Wh-“ Josie wants to ask why, but the nervousness just cut off her brain.   
“Calm down, Josie. I’m not making up excuses this time, I really do want to talk to you. You just seem like you have a lot on your plate already and when we talk, I want you to… be in the right headspace.”, the raven haired girl assures. Josie tries to keep calm and act like her brain didn’t just short circuited. “Well, you can’t blame me for assuming the worst when you start to change plans like that…”, she tries to joke but came off as bitter. Penelope tensed up and Josie felt guilty all of a sudden. 

“Yeah I guess I deserved that one…”, the raven haired girl replies with a soft chuckle. 

The brunette wanted to apologize but decided not to. Because if a little snarky remark is all Penelope gets after what she’s done, she shouldn’t feel guilty about it. But here she was, still regretting her words. 

“I just want to get this over with before we actually start things up for the pageant.”, Josie says, trying to kind of change the subject. “So after class is good, Park.”, she adds.

“If I won’t be bothering you, then after class it is then.”, Penelope replies with a smile. 

The two head to their respective seats and share one last glance before the teacher walked in the room, demanding all attention be on her. 

——————

“Are you sure you aren’t leading me out here to kill me? As some part of your revenge or something…”

After class, the two girls snuck out of the building to avoid Hope or Lizzie finding them. They walked with at least a five feet distance between them, Josie leading them to wherever. Penelope took this time to line up her thoughts because though she asked for this, not knowing where the bravery came from when she walked into that shower room, she didn’t know exactly what she wanted to say or what reaction she was hoping for. 

So, to try and kill the silence between them as they walked into the woods, she had to say something. Just, anything. Even the ones she already knew the answer to. 

“Don’t act like you don’t know where we’re going, Park. You know this path so well, I bet you could walk the rest of the way with your eyes closed.”, the brunette comments.

“Nope. No eyes closed, I’m not taking any chances here.”, she answers. 

A few minutes later, they find themselves back at the place where things started for them.

“Kind of cliche of you to pick our spot.”, Penelope comments as she scans around the area of the Old Mill to see if anyone was near. Josie rolls her eyes and walks inside, leaving Penelope to follow her again.

Josie climbed up the stairs and sat on one of the steps, just as how she had found Penelope that night smoking a cigarette in the dark like it was the most peaceful thing to do in the world. She even peaked through the small hole that the raven haired girl used to hide her pack of cigarettes in but it was empty. 

When Penelope stepped inside the Old Mill, she found Josie by the steps looking through the hole and she couldn’t help but smile knowing Josie still remembered the little things from months ago. 

“I stopped.”, she explained. “I stopped smoking, I mean. Turns out, it’s like really bad for your health or something.”

Josie felt oddly proud for her. She knew the girl was struggling to and she finally did it. 

“Good for you.”, the brunette comments. “Yeah, good for me.”, Penelope repeats and walks to the bottom of the stairs. “But there’s more that I want to change in me though…”, she starts off nervously. Josie braced herself for whatever she was about to hear. 

“Last night, y- you asked for a reason and I couldn’t give it you.”, she stammers. Josie nods and remembers how she practically begged for Penelope to say something and how pathetic she must’ve looked. “Yeah, I remember.”, she replies sadly. 

Penelope takes a minute to calm her breathing to get what she needed to say across clearly. Then, she looks up at Josie who was waiting for her to speak. Josie didn’t want to ask anymore, she was just waiting for Penelope to take a step by herself. To meet her in the middle.

There’s fear in Penelope’s eyes. Fear and so much more that felt so chilling to notice. She knows that the eyes are windows to a person’s soul, but Penelope’s windows were frosted and cracked. It was like peaking through an abandoned house, forced to relive old memories instead of making new ones. 

But when you see an abandoned house, the last thing you’d want to do is go in and see just how messed up it is in there. To stand on cracked floorboards under a fragile roof isn’t an ideal home. Although we don’t really see houses the way they are, right? We envision a future living in them and how it could be five or ten years down the road. Maybe the roof will be higher tomorrow, almost reaching the heavens. Or maybe the floors become sturdy enough to run on. 

Maybe the windows can reflect the sun’s rays some day. 

“I’m here, Pen. You’re blocking the door so there’s no way out for me this time.”, Josie jokingly says to encourage the girl. She promised she wouldn’t take another step, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t lean a little forward. 

Penelope smiles, showing gratefulness for Josie’s support. “Since Lizzie is your sister and she’s hellbent on making sure you don’t get too close to me, you’ve probably seen all those newspaper clippings and paparazzi photos of me, right?”, she asked. 

Josie nods.

“I don’t really have an excuse for that.. But what’s the first thing you thought of when you saw those?”

The brunette shrugged and said, “I don’t know.. I thought _wow, that’s wild._ ” 

“But then, I also saw that you weren’t enjoying what you were doing. You looked… miserable.”, she added with the truth of what she really thought of when she saw those pictures. 

“Because I was.”, Penelope admits, having her grip on the knob of the door she’s been guarding for years. “But they didn’t see that. Nobody did except for Hope because she just knew me too well…”

“You know the first time I took a step into a bar was when I found out my grandfather was sick and that he only had a twenty percent chance of living.”, she says, zoning out as she fumbled with her fingers. “Twenty percent. That little.”, she whispers, but enough for Josie to hear. “But do you know how much alcohol is in vodka?” Josie shakes her head to say no. “Forty percent. Double of my grandfather’s chances of seeing me graduate high school or going to college or finally making my parents proud of me.”, she says with this sting in her words. “So yeah, I liked that forty percent more than a twenty. It gives me a forty percent chance of forgetting that stupid twenty and any chance just to forget that my grandfather was dying was all I could take.”, she adds. 

“So, you were… escaping?”, Josie asks. “You were running away from something you had no control over.”

Penelope nods and continues, “I kept on running away that I didn’t know how to stop and realize how far I’ve gone.” The raven haired girl takes in a deep breath and it comes out shaky. “I wasn’t there for my grandfather when he died. He was looking for me but I didn’t show up because I didn’t want to see him die- I didn’t want him to see him go. I was too busy getting shit faced and drunk so I didn’t have to deal with the truth but I was too late and- and-“

She could feel a lump forming in her throat and she tried to push it back down, but instead tears came streaming down her cheeks just revisiting that memory she’s been taking all her guilt from. 

Josie shivers at the vulnerability Penelope is showing. It was like seeing a unicorn for the first time, or seeing a blue moon. She knew that the raven haired girl had scars from her past but she just didn’t know how deep they were. Hearing her speak of it just makes it clear for her now, her scar isn’t a scar. It’s still an open wound poorly wrapped in bandages. 

The house wasn’t just abandoned, it was haunted. It had all these ghosts that roam around the halls freely. A dead soul peaking through the windows every now and then, making sure to scare off any one who dares to near her. 

“He died alone. My grandfather died alone because I was being selfish and scared.”, she adds, painting a clearer picture on why she keeps on saying she can’t be selfish anymore. Suddenly, the brunette realized why Penelope was so scared to hurt her, to want something for herself. There’s so much guilt in her that could last for another lifetime, and seeing Penelope hurt like this hurt Josie too. “I just think about all the times he’d hold my hand when I got scared or when he’d pick me up from my house because my parents were fighting and how I failed to do the same for him. He’s all I had and I was all he had, and I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”, she manages to speak out despite her struggle to speak clearly or breathe properly. 

“You can’t trap yourself in this guilt forever, Pen.”, the brunette speaks up after a while of Penelope standing there in silence with a stormy cloud above her head. “Your grandfather loves you and he always will. You know that, right?”, she asked, still not standing up from the stairs to walk over to Penelope but she leaned forward and tried to look at the girl’s pained green eyes. 

Penelope nods as she wipes her tears away. “Yes. And I’ll always love him.”

“Maybe you weren’t there for him on his last hour. But I bet all those days and moments with him made up for that, and if you think that’s not enough, you have your whole life to show you can be better. He’ll be watching and someday, hopefully far away from now, you’ll meet him again but you won’t have to say goodbye anymore. He isn’t gone, not entirely.”, the brunette says to comfort her, to reassure her worries.

Penelope stares at Josie’s comforting brown eyes and this warmth just embraced her even though the girl was a few steps higher than her. “Thank you, Jojo. And I’m really really sorry.”, she says softly. Josie nods to acknowledge her apology, “No, Pen. Thank you. Thank you for telling me. Now, I understand why.”

“Understand what?”, the raven haired girl asks.

“Why it was so hard for you to want things for yourself. I mean, you already had this doubt or fear ever since and that didn’t really go away even when we were you know… friendly friends, did it?”

Penelope nods.

“And I guess… maybe it wasn’t just Lizzie’s words that made you give in to these doubts, it’s been there all along. She just opened the gate or something.”

Penelope nods again, knowing Josie was right. They both stare at each other again, and Josie forgets all boundaries and rules she set for herself.

“What do you want, Penelope? What do you really really want?”, she asked.

Penelope didn’t need to think anymore.

“You.”, she answers. “I want you to be with you.”

There was no hint of hesitation this time. No fear, no doubt or whatever else it was. This made Josie’s heart flutter hearing those words with such confidence. 

“Okay. And what are you gonna do about it?”, she asks, her hands set firmly on the step she was sitting on because she felt like she was floating. 

“I want to make it up to you, I want to show you how much you mean to me. No more secrets or closed doors, no more sneaking out.”, she says. “That is… if you’ll give me one more chance.”, she looks at the brunette, hopeful for a yes but also nervous because she knew how bad she messed up. 

Josie didn’t need time to prolong this silence, she just enjoyed that hopeful look in Penelope’s face. It showed just how much she wanted this, how much she wanted to be with her.

And how worth it everything they’ve gone through will be. 

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> birthday update n im finally 18 which means the world will just get scarier from now on wooooo
> 
> sooo they aren't exactly together yet, and i just realized how this fic already has 24 chapters and im no where near the real twisty part of the plot. so i just wanna ask, will u guys still stay n read this even if its 'till like 50 chapters or something or should i publish a second part to this fic. hmmmmm
> 
> so yeah! hope u guys enjoyed this update! i started college this week too and idk if that'll make updates slower than usual, but ill try my best to make time for writing because posie still isnt coming back to us anytime soon://
> 
> ....and thoughts perhaps?
> 
> thank you so much!!


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